Thursday, June 03, 2010

What The...

Someone asked this question on Twitter:

How would you feel, as a Black woman, if all your exes married White women?

As soon as I read it, I shook my head but I RTd it and responded:

Who someone else chooses to date doesn't affect me

I can only assume that the person who asked the question feels SOME kind of way when their response was:

You wouldn't feel any certain way at all?

I laughed again because asking someone questions like that is usually in an effort to get the person to change their initial answer. My answer didn't change but I did elaborate with this:

No; why should I? THEY choose to marry/date who they want; NO ONE has ANY control over THAT but them...

The conversation ended there; they didn't inquire anymore or engage me in any further conversation on the matter. I hate when people do this because it is almost like, well, she didn't agree with me so let me move on to someone who does. Not quite my idea of good communication. Sometimes I think people don't think they can communicate with others who do not see things from their point of view. But back to the question...

Why in the hell is it so important to other people who other folks are dating/marrying? Why is it ANY of our business? A relationship will ALWAYS be between the two people who choose to form some kind of attachment to one another. It is nobody elses business, yet, some folks find some way to make it their concern. Skin color does not play a part in love, for me. Right now, I am involved with an African American/Black man but if a Caucasian man could love me in a better capacity, I would NEVER stand in my own way simply because we do not share the same skin color. That is foolishness to me. So when other people date outside of their ethnicity, it is not a big deal to me. 

Everyone claims to want a post racial society but being concerned with things like this just move us farther away from that goal. A lot of women are always complaining about the need to be loved and in a relationship but always dating men that are not GOOD FOR THEM. If your knight in shining armor happens to be cut from a different cloth, be okay with that. If someone elses knight or queen is a different 'color' than them, it doesn't change the fact that they might VERY WELL be WHO is best for them. We have got to stop looking at different people as OBJECTS and view them as the human beings we would like to be perceived as. Otherwise...this shat is going to continue FOREVER.

If ALL of my exes married White women, I would NEVER assume that they hated me or themselves because I was Black. I would never assume that something is wrong with me because they chose something different. The only thing I would KNOW is that they married who they wanted to marry. The end. It isn't rocket science nor is it anything for ANY woman to validate her ethnicity on. Who an ex chooses to marry could NEVER make me any more or less Black than I am today, tomorrow, or yesterday so who in the fuck cares? If you do, you shouldn't.

6 points of view:

A.Smith said...


I'll tell you what -- have an ex start dating people of the same sex as them and THEN ask me that question.

First off, that's not the worst thing in the world, secondly it's not even a bad thing and thirdly even if it WAS bad it's not your business.

I mean, why do I take who my ex dates after me as a comment on me? If I was so awesome for him, then why isn't he with me (or I with him?) I mean... c'mon, now...

I just wish we'd get to a point where we let people live their lives without thinking we get to make commentary.

You don't know my struggle!

jeanette nicole* said...

As usual, I agree completely your take on the subject @ hand. Uhhhh...why should one feel any kinda way? They're exes for a reason, no?

People are so concerned with who everyone else is doing & need to be more worried about themselves. If you see the actions of your former significant other as a reflection of you, I think you miiight need to take some time & learn who you truly are instead of trying to define yourself in the eyes of others.

AssertiveWit said...

to you both: I just read part of a blog that asked if you would be mad if your best friend married someone online...again, what business is it of anyone elses? Sure, if they ask my opinion on that, I would share it but ultimately, that's their life and relationship. No one should come across as an authority on someone elses relationship.

That question reminded me of the Martin episode where Gina was being a bit of a hater because Pam was marrying that old dude, Simon. While I understand her point that Pam didn't know Simon all that well, it is still Pam's decision to make. So if you feel negatively about your friends relationship, remove yourself from it altogether; getting involved in it (i.e.being in the wedding but having an attitude) only makes you look like a twofaced asshole.

Point is, folks need to worry about their own relationships and stop concerning themselves with things that are irrelevant to their life.

NightFall914 said...

I think its honest to say you would or wouldn't be mad. I mean we're human and we have feelings/views/opinions.

But I agree with you in regards to it not being a factor in my life and how I continue to live it. Its a momentary opinion and then I wish people well in whatever they are doing.

Laura E. Sanchez said...

I think exes are exes for a reason, when i broke up with my ex fiance I really disconnect with everything that he do in his life, I have had exes that have leave me and later on they have been dating black girls, even my actual boyfriend before me he was with a black girl. So whatever our couples have done before us doesn't concern us, and even less when they are not part of our life. I think many people from both sides, blacks and whites, have some kinds of superiority or inferiority complex, some of them thinks are better or worst than the other one just because of their ethnicity. I think science have advanced too much this days proving that no race is superior than other.

Thoughts of a Career Woman

♥ CG ♥ said...

Girl, I hear ya, it's a trip. I wrote about something similar in regard to getting all bent out of shape about strangers who choose to date outside of their race. It amazes me how folks make judgment calls about situations like this.

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