Friday, January 29, 2010

No One Can Define A "Good Man" For You But You

What is the definition of a good man? I think any man you are compatible with is the "good man" for you.

One of my friends mentioned a blog she had read in reference to "no good men [being] out there". Whenever I hear women say that, I AUTOMATICALLY think to myself that they are speaking so broadly because the guy they want isn't available to them like they'd want him to be. It's quite irritating because I'm sure each woman who has said that asinine crap thinks they are a good catch...in reality, you probably aren't if you feel that way about the male species.

I've always believed that there is someone for everyone and the person you are with just might not be the one for you if you are constantly having "issues" with them. I don't think some women really look at themselves and assess where they just might be the problem...not the man. I've seen perfectly "good men" turn into someone I would never date because of the person they are dating but I'd never say they weren't a "good man". Some people fail to acknowledge that if you are in a relationship with someone you aren't very compatible with, you will be at your worse in their eyes more often than not. Does that make that individual a horrible dating prospect? No. It just means YOU TWO aren't supposed to be together.

As for the women who are actually on a search for a "good man", I'm curious to know why some of them think none exist. Personally, I think it is because these kind of women want things that have nothing to do with an individuals character. I can tell you what I believe a "good man" is but if your idea of a "good man" resembles someone who makes 6-figures, is on call whenever you want to be fed, does whatever you tell him, etc. then we aren't going to agree. In my mind, we all have the ability to be "good" to someone, we just have to make sure we choose that someone wisely.

I'll use my current situation...

I'm with Babybottoms dad because the things I need in a relationship, he possesses. One of the things that allow us to "work" is that we both have a unified mind when it comes to how we view relationships. The minute either of us choose to look at our relationship differently, we understand that it needs to be discussed. We want to remain on the same page. However, if Babybottoms dad decides he wants to venture into a different chapter of life and I am not ready to go there then we'll more than likely go our separate ways. Does that make him a bad guy? No. It just means we are no longer compatible and if I desire to be in a relationship with someone else, I need to make sure they are on the page of life I'm currently on.

Now, what I am hearing and seeing is a lot of women wanting to force men they are interested in to be on their page of life. If the shoe was on the other foot, they become this angry, difficult woman who doesn't want to have any man controlling them. Because a man acts contrary to what you want in a relationship, it doesn't make him bad. He is still the same guy you were interested in before; you just know now that you aren't compatible and instead of trying to force it by convincing yourself you can mold him into "the man for you", you should just walk away.

One of my aunts told me that I needed to MAKE any man I chose to be with into the man I REALLY wanted. This was the most unacceptable advice I've ever received. Her husband does whatever she wants ALL the time and always has since they've been together. As for me, that isn't the ideal man. I don't want someone I can boss around. I want a man who takes my thoughts into consideration but can make a decision without consulting me as well. I don't desire a puppet in a relationship; we wouldn't get along and I probably wouldn't respect him. Now, the man I want in my life, my aunt would NEVER take 2 steps towards because she already knows THAT ISN'T THE MAN FOR HER. Why can't other women fathom this? It isn't that hard.

I know that sometimes we want what we want but how many of us are ignoring the fact that everything we want isn't exactly what we need? I think a lot of women crying about there not being any good men are pretending this fact doesn't exist. It is possible to get the man you "want" but there is a chance that you will have to compromise; getting the man you "need" in your life requires far less effort. If more women would "look" for a man that would improve them as a person, a lot of this generalizing would cease to exist. However, I've noticed that the same women shouting out that untruth think they are perfectly fine how they are. It's real funny that they don't want to change who they are but expect the man they want, to change who he is to suit their wants.

As much as you want an upgraded man, you have to be an upgrade yourself. If you aren't looking to improve yourself, then deal with the consequences of dating someone who isn't for you and stop complaining. Again, he isn't a bad guy; he just isn't good for you.

I know PLENTY of good men so I don't want anyone reading this to think it's a fact that there aren't any good ones out there. In the future, I hope that adults will choose compatibility in their relationships so this silly chatter about "what is a good man" will die off.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

7 Things About Me You Might Not Know

I got this from @DayDreamGem who originally posted it on wordpress. Have a look at her "7"; they're pretty interesting http://rainbowlens.wordpress.com/2010/01/27/7/ .

1 - When I was a kid, my dream was to be rich and live in a tree house surrounded by books and silence. Not very exciting, I know, but I enjoyed reading far more than interacting with people. My cousin and I had agreed that we were never getting married or having children so this suited my plan well. Somewhere along the road of life I thought I wanted to get married but I think that was because I felt I had to be "normal".

2 - Finding out I was pregnant had to be the weirdest moment of my life. Again, I really didn't plan to have children; they just weren't a priority in my life. Now that she's here, I feel more like a Protector than a "mommy". I don't know if that's "normal" but I'll spend the rest of my life trying to keep her comfortable with having a mother like me. I know I'm a big ass weirdo but sometimes when she looks at me, I think she's glad she got a weirdo for a mommy.

3 - My friends consult me about sex related "issues" like I'm some kind of sex guru. I definitely missed that memo but several of my friends have said I know far more about sex than them. Last I checked, I didn't know more than the average person but maybe I do...all that reading paying off, I guess. Or maybe what I constitute as "general knowledge" really isn't....

4 - I'm not a phone person, meaning, I don't really like talking on it. I use my text messaging, IM, and email way more than the actual phone part. I prefer talking face to face. I've been like this long before social media took over the world. I hate how the phone gets hot on your ear...and how the heat causes your face to sweat all over your phone. It's disgusting. Anyone I've ever sat on the phone and jabberjawed with for extended periods of time...please know that I REALLY like you as a person.

5 - I'm an Extroverted Introvert. I had someone tell me that I had a ton of friends; I had to politely tell them that everyone they've ever seen me with or around is NOT my friend. Since we live in a society where life is made more difficult if you stick out like a sore thumb, I've done what's necessary to blend in at times. However, I think people like me far more than I'll ever like them. I use things like Facebook, Twitter, and my blog to stay connected to the world outside of my brain. I'm perfectly content being by myself but I have friends to remind me that being a hermit is not conducive to a flourishing life.

6 - I have anxiety issues when people are too close to me. I think this is the main reason why I haven't attended too many concerts. When I would go clubbing w/my friends, I didn't get drunk for the same reason they did; I needed to be able to deal with all those people touching me. I just hate feeling confined. A room with 5 people in it can make me start sweating uncontrollably if the room is too small. I need my space. I don't like it when people sit too close to me either. Scoot the f*ck over. Thank you.

7 - Cooking is very therapeutic for me. I don't like cooking with other people though. I'll never ask someone to chop vegetables for me while I'm preparing the other part of the meal. I have to make/prepare the entire meal or I'm not making anything. I don't like helping other people cook either. Cut your own damn vegetables because 9 times out of 10, you're gonna wanna talk. I don't talk while cooking. It's my "quiet time". The only person I've successfully been able to cook "with" is Babybottoms dad. It has never extended past breakfast though. I use my cooking time to think about things I'd otherwise be too distracted to ponder.

The cruelest lies are often told in silence
- Robert Louis Stevenson

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Maybe It's Just Me...


...but I don't think that Sean Combs is "spoiling" his son by giving him a Maybach and a $10,000 check for his 16th birthday. I'll tell you my reasoning behind it.

First off...that's that man and his family so what he does REALLY isn't anyone's business but his. However if my answer was that simple, there would be no need for this blog.

So, the next important reason why I don't think it's spoiling is that if you understand the REAL definition of what it means to spoil a child, you'll see it has nothing to do with Sean and his kids. To spoil your child pretty much means you are doing things to destroy their character that involves "excessive indulgence" (according to the dictionary). I agree wholeheartedly with this. Is it going to damage Justin's character for him to own a vehicle worth more than 300k, as well as, a check for $10,000? Not hardly.

Why?

Because Justin had a larger bank account then some people who worked their entire lives, before he was even 10 years old. He has a genius (in some aspects) for a father who made sure his kids would NEVER go broke. Unbeknown to many people, his father listed him as the Executive Producer on pretty much ANY musical act coming through Bad Boy. Great way to keep the money in the family AND should anything EVER happen to Sean, Justin will ALWAYS be financially set. He has been accustomed to the lifestyle of "the rich and famous" since birth. Nothing is excessive when this is your daily norm. The truth is, you can spoil your child by giving them something that costs $2; if they don't deserve what you are GIVING them, you are spoiling them.

I'm sure Justin is accustomed to riding around in expensive cars that his father owns; he just happens to own one too now. Had Justin used his own money to purchase this vehicle to be chauffeured around in, would you still classify it as him being spoiled? Probably not and if you would, I'd really like to hear why.

Bottom line is, people need to take themselves out of that equation. Sometimes it doesn't add up or make sense to those with lesser bank accounts because they can't afford to even buy that stuff for themselves. But if you could, you would. Not saying everyone would own a Maybach because everyone might not like that car but what I am saying is you would spend money on the things you wanted. For instance, if I had Diddy's money and I chose to have a library built for Babybottom's in her room and I filled it with nothing but First Edition novels, would you say that's spoiling her or that it's inappropriate? Probably not because it's books.

I know for a fact the bank account I have today very well won't be the bank account I have when Logan is 16. Will I buy her a Maybach? Probably not. However, it won't be because it's an inappropriate gift for her. I just don't see the purpose in buying a new driver or soon to be driver a 6-figure vehicle for them to more than likely tear up within the first year of them having it. However, she won't be pushing no 1990 Honda Accord either. Is anything wrong with a used car for your teenage child? Not at all. You should ALWAYS purchase things within your means and what your lifestyle has you accustomed to having.

My point is, if my child(ren) are being raised in a certain fashion, that doesn't change when it comes to me giving them gifts. If I have the money to buy them whatever I want them to have, they will get it...as long as they aren't being bratty heathens.

Being a brat won't get you shat.

Seriously though, who are we to tell a multi-millionaire what to buy his son? Until we have similar bank accounts, it is highly presumptuous to assume millionaires/billionaires should spend their money as though they didn't have it. That's what you do when you got it like that; you spend it. Last I checked, none of these entertainment moguls were going broke due to purchases our banks accounts would cease to exist over.

P.S. - to anyone I was talking to on Twitter about this, I wrote this before I replied to you :)

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Hypocritical Christians

I was raised in what I believe to have been a very religious household. As a result of that, at a very young age, I embraced Christianity. I wanted to know all there was to know about the religion my parents were practicing so I did tons of research every day. I looked through bound volumes of information, cross referenced scriptures in the Bible, and even went to the library to peruse information that could be verified from a non-religious standpoint.

However, since I was a child, I take a LOT of things at face value. In my mind, it was far easier to view things from a 'black and white' standpoint versus always trying to assign meaning to things and getting the interpretation wrong. It worked well until I ran into my first hypocrite. Unfortunately, it happened to be a fellow Christian and for the longest time I could never quite wrap my brain around the fact that this person was a Christian JUST LIKE me but acting SO un-Christlike. This person was a DEVOUT Christian too so it confused me even more. Even though I was young, I held firm to that experience because it made me so uncomfortable. I had always believed that if nothing else in the world seemed right to me, my family and my religion would be my stronghold.

When I brought my concerns to my father, he attempted to get me to adjust my thinking by saying that people would be human and make mistakes; that I shouldn't dwell on their actions when it came to religion but put all my faith and hope in God. It was kind of hard to do when the very people preaching to me every Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday about how to live my life according to God's principles were going against the very same things. I eventually let my disdain for hypocrites disrupt my love for my religion. Religion became this big ugly thing that MEN who craved power and control, hid behind. I just couldn't do it anymore. However, the spiritual side of me didn't die. I still believed in the principles I was taught, the truths I came to know based on the knowledge I had previously researched and I swore that I would NEVER NOT acknowledge that there is a more powerful entity than any man on this earth.

So....when I hear people like Pat Robertson or the woman who told me that "nothing good will come of you...or your situation" and I KNOW they are Christians, I am thrown back to that very first experience with a hypocritical Christian.

I can't fathom how people like this justify in their minds that it is okay for them to speak so negatively to another human being like they are God's appointed judge and juror of someone. While there are other religions that have hypocritical individuals amongst them, because this is an acquired human trait, Christians have always been looked at as THE most judgmental religion. I think it is because they take their bashing of other humans to an extreme that is evident would NEVER be associated with Christ's docile demeanor.

Take my example for instance. The woman who basically cursed me, considers herself to be God-fearing and believes she has an unbreakable bond with the Lord. Within hours of "cursing" me she was praying to the Lord telling him to forgive her of her sins because he knows she is not perfect. I've NEVER been able to stomach when people do this. No matter what denomination of Christianity you choose to practice, across the board, it is understood that when you are truly repentant of your un-Christlike behavior, you are to ask for forgiveness from whomever you've wronged and THEN go in prayer (or confession) and ask for forgiveness of your sin. In her mind, just asking the Lord was okay and I should be fine with that too because SUPPOSEDLY, the Lord had forgiven her for being "ugly". However, when you ask for forgiveness, it is with the thought in mind that you are going to STOP what you are allegedly sorry for. Within 5 minutes of her praying for forgiveness, she was still expressing THE SAME un-Christlike qualities. I can't take people like this seriously; especially when they hide behind their religion as their stronghold in life.

Honestly, if your relationship with God allows you to feel okay acting like this and God actually approves of your wonky behavior, I don't think I want to EVER practice Christianity another day in my life.

I mentioned Pat Robertson earlier...for all those who didn't hear by now, he had some truly heinous things to say about the Haitians. As if they haven't suffered enough at the hands of a natural disaster, this clown basically states that they deserve their current misfortune and it is "payback" from something their ancestors did. Again, who made him judge and juror of another human being? NO ONE. He took it upon himself to cast judgement on some people he has never met in his life. How is this hypocritical? He's a televangelist and KNOWS better than to cast judgement on ANYONE. He reads the Bible just like anyone who watches him regularly and I can bet money that he has had some "sermons" about how to treat your fellow "brother/sister"....and here he goes speaking matter-of-factly on a matter that is highly irrelevant to the tragedy occurring. In his mind it's relevant so he wants others to place some kind of importance on what he's saying. This isn't very Christlike behavior either. Jesus had compassion for anyone he came into contact with and he preached about showing love to one another...not judgement, hate, or hypocrisy.

While I've only listed two instances of hypocrisy, my reason for keeping religion at arms length is more in depth than this. I'll never speak ill of the religion I was raised to believe in but I do believe that because all religions are run by humans, there is always going to be something fundamentally wrong with them. I would never speak ill of anyones religion but the things some people do in the name of their religion are truly horrific. This is why I choose to embrace my spiritual side. At the end of the day, if Armageddon comes and God judges me as unfit to live because I didn't put faith in a religion, I will take my punishment unflinchingly.

Until then I'll keep my distance because I can't stomach hypocrisy...

Friday, January 15, 2010

Get Better Manners!!!

One of my many pet peeves is people who have bad manners. It is one thing to be going through something and have a lapse in your manners; totally different thing to just be rude all the damn time.

After sifting through Babybottoms pictures to submit to modeling agencies, I finally got around to my list of places to call. Growing up, I never wanted to model because I didn't want to be in that environment. It wasn't conducive to my personality at all so it wasn't something I ever wanted to do. I'm only considering it for Babybottoms because unlike me, she LOVES the camera. However, after the rude customer service I received from the top modeling agencies, I damn near closed that short chapter in Babybottoms book of adventures.

Yes, I am putting the agencies on blast because they should do better about who answers the phones.

Wilhelmina Models (Miami office)

*after someone answers the phone and mumbles something that is probably "Wilhelmina" into the phone*

Me: I had a question. I needed to submit_____________

Before I could even get out that I wanted to submit pictures FOR MY DAUGHTER, I was transferred to a general information line...that did absolutely nothing for me because my question was in regards to submitting photos of children NOT adults. After the general information line is finished with its taped recording, it automatically disconnects the call. Now, someone with good customer service AND manners would have waited UNTIL I WAS DONE SPEAKING THEN transferred me or answered my question.

I called the New York office and before that front desk person had a chance to rudely transfer me I said, "Please let me finish what I have to say before you start transferring me because your Miami office did that and I was transferred to a general information line." She let me finish my request and gave me the information I needed.

FORD Models (New York office)

*someone answers the phone and says something that might be "FORD" but it was mumbled"

Me: Is this Ford Models?

Rude Azz: *sarcastically* Ummm, yes

Me: I needed to know which office accepts children models and does the child have to live in NY.

Rude Azz: Where do you live?

Me: Atlanta

Rude Azz: If you're not an adult you have to live within a mile of the agency where you want to work. *click*

No "goodbye", "thank you for calling", "did you need anything else"...nothing but the dial tone.

All I could do was stare at my phone and really contemplate whether or not I wanted to call anymore numbers. I figured I should at least give the Atlanta agencies a shot...

When I called the first one, she let me finish talking before answering and gave me additional information that was useful. Second place I called...same thing. Third place I could have swore I even heard a smile in her voice. It was obvious that even if these women hated their job, you would never know because they had impeccable customer service. I damn near want to call Ford and Wilhelmina or write in to let them know that the women they have working their main line suck and need to be replaced.

While I understand that Ford and Wilhelmina have world renowned reputations that might make their employees think it's okay to do what they want, it's still a business. I'm sure that whoever started these agencies wouldn't want their Front Desk phone being answered like that. I know that I'm not "important" but that could have been ANYBODY calling. Anytime someone is answering a business phone, it should be answered as though that person is a potential customer/client.

Bottom line...have some manners and better customer service at your place of employment...trollops.

formspring.me

I've succumb to formspring so do your worse http://formspring.me/LVsMommy

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Airing "Our" Dirty Laundry

I am well aware of the "rule" that you are supposed to keep "family business" within the "family" but I've been known to break rules when necessary. Now is DEFINITELY one of those times. Therefore, all of my non-Black/African American readers, if you would like to comment on this particular blog, be careful. Not so much of how I will react but of how others will. I don't want to have to mediate any online f*ckery.

Now, the issue at hand is Blacks/African Americans and the issue of why "we" will support "other" businesses but no so much "our own".

While I cannot speak for everyone who is Black/African American, I can speak for myself and those who have expressed this disdain for doing business with "their own kind". I wholeheartedly believe in supporting "my people" but..."my people" make it SO damn hard sometimes!!! This might sound ridiculous to some of you, but I will look for a Black/African American dentist, pediatrician, OB/GYN, etc. before I go to anyone else. I believe in supporting your own people as much as you would patronize anyone else. There are other cultures/people who build strong cultural ties throughout their communities; Jews, Asians, Latinos, and Africans (not to be confused with African Americans; trust me, Americans operate differently than from where they might have originally "grown" from), etc. Especially within their direct family, they support each other; kind of a spread the wealth amongst one another type thing.

Anyway, my point is, I do make an effort to infuse money back into "my community" when I can. However, if you would like YOUR PEOPLE to support YOUR EFFORTS before supporting "the white man", here are some things YOU might want to work on.

It is NOT cool to mistreat me because I'm your "sista" or "brutha". If I schedule an appointment with you for noon, don't think you can show up 20 minutes late because I'm the same race as you and it's "cool to operate on CP time". Would you do that to a White customer? You sure the hell wouldn't because you know they wouldn't step foot in your establishment again and/or they'd tell other people not to go. So you'll bend over backwards for one race of people and not another? HORRIBLE CUSTOMER SERVICE.

If you've done business with someone before and exuded complimentary customer service, they'll do business with you again AND refer people to you, in essence HELPING YOU TO MAKE MONEY. Money has ALWAYS been the main objective of any business that wants to grow so if you get a repeat customer, the quickest way to lose them would be to try and screw them over the very next time they come to do business with you. What that translates into for you is this:

NO MONEY.

I'll give you some examples.

Babybottoms dad and I are working on being self-employed more sooner than later. Things are shaping up rather nicely and we are about to enter the "fundraising" side of things. He felt it was pertinent to have business cards because some of the things we'll be involved in will require us brushing elbows with people who need to know who we are. We intended to use the same person who had designed them but we ran into a small problem...bad customer service.

It's ALWAYS a bad idea to over charge someone for services that can easily be attained somewhere else AND an EXTREMELY bad idea to over charge if you previously worked with them under the principle of "what you can afford". If this customer could only afford a particular amount the last time you did work for them, what kind of damn sense would it make to try and charge them three times as much now? Did you think they would forget what you charged them last time?

Unfortunately, this is what we had to experience. The upsetting part is/was that we were trying to "support our own people". Instead of putting money back into "our community", we had to find someone who would do what we were requesting. You know that quote, "you get what you pay for"? It is ABSOLUTELY true but if I know your work is GOOD whether I pay you $300 or $850 and I only have $350 and you tell me you'll take that, that's what I'm going to pay. ESPECIALLY when you guarantee your work is THAT good that I'll be satisfied. So we found a place that did the cards for SIGNIFICANTLY less AND...better quality. It's a damn shame...

The other examples have to do with dentists. I decided to patronize this Black/African American dentist; actually, I decided to do it twice, with two different dentists, and it was a fail each time. The first time, she was 2 hrs behind then she let her assistant do everything; didn't introduce herself once. The procedure was to remove my wisdom teeth. I stopped her in the middle of pulling out my first tooth because she wanted to argue about the pain I was feeling. She wanted to convince me that I was just feeling pressure. Ok. I wasn't aware that pressure felt like someone Ginsu knifing their way through my gums but yeah, ok. She calmly insulted me some more before I just got up and left.

Second time, different dentist but same manner of waiting when I arrived. They didn't acknowledge me until I had been there for 45 minutes. When I asked what the hold up was, I was told that everyone had taken a late lunch and they'd be back in 30 minutes. What in the world would possess you to take a late lunch when YOU KNOW you had a customer coming in? I'm finally seen and they are watching some talk show and talking over me while my mouth is held open with them jaw instruments. I'm sorry, it's bad etiquette to be hee hawing over a customers open mouth AND even worse to call other employee's in to watch the television program. Would you really be describing your club outfit to your fellow employee over a White customers open mouth? No you wouldn't. You'd put on your best "professional voice" and get their procedure done so they can go on about their way. I had to endure this during my entire cleaning.

Third bad dentist experience was endured by Babybottoms father. He had to get his crown fixed and the dentist basically let the assistant do everything. While it was just a temporary crown for the next 3 weeks, are you really gonna put it on crooked, not sand it down, and have it be bigger than his other front tooth? NEVER...and I do mean NEVER, will you be operating a business thinking it's okay to send people outside looking like a Sabretooth tiger. Then...as if that wasn't enough bad customer service for one day...Babybottoms father's crown came off while he was talking.

#wheretheydothatat

I just fail to believe that this dentist would treat Warren Buffet the same. I honestly believe that he just might provide the service for free because of who Warren Buffet is. However, this is how "my people" want to act about something as serious as me exchanging money for a service you actually learned how to do. Not only do I expect it to be done right, I want service with a smile. Is that REALLY asking too much???

So now that Babybottoms dad called and said he isn't coming back in and stopped payment on the crown, NOW, the dentist wants to be accommodating talking about "come in now and I'll fix everything". Really? Come in at almost 7 pm when we're about to eat dinner? How about, no AND...he's going to a different dentist and guess what they are? Yeah, not Black/African American.

It's frustrating but "my people" can we PLEASE do better about how we treat each other? If you want "your people" to support you and your efforts, treat YOUR PEOPLE like you would any other patron that is paying you for a service. Business is business; leave that jive turkey talk and act at home.

Again, I'm not in the business of putting out online fires so everyone be civil if you feel the need to comment on someone else's comment. I know it's a sensitive subject...dirty laundry always is.

Friday, January 08, 2010

Interracial Dating

I have yet to discover one reason for liking MediaTakeOut; they are that nosey neighbor/friend/onlooker who speculates what they believe a situation to be based on some photographs and then they gossip about it on their website. Sometimes their information turns out to be true, other times, you just want to stab them with a pencil so they'll have something else to do with their time other than gossip about famous people who probably hate them.

Babybottoms dad frequents two online grape vines; MediaTakeOut happens to be one so it pops up when you open a new tab in the browser. I decided to click on it today and then was IMMEDIATELY sorry I did. I saw one of the captions say:

"IS THIS APPROPRIATE???? NAACP Chooses Three Actors Who EXCLUSIVELY DATE INTERRACIALLY To Host The Upcoming Image Awards"

Really MediaTakeOut? Out of all the "news" you could report in reference to the upcoming NAACP awards THIS is what you choose to focus on? So it's appropriate that the NAACP will allegedly be handing out an award to The Real Housewives of Atlanta? If you were SO concerned about representing all this BLACKNESS, did you forget Kim Z. is Caucasian and she's on the show? The Real Housewives of Atlanta aren't even ALL housewives; only 2 of the 5 women are even married...ummm, don't you have to be married to even take on the role as a houseWIFE? Right....

BUT INSTEAD, here is MediaTakeOut making a big deal about who Tatiana Ali, Taye Diggs, and Wanda Sykes date/marry.

It irritates me when I see people get up in arms about other people dating someone outside of their race but in the same breath want to talk about discrimination, racism, and prejudice. I suppose in their small, trifling brain, they've convinced themselves that they aren't playing a part in this ongoing issue of race. However, NEWSFLASH: YOU ARE!!!

THAT'S what is inappropriate. The millions of people who frequent MediaTakeOut's website could be influenced in a positive way, instead, they choose to further perpetuate an ongoing problem...concerning themselves with things that are not significant issues.

I grappled with the idea of unfollowing a real life friend on Twitter because of his OBVIOUS disdain for interracial dating. He had no problem broadcasting this on Twitter for everyone in my timeline and his, to see (we both have "locked" pages). I was appalled because I've known this guy for almost 10 years and "dated" him as well. I never once saw his disgust for white people. It came flaring out once Tiger got caught up cheating on Elin though. His opinion was that she deserved to be cheated on because she wasn't Black.

Ummm, NEWSFLASH TO YOU IDIOT: Tiger isn't 100% Black.

So for individuals who are sired by people of different races, do they AUTOMATICALLY become ONE RACE, even though they might have SEVERAL different nationalities coursing through their veins? If one parent is Black, does that mean that you, the multi-ethnic child MUST only date Black people or it's a direct slap in the face of ALL your Black ancestors? Get the hell out of here with that idiot logic!!!! If you are Black and both of your parents are Black and all you've ever been attracted to are Black people, wouldn't it stand to reason that a multi-ethnic person just might be attracted to EVERYTHING they are mixed with? Who are you to take that "law of attraction" from them because you're a close minded peon who believes any ounce of Black blood makes you 100% Black and that is the ONLY nationality you can date?

My take on interracial dating? Date who you want, when you want, however you want.

I do not measure a person by the nationality of who they date. Love does not have a skin color attached to it so why do people INSIST on believing in this kind of foolishness? Every individual is entitled to feel as they do about THEMSELVES dating outside of their race but when you begin to force your own opinion of it on others, you're only making an ass of yourself. Granted, you can find people w/similar attitudes towards interracial dating and convince yourself that it is appropriate to hate on people who date outside of their race but that doesn't make it okay.

If anyone was wondering if I date outside of my race, the answer to that is, I haven't but that isn't because I wouldn't. I will consider dating anyone who is attractive to me, REGARDLESS of nationality. Do I have a preference? Of course, as most people do. However, I do not let my preferences dictate how others should date and I definitely don't let my preferences create a tiny box for me to sit in.

So, for all of you who are still acting like it's a sin against God to date outside of your race, get over it and stop contributing to the race issue that doesn't ever seem to go away!

Thursday, January 07, 2010

Are You Enslaving Your Own Thought Process?

I've heard and read people referring to "the slave mentality" as though that's an excuse to be a grown individual, making mistakes that could very well be avoided. At the end of the day, we all know what is socially and morally "okay" so my belief is that WE ADULTS can only blame our environment and ancestor behavior so much.

It is almost like (in some people's minds) if you can't date "right", get a man, think for yourself, hate white people, this is simplified by saying "well, we did experience over 300 years of enslavement". Ummm, yeah YOUR ASS didn't experience no damn slavery. While it might be true that SOME of your people MIGHT have experienced it, do you even know WHICH of your ancestors did? Have you ever done ANY research on your family to see WHO were the slaves? Have you talked to your family about how they got over that hurdle in life and did better for
themselves? Or are you just perpetuating an excuse a lot of African Americans/Blacks prefer to use to be intentionally ignorant?

I'm sure there are some people reading this thinking to themselves, "STFU and die please" but nothing cuts worse than the truth. Sorry.

I haven't delved past my maternal great grandmothers history because it isn't anything I'm interested in. I'm not interested in who possibly owned either of my parents grandparents; from what I already know, my "family" wasn't shat no way. My great grandmother was forced by her parents to marry some man old enough to be her grandfather and as a result of THAT union (when she was BARELY a teenager), my Granny was born. Granny then went on to have my uncle, aunts, and then my mom. My mom had my sister, me and then my brother. I had Babybottoms. The end.

Seriously, I can't see, for myself, what knowing about "our owners" is going to do for me when my own family allowed my great grandmother to be married to some man for breeding purposes. Some look at that "exchange" as a dowry; I look at it like my great great grandparents enslaving their own child. ANYONE who thinks that's ok, can I say you have a slave mentality? Because that's what it is....to sell someone so you can make a come up. They had no idea if their daughter was going to get to her "new home" and be treated well or like Celie (see: The Color Purple). I'm thankful for being born in 1979 and NOT 1897, I can tell you that much!

Don't get me wrong, I do believe that there are some people who are mentally enslaved but at what point do they NEED to become responsible for their own thought process? We are living in a day and age where if you have nothing else in life, you've always got the power of knowledge.

There are books that are easily accessible...the worldwide internet can be researched for unlimited amounts of time...and of course personal family history you can get from your existing family members. All I'm saying is, don't create a crutch where one is not needed. The statement "free your mind" couldn't be more applicable. Are you going to sit back and allow centuries of control dictate what you do with your life TODAY? Please don't settle for a slave mentality when you have a properly functioning brain...being a free thinker is probably the most liberating experience ANYONE can have. I suggest everyone, regardless of ancestry or skin color, try it on for size. If it doesn't suit you, you can always revert to the ignorant slave mentality that you might have grown accustomed to. Free thinking isn't for everyone, so I hear.

--
Sent from my mobile device

Facts are facts and will not disappear on account of your likes.
-- Jawaharlal Nehru


www.assertivewitwithatouchofsarcasm.blogspot.com

http://www.thegeminimagazine.com/index.html

Monday, January 04, 2010

I Miss My Myspace Blog

I was reading some random blog by a Canadian and it made me think of
my blog on Myspace that I created back in 2004. I started out with one
faithful reader...she was Canadian. I didn't know this woman from a
can of paint but she read each and every blog I published on Myspace.
Even when she took her Myspace "breaks", she made sure to let me know
she'd still be reading so I needed to keep writing. SHE was my target
audience, as far as I was concerned but she didn't expect me to cater
to her reading preferences; she was comfortable with any and every
thing I wrote.

I often wondered what made her a loyal reader and my own family
members rarely paid attention. I had several friends who wrote blogs
or felt compelled to start one and they'd constantly rally for
readers, never once becoming a regular reader of my blog. It was all
good though because I had my faithful Canadian reading my every word.

The more writing I did, the more my blog would get randomly circulated
and I acquired more readers who would patiently await my next post.
While I never wrote to get readers, the appreciation some people have
for your writing is priceless and the genuine people...they made me
want to share more every day. It was that genuineness I found on
Myspace that gave me a warm and cuddly feeling about THAT particular
blog.

However, as I attained more readers, my target audience began to shft
and so did my readers. I started being associated with the "black
bloggers" and that wasn't what I really wanted. I just wanted to write
and whoever liked it, hey, read at your own risk. It didn't quite work
like that. As a result of that, I became a little too involved in the
retarded blog world and my writing just wasn't therapeutic on Myspace
anymore.

Well, today I thought of that blog and the Canadian...I might just
have gotten the boost I needed to get back to the writing topics that
kept my blog seperate from the typical "black blogs".

So, thank you Canadian, wherever you are. I think you knocked over my
writers block for me :)

--
Sent from my mobile device

Facts are facts and will not disappear on account of your likes.
-- Jawaharlal Nehru


www.assertivewitwithatouchofsarcasm.blogspot.com

http://www.thegeminimagazine.com/index.html

Sunday, January 03, 2010

Testing, Testing, 1, 2

I tried setting up mobile blogging...if this posts, that means I was
successful!

I lose so many good blogs out of my head every night and I need a
quicker way to jot things down. My brain is in constant Overdrive
since my insomnia has returned.

So welcome to my future lack of sleep induced brain farts.

--
Sent from my mobile device

Facts are facts and will not disappear on account of your likes.
-- Jawaharlal Nehru


www.assertivewitwithatouchofsarcasm.blogspot.com

http://www.thegeminimagazine.com/index.html

 

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