Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Parts of Me: and The Bug

Took The Bug to see HOME this past Saturday and the show we wanted was sold out so we chose a later time and went to dinner to kill some time before the movie started. I accidentally left my phone in the car and for a quick minute, I sat in the restaurant trying to figure out how to make sure my phone wasn’t lost but just in the car. The Bug must have seen my anxiety because she said, “Mom, I’ll wait here. Your phone is in the car but you go check. I’ll be alright.” I wasn’t leaving her there by herself but I realized how stupid it was to be pressed about that phone. 
Granted, it is important for me to know where my phone is at all times because I’m self-employed and work calls come in all day… and I don’t have a land line. Regardless, at that moment, it wasn’t THAT important. If I had lost it, I had a cloud containing everything I’ve ever downloaded/uploaded and I have insurance. So while I’d rather not spend $150 on another phone, you get the point. 
I chose to sit there phoneless and it hit me that I use my phone for damn near everything. I couldn’t check my bank accounts or email, couldn’t text the hubbs, couldn’t text any of my friends when I saw something funny I wanted to share, couldn’t work, couldn’t write…so many things I do with that thing and I couldn’t do any of them while I was sitting there. 
So I just stared at my kid. I stare at her all the time but I have other things going on that draw my attention away. This time there was nothing to break my gaze and I had a parental moment of sadness wash over me. She isn’t a baby anymore. As much as she looks like me, I have no desire to seriously call her my mini-me. She’s her own person. She has her own facial tics, expressions, and right when I felt some eye water welling up, she looks up and says, “Why are you being creepy? Don’t you have something else to do than stare at me? Gosh, mom” and went back to coloring her menu. 
I didn’t stop staring at her as I laughed. She spoke again without looking up, “Mom, stop staring. You’re making me uncomfortable. Go get your phone. I’ll be alright. Please.” I didn’t leave to get my phone but I did stop staring so intensely. She does and says things that are so much a part of who I am but then without skipping a beat, she’ll say or do something that reminds me so much of her father. Combined, I never really know what I’m going to get but I love it all. 
It made me want to forget my phone more often…because she’s going to be a teenager within a blink of an eye. She won’t be sitting still long enough for me to stare. I might have to go stalk her on social networks. Funny how children draw your attention to all of the more important things without even trying…

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