Monday, April 26, 2010

Modeling Underwear for Lane Bryant Needs Censoring Now? WTF?

All of the women in the picture above are what the modeling world would consider plus size. I think they are all beautiful and I would never call any of them fat. However, if you weigh more than 115 lbs and model, apparently it's viewed as something unfit for television viewing and a regular lingerie/underwear ad is being censored because of it. I don't get it...they show skinny chicks with supple racks ALL the time in Victoria Secret ads on television but a chick over a size 8 gets on television with her buxom bosom and it's treated as though it was pornographic? What...the...flock of geese?

ABC and FOX refused to air a Lane Bryant commercial starring Ashley Graham (see below). It was not a sexual commercial AT ALL. She was modeling underwear...not her ass, pelvic bones, or sex...just some panties and bras. After Lane Bryant made a fuss about them discriminating, they decided to air it, just not at certain times.

I sincerely hope all the bloggers/writers that were all for supporting Erykah Badu's recent antics of stripping down to her bare naked ass and Ciara air humping in her video (expressing her sexual empowerment, as some bloggers/writers have stated) will engage others in conversation about this. Or will that be asking too much because Ashley Graham isn't a well known "celebrity"? Ashley's JOB is to model apparel but these networks treated it like she was doing something that needed their approval. In reality, there are far more women who mirror Ashley Grahams body versus E. Badu and Ciara's so it would be within their interest to discuss this. Seriously, what kind of message is the media REALLY trying to send people? If you aren't a certain weight, it isn't okay to model? If you have "wobbly bits", you should ALWAYS remain covered?

To be completely honest, Ashley Graham's body looks FAR better than mine, considering Babybottoms wrecked havoc on my stomach. But that's not the point...what is going on with this blatant double standard?

How do you feel about the commercial? Do you think it should be treated any different than the Vicky Secret ads that get to air anytime of day, night, regardless of the programming? 

A lot of things are circulating through my head about this but I would like to hear other people's opinions on this...

Being A Mommy Is Tough...Sometimes

I'm genuinely happy to be a mother to my daughter. I will tell anyone that God blessed me with the PERFECT child...for me. I am SO grateful for that because I know some mommy's have the spawn from hell they can't relate to. Babybottoms is an EVEN split of me and her father. When she isn't behaving similar to me, you can bet your next paycheck she's acting like her daddy. It makes it VERY easy to deal with her. I can't honestly complain about her being intolerable when she's a reflection of two people I love dearly...myself and her dad.

However, I won't delude you into thinking everything is a ray of bliss over here. It is still taking me a minute to adjust to her. It's a weird thing and I don't feel it has any bearing on how I raise her at all. It's just odd that this little person looks like me and acts like me so different...all at the same time. Sometimes I sit in amazement that she exists. I didn't think I could love someone more than I love her dad but there you have it. It's a totally different kind of love though. 

I've always had problems sleeping since I was a kid but it's almost like I would sacrifice the rest of my sleep for my entire life to make sure she got one good night of rest. She isn't coping too well with the pollen here in Atlanta so her allergies are kicking her butt. She's been cranky...whiny...crying for 30 minutes at a time because she's hungry but can't breathe all that well from being stuffy...I felt so bad for her. I noticed something was a little "off" when her appetite dwindled down to eating almost nothing for 8 hours. She was noticeably tired and worn out but couldn't sleep because she was so congested. All she wanted to do was lean on my arm and hold her blanket. She even let her poody (pacifier) rest on her leg. Poody is usually popped in her mouth when she's tired.

I decided to do some reading while she was in this docile state. I picked Little Earthquakes out of my library and what do you know, it was a book about motherhood.

It has to be one of the best books I've read in a while. 

While Babybottoms is going through her first bout with not feeling well, I'm going through the mommy blues. Her dad works hard every day to keep me cheered up but sometimes I'm just...overwhelmed. I'd rather sit and stare at the paint on the wall then do all that damn laundry...clean the bathroom...cook dinner...take a shower. So pathetic, right? Reading Little Earthquakes is helping me's almost like these are the 4 women I need in my life, even though they're characters in a damn book. What they are going through, I'M EXPERIENCING TOO! Most of my friends are single and childless so they just don't...understand. No matter how well I try to articulate what I'm feeling, I can see it in their eyes, it's just something they can't relate to so it isn't really a concern. I usually end up getting that look of pity and I hate seeing that in their eyes.

It's tough turning into a different person over night because you have to...sometimes I just want to be around people who "get" that, right now. This is something that no matter how well I word it, you couldn't possibly understand until you give birth to a child.

I sat talking to my friend who has a son a few weeks older than Babybottoms and I just wanted to break down in tears when I was talking to her about wanting someone to understand...then I looked at her and she looked like her eyes were a little glassy too. This is all new to me...I've never been this vulnerable and helpless in my life and I don't know if I'm "doing it" right. It's just...tough sometimes.

That's all.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Stop Drinking the Koolaid. Please Wake Up.

This post on tumblr pretty much conveys my feelings on the whole single black successful woman propaganda infecting folks minds...

Monday, April 19, 2010

Am I My Brothers Keeper? No, And I'll Tell You Why...

If you are familiar with the story of Cain and Abel, you know that is where the brother's keeper phrase comes from. For those who aren't into bible stories...the story in a nutshell was Cain was always on that bullshat but Abel always did what was expected of him. Cain was a salty hater because everyone liked Abel more (God included). Due to Cain's ridiculous jealousy, he saw no room in the world for him and Abel so he mauled and killed his own brother....THEN tried to act like it was beneath his wretched ass to take the life of someone else. When confronted about his brothers whereabouts his response was "Am I my brothers keeper"? Just a grade A asshole...

Now, I get the point of looking out for your "brother"...but it wasn't like God asked Abel where Cain was. God knew all too well that Cain was a pain in the rectum. It was a test specifically for Cain and he failed.

So when I say I'm not my brothers keeper, please view me as Abel here. I'm just here doing what I got to do to keep a favorable position in life...however, my "brothers (sisters)" act like Cain, at times. How come when one African American/Black person behaves like a damn idiot, people subscribe to the belief that their actions speak for the entire culture of AA/Blacks? Cain's "retardation" was not a direct reflection of Abel and Abel's goodness did not speak for his sorry excuse of a brother.

Just because some half ass comedian, who happens to be AA/Black, is on Twitter starting trending topics about what constitutes a woman being raped, I do not have to take the frame of mind that HE ALONE set us back 100 years.

Just because some scuttlebutt trollop chose to create a blog where she tells everything about her raunchy ass sex life with celebrities, I don't have to embrace her foolishness as my own simply because we have the same heritage.

This is foolishness and I want no parts. In this instance, no, I am not my brother's keeper. I don't care if Rush Limbaugh wanted to do an entire segment on these two clowns. I WILL NOT stand up to defend them AT ALL. Their actions will continue to solicit negative attention, as well as, the "positive" attention they were seeking to garner in the first place. Want me to tell you how I REALLY feel?

I feel like ANYONE who PURPOSELY draws negative attention to themselves needs to be flogged until it sinks into their skull to act like they got some damn sense. SO...why is it that some of my fellow AA/Blacks will defend these morons if someone of another nationality comments on their fuckery? Why would you defend ANYONE who behaves like this? Their actions do not become okay because someone from a different ethnic background speaks out against them. Has it occurred to you that they are solely speaking about that persons actions and it has NOTHING to do with their skin color?

Yes, there are some ass clowns who will chime in BECAUSE it is AA/Black people acting like some damn idiots. I am not talking about them and their f*ckery; I'm speaking on people who aren't AA/Black and can SEE what is wrong with these folks behavior!

I will NEVER give the power to "undo" years of work by ALL the AA/Black people before me, to some morons who have no self-respect. You set yourself back when you do coon shat...not the entire "race". Please believe when Jeffrey Dahmer's crazy ass was going around murdering and chowing down on all those little AA/Black and Asian boys, the White community did NOT give him the power to speak for all of them. They hated his trifling tail, as any morally aware individual should. His actions ONLY spoke for himself.

AA/Black people, learn from that. When another AA/Black person is acting a clown, allow ANYONE who could possibly shame that clown into having sense, go for it. I'm all for shocking some sense into someone ESPECIALLY when I know "my people" like to take up for one another...even when we're being damn fools. There is a flip side to this though...

Don't be so intent on "your people" learning how to "act right" that you lump EVERYONE in that bunch. There are some people who do minor things and/or things that cannot be properly verified as being completely accurate and "my people" will band together to kill someones reputation. Don't forget that you are human too and make mistakes. The point is, leave these people alone to make the mistakes they are going to make in life. What they are doing is of no consequence to you UNLESS you are part of their shenanigans.

Learn from Abel's example...even though he got murked by that no-good, dusty, crusty Cain, he made sure HE was doing what was right. He wasn't so concerned with Cain's business that he forgot what he was supposed to be doing...minding his own business and making sure he stayed in a positive light with his family. He didn't allow Cain's actions to speak for him. Sometimes, we just need to mind our own business and let the fools hang themselves.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Everyone Communicates Few Connect by John C. Maxwell

I'm part of a book program called BookSneeze. It allows me to keep up with my reading and share my opinion of the material I come across. If you want to participate just click here, read the guidelines and proceed if it's still something you're interested in. As I read and review books, I'll be posting them on my blog so if you're a reader (in addition to blogs), you'll be able to get some additional suggestions. I read a little bit of everything so pick and choose as you please! :)

There is no mistaking that if you want to connect and/or have had problems connecting while communicating this book will cure that problem. Even though the author is an "internationally-respected leadership expert, speaker, and author", he conveys his message in a humble manner. John C. Maxwell effortlessly explains how to effectively communicate. I was able to clearly decipher which areas I could improve to continue being a good communicator. There are plenty of times I've walked away from a situation or conversation feeling as though my point was not relayed in full; after reading and applying this book where necessary, I was able to acknowledge where my communication was more about myself and failed to be about who I was speaking with. I've always said that I hate when people talk at me versus to me and this book made it clear to identify why that is so. I would recommend this book to anyone who is striving to do better in their business and personal relationships. It will allow you to communicate on levels that you felt were impossible before. After reading this, no one has an excuse for not communicating to the best of their ability.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received Everyone Communicates Few Connect by John C. Maxwell free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."

Would You Trust A Public Cry For Help on Twitter?

I only follow a few celebrities on Twitter and they aren't the typical choices for an African American/Black 30 year old woman. I find Ashton and Demi to be interesting people...I felt that way before I got on Twitter and when I read some of their tweets it was solidified that they're pretty solid people. You follow one, you're going to want to follow the other. The other "celebrity" is Roger Ebert.  He's quite snarky...having cancer and losing his jaw definitely didn't affect his inner character.

So when you follow celebrities, you'll see a lot of things from the normies that come across as people being attention whores. For those of you who follow the more "popular" celebs, you know what I'm talking about....

Anyway, Demi Moore works closely with GEMGirls, a nonprofit organization that sheds light on prostitution of minors and child slavery. In a way, I feel like if Demi wasn't associated with this group a LOT of people would have no idea that there are predators out there seeking to turn our children into money. So it's a good thing...however, it gets weird when people do stuff like appeal to her big heart by threatening to commit suicide in her timeline.

Am I the only one that sounds freakishly odd to?

This tweet prompted me to read through her timeline:

"Thank you twitterverse for your help supporting someone in pain last night."

I didn't save the other tweet from the person threatening suicide but they were saying something similar to  they wanted to commit suicide but they were sure no one would really care.

It bothers me that there are sick people out there who would use a social online network to share disturbing stuff like this. It comes across as an attention whore because these networks are not associated with any deep thought process or avenues to present in-depth knowledge. While there are plenty of people on the site that use it for a plethora of things, the majority of people are on here for some form of mindless entertainment. Tweets like "I'm going to kill myself", but written with a dreadful amount of seriousness to them are posted to get attention.

And that's exactly what this person did...they got the attention they wanted from someone who would otherwise be preoccupied with their own agenda on Twitter.

Not to say that anyone who ignored this sack of confused emotions has no heart but it was obvious (to me) that this person was TRYING to play on the emotions of others. I don't get it...

Suicide is never anything to joke about or play wolf with. If successful, you end up dead and instead of just your soul being tortured, family and friends that felt they were close to you will feel some kind of way about not seeing you mentally tortured in enough time to save you. If unsuccessful, you fill the minds of those surrounding you with the thoughts of when you'd try it again, if you'd want to be stopped, and would they be able to stop you in enough time. Basically, it isn't anything you'd want broadcasted on the internet.

I just don't get people sometimes...I guess this is me trying to attach logic to an otherwise illogical situation...

Thursday, April 08, 2010

Kiely, Disney Is NEVER Calling You Again

Babybottoms dad made a great point the other day...we were discussing trollop ass beezys who are exploiting their sexual antics for notoriety and fame. It segued into a conversation about watching viral crap and here was his point:

"Every time you click on something that is totally garbage, you are in fact contributing to that persons popularity. If they reach a million views and you're one of the people who HATED what you saw, you STILL helped them reach a million views."

There was no debating on the subject...he's right. Now, as much as I think/thought Kiely Williams video was a STD waiting to happen, I have no problem admitting I watched it. I wanted to see what the lil cheetah has been up to. Apparently nothing of notable mention. While I won't write about certain things I see on the internet that are just utter ridiculoscity *cough*KatStacks*cough*, I wanted to write about this because I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

How does one go from being a Cheetah girl to being a CheetahGirl (I'm not insinuating that she IS, I'm just saying, her behavior was reminiscent of such)?

I IMMEDIATELY became embarrassed for her entire family...the things she was saying? I'm 30 and I would NEVER record myself saying anything like that. Are there no bounds to the depravity these celebrities will venture off to? She did a complete 180 based on how she was marketed with 3LW and Cheetah Girls. If this was my relative I would light weight disown her until she created some type of retraction for allowing that video to be circulated. Her apology would have to be similar to this:

"I was kidnapped by pimps and forced to do that video after they shot me up full of heroin and threatened to kill my puppy and grandmother. Please don't judge me for loving my grandmother enough to demoralize myself. I have prayed to God for forgiveness and made my peace with the Lord. I will be attending therapy sessions until this is behind me."

If her apology doesn't sound similar to that, I'm banning her from my household. If Babybottoms EVER fixes her lips to say Cheetah anything, I'm making her watch Kiely's video and THEN I'm going to ask her if she wants to see the Cheetah Girls now. Cruel and unusual punishment? Maybe but highly effective in the end.

I can go on all night ripping this poor girl a new bunghole but I'll just end it with this...for everyone who thought Ke$ha was an abomination of youth, she's got nothing on Kiely. This is saying a lot from me; the first time I saw Ke$ha I felt like I could smell her hair, armpits, crotch, and feet through my computer screen.

As a token of my appreciation to Kiely for making me realize why I need to go purchase a chastity belt for Babybottoms, I will post her foolywang of a video for you to view. Maybe, and that's a stretch but maybe I'm being too hard on her. I'll let you decide....ALL comments are welcome...even if you disagree and you think this is some hot shit, in a good way.

Monday, April 05, 2010

Vote for Gemini Magazine

I write a column called True Thoughts for an online publication called Gemini Magazine. It was nominated for Best Ezine of the Year for Fuller Figure Fashion Week 2010!!! I've voted already but I wanted to spread the word so you can vote too!

Click below to vote:

Vote for Gemini Magazine!!!

Sunday, April 04, 2010

Your Actions Speak So Loudly, I Can't Hear Your Words

This post is about communication, not Erykah Badu but I'm going to use her to support my statements.

Everyone has their own reasons for liking/disliking/thinking objectively about Erykah's recent "antics". It is my firm belief that this was not done to impress upon millions the need for self liberation. Logically, it can be said that she realizes in order to touch people, shock value is sometimes needed when you want to increase your fan base and actually sell your product. Her product happens to be music. While I do not believe being in your late 30s is old, the entertainment world does view it that way. The closer you get to 40, you better have some marketing ploy that will keep you relevant. Being almost 40 and having the body of a 21 year old Atlanta born and bred Georgia peach keeps her relevant...not the message of a revolutionary.

Notice how her actions were not fixated upon when she first entered shallow Hollywood. She created a fan base purely off of HER MESSAGES. She is one of many esoteric artist that you immediately feel there is more than meets the eye but as the years floated pass, she realized, that isn't enough if she wants to continue to make money to support her eccentric lifestyle. Remember, you're eccentric as long as you have money; once your bank account doesn't reflect some level of superiority, you just become that crazy woman spouting personal nonsense. I don't make the rules; this is the world we live in and how it operates. Hate it, not me.

Which brings me full circle to communication.

If you want a message received by the people, you must appeal to what they want. The numbers state that we live in a sex crazed society so what better way to get everyone's attention than with nudity?

It has been said that "What we say accounts for only 7 percent of what is believed. The way we say it accounts for 38 percent. What others see accounts for 55 percent". If we are to herald Miss Badu as someone of great intelligence, don't you think she knows this? I do because her video catered and targeted the 55 percent that mattered...this is what's keeping her relevant...her actions, NOT the 7 percent of fans/critics who got the message first.

My personal feelings/opinion on her video don't matter. However, it is interesting how she got people to think groupthink was something negative but we all knowingly or unknowingly participated in it on some level. Whether we verbally expressed how innovative we felt she was or how uncreative, yet business savvy she was...we were all guilty of groupthinking on the issue. So can we say her message even mattered? To a degree, I'm sure it does. There just shouldn't be this debate on how "deep" she was trying to be when she solely relied on her actions to do the job...NOT her message.

Does this translate into good communication? On some levels, yes, others, not really. It is all really based on everyone's agenda and what they sought to get out of the video. We are used to hearing and seeing the revolutionary Erykah Badu so THAT is EXACTLY what her fans were looking for when they watched Window Seat. Some fans don't allow room for simple marketing ploys to confuse them from their idolizing of their favorites but really...that's all the video amounted my mind.

I'm a realistic fan and I learned early on that sometimes, when an artist is trying to achieve a certain level of fame, financial stability, and relevance, you MUST separate THEM from their music. If their music still inspires feelings in you that you had the first time you listened to them, they've communicated well enough to retain a fan. If you feel differently, as if you cannot relate anymore, they've lost some of their audience because 9 times out of 10, you aren't the only one lost on their seemingly new efforts.

Point is, when people are communicating, you can choose to ignore their actions to receive a message they MIGHT be sending or you can accept the reality that some actions DO speak louder than words.

Friday, April 02, 2010

In Desperate Need of Some ME Time

Anyone who proclaims themselves to be a writer has a process. I don't care how small or large it is, they have to be in the mood and their environment must be conducive to what they want to get out on paper or the computer screen. So for another writer to say something as simple as "why don't you write at night", can rub you the wrong way if you know that isn't when all of your creativity flows.

I was told this earlier today and when I responded that I write better during the day I was met with a look of sarcasm, as if I was being unreasonable and should utilize my "wind down" time better. When I write, sometimes I get excited and this allows me to crank out even more material. Before I had the baby and when I lived on my own, I had a designated time every day that I would write. It was usually in the morning before my day started. This kept me on my toes and it also left room for me to do my reading later on in the day/evening.

Now? Not so much. When I have to stop writing to change a poop diaper, then getting screamed at because she wants to eat, and getting pulled on to play with her, disturbs my flow. After tending to her, I look up and realize I need to clean the kitchen, wash her clothes, tidy up the living room, buy groceries, and cook. What I was writing is no longer has taken over.

During the day, I'm with my Babybottoms. She sucks up my creative time slot. I'm not upset with her at all; I just wish some folks would respect my process and if they're going to be helpful, allow me to do what I do best when I'm used to doing it. Is it really asking too much to be able to have some time to keep my writing up? I think with EVERYTHING I do daily, that's asking for peanuts when I could rightfully demand filet mignon.

I used to start out by opening a bottle of wine, cleaning my desk off, and not getting up until I either had to pee or the bottle was empty. If I was on a roll, I could easily go through 2-3 bottles and not be in the least bit inebriated. I have written some of my best stuff under the inspiration of Merlot, Shiraz, and Cabernet. Now that Babybottoms has entered the picture, it's more so a glass of water, a cup of coffee, and interruptions every 15 to 20 minutes. It seems I can't manage to get a full coherent thought out without being interrupted. Oh how I miss the old days....

I've started a tumblr account because the few minutes of time I have to get my thoughts out, I can quickly stamp them over there and move on. If it's something I want to expound on, I usually use Blogger to ramble further. It's just that...I no longer have ANY time for ME. My significant other doesn't look at it like that and of course he wouldn't...most men don't. I don't think he fully understands that mommy's need "breaks" too. When he wants to do something or has to go somewhere, he doesn't have to make sure the baby has someone to watch her; he doesn't have to prepare a diaper bag and make sure her toys and food are included. He doesn't get her cleaned up, hair combed, and dressed...I do 99% of the time. He can just grab his keys, kiss us both, and be off to take care of whatever he needs to get done. He doesn't worry about getting home so that the baby can be fed and put to sleep. He's free to leave as late as he wants and stay out as late as he pleases. The mommy in me knows I should get back home at a reasonable hour so I can start my day with Babybottoms all over.

For one weekend, I want him to know what it is like to WANT to do things and can't manage to finish them because a little person NEEDS his attention. Dads aren't really required to pay all that much attention to kids and while it isn't all that fair, such is life. I can deal with it...can I just get one day a week where I have time for me? Sheesh.

I'm sure once I get back to working outside the home, things will be different. Until then, I'll just pray one day he wakes up and understands, my life is VERY systematic now. In order for me to be a good mommy, I need balance. All "work" and no "play" is going to make Syn a crazy person in a minute...

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