Thursday, September 02, 2010

She's Not Cute. Why Is He With Her?

Many people are guilty of looking at a relationship and if one of the people are not what we deem as attractive, rhetorically asking, "Ugh! Why is he even with her?" I am sure some men do this too but for the most part, you hear women say it, as if being "pretty" is the only reason someone could possibly BE with someone else. I have said it before but I know better than to REALLY believe this is the only reason a man could possibly love and marry a woman. Sometimes the most successful relationships are with people who aren't beauty queens or stunning charmers. People who don't spend ALL of their free time on "looking good" have time to work on other endearing, everlasting qualities like AND...their personalities.

When I have said it, I can honestly say I was joking because I know better. However, I am beginning to think that some women are dead ass serious when making this statement. It makes me a little concerned. I see all of these blogs, tweets, articles, etc. written about women having problems finding men. Could it be because your focus is on the wrong thing? If you are over 25 and looking to get into a serious relationship, whether you are male or female, your main concern should be how someone is going to treat you. I think it should be a big concern if you are under 25 but most people in that age bracket aren't trying to settle down with one person so your relationship priorities tend to be different.

Seriously, if your biggest concern is "why is he with her? she's fat/ugly/can't dress/etc", you might not need to be in a relationship at all. Could it be that he actually loves her? Isn't that what's most important? I hear and see so many people CLAIM they want a man/woman but what they are projecting doesn't say that. It says "I want someone to show off to my family and friends". As you mature, you find out that having a "trophy" for a relationship isn't all it's cracked up to be. That's some high school shat.
If you're an outsider looking in, there is a plethora of things you'll never be privy to that makes those two people think the world of each other. I wish people would get that. This quick blog was prompted by the recent antics of Mr. Clifford Harris. Everyone has an opinion (myself included) about his recent f*ckery from last night. In the midst of all the monkey chatter, some people mentioned that he needed drugs to deal with his ugly ass wife. Really? 1) what does her level of attraction have to do with their overall stupidity and 2) stick to the topic; they've been together for damn near 10 years, if he was really tripping off how she looks, he would have been gave her the boot. Apparently, he isn't as shallow as you baby pool wading muthasuckas.

9 points of view:

savedbythebrew said...

I once worked with a guy who had a crush on a girl in our office. She was beautiful and very much engaged to another guy in our office...and he was...well, less attractive than my friend. I'll never forget the day he said to me "You know she's only with him because she'll never have to worry about him cheating on her." I was in SHOCK. He never considered the fact that the guy was super nice, hilarious and they were in love. I've never forgotten that.

You are right that a "trophy" relationship isn't all it's cracked up to be. I think that's a partial contributor to the number of divorces we see.

Kenya Mack said...

The truth, the truth, the truth...shallow-minded idiots deserve the consequences of the bad choices they make. Of course we'll all want someone we're physically attracted to, but I've found that someone who is good to me is even sexier despite their flaws. Great point, Syn, as always!

NightFall914 said...

People will say anything to ultimately TRY to feel better about themselves. So knocking the other couple is a classic move 90% of the time done by single bitter folk.

I didn't even have to read it to KNOW this is T.I related cuz the remarks geared towards Tiny on the internets since she had her show were at time embarrassing and very telling of what people's personalities are really like.

Mista Jaycee said...

People pray they want someone who loves them for them right? But in reality, they mean...as long as they are beautiful, have the right complexion, the right job, the sex drive, physique and then they are alone or worse unfulfilled. Because of this they figure..everyone else must want the same thing and have the same result. Well, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I've had plenty of beauties who had no conservation, no ambition, and thought as long as they were pretty then Effin them was more than enough. It's not! It wasn't! Here's to getting with someone based on THEM not just their looks.

jeanette nicole* said...

One of my biggest peeves! My friend, who's desperate to be in a relationship, is forever saying "OMG she is so [unattractive, fat, etc.]. If she can get a man, why can't I?" To which my reply is always, "She apparently has what he wants and you don't. Perhaps you need to figure out what that is& find a man who wants what you have to offer?" Then she gets all huffy until the next time we repeat this cycle.

People are so caught up in looks, forgetting that attractiveness is subjective. One man's Halle Berry may be another man's Homely Hannah.

Carolinaware said...

Your work is done here....As usual. Good job.

always4evamoi said...

Sigh.
That's what I do every time I hear that going on.
Sigh.

So, let me get this straight, seeing that the world has been more and more focused on outer beauty, that has become the qualification for choosing a partner??? Schm.

When I hear complaints about not having someone but there's constant whining and critics and judgments towards other relationships, that is proof enough for me that that individual does NOT deserve to have someone. I see it as baby-ish and immature.

I saw what happened to T.I. and I truly do NOT see how that situation has to do with his wife, and especially on how pretty or not she is. I'm very confused how people are tying them together. :| I digress.

I don't get it. Why would someone be so focused on wanting to be loved for their inside beauty but search only for someone's outside beauty?? I have had 'good-looking' men in my life and they all treated me like shit, so was I supposed to stay with them just because they look good??? Double schm.

As usual, great post, Syn :)

AssertiveWit said...

savedbythebrew: I think what some people fail to take into consideration is that EVERYONE is not as shallow as they might be. As for trophy relationships being a partial contributor to divorces, I agree. Some people date others for reasons that don't necessarily create a sturdy foundation and then wonder why they end up in a shaky marriage.

NightFall914: I only used Clifford and Tameka as an example, at the end, because of the recent events. The blog itself wasn't about them in particular :)

Jaycee: Being physically attractive, TO ME, is what initially will get my attention. However, I have been known to stop interacting with someone because their personality sucked. Personality can make you 10 times MORE attractive or unattractive, in my opinion. I think some people are scared to admit that and would rather hold on to the belief that "attractive = good" when we ALL know that isn't a universal fact.

jeanette: I really wish people would date individuals that REALLY want THEM, as a person. I have a friend who was dating this chick because he liked how she looked. When I asked him about her personality, he couldn't say much. It was always, "well she's fun". Needless to say, it didn't last long and he ended up with a young lady who brought FAR more to the table than being stylish & pretty. I mean, you are entitled to like what you like but if you aren't really concerned with what's inside, the outside will become boring at some point and can you really complain? You did it to yourself LOL

Carolinaware: thank you!

always4evamoi: thanks! I think if people spent as much time on their inner qualities as they do their outer appearance, we'd have a lot more characters of substance walking around. Unfortunately that isn't the case. LOL

JenDay said...

Hahaha I always worry people are going to say that about me when I'm with my boyfriend. He is GORGEOUS (well, that's at least my opinion, and several of my friend apparently think so too cause they are always running their mouths about my "hot" boyfriend... MY MAN! BACK OFF!) and I am not by any means un-attractive...

but I know how women can be. I think there are probably a lot of girls out there who think they probably oughtta have him instead of me. We're perfect for each other, so they can BACK OFF!!! :)

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