Monday, March 15, 2010

Babybottoms: Why Are You Awake????

Babybottoms has turned into the perfect little self-soother. If what she wants isn't nearby and she can't drag herself across the couch, bed, or floor to get it, she'll grab whatever is closest that can do a similar job. I like that about my kid. As long as she can entertain herself, being on my lap is the furthest thing from her mind. However, when she gets sleepy, she turns into the terror of all terrors. She is one of those kids who WANTS to fall asleep badly BUT under her own conditions. If the "mood" is not set for her to fall asleep, she will be showing her ass.

She has to have her blanket, pacifier, and one of her monkeys nearby to rub on until she falls asleep. When she was fresh out the womb, she liked to cuddle to fall asleep. Somewhere in that fantastic little brain of hers, she has told herself she's a big girl and doesn't need me to fall asleep anymore. So when I try to cradle her I get full blown screams and flailing of arms like she's caught the holy ghost. Most times I'm left sitting there staring at her like, "Really? This is how we're gonna act because we don't wanna hug mommy?" I then fight the urge to toss her off my lap as she flaps about trying to scratch my face to pieces in an effort to break free of my mommy grasp.

This evening was no different, except daddy was putting her to sleep. He doesn't give her a chance to go into a full blown simian rage on him though. He's very methodical about everything. Get her before she gets you, is his motto. So at the first pouts of irritation, he's scooped her up and put her in the swing with her blanket, pacifier, and Buck (her meerkat she chokes to death). She's smiling and carrying on...out like a light within 5 minutes. I know that she isn't going to stay sleep in that swing ALL night so after a couple hours I pick her up to put her in the bassinet. When she's sleepy AND it's her bed time, she has NO problem going back to sleep so as soon as I laid her down, she did a semi-fuss which I've translated into "I want my blanket dammit", grabbed her pacifier, plugged her mouth and was back to sleep.

I usually check her diaper at 10 or midnight so she isn't sleeping in a pool of urine all night. She usually turns sideways to get away from the light while I change it and as soon as I button that onesie back up, she's back out. Tonight? Not so much.

I get this face while I'm changing her diaper:

This is not a problem because it's usually her way (in my mind) of saying, "thanks mommy for changing my diaper". However, it is a problem tonight because it's 10:30 pm and she KEEPS making this face. She proceeds to stretch and yawn...like she's waking up for the night. Oh hell and no. I don't get much free time and I REFUSE for her to rain on my parade right now. I go to put the covers back on her after the diaper change and she throws them off. Fine. I decide to tuck them in. She kicks them out and laughs about it. I retuck her, tell her sternly, "GO TO SLEEP" and turn the light off.

When I begin to hear loud, screeching monkey noises, I see that she has taken it upon herself to wake up. As soon as I turn the light on, I get this face:

This face usually is captured when she's trying to make a point with her screeching and carrying on. While you the reader might think this is cute, I'm not amused because I've been dealing with this face for a good 4 months now. Every time I yell, "GO TO SLEEP", she yells some code of screeching back that I'll never know what it means but it always makes me feel like she's talking back. I really don't want to be interrupted this evening so I tell her the lights going out in 2 seconds. It gets quiet. I use this time to take a pee break only to come back to her kicking the wall through the side of her bassinet.

Her dad is laying on the bed like, "why me" and I'm just looking at her like, "dearest spawn, stop being a banshee and GO TO SLEEP". After about 30 minutes of kicking the wall in protest and throwing the covers off, I hear silence. Thank God.

I'm trying to stay as quiet as possible so that she doesn't get the idea that this is a game. I've already caught her peeking out the side of the bassinet when I was "sleep", trying to get my attention so I could come get her. The key here is no eye contact...she'll be back to sleep in no time and I can finish my late night rendezvous with myself.

5 points of view:

Bre said...

Awwww. No praying hands stance for my Logee tonight, huh? LOL

Assertive Wit said...

I forgot to add the praying hands to her sleep ritual LOL she did that too just decided to be a little devil later LOL

Amanda said...

BUT....SHE'S SO CUTE!! :)

I can only imagine what a pain the ass this is. i love that I get to hear these stories from my "mom friends" so I can be prepared when it's my turn. Your blog is like a "guess what? this might happen" for me.

By the way -- missed ya! long time no update!

Assertive Wit said...

that cuteness only allows her a pass until noon...then I'm tired of the "fake" smiles/laughs LOL

I've given up trying to hang out with my girls past midnight; she makes me regret every second I wasn't at home TRYING to sleep.

She's been a busybody with this teething so I haven't been able to write much at all but I think we're good for now since they've broken the skin and she can gnaw and shred things to pieces with her sharp teeth LOL

Chicken said...

Haha how cute! She sounds like she will be the girl who knows what she wants and if she doesn't get it there will be hell to pay!

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