Monday, June 28, 2010

Cut It Out Already! Sheesh!

My significant other was listening to Renegade the other day and he said the chorus was my theme song about life. I laughed because this is actually one of my favorite Eminem songs. If you aren't familiar with the chorus, it says:

RENEGADE! Never been afraid to say what's on my mind at any given time of day cause I'm a RENEGADE! Never been afraid to talk about anything (ANYTHING), anything (ANYTHING), RENEGADE! Never been afraid to say what's on my mind at any given time of day cause I'm a RENEGADE! Never been afraid to holler about anything (ANYTHING), anything (ANYTHING)

So with that being said, I want to talk about Christians, Chris Brown, Alicia Keys, hypocrisy, and fake ass people.

First of all, around this time last year, there was a BET Awards show and Michael Jackson had JUST passed. There should not have been any question as to WHO was talented enough to perform a tribute to him. However, because the world is chock full of stupid sycophants who get their panties in a bunch when a celebrity SURPRISINGLY reveals they are human, BET chose not to approach Chris Brown for the job at hand. Instead they had some bootleg, shotgun bullshat of a tribute of which they made up for this year by asking him to perform the tribute he should have done last year. F*ckery at its finest.

As far as Alicia goes...yall don't know SH*T about that woman's life EXCEPT what you see in the media. AGAIN, if we were to take bits and pieces of regular normies lives and distribute them to the public, I am sure I can make a large percentage of people reading this blog look like the criminally insane. NO ONE but her, Swizz and Mashonda have ALL the details regarding that relationship. Even IF we did, what in the hell does that have to do with her writing music and playing instruments? Not a damn thing. So yall call her an adulterer and that she conceived her child in sin...well last I checked fornication was a sin too...don't stop yall from humping and scrumping on each other. God doesn't have a check list that says "adultery, bad...fornication, not as bad". IF YOU ARE A CHRISTIAN, IT SAYS CLEARLY IN THE BIBLE THAT BOTH ARE WRONG. So if A. Keys needs to kill herself, why don't you do everyone a favor and blow your brains out too.

The problem I have with the general public is all the judgment they pass on others. It is sickening to see my timeline always filled with "#whogonecheckmeboo" "#dontjudgeme" "I'm grown and I do what I want; I wish someone WOULD say something to or about me" "haters are always talking sh*t about me; hate on haters"...and more foolywang that fools like to spit and then see these SAME people judging folks they only know through the media. AGAIN, NONE OF US KNOW THESE PEOPLE! THEY WERE NEVER YOUR FRIEND, NO MATTER HOW MUCH OF A FAN YOU WERE BEFORE THEY SHOWED YOU THEY WERE JUST AS FALLIBLE AS YOU.

The Christian and hypocrisy side of things go hand in hand because a large portion of people who I follow and that end up in my timeline are Christians. This isn't based on assumption; I know the majority of these people and I can always count on Sunday to see their "praise Jesus" tweets. Apparently what I can count on is for them to act unChristlike too. I AM NOT CONDONING A MAN PUTTING HIS HANDS ON A WOMAN OR don't make THIS about THAT. What I am saying is, who are you to say that it is NOW ok to forgive Chris? Who are you to talk about someones unborn child because of how it was conceived? When did someone appoint you God? God forgives us EVERY DAY for ALL of OUR sins, not just the ones other people can see. Who were you to say last year that Chris didn't deserve his job anymore because he hit his girlfriend? Alicia can't write music and sing it because YOU think she's talking about f*cking around with a married man? Do you even know WHEN she wrote that damn song? No you don't so shut the f*ck up. If I looked at your life in FULL DETAIL, would you be able to walk away unjudged by God for your actions? I seriously doubt it because WE ALL SIN. 

I don't know what Bible these folks been reading but apparently they have found some list that says certain sins are to be forgiven while others are not. Last I checked, that aint nowhere in the Bible. God doesn't pick and choose WHAT sins are forgivable. Granted, if you continue to do the same thing over and over like an idiot, you aren't showing repentance but again, that isn't our place to judge someone on. As for the fake ass people, well, if you don't want anyone judging your hoeish ways, shady behavior, and/or felonious acts, STOP JUDGING OTHER PEOPLE. Instead of spending all this time talking about how genuine Chris Browns apologies are, whether or not his tears were real or a PR stunt, and if A. Keys needs to "burn in hell for stealing someones husband", yall need to go read your Bible.

No, seriously, start at Genesis 1:1 and don't get your ass up until you have read everything down to Revelation 22:21. In that book, you will find that God forgave men who committed HEINOUS crimes against their family, friends, and groups of people they didn't even personally know. King David was the  assclown of his era but God still saw something in him that allowed him to remain in his good favor. He didn't go without punishment but it was God who did the punishing...not some puny humans. Don't believe me? Go do your research...King David wanted another man's wife SO bad that he would sleep with her while her husband was at war. When the wench got pregnant, David put her husband on the frontline to make sure he didn't come home to a wife pregnant with some other mans baby. So not only did he commit adultery, he intentionally set someone up to get murdered. When you read that account and other parts of the Bible, you will see that God had plans for David STILL after he willfully committed wrong acts.

Sounds to me like some of you need to be taught a lesson in forgiveness so you stop judging people like you don't do f*cked up shat too. Imagine if no one EVER forgave you for some of the things you did...every time you came around, your discretion was thrown in your face. If it has happened to you, it doesn't make it right for you to do it to someone else. It doesn't prove that you even learned anything. Try mercy and forgiveness on for size instead of this disgusting judgment that you think fits so well.


P.S. - if you believe in another higher power, change "God" out and insert your highly revered being there...if you don't believe in any higher power, just be humane.

P.P.S. - I am DEFINITELY a big sinner but I never measure my wrongdoing next to anyone elses. I need to be forgiven just like everyone else...

Friday, June 25, 2010

Open Relationships

Open relationships usually get the side eye when they are mentioned and it is understandable if you could never see yourself in one. If you are seriously into monogamy, THIS is not going to ever work for you. If you are selfish and just want to have sex with anyone who arouses you but you want wholehearted devotion from one person too, it is not going to work. Open relationships ONLY work when the mutual understanding is there and that whatever you participate in, the one person you choose to be committed to, will have those same privileges.

Growing up in a very religious household, some might have never thought that I would be okay with this but unbeknownst to many, I have had issues with monogamy since I first knew what dating was. The fact that I have commitment issues also made it an easier concept to grasp. Even though my household was religious, it wasn't perfect so I saw some things and was able to comprehend a lot of activity that didn't seem so "Christlike". I figured, if everyone else could pick and choose how/when they'd abide by their Christian standards, why couldn't I? Needless to say, that attitude made me feel some kind of way about religion as a whole...but back to the topic at hand.

I had a lengthy conversation with someone the other day about my relationship. I don't discuss my relationship in detail online because you never know who is waiting to misconstrue your words. For all intents and purposes of this blog, I am choosing to use myself as an example though. I am currently in an open relationship and it is of my own volition. I was not coerced into it; he was actually persuaded by me. In my history of dating, I have found most men's idea of an open relationship is that they get to do whatever they please but the woman must ONLY give herself and her time to him. That isn't an open relationship; that's you getting a free pass to be a whore AND have a girlfriend. If I was delusional and dickamatized, then a one-sided open relationship might take place. However, I am not and I would never agree to a relationship like that.

The reason my open relationships didn't work in the past were due to jealousy...on behalf of the man I was with. They had no problem doing whatever they wanted and were happy as pigs in shat to have their "freedom", however, the problem came in when I would choose to exercise my "freedom" and hang out with other people. It became a big problem and from my previous experiences, I know it had to do with their male egos. Apparently, women should have no problem with a man liking variety but heaven forbid we want to experience someone else! In the minds of those men, one man should have been good enough for me but I should be understanding that one woman would never be enough for them. So we broke up. 

Open relationships have terms & agreements in them just like any other kind. In order for me to even be categorized as someones girlfriend/woman, my terms & agreements have to be met. The person I have chosen to be with at this moment understands that. He isn't always comfortable with it but if he wants to be with me, this is it. All relationships require compromise and sacrifice; it is no different for us. As long as everything remains fair, I have no problems. Talking to friends and family about this subject is off limits for me because I don't ever want to feel like I HAVE to explain my adult decisions to anyone. My relationship is not up for discussion unless I choose to discuss it with you. 

As far as his friends go, I have no idea what they think or what they have been told but I could really care less. He has Neanderthals, mainly, for friends (yes, he is a bit of one at times too) so they would never agree to anything like this with any woman they even half ass commit to. Yes, they would have a girlfriend but would constantly be cheating behind her back. If my relationship can't be open, I would much rather prefer not being in ANY committed relationship because I don't think anyone should be subjected to the deception behind cheating. Could I do monogamy? Sure. Will I get bored? Well...who doesn't? Having an open relationship doesn't mean that every week, I'm splitting my time up between him and someone else. It means that when I WANT TO, I have the "relationship freedom" to do so. Same goes for him.

TO ME, it doesn't matter how well I get along with someone, or how perfect things might seem to others, I get bored of the same old thing too. It shouldn't be viewed as an insult; it just is what it is. Will I purposely pursue someone else to fill the shoes of my significant other? No and if I see that someone I get involved with wants to take things to a level I cannot devote myself to, I exit the situation. I don't have a desire to be as close to anyone as I am to him, and to my knowledge, the feeling is mutual. Should either of us decide one day that this isn't going to work, we are both free to go do something with someone else that makes us happy. The only binding we have here is love.

I have found that a lot of people are curious about how open relationships work but the respect in the relationship is no different than in a monogamous relationship. If at anytime either person begins to disrespect the terms & agreements, that person has to go. It isn't very hard to grasp. It isn't for everyone but for those who like a certain element of freedom in their relationship, it works. I get questions all the time about it and I don't mind answering them, as long as they are respectful of my personal decision. I don't need anyone throwing the Bible at me about it, nor do I need anyone making assumptions that I'm being forced into this. I have always been very decisive with my actions and if I participate in something, it is ALWAYS of my own free will. 

I love AND like who I am with; there are things about him that I haven't experienced with anyone else. I can freely open up to him and share things with him that other men might not even want to hear. He is able to be himself around me as well. We are so close that we can finish each others sentences effortlessly. We are so much in unison that our thoughts actually sync so much that we find ourselves thinking about the same thing at the very same moment. It's weird and I've never experienced a closeness like this since I was in high school. It isn't something either of us is ready to let go of so we make the necessary adjustments in other areas of our relationship so that both of us continue to be happy where we are.

If you are considering it, you can't be jealous. You must be confident in your decision to embark on this kind of relationship. It isn't anything to jump into in an effort to save a relationship that is dying either. Being with someone, through monogamy or not, requires you to be concerned ONLY about that person, not anyone else who you think MIGHT distract them. There are so many different vantage points from which these kinds of relationships can be viewed. Whether it is right or wrong is not a concern of mine; all I know is that I am happy and when I wholeheartedly try monogamy, I am not.

So feel free to ask questions if you're curious and/or share your thoughts but passing judgment will not be looked upon kindly :)

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

I Actually Do Care

I'm subscribed to this certain blog and I can't even remember why I started reading it in the first place. The young lady is...a douche bag, to say the least. I mean, I have my moments where I might come across as uncouth but every blog she writes is just rude as hell. It is almost like if your opinion does not coincide with hers, you're a damn idiot. It's one thing to write from your perspective and for people to feel that, it's something entirely different to be on some "eff you" type shat even when you comment. When it comes to factual information, I stand by it, especially when I can readily provide you with proof. If you choose to ignore it at that point, hey, it's your library of smarts you're choosing to short. But opinions? Ehhhh...

If you ask me who are my favorite musical artists and I tell you, then you reply that my selections should NEVER qualify as top anything because they suck....yeah, that's YOUR opinion and THIS is what I classify as douche bag behavior. If you ask me if I think we live in a post racial society and I say no, then you tell me I'm wrong and I'm fixating on the past, this is you being a jackass. You see how my answer wasn't an opinion but really a fact? Granted, you are entitled to think otherwise about factual information (like people who insist the earth is flat) but you can't be offended when people call you a dumb ass.

So all of my rambling leads up to this because I actually do care...does my writing come across as douchebaggery? Sure, your responses will be filed as OPINIONS but it helps to know what my audience thinks. I do recognize my faults whether I state them to others or not so consider this more of a self-check type blog :)

Sunday, June 20, 2010

The All Seeing Google

Google Reader does its own thing separate from Blogger, even though they appear to be working together. I don't know if I'm the only person to notice it but you can get the most accurate reading, as far as how many people are subscribed to your blog, from Google Reader. According to them, I have 20 more followers than what Blogger has listed. Either there are 20 people who are secretly following me and don't want me to see who they are or Blogger is effing up.

I also noticed that when you delete a blog on Blogger, it is gone. Even the link that is automatically created will let you know, after clicking on it, that the post no longer exists. However, it will ALWAYS show up in Google Reader. In a way, I can't help feeling like Google wants to make sure EVERYTHING you put out into cyberspace STAYS in cyberspace. Very odd...

I set up Google Analytics so I could get accurate readings of who is reading my blog here and on Tumblr. It is more so to be able to gage how big of a following I have so I can use the numbers on my writing resume. Found some interesting stuff while reading my reports today. Google retains ANY information as it pertains to your blog, once you set everything up in Google Analytics. You can see what searches were ran for your blog to pop up...the countries people are from that read your many people are visiting your site per day...even how many of the hits are unique. I found myself sitting there for 20 minutes reading reports about my blog. 

I was impressed until I realized...someone is watching me and anyone who shares their online time going to my blogs. Then I got scared...if Google can watch people in such an unobtrusive manner that we think it's ok, what exactly is/has the government been doing? If Google can do ALL OF THIS, why has no one found Bin Laden? I'm sure he is staying off the technological radar but technology is pretty advanced so at what point does not being able to find someone become an excuse, on behalf of the United States government?

These are just some of the things that go through my mind while I am on the internet. After sitting and thinking about Google and everything they have their hands in, I totally understand why Steve Jobs hates their guts. As if it wasn't enough that Bill Gates exists, he has these smart MFers to contend with too.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Beautiful Minds Laid to Waste

I watched the Behind the Music episode that featured Earl "DMX" Simmons yesterday and it made me feel odd. I have also been moderately keeping up with Scott "KiD CuDi" Mescudi and his latest drug debacle. Drugs seem to go hand in hand with most entertainers today; it is almost like if they aren't doing drugs something is wrong. However, I listed these 2 rappers because both of them have the ability to effect change in my mood while/after listening to them.

I purposely don't listen to DMX today because he makes me SO angry. He is one of my favorite rappers, hands down, because he always gave 500% when he rapped. Whether it was on some hyped up flow or it was smooth and mellowed out...he made me feel. It reminded me of the first time I had listened to a Tupac "2Pac" Shakur song...I FELT what he was saying and it made me want to hear more. When DMX came out, I had just graduated from high school and was nowhere near the maturity level I have today. I felt I controlled my anger but I still allowed the slightest, most insignificant things to set me off and increase my blood pressure. It wasn't until I had some murderous thoughts (I'm being so serious) that I realized some music should not be ingested by me. Music never really had that kind of grasp on me but for some reason, Dark Man X ALWAYS took me to the point of no return.

So when I watched the Behind the Music and saw that one of my favorite rappers is in fact, a crackhead, imagine my shock and horror. Don't read this like I'm hella late to the news that he was on drugs. I'm talking about...did you really KNOW he was a crack addict since the age of 14? Even if you did, that doesn't make you stop and think about other stuff too? By the time he "got on" he was 27 years old...that means, he had been doing crack for 13 years. HE WAS A CRACK ADDICT WHEN HE GOT SIGNED TO DEF JAM, PEOPLE. The story goes on to pretty much reveal that when he wasn't in jail, he was more or less a functioning crack addict. When things got so bad that he starting wilding out, that's when he was the crack addict you and I walk past on the street. His life was unbelievably sad and yes, I know there are TONS of people who live his life EVERY's just...he's one of my favorite rappers and I had no idea that the passion coursing through his music was a result of his sociopathic behavior...induced by crack.

This got me to thinking about the music industry and how vile & disgusting they are. Yes, I KNOW his addiction is his "fault" and if he wants to be clean, he has to take the first step towards recovery. I know all of that but this isn't about pointing fingers and casting blame for how he got that way. My concern comes in here...because they felt he could make them shit loads of money, they ALLOWED him to be employed by Def Jam, KNOWING full and well, he was a crack addict. Let that be me or you smoking some weed and randomly getting drug tested...we're fired. However, not so much the case with Earl. I can't help feeling like they preferred him fucked up because THAT is when he made the best music. It is VERY sad to me and the least they could have done was say "Earl, we would love to work with you but you have to get clean first". I would LOVE to hear or read that they refused to work with him while he was on that shit but we know that isn't the case. They didn't do that for Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix, or The I really shouldn't be surprised that they wouldn't do it for today's musical talent.

So enter Scott "KiD CuDi" Mescudi...
He has recently been the topic of discussion regarding some showing out and cocaine use. I can honestly say that I will not be shocked if it ever comes out that he has been doing cocaine since he was a kid. I sincerely hope that isn't the case but after seeing DMX, nothing will shock me. However, I feel about Cudi's music how I did about DMX's and's infectious and I can't help feeling different with each track that Cudi flows on. 

I had to take him out of my cd changer in my truck because I could feel myself getting more depressed every day that I listened to him. My depression was from a shitload of stuff going on in my life right now that I don't really care to blog about here. However, listening to Cudi didn't help me feel any better. I could definitely relate to what he was saying but I was relating a little too much. I sincerely hope whatever he is going through to make such dark music does not send him spiraling out of control like DMX. From the outside looking in, it would be easy to say he's acting an ass because he's a celebrity but after watching Earl Simmons life story, I would never be so quick to judge. WE don't know why he can't get his emotional situation together. We can speculate but only he knows what's going on.

I love music...especially the kind that makes me FEEL...even more so, the kind that let's me know I'm not the only extreme nutcase on this planet. I hope people like Earl Simmons and Scott Mescudi recognize those who genuinely care about them and what they are doing to themselves. I guess that's all we can hope for at this point...

Monday, June 07, 2010

Unemployment Sucks Ass But I Have A Plan

I am one of many who are STILL unemployed and it sucks. Regardless of what anyone has to say about the recession not really existing or that people who claim it exists just aren't working hard enough, take my word for it, IT'S HAPPENING.

I'm listed with staffing agencies and I am actively searching online EVERY day AND night. I also throw in prayer here and there because talking to God is helpful...still nothing. I do my part but it seems like nothing is happening.

I was aware that my former employer was going to lay off half the company a couple of months before it happened so I began looking for work then. When they noticed that I was looking for a job, they inquired why, since my position was not at risk of being dissolved. I politely let them know that with so many people being laid off, I didn't want to take a chance and not be prepared should the climate at the company change. They assured me I had nothing to worry about...and guess who got laid off when they were 8 months pregnant? Me.

So it's more than disheartening that I've been looking for employment for a year and a half and haven't found anything sustainable for my household. I've been led on wild goose chases that turn out to be companies trying to get me to sell life insurance. My parents were working for life insurance companies when they got laid off; my mom happened to be at Ameriprise and my father at some local insurance company in Shreveport, La. My father had a great sales record at his job but the minute his numbers dropped, they gave him the boot. Never mind that he had busted his ass for them the entire time he was there; they were interested in results, regardless of the economy, so my father and others were let go.

Because this unemployment journey has been so taxing, I have been looking for signs as to what I am doing wrong. It hit me the other day that maybe I need to switch fields. I have kept up with my writing by doing little side projects here and there but I haven't put 100% into what I really want and that's to write full-time...for the rest of my life.

I feel like I might be ignoring the signs if I don't take advantage of the time now so I'm going to put more energy into looking for PAYING writing gigs. Of course I will still submit my resume to Accounting positions that are suitable to my skill set but my focus is getting this written word published for mucho dinero.

So wish me luck...or blessings, if you don't believe in luck :)

Saturday, June 05, 2010

Your Worth is $5,000? Oh...Ok

For those who cannot bear the sound of The Dream (I don't mind his falsetto), the lyrics of the song are talking about when his girl is mad at him, he just buys her a bag and then it's all good. He is advising other men to do the same; if you've been out acting a fool by coming home at 4 am most days out the week, no biggie, drop $5,000 on a bag and it's all love again. What do I have to say about this?

It's pure foolywang and ladies, you're basically telling your man that you can be bought for the price of a purse. A really expensive one, but a EFFING BAG, nonetheless. I surely hope women take more pride in themselves than this...although from what I see, they'd rather have a bad ass CoCo Chanel versus some self respect.

Thursday, June 03, 2010

What The...

Someone asked this question on Twitter:

How would you feel, as a Black woman, if all your exes married White women?

As soon as I read it, I shook my head but I RTd it and responded:

Who someone else chooses to date doesn't affect me

I can only assume that the person who asked the question feels SOME kind of way when their response was:

You wouldn't feel any certain way at all?

I laughed again because asking someone questions like that is usually in an effort to get the person to change their initial answer. My answer didn't change but I did elaborate with this:

No; why should I? THEY choose to marry/date who they want; NO ONE has ANY control over THAT but them...

The conversation ended there; they didn't inquire anymore or engage me in any further conversation on the matter. I hate when people do this because it is almost like, well, she didn't agree with me so let me move on to someone who does. Not quite my idea of good communication. Sometimes I think people don't think they can communicate with others who do not see things from their point of view. But back to the question...

Why in the hell is it so important to other people who other folks are dating/marrying? Why is it ANY of our business? A relationship will ALWAYS be between the two people who choose to form some kind of attachment to one another. It is nobody elses business, yet, some folks find some way to make it their concern. Skin color does not play a part in love, for me. Right now, I am involved with an African American/Black man but if a Caucasian man could love me in a better capacity, I would NEVER stand in my own way simply because we do not share the same skin color. That is foolishness to me. So when other people date outside of their ethnicity, it is not a big deal to me. 

Everyone claims to want a post racial society but being concerned with things like this just move us farther away from that goal. A lot of women are always complaining about the need to be loved and in a relationship but always dating men that are not GOOD FOR THEM. If your knight in shining armor happens to be cut from a different cloth, be okay with that. If someone elses knight or queen is a different 'color' than them, it doesn't change the fact that they might VERY WELL be WHO is best for them. We have got to stop looking at different people as OBJECTS and view them as the human beings we would like to be perceived as. Otherwise...this shat is going to continue FOREVER.

If ALL of my exes married White women, I would NEVER assume that they hated me or themselves because I was Black. I would never assume that something is wrong with me because they chose something different. The only thing I would KNOW is that they married who they wanted to marry. The end. It isn't rocket science nor is it anything for ANY woman to validate her ethnicity on. Who an ex chooses to marry could NEVER make me any more or less Black than I am today, tomorrow, or yesterday so who in the fuck cares? If you do, you shouldn't.

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