Monday, August 30, 2010

Just Pray?

The topics of "prayer", "being guided by God/Jesus", and "faith" have continuously resurfaced in my conversations with others. Some people have attempted to start conversations about this through email, others have lightly touched on it through face to face interaction. It is usually the older, more religious individuals that I have heard THE most ridiculous "advice" from in regards to living your life "appropriately". Granted, there are a few blinded people my age who have allowed other blind people to lead them but that is neither here nor there.

I understand that people need things to anchor them to their beliefs but to be illogical about life itself? That's foolishness to me. Within the last two weeks I have read/heard the following:
  • if you were living the life God wanted you to live, you would have a job by now
  • the recession isn't real; you should pray more, that will improve your financial situation
  • the Bible says (insert misquoted scripture here) and if you're doing contrary, that is where your problems lie
  • let go and let God, that's ALL you have to do; you haven't put your problems in God's hands and that's why things are this way for you
  • blah, blah, blah, maybe you just aren't trying hard enough
  
Honestly, how does anyone think this is going to help someone? The truth is, bad things happen to good people EVERYDAY, regardless of their religious affiliation OR how many times they pray a day. I don't know any religion that advocates praying more than Muslims and look at what is happening over in the Middle East...where they pray all day, every day. So explain that idiots. Wait, I'm sure some non-Muslim is going to say that they aren't serving the RIGHT God and that is why they are experiencing "difficulties".

Seriously, what would all of these people do without religion? What would be your life anchor? What would you tell people they need to do to achieve better life results? Would you be able to offer ANY advice worth listening to? Probably not because ALL of the advice they have to give is attached to a scripture or a religious belief. This is retarded to me because any adult human being should be able to be uplifting, regardless of their beliefs. 

You can't just pray EVERYTHING away. I don't want anyone interpreting anything I've written here as me not believing in God. Don't ever do that, please. I believe in a higher being just as much as the next person. I just believe that sometimes people allow their BELIEFS to make them say stupid shat to other people. If you have time to dissect someone elses life in an effort to tell them what they're doing wrong, have you done the same to yourself? Most of the time, the main people telling someone else they need to get their life right with God have the biggest rafters floating in their eye. If you read the Bible, you'll recognize that reference. I'm just tired of people separating sins and having a pile of their own that they set off to the side because they aren't "as bad" as what someone else is doing.

All of these people know judging others is wrong as two left shoes but they still do it...especially when something isn't going according to their plan in life. However, if you REALLY believed that God/Jesus has already designed a plan for each and every one of us, what are you getting upset for in the first place? If you TRULY believed in the same shat you're trying to force down other people's throats, anything good OR bad that happens to you was in God's plan. Right? Or does that not apply to you? Just other people? Oh ok.

This is how I look at life and I've looked at it like this since I was about 10 years old...we can play semantics all day but I believe we all have our destiny's. Whether we choose to embrace them is an entirely different thing. God gave us free will and what kind of entity would he be to get upset with us for ACTUALLY exercising it? Would you really serve someone who tells you that you have a choice and then smack you when you choose what you want? 

Free will is about choosing what YOU want to do with YOUR life. Say you want to lose a certain amount of weight within a year. Would you JUST pray to God every day to lose that weight? According to the above logic, that's ALL you have to do is pray it away! So sit on your ass and God is going to make it happen for you BECAUSE your wish is his command. Really? If you believe this you're clearly delusional. It takes work on your part; continuous, hard work IN THE GYM (or however else you intend to shed the weight). However, THIS is what some people want others to believe. I call bullshat. We all have to work hard for ANYTHING we want, in addition to whatever religious beliefs we also subscribe to.

Bottom line is, if I am REALLY living my life all that wrong and EVERYTHING in the Bible is the truth, God will deal with me as he sees fit...he'll also deal with you too.  

Ironically, Jay-Z's song Pray came on as I was about to hit "Publish Post".  

Thursday, August 26, 2010

What's Your Deal Breakers?

The thing I LOVE the most about Babybottoms dad is that I learn something new about him every day. You would think after 4 years of constantly being in each others face, this would get old but he manages to stay interesting to me. It is a feat not accomplished by many men and I am very grateful for it. I don't think that he stays interesting specifically for me...he just happens to be an intriguing guy. Kinda like the Dos Equis guy...

Moving on, because this isn't about him...we got on the topic of household finances the other day and he interrupted our discussion to tell me something that completely turns him off to some women. In the 4 years that I have known him, I only viewed it as a personal preference of his but he made it VERY clear that any interest he might have had will die when he hears certain words. Thankfully, it isn't anything I would EVER say or do, so I'm safe.

But it got me to thinking...what are some deal breakers as far as my relationships go? I know EVERYONE has them but it is interesting to actually hear other people's. So that's what this blog is about. What are your deal breakers? I'll go first :)

DEAL BREAKERS

  • having no ambition
I would never break up with someone because they lost their job. I would never NOT date anyone because they don't have A job. However, I will shoot you the deuces if you aren't going anywhere in life and there are no evident signs that you even want to do better. To me, that translates into laziness. Even the most lamest of lames have goals and if a guy has NONE that he is working towards, I can't fool with him. If you start out appearing to have ambition and you lose it along the way, I'm out. Sounds mean but some guys bounce if their chick gains 2 lbs. This is FAR more serious than a 2 lb weight gain.

  • being a horrible liar
If you've been reading my blog for a while, I am sure you are well aware of my stance on liars. I despise them, especially those who lie about stupid shat. As I have gotten older, my tolerance for liars has shifted. If you put some creative spin on a lie and can master manipulating and mindf*cking someone, I still think you might be a douchebag but it tells me you have a skill. In the business world, this is an appreciated attribute. Just don't try to use it on me. Horrible liars don't retrace their steps properly, end up causing FAR more damage than telling the truth would have and just irritate the hell out of me. Being lied to without finesse is insulting to me. If you're gonna lie, at least get me to believe it, jackass.

  • trying to change me
NEWSFLASH: I will NEVER change for you.
I am a firm believer in "take me as I am". If you don't like something about me, it's ok. I'm not in the least bit offended. Everything isn't for everybody. However, don't try to play me like you're all enthralled with all things Syn and then when you have me trapped in a "relationship", want to sit down and have a talk. Talk about what? The answer is NO. Yes, before you can even get anything out...if it has to do with something that was the same when you decided you wanted more than a friendship, that becomes YOUR problem. If I decide to  change, it will ALWAYS be on my terms. Is that unfair? No, because I accepted you and I have NEVER dated ANYONE who was perfect. He might have thought so in his mind but he probably is STILL sadly mistaken.

  • whining
Just something about a man who whines...does absolutely nothing for me but make me want to smack him in the face with a belt, Pooty Tang style. My mother's side of the family has whining BAD and most of the women have little girl voices so imagine how irritating that is. My dad NEVER gave us anything if we whined for it. Sometimes I think that was his way of feeling some sense of comfort about punishing someone for whining, since he couldn't punish my mom. I have grown to hate it as much as him. Seriously though, I feel it isn't masculine at all and I might try to rearrange your voicebox in your sleep if you think it's cool to whine. In order to stay out of jail, I'll just tell you "this isn't working". You don't have to be in the hospital and I don't have to be incarcerated. It works for both of us.

But enough about me...what are YOUR deal breakers? :) 

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

It Was All Good Just A Week Ago...

Some friendships do last 'forever' and I don't think anyone enters any friendship thinking to themselves, "oh, I'm only going to tolerate this mofo for a year and then I'm on to the next one". When friendships fizzle, both parties go through their moments of wondering what went wrong. Some people blame the other person 100% for the loss, others blame themselves. Then there are those who take the "reason, season" approach; they appreciate the time they did have and easily move on and away from said friend to go experience friendship with someone else.

From what I have observed, the friendships that hurt the most when you lose them are those that were actually built on what you believed to be a sturdy foundation because you'd been friends for SO long. There is this misconception that just because you are close enough to label one another "best friend" that you ALWAYS have to be in that persons life. You don't. Things fall apart sometimes and close friends can become enemies. 

I'm currently seeing this happen with one of my friends. They've been friends with someone for over 20 years but they cannot even mention this persons name without a tinge of disgust in their voice. I totally understand the reasoning behind it but if I had to say which one was wrong, I'd say both are. One of the individuals has decided to move on and not discuss any of their feelings about their friend, WITH their friend. The other party involved chooses to express themselves through status messages, tweets, and pretending their other friendships are so much more important. Both people are just hurting each other even more; which makes their friendship deteriorate further. 

For some, it becomes a blow to their pride to admit when they're wrong, jealous, hurt, or just don't like how they're being treated. Women tend to be able to do this easier but most men...they don't want to be looked at as acting like a chick so they'll let their friendship die. All in an effort to preserve an ego that probably caused their friendship to start crumbling in the first place.

I have been here before and I don't desire to go back. No matter how irritating it might be to someone, I will let them know when I have a problem. I don't feel like the demise of a friendship should come as a shock to anyone. Respect that person you heralded as a friend to let them know what's going on from your point of view. It does matter. If you were both in it to win it at some point, the least you can do is let that be known. After you let so much time pass, pretending not to care, it turns EXACTLY into you NOT caring. You become indifferent and that persons feelings are no longer even important to you...when "just a week ago" you would have defended them.

Long, meaningful relationships are worth attempting to save. The nature of your friendship might change but you don't have to "lose" a friend due to differences and misunderstandings; that's what communication is for. So, if you gave a damn about this person "just a week ago", let them know. Real friends are able to get pass bumps in the road. If you can't manage to do that, then maybe you weren't that good of friends to begin with... 

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Perception is Becoming EVERYTHING

Perception isn't everything but it is becoming that way.

I was the biggest advocate for never fully relying on what you perceive to be the case. However, society is beginning to rely more on the internet than actual interaction with each other. This changes things and it forces everyone to rely on what we project to others about ourselves. Anyone who tries to skate around this issue is asking for trouble. The written word has ALWAYS been JUST as powerful as the spoken word. There are SO many people who claim to believe in the positive manifesting itself if you speak it but their sometimey asses will TOTALLY disregard the negative they throw out into the universe. Life doesn't work like this folks.

One thing that has remained a constant is...the universe will continue to give you back whatever you put out there. It doesn't change because YOUR definition of it changes. I bring this up because of a conversation Babybottoms father and I were having. We were discussing Twitter. Up until this particular conversation, he always felt I was putting my cape on for Twitter and it was a useless forum of oversharing on EVERYONE'S behalf (even though he uses Facebook, go figure). I decided the best way for him to understand where the appeal in it laid for me was to put it in his "terms". Twitter is a big social experiment. I am interested in how the mind works and I get to SEE that on Twitter. Regardless of the bullshat excuses people give about 140-160 characters not defining them as a person...sorry, but it does.

People will unfollow you over those 140-160 characters because they become clear indicators of your personality. It doesn't take a rocket scientist or a psychologist to figure out that some people are faking, doing too much, flat out lying, sharing too much information, or just being themselves. I don't mind someone assessing my character based off of what I tweet because they are all things I would say "in real life". I don't get online and turn into a totally different person that I have to debate with someone about who I REALLY am. If I tweeted it, I stand by it. Now if you would like more detail than the 140-160 characters I gave you, I have no problem giving you that. If I want to be better understood, I should be open to anyone questioning what I have to say.

So one of the things Babybottom's father and I discussed was how others are perceived. I told him there are some people who do the COMPLETE opposite of what they tweet and it makes me lose respect for them as human beings. I can't support someone who quotes Bible scriptures and inspirational/motivational quotes ALL DAY LONG about how people should live their lives but they aren't applying even half of what they're tweeting. It IS fake and the best word to describe that is: HYPOCRITE.

I understand that we are all human and we err. However, I would never tell someone how a man is supposed to treat them and then be letting my man treat me crazy as hell...and then tweet about it. I will only result in people continuing to follow me so they can laugh at me and my retarded ass life. I don't desire to be a mockery of any kind with my life so what you see is 100% what you'll get out of me. Anything you decide to post online IMMEDIATELY becomes a representative of who you are and if you don't believe that, you need to exit the stage NOW. If you don't want people to think that THIS IS YOU, don't write it. You can't explain your way out of your own words simply because it's a social network you chose to overshare on. You said it so either stand by your words or shut up.

However, there are a lot of people who see this differently. We are all entitled to our opinions on this subject but come on...be serious. If you don't believe in what you're saying/tweeting/tumbling/blogging, how do you EVER expect ANYONE to take you seriously? I see people tweet ridiculous crap ALL day and then say they have no real friends and no one cares about them when they really need people the most. Look at what you're projecting though. If you're constantly telling people WHAT you are and they decide to believe you, you can't be mad at anyone but yourself. I just wish people would use the internet responsibly and stop acting like bratty ass children when their life is shown to them. 

If someone took your online life and played it on projection screen for all of your family and friends to see, could you honestly say you would be proud of the things you have put out there for EVERYONE to see? I  sincerely hope so because if you can't, maybe you need to evaluate what you display to the general public...who doesn't know or really care about you.

Perception shouldn't be EVERYTHING but the more we submerge ourselves into the online culture, we have no choice but to accept the majority of people believe it is. Surf and share responsibly, adults :)

Saturday, August 07, 2010

Kanye West: Power

I cannot wait until his new 'album' comes out. I love listening to his mind. As insufferable as he can be, I can't help feeling like he's honestly genuine with everything he says and does. I think he would STILL be this person even if he didn't have money because he has this insatiable desire to win at everything. At times, I feel he has a lot of maturing to do but at 30+, I figure, this is just who he is. I LOVE when people are their organic selves despite the opinions of others. This isn't to say I agree with EVERYTHING he does; he can be a bit of an egotistical brat but if removing that meant losing the genius, he can be his bratty ass self all day.

As for the "moving portrait", I don't have anything deep to tell anyone about it. I think from a creative aspect, no one else is doing this...in videos. You can see some directing like this in movies though (see: 300). He gets an A+ for implementing a directorial style that isn't widely used. While watching the video though, I get the feeling that this is how he dreams. He's just dramatic across the board. 

From the Outside Looking In



Sycophantic behavior disgusts me.

I see a lot of it when it comes to random people's views on celebrity relationships. In my last blog, I spoke on adultery being wrong no matter who commits it...even if it is one of your favorite artist. What I am talking about in this post is all the ass kissing of other people's relationships because they APPEAR to be perfect. It has become OBVIOUSLY clear that people are grossly concerned with how things LOOK, versus how they really are. Yes, we're told that image is EVERYTHING but if you have nothing real to go home to, is that REALLY your idea of EVERYTHING? You have nothing, actually.



There are so many women who claimed they wanted a relationship like Nas and Kelis. How cute they were whenever they were seen out together. How their looks complimented one another and blah, blah, blah. I bet none of you asskissers wish you had their relationship now. It wasn't like Nas or Kelis woke up one day and decided, oh, I hate him/her and now, I'm going to act a fool and make their life miserable. I have no doubt in my mind that they had some good times in their relationship but what a lot of people fail to take into consideration is, it is NEVER what it seems. Their relationship required work just like anyone elses. When they didn't want to work at it anymore, it failed.

Sure, you can get surface information in regards to someones relationship but only those two people intimately involved know in full depth, what goes on. 

What I have been seeing since I was a kid, with relationships, is people putting more emphasis on APPEARING perfect versus actually working on your relationship to be healthy. My mother and father used to do this idiotic shat all the time and I vowed to myself that if I EVER took any man serious enough to spend more time than usual with, I wouldn't make their mistake. You're allowed to be upset at your significant other if they do something that upsets you and vice versa. I'm not saying you have to walk outside with your mood all over your face but presenting an image as if NOTHING is ever wrong? It only makes people get in your business even more when something DOES go wrong. If your main focus is the "look of it all", your relationship was doomed the minute it began. Relationships are HARD work; you will have your glorious ups but you'll also have moments when you get irritated by one another and need your space. It's normal and that is life. Thinking it is going to be nothing but cute photo ops to post on Facebook and Twitter is a mistake.



I see women comment on how they would LOVE to have what Jay-Z and Beyonce have...how Will & Jada are doing the damn thing and so in love...I can keep listing relationships that women envy ALL day. It still doesn't mean that YOU'LL ever have EXACTLY what they have. I don't think these women consider ALL the hard work that goes into having THEIR relationship either. Just because Beyonce is smiling in 99% of the pictures with Sean, that doesn't mean she wasn't at home upset because he was doing something inappropriate or vice versa. WE don't know; all we see are their smiles, none of their cries. You don't see the "cries" until the shat hits the fan and it becomes a public spectacle. Then everyone's tone changes and it becomes a pointing finger game about who was wrong in a relationship that isn't even ANY of your business or mine.



Sure, Will & Jada have been married over 10 years and still appear to be VERY much in love but...who knows what they've been through during those 10+ years? So many people say they want THEIR relationship but those same people think open relationships are a load of horse dung. Well, that is one of the things they contribute to having a good marriage, amongst being best friends, and having a mutual respect that they do not desire from anyone else. My bad though, none of you "need to be seen" women can deal with that though, right? An open relationship allows THEM to be together; this isn't saying it's going to work for you but if you would smile at their relationship and say they are to be admired, you can't ignore WHAT makes it work FOR THEM. They aren't concerned about judgmental, conventional opinions of their marriage. ALL of the relationships that I've seen fail have been based on a traditional, conventional point of view. As far as I'M concerned, if they got it right doing something different, good for THEM.



Even Chris Brown and Rhianna...they were everyone's favorite couple, it was all love and "they're so cute together!" "I want a guy to look at me like Chris looks at her" and blah f*cking blah...until it got 'real'. Then EVERYONE forgot how in love they LOOKED and it turned into "he never loved her because if he did..." "young people always think they're in love when it's just lust" and more blah f*cking blah. REAL relationships are not like light switches; you aren't happily ON one day and within 24 hrs depressingly OFF with the ON switch nowhere in sight. Even when negative things happen, you STILL feel for that person...if you REALLY loved them in the first place.

From the general public, I see all of these demands for what one wants in a relationship but I never hear anyone saying how they would make their relationship work. Look at the basis of your relationship, the foundation, and if it was built on lust, having a good time, fantasies, delusions of grandeur, and daydreams, it will more than likely crumble. If your relationship was mainly built on hard work, friendship, love, honesty, and other redeemable qualities that come in handy when you're actually going through something with the person, you have a better chance of withstanding any tough times. Sadly, a LOT of relationships aren't "what can I do for you", they are more "what can YOU do for ME". Everyone needs balance because you should never be giving so much of yourself that you aren't getting anything or taking so much that you aren't giving anything of substantial value.

Balance is the key with anything you do in life. Once things get a little tilted in favor of one side, you'll more than likely see some problems and that is how you end up having altercations in your otherwise "perfect" relationship. How you come out of those altercations is what matters in the end. I think what people need to start doing is stop looking at other individuals lives and do what works best for them. To the more conventional, traditional mind, how I choose to live my life sometimes doesn't make sense. Even though I have given myself structure where needed, I don't box myself in with other peoples ideals of how life should be. Life changes EVERYDAY. What I was doing this time 2 years ago is VERY different than what I am doing today and it will be different tomorrow. I adjust my life where necessary and I just keep living it.

I think if people want to be in a relationship with someone that they think is perfect for them, they should make sure that they're doing everything to keep it that way. Selfishly holding on to a vision that requires the other person to work harder at dealing with you isn't going to give you a perfect anything. You'll end up separated and living your life without that person...much like the 'failed' celebrity relationships that were once idolized.

Tuesday, August 03, 2010

Lauryn Hill vs. Alicia Keys

Isn't Lauryn Hill wonderful? I'm referring to the one who had a better grasp on her sanity...not 2010 Lauryn Hill. We ALL loved The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill...when it came out, it was something that you didn't hear being done often, let alone by a woman MC. It was musical perfection to our ears. Even 12 years later, people STILL love to quote her lyrics and reminisce on all the memorable times her music contributed to. Then she came out with some other shat that even her fans were kind of like "Ehhhh" on. It almost seemed like she was losing her mind. She was having "man trouble", it was throwing her into what seemed like some deep depression and WE ALL SYMPATHIZED WITH HER.

It was so heartbreaking to see someone with such an amazing talent, appear to go to waste...especially over the men she chose to deal with. Never mind that Wyclef Jean AND Rohan Marley WERE married during her tryst with them. It was Lauryn "Can Do No Wrong" Hill...and because her life was far worse than others, she got sympathy for her woes.

Now....what about Miss Alicia Keys?
Oh, my bad, as of yesterday, Mrs. Alicia Dean. Is it because her ALLEGED home wrecking situation turned out to be her happily ever after, the public has a reserved right to disrespect her AND her unborn child? Is it BECAUSE she didn't lose her mind over Swizz and her relationship wasn't turbulent like Lauryn's, that it becomes okay to cast judgment? I don't see ANYONE talking about Lauryn having 5 children with a man who was married. SO WHAT IF HE LEFT HIS WIFE TO BE WITH LAURYN. WHEN SHE WAS PREGNANT WITH THEIR FIRST CHILD, HE WAS STILL MARRIED. True, it isn't in our face NOW as much as the media likes to throw Alicia and Swizz around but that doesn't mean it didn't happen.

However, Lauryn will ALWAYS be heralded as a musical great....as of lately, or until these bitter, judgmental, sorry, carcasses of human beings find someone else to publicly massacre on their blogs, twitter timelines, and tumblr, Alicia's musical TALENTS are disregarded. It doesn't matter that Alicia is STILL the SAME musical genius she was when she released Songs In A Minor. She has consistently given us an album every few years since 2001. WE should be interested in her MUSIC, NOT who she is screwing. Same goes for Lauryn Hill. My interest in her waned because she stopped putting out music I LIKED. I could give two shats about whose husband the trollop was sleeping with. WE know adultery is wrong; don't be a fool and think she didn't know.

I have nothing to gain by liking one musician that ALLEGEDLY commits adultery and disliking another. ADULTERY IS WRONG, NO MATTER WHO IS DOING IT OR WHY (even if that person was me). It just appears that the general public LOVES when entertainers are miserable...THAT is when they are recognized for their musical genius. Why? How would you feel if someone only acknowledged that you HAD talent when you were down in the dumps? I suppose that has always been the life of an "artist" though.

No one really comments on or "likes" things I write that come across as positive and uplifting but ANY time I have written about some bullshat you can Google and pull up millions of hits on, people will talk about my posting ALL day. This is a effed up society we live in....to anyone who is reading, please don't be that asshole of a person who picks and chooses who is exempt from f*ckery. That makes you an insufferable hypocrite and you might as well count down the days that someone is going to turn around and do the same thing to you. We all have something we can be judged on...just remember that folks.

P.S. - I think I am more disgusted with people attacking an unborn child than anything. You can't quote the Bible one minute, talking about "Children are beautiful gifts from God" and then pretty much send another child to hell because of the conditions they were born into. You f*cks act like that sperm decided it wanted to be sired through a suspect type situation. That isn't how children are conceived, assholes. Maybe, I am more sensitive about people talking shat about a baby because I have my own and I would stab someone in their left eye if they EVER talked shat about how my child was conceived. My daughter doesn't deserve to be lambasted for my sinning...neither does anyone elses child. CHILDREN ARE OFF LIMITS...until they can defend themselves...and if they aren't, well, let it be clown season on you and your children too.
 

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