Saturday, February 27, 2010

Are You Honest With Yourself?


How many of you are willing to admit that something you are currently doing or have done in the past is stupid? I see and hear a LOT of people criticize others for the bad decisions they make in life but never step up to the plate and admit they've done some questionable things as well.

Not that this hasn't crossed my mind before but it was refreshed after reading two different blogs.

There is a young lady that writes about her life and she recently had a baby. In her blog, she admitted that she still smoked weed during her pregnancy. Now, while doing that is considered HIGHLY inappropriate to many people, she admitted to her fault not in an effort to brag on what she was doing but to state that she was trying to kick the habit but was having a bit of a struggle. She spoke to her doctor about it and she was taking it one day at a time. 

I respected that young lady more than I do most people and I'll tell you why. Many people have a hard time admitting when they are wrong or when they've done something wrong because they don't want to look bad in the eyes of others. In my opinion, it says a lot about someone who can admit to their wrongs, even as they are trying to fix them. However, there were a couple people who commented on her blog, calling her names, and being rude. To tell her that it isn't the best for the baby is stating the obvious. I am sure she knows that.

There was another blog I read about Melanie Fiona's song "It Kills Me". 98% of the comments pretty much agreed that the lyrics are retarded and the total opposite of women's empowerment. The 2% who felt contrary...it could be easily seen that they make excuses for things they do.

I've ALWAYS had a great respect for people who acknowledge their idiocy and work towards improving themselves. I have respect for people who will admit to their moments of immaturity and if they are currently in one of those moments, not making excuses for why they are doing things. What I cannot stand is people who think they have to justify WHY they're doing something. If you know right from wrong, there is no need to justify why you're doing something wrong. When it all boils down, you're doing it because you want to. When you don't want to do it anymore, you will stop.

Instead, what I see and hear are a lot of people blaming their bad decisions on a situation and/or other people. 

Just because you did something incredibly stupid at 21 that you would never do now that you are 31 doesn't change the fact that it was incredibly stupid. This is where I see the problem. When will people get it through their thick skulls that we're all humans and make mistakes? If your mistake happens to be stupid, oh well, build a bridge and get over it because that is life. I know I am not the only person that can admit I did some INCREDIBLY stupid stuff as an adult that I KNEW was stupid even when I was doing it. However, I did it then because I WANTED TO.

It is no different for any woman who can relate to that stupid ass Melanie Fiona song or who was in a relationship similar to the song in the past. You can read the lyrics but anyone reading them knows it's stupid to want to have babies with a man you KNOW doesn't give a rats colon about you. It has nothing to do with acquiring a certain level of maturity. It's stupid. If I decided to do it next year, guess what? I'd be stupid too. The rules don't change to suit my stupid purpose.

I wish there were more people who could be honest with themselves about their actions...

Babybottoms: If I Can't Sleep, You Can't Either

I had a talk with Babybottoms when she was still kicking back in my womb. We discussed (yes, we, I wasn't talking to myself) that around 6 months, physical discipline would ensue. I didn't get a response back so I took that to be a sign of her agreeing.

She just turned 5 months today and I'm feeling like I need to move that agreement date to today.

The last time we talked about Babybottoms, she was counting sheep comfortably in her own sleeping quarters. We were all a happy family. I somewhat touched on how she is VERY gentle when dealing with her father's face but when it comes to mine....she acts like she's a cat and my face is the scratching post. This morning was ONLY different from other mornings because she was REALLY going out of her way to mess with me.

Around 5:45 am she started up with her "soft" sounds. Those are the sounds that if you are in a deep sleep, you'll never hear. When no one comes to get her, she switches from soft sounds to caterwauling. This will wake ANYONE up...except her father. I can only take so much of the sharp cat noises because I know after that comes the pig squealing and LOUD talking.

I got up around 6:15 and put her in the bed with me, thinking she was going to go right back to sleep. WRONG. I was mislead! She pretended as though she was going to go back to sleep and that lasted for all of 5 minutes before I felt two small hands caressing my face gently. I'm not use to this kind of nice treatment from her so I thought I had fallen back to sleep and I was dreaming.

That is until I felt 2 little fingers bumrush my nostrils. You're 5 months old...please tell me how you know how to stick fingers in my nose AND hook them so you can try to pull my damn nose off. The burn in my nose ALMOST made me want to pimp slap her. However, she IS only 5 months old. I vowed to save all pimp slapping for puberty.

After removing her fingers from my nose, I'm convinced she's going back to sleep only to feel two little hands try to open my mouth. WHY WON'T THIS KID GO BACK TO SLEEP???? SHEESH! I decide to open my eyes and she's smiling...as if she's won. Jokes on her because I AM NOT getting up. After I pry her strong little hands from my lips and put her in a vice grip hug, her eyes start to lower. I know now this is a trick. I figure since her eyes are closing, mine can too. WRONG.

My eyes hadn't been closed for no more than 1 second and she's starting to pull my eyelids open. It then becomes apparent that I am NOT going to get that extra hour of sleep I want. I finally decide to get up and she gets excited. I feel like I was abused but I'm not sure if it's safe to say that when it's a 5 month old who is the Abuser. I decide to change her diaper and she doesn't want to be still so I can close it.

I guess today is going to be "I do what I want Mommy" day.

I get the diaper on and closed. A small feat but since I was punked to get up, I feel as though I have accomplished SOMETHING this morning. I grab the old diaper and look down at this devious smiling face, only to see she has taken her diaper off. *sigh* I can't win today!

Even though this morning has been an utter loss for Team Mommy, I WILL get the last laugh. Guess who's getting their ears pierced today? BOO-YAH! IN YO FACE BABYBOTTOMS!!!

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Babybottoms: The Adorable Menace

I want to email or instant message EVERYONE who told me that letting Babybottoms sleep in the bed with me and her dad was going to be a BIG mistake. It would be a VERY simple and to the point email/IM:

"IN YO FACE"

That would sum up ALL the nay saying and advice that I should start as SOON as she came home, putting her in the crib/bassinet/etc. Anyone reading this who has a child or children is well aware of all the advice they got (most of the time unwanted) when they were pregnant. It borderlines rude most of the time because a lot of people can't fathom someone elses lil beast of burden being different from theirs. I said it then and I will say it now:

"my kid is MY KID and will act like herself, not your bad ass demon child"

Granted, there are some things that MOST babies will do similarly like cry their ass off because they are teething (Babybottoms does that), cry their ass off because they don't want poop or pee on them (Babybottoms does that), cry their ass off because they are hungry (Babybottoms does that too!!!)...you get the picture.

Sleeping by herself? She's NEVER really had a problem with this. Is that rare? I don't think so. I think some babies prefer to be with their parental units and others...they want their own space to move about freely. Since she was a newborn, she's been VERY adamant about whatever she wants, almost like she is DEMANDING things. She has recently started screaming/squealing at me like a pig when I'm moving too slow. Kids...

As for the sleeping thing, when she was fresh out the womb, she would fuss if I held her too close. Suffocation wasn't her thing. However, because she was still taking in her environment, she didn't want me too far from her...just not so close. As she got older, she got more vocal about me or her dad being in her space when it came to sleep time. She doesn't mind me putting her to sleep but it has to be in a certain manner and if I don't eventually put her down, she'll wake up with a look on her face that seems to read:

"WHY IN THE HELL ARE YOU STILL HOLDING ME, WENCH? PUT ME DOWN!"

I hadn't been using her bassinet because it was in a totally different room from where we sleep. So she's been sleeping in between us in the bed. Enough was enough when she decided it was a good idea to sharpen her claws on my face...every morning. Who does this??? I cut her nails and she still tried to dig her fingers into my face to wake me up. I had enough of being punched in the eye while I tried to pretend to be sleep so she would go back to sleep. When Babybottoms wants something, she has no problem letting you know she isn't playing. She might as well yelled at me to get my ass up and get her breakfast because that is how treats me. While I was getting mauled by my child, she chooses to pat her father gingerly on the cheek, rub his hair, and attempt to snuggle with him in his favorite blanket.

Little girls are assholes.

Anyway, I got tired of being attacked so I kept annoying her dad to put the bassinet in the same room yesterday and he FINALLY does it. You couldn't tell her it was any different from the bed. She turned over on her side, clasped her hands together and went into dreamland. She slept there all night without so much as a peep. I still had the periodic yelps that mean "get your fat ass up and give me my paci because it's fallen out my mouth, mother" that her dad NEVER seems to hear. It was peace in our household and in our beds.

There was no fighting to get her to sleep and you want to know why? Because my child isn't an indecisive person. I suppose she gets that honestly. Once she decides something is to be...it's that way until I tell her to cut it out. Even then...she'll still stubbornly do what she wants. I know, she's ONLY 5 months but anyone who has kids or about to have one will tell you, some children's actions are VERY deliberate. What I have learned about her is that EVERYTHING is deliberate. If it was up to her, she probably would have been in that bassinet 4 months ago....

So in closing...all you meddlesome folks who want to appear to know my child better than me...take that. Worry about your own irritating spawn and let me attend to mine :)

I must tend to her now; she's doing that irritating pig squeal thing again...

Monday, February 22, 2010

To Be or Not To Be Married? That Is the Question...

My parents would LOVE it if I married Babybottoms father and went on to live happily ever after. Only problem with that is...I'm more terrified of marriage than I was of giving birth. My father made a very good point about marriage when I told him it scares the living beejeezus out of me.

"It is definitely going to be something you work at every day, especially if it doesn't feel natural to you. When you decide to do it, you have to take one day at a time. Even though you have vows that signify you will be with this person until death separates you, try not to look at it like that and it won't be so scary. When you go to sleep at night, you aren't sure if you're going to wake up but you still allow yourself to fall asleep every night...same with a relationship; tomorrow, you don't know if it's going to be as great as you'd hoped but you keep moving forward."

My dad is a man who operates 90% of the time off of logic so THAT...made perfectly good sense.

(SIDEBAR: I've had insomnia since I was 12 yrs old so that analogy he used...not the best one for someone in my situation...but I get what he was saying)

However, ANYONE reading this knows, LOVE...doesn't necessarily operate on logic 90% of the time. I'll be honest and say love doesn't operate off logic half the time...it is mainly how you FEEL about the other person, NOT what you THINK of them. THIS is what makes the idea of marriage frightening to me. What if I wake up one morning and FEEL like my life is so far removed from where I wanted to be that I want out? Yes, that might seem like a negative view to have but these are my thoughts, especially when I see so MANY unhappy people. Hell, what if HE wakes up and says "this isn't at all what I thought I could deal with...I want out"?

I've often wondered, if marriage is SUCH a good institution, how come SO MANY people can't manage to honor it? How come so many people are getting divorced? How come so many people actually incorporate a divorce into their plans before they are even married? While I understand that my relationship consists only of me and the other person, it's difficult to grasp how good something is when all I see are the trials and tribulations of others.

It's almost like a ton of people buying a certain make and model of a vehicle and MOST of those people are having THE SAME problem, causing a recall to be issued. Yes, I just compared marriage to a car but my point is...if everyone appears to be having the same problems with their marriage, why would I want to "jump into" one? I most certainly wouldn't make a vehicle that had been recalled an option if I was looking to purchase a new car...

On the flip side of things, I can pick out many couples that are in their late 50's to 70's and they love each  other unconditionally BUT will tell you QUICKLY that the MAJORITY of their marriage WAS NOT that way. So...in order to get the wedded bliss you think you are signing up for in the beginning, you have to wait until you've been with someone 40+ years? That doesn't seem like something I'd EVER want to sign up for and if I'm perfectly fine with my relationship the way it is now, why would I need to do anything more to solidify to others that he and I are together?

I think about these things EVERY time someone feels the need to ask me "so when are you getting married". It's too much pressure because even if I WANTED to get married today, Babybottoms father would have to WANT to get married too...him or anyone who was a potential "mate". I can't make ANYONE want to marry me and I don't want to feel obligated to take up vows because of a "situation". As much as I love Babybottoms father, I want THAT kind of love to resonate throughout our entire relationship, not just for the first few years of marriage and then I have hell for the next 10 years, and THEN we get back to happiness. My happiness is not to be bargained with and for me, 10 years of hell is not worth 15 years of happiness. 

I don't expect or demand perfection in ANY of my relationships. However, I've always lived by the statement that "once my happiness is affected, it is time for me to go". That doesn't mean that if he doesn't make me tuna fish on rye, I'm going to huff and puff and blow his house down. It means that if we have consistent hardships that are genuinely affecting who I am as a person, something will need to be adjusted or I will have to do what is necessary to insure I stay in a happy and healthy mental place. I told him the same applies to him; if at any time he isn't happy anymore, he needs to leave. I've seen people stay together for the sake of the kids...doesn't mean they were happy. I prefer to leave things as they are...it isn't broken so I don't need to "fix" us by getting married...why does it seem like WE are the only people who understand this?

Then I get the question, "well, if he loves you SO much, why won't he marry you"...as I stated before, I would have to WANT to get married for that to happen. You can't just walk in the justice of peace by yourself and tell them, "look, I want to marry so and so; make it happen". That isn't how life works and anyone reading this knows that. We have discussed marriage and I am fine with the outcome of our conversation. We have mutual feelings about where we are and the direction our relationship is headed. No pressure is our motto.

*sigh*

Maybe if no one ever asks me "when are you getting married" again, I won't have to think about this....ever again. Big chance of that EVER happening...

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

The Age Old Argument

According to some disgruntled darker skinned African American/Black women and one lighter skinned AA/Black woman named Joy Daily, the "Pretty Girls" video didn't have enough darker skinned AA/Black women. On various blogs, vlogs, tweets, Facebook statuses and such, many women stated that Wale should have had more Black women in his video. They expressed their disgust that many rappers choose to showcase non-Black and lighter skinned Black women instead of Black women.

I keep hearing "there are no Black women" in the videos. Here is the problem with that statement...it is obvious that their gripe is that there aren't enough representations of darker skinned Black women, NOT BLACK WOMEN. Isn't a lighter skinned BLACK woman still be a BLACK woman? Right...so ladies, let's be a little more specific with our rants and state clearly what your problem is ALL THE TIME.

Because I'm lumped in the "lighter skinned Black women" group some might feel I do not have the right to speak on this subject...to hell with that. If Joy Daily, a lighter skinned Black woman, can be the voice that lashes out at specific artists about a social issue, I can be the voice of clarity and reason. I am not seeking to be the Devil's Advocate of the situation because I do agree that Black women should be represented in the media/entertainment world. However, I believe ALL Black women should be represented...I'm not pushing harder for one side than the other. Some might say because I am of the lighter group, I can't talk and I don't understand...I say to hell with that too. I'm STILL a Black woman so I'll say what I want about the issue.

I hear and see such anger...I can understand how people shy away from the subject because addressing the reality of the situation and the REAL problem sometimes causes the anger to be misdirected. I understand how it does make sense that this "problem" reaches back to slavery. Lighter skinned slaves were "favored" over the darker ones. ALL UNDERSTANDABLE.

What I have a problem with is the dissension between people who are the same nationality. Just mentioning it sometimes will cause an obvious divide between a group of people who are ALREADY mistreated by other nationalities. So now, you not only have a problem with prejudice outside your nationality, you have it within as well. The truth is and will always be that you cannot expect a problem to be fixed outside of your "home" before you fix it inside.

When I wake up in the morning, I do not have a sense of self-entitlement because I'm of the lighter persuasion of Black people. Will someone dark skin accuse me of that at some point in life? Yes, and it has already happened. Why can't we just get along? I say that in all seriousness, all joking aside.

Look at other nationalities...do you think they are bickering and complaining amongst themselves about their skin tone? I'm not saying to sweep the issue under the rug; I'm saying we need to fix our "race relations" within our own "camp" before we start demanding outsiders need to fix it for us. When addressing matters of importance, we need to do so in a civil manner versus acting like we're going to whoop anyones ass who might have a difference in opinion on the issue.

There isn't too much more to say on the subject except...EVERYONE who had something negative to say about Wale, go watch "My Sweetie" and either shut the damn hell up or write another blog showering him with accolades for representing his darker sisters to the fullest.

End of rant.

P.S. - "Pretty Girls" and "My Sweetie" were released back to back so all the whining that occurred makes the whiner in question look absolutely ridiculous.

Walmart Is the Bane of My Existence

Walmart...the one place I HATE but continue to insanely go there hoping one day things will change. I promise you, if Target EVER shaves their prices as low as Walmart is willing to go, I will drive 15 miles away from my home to shop at the Super Target. It seems Walmart chooses to hire MAINLY people who have no respect for authority, no manners, and just lacking in customer service across the board. Every once in a while you'll get some older woman or man they've hired so as not to be accused of ageism; those employees are usually the epitome of kindness. However, the young retards and individuals in my peer group they hire? They can all go to hell if they are in the group who could give a crap about their job and feel the need to show it to anyone who steps foot in their store.

Along with the majority of Walmart's employees being Grade A assholes, the patrons aren't much better. I have seen and dealt with fellow shoppers that need to be locked up in the loony bin and/or need to just leave me the hell alone so I can finish my dreaded shopping experience and get back to my sanctuary of peace and quiet.

As much as I loathe that place, I am in there, on average, at least 2 times a week. There is a Publix closer to my house and a Kroger right next to the Walmart. You tell me which establishment you would frequent if you needed to do your grocery shopping and the items you usually buy are a good dollar to three dollars cheaper at Walmart. Being an unemployed mom, I have to go where I can stretch my dollar the farthest. Low and behold, it always turns out to be damn Walmart.

I went in there yesterday JUST to get a tape measure so I can put up some curtains in my living room. As I looked around for an employee to ask what aisle I could find a tape measure in, it seemed as though every employee was trying not to make eye contact and when I did walk up to someone, they scooted off so quickly you'd have sworn they didn't even work there. Really? All of this for a damn tape measure??? Then I saw that nice little older person; he welcomed me like he was my grandfather, making me feel all warm inside and my hatred of all things Walmart quickly dissipated. However, I was none too happy to hear what he had to say:

"We don't sell that here anymore. We don't sell anything with which you could repair clothing. I'm sorry. It makes no sense to me either, dear. It's Walmart and they're supposed to have EVERYTHING but certain Walmart's don't. We haven't carried that kind of stuff in this store since last year, dear."

That shut me up and I trotted off to the pain reliever aisle because I'm getting old and my knees feel like someone is trying to bust my knee caps open with pliers. Seriously, I had a knee injury when I was 12 and it hasn't been right since. Whenever it is cold, I'm in a living hell and sometimes feel like I'm walking like Frankenstein. I'm in the aisle trying to decide on Tiger Balm, Icy Hot, Ben Gay, or some generic shat that's cheap and I feel someone walk up on me like they know me.

It's some random man with a bunch of socks in his hands. I quickly survey his exterior to see what he's all about. I see he's employed by the local transit system (MARTA) so I figure he's "safe". I give that programmed smile for all strangers and go back to what I'm doing. I'm not making any eye contact so I don't know why he goes into this spill:

"Hey, I saw you over there talking to that man and I just had to come say something to you. I thought you were young cause of that side pony tail you got there but then I saw all that thickness and I just had to speak. You sho is looking good today."

Me: Ummm, ok. Thanks? This side pony? Yeah, when you're rushing out the house, this is what you get.

"Yeah so I'm (some name I don't remember). What's your name?"

Me: Synitta

"Awww yeah, I bet you get tired of telling people how to spell your name, huh? Like, that's a "S", not a "C" muthatfucka; like, "Sy" not "Ci" dumbass; am I right? am I right?"

Me: *still looking at the Tiger Balm wishing he'd beat it* yeah, you're right

"Yeah so I bet you got a man, huh? All that goodness. I know you not single. You single?"

Me: No. I have a significant other. *another generic smile*

"Awww, well I won't be disrespectful and ask for your number even though you probably wasn't going to give it to me anyway, huh?"

Me: Right again *still looking at the Tiger Balm box*

"Yeah, well I'll let you get back to shopping for cold medicine. You should do like me, just cough on muthafuckas like yeah, take that, I'm sick, and? Hell, white people do it to us all the time. Give them a taste of their own medicine!"

Me: I'm not buying cold medicine. I'm buying pain reliever for my knee *glaring and wishing he would drop dead* Coughing on other people is disgusting so no thanks.

"Yeah, I tell my niece to do that shit and she does"

Me: Ok *still looking at Tiger Balm*

"Well, I'ma go buy these socks. You still looking good. Take care"

Me: Thanks. Bye

This is why I send Babybottoms dad to Walmart. Those ratchet looking women in there love him to death so it usually takes him a shorter amount of time. He has been known to get the young girls to open a register JUST to check him out and then close it back up like they got better things to do at their job than work. However, yesterday was a run in/run out Walmart trip so I was subjected to foolishness.

When I go to stand in the self-checkout some middle aged lady comes and stands so close I can smell her carrot smelling breath. I turn around and do the generic smile then move up some. She moves up too. So I turn around and ask her to not stand so close. She looked at me like I had taken her groceries and thrown them on the ground. Then she starts mumbling to herself about how she needs to "get out the store, get out the store, get out the store, RIGHT NOW". I can't say that I wasn't thinking the same thing but I also wasn't chanting it in line like some crazy person needing a strait jacket. I turn around to see her rocking back and forth on her heels. See why I HATE coming in this damn store???

This morning Babybottoms dad asked me to call the Vision Center and as much as I didn't want to, I did it anyway. This is what I had to deal with:

*ring, ring*

Fuckery Town EE aka Walmart EE: Thank you for calling Walmart Vision Center how may I help you?

Me: I had a question about temple length on glasses. If I have a 140 *interrupted by Fuckery Town EE*

Fuckery Town EE: We don't sell temples separately from the glasses. We don't do that here.

Me: What? That isn't even what I was asking you. I didn't ask that. Where did you get that from? Let me finish my question please before you give me an answer. Please?

Fuckery Town EE: Ok. *with attitude, of course*

Me: Thank you. I needed to know if my temple length is 140 but I want some glasses with a temple length of 135, is there much of a difference?

Fuckery Town EE: No

Me: Thank you.

Seriously, are people that eager to NOT do their job that they will tell you ANYTHING to get you off the phone so they can go back to doing nothing? Apparently so. I wasn't comfortable with her answer because she could have just been telling me something because she was pissed. So I called another Walmart and thank goodness, she had actually given me the correct information.

I promise you something like this happens EVERY TIME I step foot in a Walmart...and I still keep going. I would call them crazy but then I'd be throwing stones...

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Lady Bloggers Society

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I came to know about Lady Bloggers Society because of Stepfanie Bishop. I started reading her blog before I got pregnant because I loved how she wrote about the simple things her and her daughter, Truly, would do. In my mind, I thought I would transform my blog (after finding out I was pregnant) and write more about my daughter. However, my brain thinks about far too much stuff to devote my blog to one particular subject so I stuck with what I usually write about...life and everything that comes with it.

I started following Stepfanie on Twitter and she tweeted about joining the Lady Bloggers Society. I figured it would be a good idea because I'm always looking for new blogs to read/follow. The icing on the cake to reading other people's blogs is that they sometimes feel obligated to read yours. This was a win-win situation for me!

I've been experiencing writer's block lately so I've been doing far more reading than writing. So when I went to the Lady Bloggers Society blog, imagine my surprise when the latest posting was entitled Getting Over Bloggers Block! After reading the post, I felt like I could get back to my one post a day routine. It's just kind of difficult to sit down and let all my thoughts pour out onto the computer screen when I have a 4 month old screaming in my ear for attention. I never knew I needed to concentrate to write a blog but there you have it. My child has destroyed my super human ability to ignore noises outside of my brain.

Hopefully, by joining the Lady Bloggers Society, I can keep on track with my blogging and other writing. We shall see!

P.S. - I believe they are still accepting applications so if you're a lady who blogs, go join! The exposure wouldn't hurt and you never know who might want to read your blog! :)

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Girl's Night Out

I haven't been "out" in a while because I've been tending to the lovechild. She is more then two handfuls most days so I'm usually too tired to spruce myself up for a night on the town. I've been out twice this week so this is kind of a big deal in my world! One of my friends who lives in Cali was in town for work and getting her braces removed so we went out Monday evening. Dinner and a drag show. As hilarious as that evening was, I'm not writing about that now...this post will be about my evening out last night.

I was hanging out with my friend and her sister. We went to this establishment that's a restaurant/jazz club. Everybody and they momma was in there so it took us 40 minutes to be seated. In the meantime, we decided to order drinks from the bar. Even though there were 3 bartenders, only 1 looked interested in seeing if people were being served. One bartender, with this obvious nasty attitude, was tending to this older guy and all of a sudden the older guy starts acting belligerent and talking loud. I look at my friend who immediately stares up at the ceiling because in her words, "the faces you make at people will make me laugh in their face". I won't lie. This time I was looking at dude like, get back in your cage. However, when I saw what he was all in a simian rage about, I gave him a pass to act a monkey doodle fool.

The bartender was charging him $18 for a Corona and this tiny glass of vodka & cranberry. When he asked her how much the Corona was, she said, "The beer is $6 and the drink is $11". He looked at her like he wanted to snatch her from behind the bar and then starts yelling about how that aint $18, it's $17 so which is it going to be and asking her why she was trying to rip him off. At this point, I was holding in my laugh so bad that I couldn't take it anymore and a smile started creeping out. This guy leaned over and whispered in my ear, "don't be laughing at my uncle", which caused me to laugh out loud. I did apologize but it was even funnier when the guy standing next to me ordered a Corona and it was $5.25....I just shook my head because this bartender probably over charges everyone. In my opinion, anyone who does that needs to be fired.

We resolved that we didn't want her as a bartender and flagged down another young lady. Meanwhile, my friend was getting "hollered" at by this dude that I had noticed when we walked in. He was attractive, dressed pretty decent and had all of his teeth. Since I live with Babybottoms dad, I only look, never making eye contact so as not to even cause someone to come start a conversation with me. However, he felt the need to talk to my friend and it would have gone okay except for the following:

*When the drinks were sat down and it was time to pay, he hesitated

I can pay for my own drinks; if I couldn't, I'd stay my ass in the house...like I've been doing. However, Babybottoms dad was spending QT with her so I decided to take advantage of my little extra cash and have some "me" time. Hesitation is a bad thing because it means it crossed your mind to pay for our drinks. I wouldn't consider you any less of a man if you paid for just your beer and kept it moving. You don't owe me or my friend anything. So when you start counting the money like you're about to spend your last $25 on 3 drinks, I just want to whip out my $8.50 and tip just to get you away from us.

My friend is all about "if you're talking to me, the least you can do is buy me a drink" so she kind of looked at him like "pay for it, wankster". I laughed at his forced sense of obligation.

*He asks what church my friend attends

Church? Really? You're going to ask about this while we're ordering drinks and trying to have a good time? Just inappropriate and when she tells you that she doesn't go, you're going to invite her to your church? *slaps forehead* Because I know my friend, I KNEW she was thinking "lame" the entire time but still entertaining him because he wouldn't shut up. After she told him that she doesn't go to church, he asks why. I'm getting irritated now because this isn't the time or place to be asking all these serious questions! She tells him that she works every Sunday, which isn't a lie but he gave her the side eye like she had just blasphemed against Jesus and his father. When church was no longer a viable topic for him to continue boring her with he does this...

*Asks if she has a Facebook page

It wasn't a segue or anything. It was just him being shut down about church and then him blurting out, "You got a Facebook page". She tells him no and that she is pretty much the only one out of all her friends who doesn't have one. He looks defeated and then blurts out something even more random.

*Asks her if he wants to see his pictures

I'm thinking this clown is talking about Facebook still until he tells her to go to www.modelmayhem.com what tha??? I laughed out loud and would have turned around to laugh in his face if my chair didn't have a back on it. You're hella bootsy dude! He asks her if she has the internet on her phone and she unwillingly says yes. There was no point in lying because he was staring right at her phone. She realizes he is going to keep at it when he starts telling her that she has to type in his code in order to see the pictures. To put an end to it, she says, "I have internet but I'm not looking at your pictures right now". This causes me to laugh again...

See people, it doesn't matter HOW attractive you are, if you're a whack ass buster, you're still getting no play.

He did give her his number but she told us at the table that she didn't plan on answering when he called.

We were finally called for our table and it appeared she was safe from the Retards. Unfortunately for her, this guy old enough to be her grandfather spotted her and decides he wants to talk to her. He was funny but...old...and eager. When he left, he sent her a text message that he was on his way home and for her to call him in 2 minutes. *shaking my head* We're up to our eyeballs in crablegs. She wasn't thinking shat about his decrepit ass.

Aside from her getting the weirdos, this married couple were staring at me eat my crab legs. I looked up and they started smiling at me. I've never felt so violated in all my life. I nervously smiled back and then looked at my friend and said "what the *&#$?"....they still staring and smiling. Hands down, the weirdest shat I've ever experienced. I guess they liked the way I was effing them crab legs up...I don't know and I don't even want to know what their "stalker smiles" were for.

Hanging out with the "girls" made me miss time to myself but it also made me miss Babybottoms and her dad. It's a weird thing once you have a kid; you can't wait to get 1 minute to yourself and then once you do, you just wanna be near them.

I had an opportunity to keep my night going after dinner but I chose to go home because one of my headlights were out. I wasn't  uber drunk but I was feeling warm enough to drive home with just a scarf on and I didn't want to get pulled over. I have to watch how much and what I drink because it seeps through my pores and I smell a LOT more drunk than I really am.

I got home around 1:30 am and everyone was knocked out. I think I might plan to do this at least twice during the month because it has kept me far more sane than I was last month.

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

Shaking My Head At The U.S. Justice System

Something happens everyday that convinces me that our justice system is full of every type of shat imaginable. Today...I got reassurance while reading The Rolling Stones article on Dwayne "Lil Wayne" Carter.

These celebrities walk around like The Untouchables because the United States of America's justice system is a HUGE joke. It is almost as if they are dying to incarcerate any rapper who so much as jaywalks but then when they have them in their clutches, they all appear to get these smacks on the hand for sentences. It has been made VERY clear that if you have money, you can negotiate the terms and agreement to ANYTHING. 

How is Mr. Carter's future jail stay different then most individuals?

I'll use my brother's situation as an example. Right now, he is incarcerated in Texas. When he was apprehended, he was told that it would take 1-3 years before his case could go to trial because that was how short staffed and behind they were. So, regardless of whether he committed the crime for which he is being imprisoned he STILL has to sit there until they can get to him. His meals mainly consist of 2 thin slices of bologna, a roll of bread that is harder than concrete, and about 3 carrots. Some days, that covers 2 meals for the day. He told me that the inmates can tell when the FEDS are on the premises because then AND ONLY THEN, do they get "good food" and normal rations.

If I write him, they open his mail before it gets to him. That's fine and understandable, however, I can only send up to 6 pictures, per letter. I cannot send ANY magazines or books. The publisher of any reading material I want to give him, must send them. Care packages must be purchased through the prison and they aren't "affordable" in the least bit. A pack of ramen costs 69cents...even though it's only like 12-14cents in the grocery store. A small jar of peanut butter is over $5. Everything is grossly marked up. He can only have 2 visits a week for 20 minutes each; if someone out of town comes to visit, they get an extra 10 minutes. The phones are FILLED with static so you can barely hear what each other are saying.

I'm not saying feel sorry for my brother or that I need to go cry a river and jump in it because "woe is me". What I am saying is this...

For Mr. Carter's manager to be figuring out a way for him to have a Twitter account while in jail, sending him music so he can continue his craft, and find other ways for him to stay connected to the public, THAT is some bullshat. He plead guilty to possession of a weapon he knew he wasn't supposed to be anywhere near. It doesn't matter if it wasn't his or it was. If he is to be in prison, he should get the same treatment everyone else does. No random normie is allowed any type of extra communication other then hand written letters and short visits so the same rules should apply to him. Life stops when you enter prison for a reason. 

Imagine my surprise when I found out that he wasn't even imprisoned today! According to the media, his  date to enter "the system" has been pushed up to March 2nd because he has some dental work he needs to finish getting done. He couldn't get it done sooner because his dentist was out of the country. I literally laughed out loud at our justice system as I read that. Lil Wayne gets to change his date to be incarcerated because he needs his teeth fixed? Please...anyone...tell me this is a joke.

I was pregnant when my brother was taken to jail. It sure would have been nice if he could have postponed his "jail date" until after I had Babybottoms. The reality of a normal man living in an urban area is exactly what happened to my brother. He comes outside with his hands up asking what the problem is, gets hogtied, and then repeatedly kicked in his head, chest, and legs. He also got stomped on. Excessive police brutality, so much so that another officer had to take him to the hospital before locking him up because the entire left side of his head had swoll up. I saw a picture of his face after the "cop beatdown"...if I didn't know my brother, I wouldn't have recognized him. His face looked like a mixture of Quasimodo and Sloth.

I'm not hating on Wayne; not in the least bit. I'm a fan of his music and all that good stuff. It just upsets me that our judicial system is so OBVIOUSLY bias. I understand that rappers aren't the only ones who get "special treatment". There are some artists who get made examples of (see: Chris Brown) on the other end of the spectrum. While some women feel his sentence wasn't fair, it was a first time offense. The level of violence that was exuded in that situation usually gets community service and/or anger management classes. He got far more than that. Our judicial system is either very lenient or over the top strict with their celebrity verdicts. You'll never hear me say R. Kelly has horrible music but you know, as well as I do that he should be serving some kind of time, probation, SOMETHING, for being sexually involved with minors. However, our justice system deemed him a man fit for freedom. 

I know we can blame it on the jury but before it's all said and done, the judge is the one with the power.

If it wasn't obvious that money runs everything, it is now...

Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Thank You?

This job hunting feels pointless most days but I'm still at it because EVENTUALLY...it will pay off. However, I get a tad irritated by some of the suggestions for jobs people have passed on my way. The whole point of getting off of unemployment is to be in a better financial position, NOT to go from one bad situation to another. Lateral moves ARE NOT progression. I've NEVER believed in trading in one set of problems for a new set. Therefore, when I look for jobs, I look for something that I am qualified to do, pays decent for the position listed, health benefits (because I have a kid now and her health is VERY important to me), and some flexibility.

I've had several of my friends and family tell me that beggars can't be choosy. Yeah, ok, so I'm supposed to be gung ho when you call or email me a job that pays $10/hr, is part time, and is 45 minutes from my house? My truck laughed at that job suggestion before I did. It takes a good $62-65 to fill up my tank; you can see where this is going, right? If I was desperate to get off of unemployment and not thinking straight, I would have set myself up for MORE disaster by taking a job like this than staying on until I was offered a job that covered more of my expenses then just gas. If you do the math on unemployment  income, taking a job that makes $10/hr is the same as me staying on unemployment. Again...I don't do lateral moves ESPECIALLY if they will quickly turn into MORE hardship.

So the first thing I think about when my family/friends make these suggestions is "Why are you conveniently forgetting how much money I made before I was laid off?" Take a second to remember please, THEN...suggests job. 

Again, things would be TOTALLY different if I were without Babybottoms. I could take on 2-3 jobs to make sure everything was back to normal. I can't do that with a newborn. I could go back to waitressing or start bartending. I could probably do this, however, I would need a babysitter for daytime and nighttime. So a LARGE portion of ANYTHING I made would go to babysitters and then I wouldn't see my daughter all that much. I'd be STRICTLY working to pay bills. While some people might live like that, that is no life for me. I know my limits and that is one of them. I have to make sure that my mental, physical, and emotional health are up to par when dealing with Babybottoms. She is a handful without me working. I am sometimes afraid to imagine how things would be if all I did was work and sleep, spending very little time with her w/one of those schedules. Also, waitressing/bartending wouldn't make me what I was making when I got laid off so I'd still be in a bad situation.

It has been difficult for me to find a "good" job and the same goes for Babybottoms father. Since we have time, we've been cultivating our business. Things are moving along better than ever so I am grateful for that. We were able to get a lot of things accomplished that having a 9/5 would have slowed down. So there is a silver lining in my cloud...

However, I would greatly appreciate it if my friends and family would stop suggesting crap azz jobs they KNOW are not good looks for my current situation.

Monday, February 01, 2010

Ramblings About My Father...

I knew two things would be asked by my dad before I left visiting them in Texas. They were probably going to be, verbatim:


"So, you and [Babybottoms Dad] thinking about getting married? You even talk about it again after the baby was born?


AND....the one I dreaded more than that:

"So...what are you doing regarding you and the babies spirituality?"

In the mind of Mr.AssertiveWit Sr. (cause that's where the quick, sharp wit comes from), those two sentences might as well been:

"Why aren't you and that nigga married if yall love each other so much?"

AND....even more rude:

"When are you going to start going back to the Kingdom Hall?"

I love both of my parents dearly but I'm at a point in my life where everything seems to be happening too fast to deal with sometimes. Their prodding questions aren't helping. Sometimes I just wish I was 5 years old again and my parents were the imperfect beings I had heralded them to be. It was simple then...they protected me and could do no wrong. Then you grow up and realize you love them more, despite them forgetting that you've grown older, because they're human just like you.

I think the biggest problem between my dad is that he doesn't want us (his children) to see that he has had "fuck up" moments just like us. My brother is having one right now that my dad can't relate to so it's almost like my brother has to go through it alone because my dad isn't real big on empathy. My sister appears to have the most "FU" moments out of all three of us; she's kinda like Michael Jackson...forever chasing her childhood and she'll never catch it. That's my real life Peter Pan. As for me...I've always felt the biggest mistake I could have made was leaving my home and that protection you don't realize you had as a kid from your parents. Even though people look at my life and think I've done pretty okay, I appreciate it but it kills me inside to know I KNEW I could do better...and I didn't.

So when my dad questions parts of my life that I've always guarded, I wonder if he's asking as to feel like he's fulfilling his parental obligations or if he genuinely cares what I'm going through. I want him to understand that he didn't do a bad job raising us even though we all chose 3 different paths then he ever planned for us. Right now, we need him more as a friend than a father.

Sometimes I wonder if he'll ever be the vulnerable father I always wished for. Just once I want him to be okay letting us (his kids) know that he isn't perfect. As long as he appears that way, I think I'll always get those questions like in the beginning of this blog. They aren't questions he wants to hear the answer to but sometimes I think he still looks at me as that 5 year old he needs to protect....

 

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