Friday, April 02, 2010

In Desperate Need of Some ME Time

Anyone who proclaims themselves to be a writer has a process. I don't care how small or large it is, they have to be in the mood and their environment must be conducive to what they want to get out on paper or the computer screen. So for another writer to say something as simple as "why don't you write at night", can rub you the wrong way if you know that isn't when all of your creativity flows.

I was told this earlier today and when I responded that I write better during the day I was met with a look of sarcasm, as if I was being unreasonable and should utilize my "wind down" time better. When I write, sometimes I get excited and this allows me to crank out even more material. Before I had the baby and when I lived on my own, I had a designated time every day that I would write. It was usually in the morning before my day started. This kept me on my toes and it also left room for me to do my reading later on in the day/evening.

Now? Not so much. When I have to stop writing to change a poop diaper, then getting screamed at because she wants to eat, and getting pulled on to play with her, disturbs my flow. After tending to her, I look up and realize I need to clean the kitchen, wash her clothes, tidy up the living room, buy groceries, and cook. What I was writing is no longer has taken over.

During the day, I'm with my Babybottoms. She sucks up my creative time slot. I'm not upset with her at all; I just wish some folks would respect my process and if they're going to be helpful, allow me to do what I do best when I'm used to doing it. Is it really asking too much to be able to have some time to keep my writing up? I think with EVERYTHING I do daily, that's asking for peanuts when I could rightfully demand filet mignon.

I used to start out by opening a bottle of wine, cleaning my desk off, and not getting up until I either had to pee or the bottle was empty. If I was on a roll, I could easily go through 2-3 bottles and not be in the least bit inebriated. I have written some of my best stuff under the inspiration of Merlot, Shiraz, and Cabernet. Now that Babybottoms has entered the picture, it's more so a glass of water, a cup of coffee, and interruptions every 15 to 20 minutes. It seems I can't manage to get a full coherent thought out without being interrupted. Oh how I miss the old days....

I've started a tumblr account because the few minutes of time I have to get my thoughts out, I can quickly stamp them over there and move on. If it's something I want to expound on, I usually use Blogger to ramble further. It's just that...I no longer have ANY time for ME. My significant other doesn't look at it like that and of course he wouldn't...most men don't. I don't think he fully understands that mommy's need "breaks" too. When he wants to do something or has to go somewhere, he doesn't have to make sure the baby has someone to watch her; he doesn't have to prepare a diaper bag and make sure her toys and food are included. He doesn't get her cleaned up, hair combed, and dressed...I do 99% of the time. He can just grab his keys, kiss us both, and be off to take care of whatever he needs to get done. He doesn't worry about getting home so that the baby can be fed and put to sleep. He's free to leave as late as he wants and stay out as late as he pleases. The mommy in me knows I should get back home at a reasonable hour so I can start my day with Babybottoms all over.

For one weekend, I want him to know what it is like to WANT to do things and can't manage to finish them because a little person NEEDS his attention. Dads aren't really required to pay all that much attention to kids and while it isn't all that fair, such is life. I can deal with it...can I just get one day a week where I have time for me? Sheesh.

I'm sure once I get back to working outside the home, things will be different. Until then, I'll just pray one day he wakes up and understands, my life is VERY systematic now. In order for me to be a good mommy, I need balance. All "work" and no "play" is going to make Syn a crazy person in a minute...

4 points of view:

always4evamoi said...

ohhhhhhhhhhhh do i hear you loud and clear on that.....LOUD AND CLEAR!!!! hope you find that time :)

Mz.Jonezy said...

wow, so true. sometimes you can't just write when you have time to do it because you may not be inspired...or you may have no words...or you might be just too doggone tired from a long day with babybottoms. I completely feel you.

writing is a thought process that can be just as time consuming and mentally draining as caring for a child all day...and just so that you know, the signif other will never know what you feel because he won't let himself feel it. He knows that you will always be there so there will always be someone there for the baby when he's not around. its a mommy's duty :)

Ms_Slim said...

LOL @ the people who try to tell YOU when YOU "should" be able to write or worse--when YOUR bursts of creativity and writing flow should be at its best, based upon when THEY are peaked, smh.

Silly rabbits. Don't people know that EVERYONE is different? This applies to us writers as well. Geez.

My "best" time to write is at night, but most times Im too tired. Or doing something else. And I can't write. Sometimes the best times are during the day. It all vaRIES. no one is the same...

Unknown said...

Ah, baby, I feel your pain! I dream about 'me time'. I daydream and yearn for 'me time'. If I don't put 'me time' it in my diary, it never happens. 'Me Time' must be planned meticulously and savoured. People think I'm nuts but all work and no play makes us very dull!

The most important thing of all: do not feel guilty! Our kids love to see us happy and hate to see us unhappy. And, the happier you are, the better parent you will be!


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