Sunday, May 30, 2010

SATC2...*spoiler alert*

Those shoes were about the only time I got excited the entire movie and they made their appearance within the first 5 minutes.

For some women, going to see Sex and The City 2 was absolutely necessary; I went because one of my girls bought tickets for 4 of us. I enjoyed the fellowship with those ladies more than watching some old hags prance around in clothing that honestly, wasn't very age appropriate. Should there be limits on what a woman between the age of 40 and 55 should be able to wear? Some would say no...I say, wear what you want unless you're sensitive to people laughing at you wearing clothing that women half your age are purchasing.

The highlight of the evening was watching women trip on this stair in the aisle and act like they were fine...and the 2 chicks dressed up like they were going to the club but had the nerve to be late and getting flustered because they couldn't find seats.

It kind of pains me to admit SATC2 wasn't something I would pay these exorbitant movie prices to see because I really am a fan of the series. I'm not just saying that because EVERY woman appears to be a fan. I actually know all of their names. I really did like the first movie because it seemed...realistic. #2 though? Here are some of the problems I had:

Carrie: she got to marry the man of her dreams, even after he played her on NUMEROUS occasions; she hung in there and got what she wanted...Big. For a second she forgets that her dream man is a good 15-20 years older than her and has been married 3 times prior to her. Frankly, if I'm even dating a man that old, I already know what comes with the territory. Most of the time he is going to be about business and after working all day to keep her in the Manhattan residence he has allowed her to decorate to her liking, he just might want to come home and relax with his wife, more often than not. He's had far more time to enjoy the glitz and glam of New York...it's now time to enjoy the fruits of his labor how he pleases. However, here comes Carrie bitching about him going to some dumb ass movie premiere for one of her best friends ex-boyfriend. Personally, I would have left his ass on the couch eating chow mien; no biggie, but the next time he wants me to go somewhere and I really don't feel like it, he would NEED to understand. So because she created a problem with her relationship that didn't even exist, she wants to act like a brat and go kiss her ex all in the mouth in Abu Dhabi? Grow up please. Carrie, you would REALLY ruin the relationship you worked SO HARD to have with Big over Aidan? Cut it out, you're over 40 and need to start acting like it.

Miranda: she irritated the hell out of me the first movie but this one she was the ONLY one who didn't get on my nerves. Go Miranda!

Charlotte: whined and cried about not being able to have kids so she adopted one...then miraculously got pregnant. Hooray! I was more than elated for her. Now that she got what she wanted so bad, she's going to have a breakdown because her daughter put her dirty hands on her designer skirt? I'm a mom so I totally understand how one little thing can make you break out in tears but why in the hell was she in a VINTAGE skirt making cupcakes any way? She deserved that. Shut the hell up, put on some overalls and a tank top and finish those damn cupcakes. As for the nanny, she's the fool for hiring her without her wearing a bra THEN listening to her silly ass friend who doesn't have kids sow seeds of doubt in her mind. She was being as silly as Carrie, in my opinion. Also, if one of my girls told me to come on an all expenses paid vacation, there would be no hesitation. Babybottoms dad would have a list of things to do for Babybottoms for the week and I would be out. Mommy's need breaks too...

Samantha: in my younger years I could very well be compared to this old trollop...only difference is, as I aged, I knew I would have to start making more mature decisions about my sexual activity. She's clearly closer to 55 than 20 but still acting like a teenager. I can remember being in high school and I had this friend whose mom NEVER dressed appropriate for her age. We always shook our head at her because she would ALWAYS be doing too much. The same women I went to high school LOVE the hell out of Samantha and would probably give her a high five....my question is, what is the difference between Samantha's old-forever-young ass and my classmates mother? Not a damn thing. People just allow themselves to be glamorized by people on television. Will I be dressing like Samantha at 52? More than likely no. You can still be VERY sexy without looking...hella young. Fast forward to Abu Dhabi...she was invited there on business but the entire time she was trying to get poked in the vag by random men...Samantha, calm down and also be respectful of the culture in the country. She was just rude beyond belief and made it obvious why some foreigners hate Americans. It made no sense to me how she is over 50 and cared more about getting some peen than her business expanding over seas. At 50, I can have sex with whomever I want whenever I want so that isn't going to be my #1 priority when there is money to be made. It was just unrealistic to me if she was supposed to be such a smart businesswoman.

There were other things but they weren't significant enough, in my opinion, to mention them.

In a nutshell...I rank it as mindless entertainment equivalent to The Basketball Wives. So enjoy, if you like that kind of thing.

Friday, May 28, 2010

Racial Bias With American Baby


There are no Black children in that ad to the left.
It struck me as odd because the damn magazine is called American Baby, yet, this photo is not an accurate representation of ALL American babies. They come in different colors/ethnicities and each group should have been properly represented. However, you see 80% of the children look/are Caucasian. This is my last straw with this publication though and I will explain why.
American Baby and Parenting magazine have these panels you can join to take surveys that allow you to test products for your baby, get samples, enter sweepstakes, and take surveys that give the publisher an idea of what the readers like. I used to fill out the surveys ALL the time but felt something odd was going on because I was NEVER contacted to participate in anything past the surveys. I noticed that each survey requires you to list your ethnicity. I had been stating that I was African American so I decided to mark that I was White and see if someone would contact me.
I received a call about a survey I had taken and when the lady was going over my answers she asked what my ethnicity was. I wanted to see if she would still move forward with the questions if I stated my real ethnicity. When I told her that I was African American she said, “Well it says here that you’re White”. I felt that should not make a difference; I am still a mother with a child that fully qualified for what the survey was featuring. She then stated how awkward this was and that they would not be needing me at this time.
I hung up the phone in a state of confusion because I had just gotten played for being Black.
So when I saw this ad, I immediately felt like something was missing.
I wanted to share this with anyone who has children because these magazines should be extremely diverse when gathering information for products and from their readers. I was good enough to move forward with the survey when I was White but the minute I became Black, I was not needed anymore. It sends a message…and not a good one.
I won’t be renewing any of my subscriptions to American Baby or Parenting (owned by the same people) because of this and I will be writing a letter to their Editor in Chief. It is 2010 and there really is not any room for this kind of behavior if we want to peacefully coexist…

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Pet Peeves

We all have pet peeves...here are a few of mine. Feel free to share yours; you never know, we might have some in common!

I HATE...

...this non-efficient Blackberry RIM device

...T-mobile because their service sucks ass as much as my Blackberry

...when someone comments on how long my blogs can be and then I go to their shitty ass blog and it's chock full of dissertations about damn nothing with a few SAT words thrown in to delude readers into thinking the blogger/writer is talking about something of importance 

...when people ask me to do last minute writing projects for them but when it comes time to shower people they know with accolades, I become as useful to them as a unicorn crapping rainbows out its ass. please don't misinterpret that statement as me wanting someone to kiss my ass. just don't understand how I'm good enough to help you out of a bind but not good enough to recommend to others. all of those people can eff off and never ask me to write shat else

...when someone asks me several times to read and comment on their blog but has never stepped foot into my world of writing

...when people in effed up relationships want to give advice about what other people should be doing; I want these people to mind their damn business and go figure out why no one can stand their imposing ass

...when people judge celebrities for shat they've done in their lives but have family/friends that have done the same thing...or similar

There are universal rules that MANY people don't abide by. Some people will find any way they can to make sense of some transgression they've committed but let a celebrity eff up and they're never forgiven. THESE ARE REAL PEOPLE, ASSHOLES. Money does not negate their ability to have the same emotions our broke asses have. Coping is different when you're rich; the media has no problem showing them entering rehab centers, going on shopping sprees, taking trips out of town with their friends. So because they made mistakes life is supposed to come to a standstill? Did it ever occur to you that they're doing these things so that they aren't at home burying their face in tear stained pillows because they can't just eff up like a normal human being? When you have a significant amount of wealth you deal with EVERYTHING different; when you're broke you're stuck emo-binging on a budget. So it is easier for normies to relate to drinking cheap vodka to drown out their sorrows versus popping Cristal in the VIP section. Calling your friends obsessing over something within your control, smoking your life away, and bitching & complaining....all things less wealthy people can take advantage of when they want to grieve over their mistakes. Don't be salty because it APPEARS they've moved on with their life and you can't pull off the same facade.

...when people want to know why I don't write about my relationship with Babybottoms father

For one, I don't have a traditional relationship; that in itself will solicit commentary I don't care to hear or have. I operate on a playing field of all is fair in love and war; my significant other lives by this never ending list of double standards a lot of men seem to operate from. Even though we'll probably never see eye to eye on that, WE are fine with our relationship. WE have made the conscious adult decision to love each other in spite of our differences. Do I need the general public commenting on that? No. I don't want anyones opinion on my life unless I ask for it. Randoms are not welcome into that part of my life.

...when people give advice no one asked for

Why is it that usually, people who have THE most effed up lives are ALWAYS seeking to fix someone elses shat? If we're having casual conversation, stop looking for moments to get on your soapbox and I won't use my water hose to rinse your preachy ass away.

...when people take my words out of context

What makes anyone think it's okay to remove words and apply a totally different meaning to them than what was given? I mean what I say when I say it and for you to assign some meaning you pulled out your ass just makes me want to stop talking to you. When people do that I can't help but think and feel like they heard one thing they didn't agree with so now they hear nothing else of what I'm saying. I fault their communication skills. LISTEN when people are communicating with you; that requires you to take in EVERYTHING they are saying and THEN discussing...not taking bits and pieces in while throwing your own red herrings around to make invalid points that really have nothing to do with what I was talking about in the first damn place.

I have tons more but I feel like watching Glee so now you can comment on mine and/or list your own :)

Thursday, May 20, 2010

The Answer to the Relationship Conundrum

I sometimes wonder if my fellow African Americans/Blacks notice that, as a nationality, we perpetuate a lot of our own bullshit. Take relationships for instance. Yes, relationships are the dead horse that has been beat mercilessly but I have a point to make real quick.

There was a part in a Spike Lee movie where 4-5 women were sitting in a living room talking about men...and how they aint shit.

On the sitcom Martin, the main character (Martin) was cracking a joke about his wife's best friend and how he hoped the gathering didn't turn into a There Are No Good Men party. His wife's best friend went on to say there weren't any good men...as far as she could see.

Chante Moore has a song called Chante's Got A Man. In the beginning of the video, she is in a living room with her friends, listening to them basically bitch and complain about their relationships. She then goes on to sing about how good her man is to her and that good men do exist. Her friends pretty much gave her a side eye like she was the crazy bitch at the gathering.

Do you see a pattern here or do I need to give more examples of BLACK PEOPLE TELLING OTHER BLACK PEOPLE THERE AREN'T ANY GOOD BLACK MEN?

We can't get upset at news stations feeding into our cultural bullshit when we put it on a platter for them to pick at. Sorry folks, we can't blame this on anyone White. This is our problem and our problem alone. If you want it fixed, start using your common sense and stop relying on celebrities to tell you WHO YOU ARE and HOW TO BEHAVE when dating someone. Relationships aren't that complicated, however, they become so when we stubbornly refuse to treat the other person in the relationship as we would want to be treated. One person can't do all the work and if you are, shame on YOU for staying in a one sided relationship.

If you want your man to help you take out your weave, don't say shit to him when he tells you to come help him cut the grass. That isn't a woman's job? Well guess what, taking out your rusty, crusty ass weave isn't a man's job.

If you want your chick to let you freely roam Ass Pasture, don't get mad when she starts seeing other people. Monogamy doesn't go one way, assjerk.

If you want her to keep up her appearance so that you continue to date the woman that first caught your eye, make sure you are getting your hair cut EVERY week and you wear more than jeans, t-shirt and sneakers. You made sure you were fly whenever you picked her up before, don't slack off simply because you can. 

If you want him to be conscious of your time when he is out with his friends, be conscious of his time and stop taking damn forever to get ready every time you have to go somewhere with him.

This isn't a Black person problem; this is a YOU'RE SLOW IN THE BRAIN problem. These issues are not unique to only Black people; we just happen to give so much energy to fuckery that other people will gladly entertain themselves by our foolishness.

Bottom line is, IF a relationship is what you want, stop dating people that you aren't compatible with. Be with someone who suits your personality, accept them for who they are, have clear communication with one another, and don't be bitching about shat you saw when you were "just kicking it". I just saved you a trip to Barnes & Noble AND some money you might have dropped on a self help book that is basically  common sense. It either isn't so common to you or you're just hardheaded as hell and will be with anyone just to say you're in a relationship.

Cut out all the excuses, take some responsibility for your adult ass actions and make better decisions.

You're welcome.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Selfish Douche Lords

I was listening to the radio this morning while cleaning up the house and it happened to be on the station Steve Harvey's talk show is on. This morning they were discussing a situation between a man and a woman where the man had given the woman herpes. He showed his even larger douche lord personality by telling the woman he had been with for 7 years that she should just take him back because no one would want her now that she has herpes. He went so far as to say that she could never get anyone to love her because she was infected. I don't know what planet his retarded ass was on but he definitely wasn't down here on Earth with that kind of logic. Why in the hell would she want to stay with someone who said something like this to her? She didn't and I'm happy she moved on and away from this assjerk.

There was a little more to the commentary from Steve Harvey but I was disgusted by this man...not because I personally know him or the woman he was in a relationship with. I was disgusted because there are so many men who exist with this selfish asshole mentality. They're so fixated on doing whatever it is that makes them feel good and comfortable that they forget they have an obligation to the person they have decided to be in a relationship with. Is it really asking too much to not bring a disease into your home? Really???

I'm tired of the excuse that men have an inherent need to be with more than one woman. While I do believe some people are not "engineered" to live happily ever after with one person, it is still a horrible excuse to use to be sexually irresponsible. There is nothing wrong with not wanting a monogamous relationship. Just say that you don't want to commit to one person because it is more fun for you to do what you want with whom you please. Because THAT is what it is. I don't have a problem with people who have open relationships but if they are more attached to one person than any of the others, respect that person enough to not be sticking your dick in everything moving without protection.

Have some respect for yourself AND the person you claim to love.

It isn't that hard yet SO MANY people act like you are giving them a death sentence when you tell them they NEED to use protecton. WHY THE HELL WOULDN'T YOU WANT TO??? If these women/men mean nothing to you, you obviously know little about them or just enough to feel comfortable having sex with them. Therefore, SHOW that you care about the more important person in your life. It isn't that hard and if you say it is, you just might be a selfish douche like the Herpes Guy mentioned in the beginning.

If I hear "I trust them so it's cool" one more time from these dumb ass people who have no problem raw dogging, I'm going to karate chop them in the privates. One question...are you going to be this calm and nonchalant when you contract HIV, it turns into full blown AIDS, and you are given a real life death sentence? By then, it will be too late. I'm telling you....IT IS NEVER THAT SERIOUS. Yes, that is the worst case scenario but you can also contract other sexually transmitted diseases AND....children. All because you have no desire to wrap it up....pathetic.

When I was younger, I was genuinely interested in why people did the things they did but now...I could seriously give a fuck. People do stupid shit that never deserves a dignified response and I almost wish something irreversible would happen to people like this. Simply so it can register in their dense ass brain that they are not invincible and bad things happen to people who are irresponsible with their lives and the lives of those they claim to love.

These same people care more about a stray dog than they do about their fellow human beings. I can't...

My only wish is that people genuinely cared and their actions proved it...

Saturday, May 15, 2010

The Lost Poody

I got some shat talking from a couple friends about me calling Babybottoms pacifier a poody. 

"That sounds like booty. Why can't you call it a paci?"

"Poody? What the hell?"

And some other stuff I'm not writing down for you to agree with. I like poody and so does her father. The end. Moving on...

So Babybottoms has a favorite poody. She actually owns about 6 but she took a liking to this green one with a bumblebee the very first day she used it to pacify herself. However, because it is her favorite, when she can't find it and more importantly when WE can't find it, all hell breaks loose until it is resting comfortably in her mouth. It is like a life or death matter when it goes missing.

I have bought pacifier clips so that I can attach it to her clothes but Babybottoms and her father act like I am killing them when I demand they keep that pacifier attached to her clothes. She removes it and her dad doesn't make her keep it on her clothes....and guess who has to go on a damn scavenger hunt to find it because neither of them know how to look for anything? Right...me.

So the other night poody is missing and Babybottoms is screaming bloody murder. I can't take all that screaming and every time I ask her to please calm down, I'm doing my best to find it, she gets closer to my ear JUST to scream louder. I searched frantically for this thing as her dad is off in the bathroom doing his daily skin regimen for the evening. A little help would be appreciated but he doesn't see what all the fuss is for. He can deal with the intentional banshee yelling far better than me.

I still couldn't find that piece of shat pacifier so I went into the bedroom for the back up. It is TOTALLY different from what she is used to so I knew I was going to get an attitude. Some of you might be shaking your head like it isn't that serious...oh but it is. Babybottoms doesn't use a pacifier all the time; she only uses it to put herself to sleep and when she's tired of yelling at me and wants to calm herself down. I couldn't make this up if I tried and I'm being so serious right now.

So it's almost 10 pm and she's tired of being awake but I can't find poody. So I hand her the substitute and she looks at me with this glare that says, "You know that I know this isn't my poody, right?", which only makes me say to her, "Babybottoms, I know it isn't your fav but that's all I got for you right now. Go to sleep and get off my nerves".

I promise you she can comprehend English already because she huffs, stuffs it in her mouth and lays down on the couch. Just when I think I've won, she starts fussing again but this time she's pulled the substitute poody out of her mouth and is looking at it while fussing. Almost as if she is fussing at it for not sitting in her mouth the right way. She does this for a good 30 minutes. She chewed on it, turned it around, stared at it, even threw it on the floor a couple times in the middle of her whining.

I just turned to her dad and told him we have to find this thing because I want to go to sleep. He goes into some meaningless banter about how it's my fault this time and blah, blah, blah. He's no help. I simply turn to Babybottoms while she's whining and ask her, "why won't you let mommy be great and get some writing done"; she smiles, pops the sub in her mouth, grabs her blanket, and goes straight to sleep.

She knows when she's being a menace and I can appreciate that she doesn't cross the line of no return with her attitude too often. However, the next day, she gives me a look like "where in the hell is my REAL poody" when I give her the sub again. I tell her dad AGAIN that we MUST find it before the day is out, even if it means tearing the house up. He rolls his eyes and continues perusing Facebook. I can't take either of them acting like they run everything so I went to have a drink at the restaurant my friend bar tends for and to run some errands. Three hours later I pull up to our humble abode and upon getting out of my truck, I see THE poody resting on the floor of the truck. I had admonished her while shopping the previous day to not throw it on the floor. Of course she doesn't listen and laughs every time I have to pick it up. When we got back in the truck, I gave her instructions to either keep it in her mouth or her seat. Both things of which she ignored since it was on the floor near the drivers seat.

I think the only time I was happier was when they pulled her out of my stomach and showed her to me. Seriously, I was THAT happy! No more fighting with Babybottoms...well, at least not about the poody. I get upstairs and bust in the house shouting, "Babybottoms! Guess what mommy found? POODY!" and her response was so awesome...she smiles the biggest smile ever and starts flailing her arms around and trying to scoot off the couch to get her poody.

I've had my eye on this poody like a hawk for the past couple of days because I can't deal with THAT nasty attitude she flings my way, over a pacifier, nonetheless. I know she gets that from her dad...don't dispute me on this.

Monday, May 10, 2010

I'm Honored!!!

I was given a blog award by the great Jenny Brown!

Pretty cool, right? However, now I have the burden of telling you 7 things about myself that I haven't shared before, passing the award on to 5 other people, and then going to their blogs and telling them I think they're awesome. So boring...I'm kidding. 

I actually think it's AWESOME that someone picked me out of ALL the blogs they're subscribed to. I view it as an honor and I'm UBER excited to share with you the 5 people I've been meaning to showcase but was too busy talking about my life and Babybottoms!

So here goes nada!

1st thing...I've read the Bible 7 times and I still refuse to use it against my fellow sinners. So what that I can discredit half the religious lunatics running around being the judge and juror of others fate. I prefer to leave that job up to The Higher Being. However, I LOVE hearing people misquote the Good Book. Gives me the opportunity to let them know they're forsaking their Lord by putting words in his mouth he never uttered.

2nd thing...I've read the dictionary and an entire set of encyclopedias. I had a TON of time on my hands as a kid because I was home schooled from 5th grade thru the 10th grade. Instead of be bored, I picked up anything I could get my hands on to read. Sometimes this will give people the impression that I THINK I know everything; I really don't. However, I don't argue...my head is FULL of useless information that zooms out of my mouth when necessary.

3rd thing...I have an extremely high tolerance to everything. It has something to do with my nerves. A doctor explained it to me when I was younger and the simple explanation is that I have delayed reactions to things I should IMMEDIATELY react to. I tend to live a life of excess at times because of this....

4th thing...my comprehension skills far surpass most peoples. I'm not being an ass when I say that. I've been like that since I was a kid. As long as you give me the necessary information needed to understand anything, I will. Some people mistake this for me agreeing with them. Then I have the task of explaining to them that just because I understand them (when most people wouldn't) doesn't mean I agree with what they are doing.

5th thing...I hate clowns. I blame Killer Clowns from Outer Space for this.

6th thing...I get extremely bad migraines, almost to the point where I want to stab myself in the head. I've had them since I was 12 yrs old and apparently there is nothing I can do about them. So I just live with them...

and last but not least...

7th thing...I wanted to name Babybottoms, Riley but her dad said no. He has convinced himself that the only reason I was doing it was because of Riley from The Boondocks.

And here are the 5 blogs you should check out....I read EVERYTHING they post...EVERYTHING.

1st blog...3 The Hard Way...you get 3 for 1 with these ladies. I have been friends with Ramona (one of the writers of the blog) for...almost 9 yrs...so I embrace anyone she rubs shoulders with. It doesn't hurt that they LOVE Babybottoms too!

2nd blog...She.So.Fly/F*ck It All!...I started keeping up with her on Youtube because she had HILARIOUS videos. She doesn't TRY to be funny...she just is AND...I thought it was uber cool that she used to be a pornstar but CHOSE to do something else with her life. Admirable really, considering this economy sucks balls and sex will ALWAYS sell...

3rd blog...A Daily Dose of Architecture...there is an architect hiding in my soul somewhere and I get my needed fix by stalking this blog.

4th blog...Vexed...there are few people I've come across on the internet that I wouldn't mind knowing "in person". She's one of those people...just from her honesty alone. She shares things on her blog that I would NEVER allow random strangers to know and in a way, that makes her a lot stronger than she even thinks.

5th blog...Hyperbole and a Half ...you have not truly lived unless you subscribe to this blog. EVERYONE needs some of this zany in their life. EVERY post makes me laugh ridiculously loud to the point Babybottoms will stop what she's doing to see what I'm doing. 

Now excuse me while I go tell all these people I've given them an award....thanks again Jen!

Thursday, May 06, 2010

Tumblr

I have a Tumblr account but I haven't given everyone access to it. It isn't anything I want anyone and everyone being able to readily read. It's my online place of refuge from everything that is so easily accessible...

I do understand that I can have a "private" Facebook profile, "private" Twitter, "private" Blogger and so on but that's doing too much, requires far too much energy and I just don't want to. So having that one sanctuary total independent of all the others was more appealing to me.

I still do not want close family and friends perusing my thoughts on Tumblr because they ALWAYS have a way of self-applying when the topic they choose to pick has absolutely nothing to do with them. I don't have to explain myself on Tumblr and I want to keep it that way. I started out writing in that manner here on Blogger but it's connected to Google so even if I wanted to keep people "out", Google would make it available in some tricky manner.

So...I will let everyone reading this blog know that I'm on and popping with Tumblr but you will read everything at your own risk over there. I will only give out the link IF you ask for it...and if you are a close friend or family member, don't be offended if I spare you my thoughts and decline to give you the address.

If you want to follow me, email me...ladyred1122@gmail.com


 

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