Wednesday, November 30, 2011


I read something the other day about a couple that split because the depression was too much for one of them to deal with. It made me think about my spiral into the anxiety filled depression after I had my daughter.
I was experiencing things I had no idea how to deal with. He never left though. I tried to break up with him at least once a week for six months. He stayed. The days I would just stare out the window, he was there to take care of The Bug. Those days when I could barely manage to pull myself out of the bed, he was there to cook, clean, and lay with me. He smiled and hugged me everyday…even on those highly volatile days.
We fought, yelled, cursed, and screamed. He never left though.
Everyday was filled with hugs, kisses, and words of encouragement. 
“We will get through this together. You didn’t leave me when things got tough for me. I’m not going anywhere. If we have to yell, curse, and fight everyday, I will be here to get you through this.”
So when someone pulls a Kim K. on the person they supposedly love so much, I wonder just how much they really loved them. It IS difficult but if ALL of us just want to be loved, why wouldn’t love be enough here?
Before my post partum nightmare, I would often describe him as the most selfish person I had ever met. His selfishness, due to being an only child. The time, emotional strength, and sacrifices he made to stay by my side are priceless though. Sometimes I feel like I owe my life to him because if I had been alone, The Bug might not have a mommy right now.
When I felt like I had no one to understand, it was him who helped me without any judgment. Our relationship might not be the conventional, traditional portrait that others are used to but it works for us. I would not have wanted to experience this with anyone other than him.
The most selfish person in my world turned out to be the most giving…he solidified a spot in my heart and life that was a revolving door. He encompassed what I have always believed a best friend should be. He loved me when I was at my most unlovable.
While people grow apart everyday, THIS is why no one could ever take his place. Regardless of us staying in a romantic relationship, he will always be the greatest love of my life…

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