Friday, December 17, 2010

about love...

I posted this on my tumblr earlier this week but I figured this would be a good blog to break my Blogger Sabbatical with. Enjoy and comment as much as you like :)


There are tons of individuals looking for love, day in and day out. I am truly amazed at how many search for love when the basis for it is in the same book they herald as the gospel.
So, I was a little shocked to see Reverend Run say, “What is love??? Love is like a rumor. Ppl talk about it„ but no1 truly knows 4 sure”. Being a reverend, who believes in the Bible, I would have thought he would have used this opportunity to tell people what love REALLY is about. He IS married to a woman he loves…right?
The Bible pulls no punches about WHAT love is though.
“Love is long-suffering and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, does not get puffed up, does not behave indecently, does not look for its own interests, does not become provoked. It does not keep account of the injury. It does not rejoice over unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails…” - 1 Cor. 13:4-8a (New World Translation)
Even if you do not use the Bible as a point of reference, many of us have been at that same point where we were frustrated with love…because we were experiencing all the things it was not. So, if you can decipher what love IS NOT, you should be able to understand what IT IS. However, what I have seen is a lot of people so focused on making sure the other person involved abides by the rules of love, that they do not practice it themselves.
At some point we have all wanted to be loved or to love someone we felt was special. If someone asked me what love was, I would be able to tell them because I love myself and that is where it always starts. Maybe that is the real issue…maybe some of us feel we do not really KNOW love because we have not mastered love of self before we try to love and be loved by someone else. I would never claim that loving anyone is easy as breathing but if you are looking for it, you cannot do it selfishly and it requires A LOT of patience.
So no, love is not like a rumor, where people talk about it but they do not know for sure. People KNOW…they just might not want to do everything it takes to actually experience what it really is. Maybe if some people were more honest with themselves about who they are, they could see that.
P. S. - Reverend Run has 1,660,087 people following him that he tweeted that quoted statement above, to. I sincerely hope that those who respect what he has to say also have the ability to think for themselves. Everything that people of influence tells us, is not always accurate.

Friday, September 24, 2010

My Self Imposed Sabbatical

I am taking a break from other people for the next 90 days.

What I mean by that is, I will be focusing on me and my needs before anyone elses (other than Babybottoms). I have been putting it off for a good year now and my efforts to do it previously were half assed. I don't want to engage in other people's issues/problems...I only want to be concerned about what pertains to me. That sounds mean and callous but it isn't. As a friend, I tend to take on too much in regards to my friends/family and their emotional needs...I refuse to do it anymore. Just as they concern themselves with THEIR problems, I need to follow suit and worry ONLY, about me. I no longer want to carry anyone elses burden, even if it is JUST listening to their drama. I don't want to hear it; it isn't benefiting me and no one is offering me any money to play therapist. So...I am not interacting with anyone on Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook...or Blogger.

This is day 1 of 90 and I am replying to some people in regards to "where are you going". I'm not "going" anywhere. I just need some time to MYSELF. I figure, if the man I live with can give me 90 days to sort through some necessary things, surely everyone else can, right? And if they/you can't, we probably needed to go our separate ways anyway. This was not brought on by anyone in particular so there is no blame to cast.

I will be updating other things, like Babybottoms blog and my fitness blog but that is about it. These are a couple things that my time will be focused on and in order for me to move forward with my goals,  I will write about them. I want to come back refreshed, renewed, and rejuvenated (all those words kind of mean the same but so what...it sounded good in my mind). I encourage anyone who needs a break and can take one, to do so. See you on Day 91 if you're still around! :)

Sunday, September 19, 2010

She'll Be One Soon!

Can you believe Babybottoms is going to be ONE YEAR OLD on 9/27? Twelve months sure did zoom by! She's maturing at a pretty quick pace and being doggedly independent (much like her ma). My baby is still a baby but fighting me every day to be a big girl. No one is more proud of her than me and her father. 

So, with that being said, I know there are some people who have grown close to her and want to share her first full year of life with her on her special day. However, we are not throwing her a birthday. This is in no way a reflection of what we feel you should do with your child. For one, we aren't really big "birthday" people and...Babybottoms is turning ONE...not 13, 16, 21, or 30. What happens on 9/27/10, she will forget all about when she wakes up on 9/28/10. With that being the case, we just wanted to spend that day with her...by ourselves.

Is that asking too much? I mean, not only is it affordable but it would mean more to us. When she came into this world, it was just me and daddy there. So until she expresses that she wants a party, which will probably be once she starts making friends, it'll more than likely just be us 3. Before anyone starts giving all the reasons as to WHY we should have a party, don't. I've heard all of those reasons since the moment I started telling people I was pregnant.

I just feel like...you're allowed to throw your kid a big, expensive, extravagant party and you don't want anyone telling you that you're wasting money so...let us do our thing over here. Each family operates differently; children can't miss something they've never had. I have no problem with children having parties and if my friends invited me to their kids event, I would more than likely come. I just don't like being made to feel like "because everyone does it" is why I should do it.  No, we're not mean ass parents who don't want Logan to have any fun. We just do things differently.

I mean, people are acting like I'm committing a sin before God because I haven't prepared a party, sent out invitations, and registered her for gifts. Everyone who claims to be important to our family should know her birthday and if they don't, they can ask. If they want to get her a gift for her birthday, they can. We aren't opposed to that either. We're just not having a party. What is so difficult to understand about that?

So for anyone who cares to know...my baby girl will be ONE, next Monday. Feel free to wish her another happy year of life :)

Thursday, September 16, 2010

About Taylor Swift

*sigh* my people, my people...when are we going to stop taking up for people simply because we like them? If right is right and wrong is wrong, why would you totally disregard the fact that Kanye jumping on the stage to speak his mind INAPPROPRIATELY is UNACCEPTABLE? I don't give a damn if it was some bum on the street giving a speech at the VMA's...people need to KNOW their place and stay in it.

I mean, seriously, are you going to tell me that if we were at a ceremony and you were awarded something that I PERSONALLY felt should have gone to someone else, it is okay for me to INTERRUPT your "shine time" to state MY OPINION? Because contrary to what any of the blind sycophants want to say, THAT WAS KANYE'S OPINION. But it is alright because it is Kanye? All of you who think that, are full of shat and if your child EVER makes valedictorian, I will make it my personal business to ruin their day when they graduate from high school and college. My opinion should matter too, right? WRONG

If we want to talk about what she DESERVED, who are YOU OR KANYE to say she didn't deserve it? Yes, I wrote about this last year when it happened but the level of ignorance that ran through my timeline when the VMA's aired this year disturbed me. It showed me that for certain celebrities AND to blend in with "the cool kids", people will cosign on f*cking foolishness. Seriously, who actually knows what Taylor Swift has accomplished? For those of you who think that Kanye "made her career", read below. F*cking clowns...
  • at 14 years of age, she became the youngest person EVER to be signed as a professional songwriter at Sony/ATV Publishing; she signed her first deal before she could drive
  • at 17, she became the youngest person to single-handedly write and sing a #1 country hit entirely on her own
  • since 11/2008 her album, FEARLESS, has spent more weeks at #1 on Billboard's ALL-GENRE Top 200 chart THAN ANY OTHER ALBUM THIS DECADE and helped sell more albums in 2008 and 2009 than any other artist, in any genre of music
  • she is the FIRST country artist IN THE HISTORY OF SOUNDSCAN to have NOT ONE, BUT TWO SINGLES reach #1 on the Pop Chart
  • her FEARLESS Tour sold out every show in minutes, INCLUDING EVERY SEAT IN MADISON SQUARE GARDEN...in 60 seconds
  • she is the FIRST country artist to receive a "Moon Man" award
  • the first artist to receive the Academy of Country Music's "Crystal Milestone Award" was Garth Brooks; she is the second
  • she is the youngest artist to EVER win the 2009 American Music Award for Artist of the Year, and the 2009 CMA Award for Entertainer of the Year
  • FEARLESS has reached Gold and Platinum status in 14 countries spanning 5 continents
  
Do you know how old she is as of today? Taylor Swift is 20 years old. Do the math. She didn't NEED Kanye to boost her career; she was well on her way. Music has been HER LIFE...just like the woman Kanye FELT should have gotten the award.

The BIG issue I have with all of these f*ck ass opinions in regards to her being immature and childish by writing a song that was assumed to be about Kanye is...NO ONE COMPLAINS ABOUT THESE DUMB ASS RAPPERS DOING THE SAME THING. If we're even going to call this a diss track, Hit Em Up and Ether are ALWAYS being heralded as two of THE BEST diss tracks EVER recorded. But she gets called immature...right. You all make SO much sense. Also, it was immature for her to retaliate against someone who obviously didn't care enough to give a f*ck in the first place? Yeah, a year later isn't my style but this gets filed under cause and effect folks. Go ahead and say it...it's because she sings country music that she isn't allowed to write diss tracks. Why are you paying attention to the genre of music she excels in now? You didn't give two flying f*cks about that when you were busy attributing her success to a man too arrogant to realize he needed to have some tact and keep his ass in his seat during an awards ceremony.

So no, Kanye didn't say what EVERYONE else was thinking. He said what YOU were thinking because YOU either didn't know ANYTHING about her accomplishments or...you're just biased as f*ck and give certain people passes to act an ass. 

I see people complain and rant about others being too lazy to use the internet for this and that...yet I heard nor saw anyone do ANY research on Taylor. You don't have to care about her or the genre of music she sells but at least be respectful and stop talking out the side of your damn neck. You wouldn't want anyone downplaying your life accomplishments and I can guarantee that EVERYONE reading this has not done ANYTHING even remotely as impressive as what she did at 14...myself included. 

Have some respect people...that's all I'm saying. RESPECT THE CRAFT...and other people's hard work.

Tuesday, September 07, 2010

You Ain't About That Beyonce Life. Sit Down.


I am probably one the most honest Beyonce fans alive and it is because I am not offended by the fact that she is manufactured. If you say that out loud in a room full of her psycho stans though, you are liable to catch a hate crime kind of beat down. Let us be serious for a second though…are you going to tell me that she was not created to appease the mass appeal for glamour?
Do not lie to yourself and think otherwise.
I have been a Beyonce Gisselle fan since she uttered her first “No, No, No”. I have 2 copies of EVERY Destiny’s Child cd, as well as, her solo projects. When her mother was doing her hair and styling her wardrobe, I was part of her loyal fan base. I HATED a lot of those outfits and her hair? Let us just say, I am thankful she took that full-time job from her mother and gave it to someone else. She did not always have that style women/girls covet today. What we see today was necessary in order to retain a fan base that actually spends money. 
If you are REALLY a fan you should know a little about someone you obsess over, right? So about her husband…considering her family and how she was raised do you really think that she would date someone with Shawn Carter’s REAL history, if she was a normie? I do not know too many women TODAY who would WILLINGLY date a man who tells the world that he used to sell cocaine and that is basically how he started his empire. Most women are too afraid of that lifestyle to deal with men like that…but THAT is her husband. Even though she does not speak much on her dating history, we know this is the man she has allowed the media to attach her to for the last 10 years. She also does not acknowledge any former boyfriends. So does anyone else really count? No.
Pooda Bear’s dad and I have technically been with each other for the last 4 years. We are CONSTANTLY being barraged by family about when we are going to get married. Who in the f*ck rushed Beyonce and Shawn? They have been involved with each other in some “close” capacity for a LONG ASS TIME. Her life might not really be what you want, dears. I do not know too many women who would do 4 years like me, let alone the 8 years Bey went through before Shawn DECIDED to put a ring on it.
However, so MANY girls/women listen to Put A Ring On It and because Beyonce said to MAKE him do it, men are being “bullied” into settling down. Be realistic. If that was your random, nobody ass friend telling you to make him settle down if he really wants you and her dude did not wife her up for 8 years, you would give her a side eye. Mentally, you would have told her all kinds of shut the f*ck ups AND disregarded her advice. But because it is Beyonce…you listen and apply.
I think a lot of girls/women get sucked into the glamour of WHO she is. Often, it is forgotten that some of the things she does are more so career moves…not necessarily what she would do if she was a “regular” woman working a simple 9-5 in Texas. This is where the problem enters for all the normies. You can definitely aspire to be Beyonce/Sasha but if you think for one second you can maintain any sense of normalcy to your life, you are wrong.
Guys get a bad rap for trying to emulate these rap stars but I look at it no different than women who sit around listening to Beyonce all day. While some of her lyrics MIGHT really be part of her life, a lot of it is created to entertain the public. Honestly, could you really deal with her life? Just like her husband is cut from a different cloth, so is she. Beyonce could probably get on Twitter right now and rant about something Shawn has done to piss her off. Does she? No because she is not about THAT life…which is probably more similar to your normal ass life. She has a brand/image to protect and doing typical women things would be a distraction to HER main goal…getting that guap.
Some people say her alter ego is some bullsh*t and that is who she REALLY is. I definitely think there is a part of her psyche that likes the freeness Sasha allows her but it is believable that she might really be shy. Hollywood will eat you up and spit you out if you have a docile demeanor. They constantly want you to prove you deserve to be where you are in the limelight. When she wakes up, before one foot comes out of that bed, she has to accept that her life is not normal. Being Sasha could be more of a coping mechanism than anyone realizes.
However, aren’t we normal people told that being someone in one setting and being a totally different person with other people is two-faced? You see why this behavior could only work with a celebrity? My whole point in writing this is to say do not get sucked up in these peoples lives. They are paid to entertain you and I. They can no longer live the life we have and we could not possibly live their life, unless we had money. When you become famous, your priorities change. You have to decide if you want the fame, money, and intrusiveness that comes with that territory…or if you want to go back to the simple life.
If you choose that life, there are LOTS of things you have to let go of. You see, no one is interested in me today because I am no one to them…and neither are you. If by chance, I woke up tomorrow with my face on the cover of Vogue, Elle, People, and US and $100 million in my bank account, EVERYTHING would have to change. I instantly become one of the most interesting people in the world.
Whatever you want in life, you must prepare for that BEFORE you get it. I think a lot of people disregard all that “training” Beyonce did before actually “getting on”. It was preparation for the life she lives today. Granted, I am sure there are some things that came as a total surprise to her but her ability to adjust while being in the public eye is impeccable. I admire her because she keeps her eye on the prize WHILE doing something she loves. She has distractions just like the rest of us because she is human but HOW she deals with them is a trait we could all learn from.
So, the next time you listen to one of her songs, see her on a red carpet, or wish you had her relationship, remember, there is always a trade off…her life is no more perfect than yours or mine. She just has money…and if money was not everything, why would you even want to be her? Something to think about...

Thursday, September 02, 2010

She's Not Cute. Why Is He With Her?

Many people are guilty of looking at a relationship and if one of the people are not what we deem as attractive, rhetorically asking, "Ugh! Why is he even with her?" I am sure some men do this too but for the most part, you hear women say it, as if being "pretty" is the only reason someone could possibly BE with someone else. I have said it before but I know better than to REALLY believe this is the only reason a man could possibly love and marry a woman. Sometimes the most successful relationships are with people who aren't beauty queens or stunning charmers. People who don't spend ALL of their free time on "looking good" have time to work on other endearing, everlasting qualities like AND...their personalities.

When I have said it, I can honestly say I was joking because I know better. However, I am beginning to think that some women are dead ass serious when making this statement. It makes me a little concerned. I see all of these blogs, tweets, articles, etc. written about women having problems finding men. Could it be because your focus is on the wrong thing? If you are over 25 and looking to get into a serious relationship, whether you are male or female, your main concern should be how someone is going to treat you. I think it should be a big concern if you are under 25 but most people in that age bracket aren't trying to settle down with one person so your relationship priorities tend to be different.

Seriously, if your biggest concern is "why is he with her? she's fat/ugly/can't dress/etc", you might not need to be in a relationship at all. Could it be that he actually loves her? Isn't that what's most important? I hear and see so many people CLAIM they want a man/woman but what they are projecting doesn't say that. It says "I want someone to show off to my family and friends". As you mature, you find out that having a "trophy" for a relationship isn't all it's cracked up to be. That's some high school shat.
If you're an outsider looking in, there is a plethora of things you'll never be privy to that makes those two people think the world of each other. I wish people would get that. This quick blog was prompted by the recent antics of Mr. Clifford Harris. Everyone has an opinion (myself included) about his recent f*ckery from last night. In the midst of all the monkey chatter, some people mentioned that he needed drugs to deal with his ugly ass wife. Really? 1) what does her level of attraction have to do with their overall stupidity and 2) stick to the topic; they've been together for damn near 10 years, if he was really tripping off how she looks, he would have been gave her the boot. Apparently, he isn't as shallow as you baby pool wading muthasuckas.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Just Pray?

The topics of "prayer", "being guided by God/Jesus", and "faith" have continuously resurfaced in my conversations with others. Some people have attempted to start conversations about this through email, others have lightly touched on it through face to face interaction. It is usually the older, more religious individuals that I have heard THE most ridiculous "advice" from in regards to living your life "appropriately". Granted, there are a few blinded people my age who have allowed other blind people to lead them but that is neither here nor there.

I understand that people need things to anchor them to their beliefs but to be illogical about life itself? That's foolishness to me. Within the last two weeks I have read/heard the following:
  • if you were living the life God wanted you to live, you would have a job by now
  • the recession isn't real; you should pray more, that will improve your financial situation
  • the Bible says (insert misquoted scripture here) and if you're doing contrary, that is where your problems lie
  • let go and let God, that's ALL you have to do; you haven't put your problems in God's hands and that's why things are this way for you
  • blah, blah, blah, maybe you just aren't trying hard enough
  
Honestly, how does anyone think this is going to help someone? The truth is, bad things happen to good people EVERYDAY, regardless of their religious affiliation OR how many times they pray a day. I don't know any religion that advocates praying more than Muslims and look at what is happening over in the Middle East...where they pray all day, every day. So explain that idiots. Wait, I'm sure some non-Muslim is going to say that they aren't serving the RIGHT God and that is why they are experiencing "difficulties".

Seriously, what would all of these people do without religion? What would be your life anchor? What would you tell people they need to do to achieve better life results? Would you be able to offer ANY advice worth listening to? Probably not because ALL of the advice they have to give is attached to a scripture or a religious belief. This is retarded to me because any adult human being should be able to be uplifting, regardless of their beliefs. 

You can't just pray EVERYTHING away. I don't want anyone interpreting anything I've written here as me not believing in God. Don't ever do that, please. I believe in a higher being just as much as the next person. I just believe that sometimes people allow their BELIEFS to make them say stupid shat to other people. If you have time to dissect someone elses life in an effort to tell them what they're doing wrong, have you done the same to yourself? Most of the time, the main people telling someone else they need to get their life right with God have the biggest rafters floating in their eye. If you read the Bible, you'll recognize that reference. I'm just tired of people separating sins and having a pile of their own that they set off to the side because they aren't "as bad" as what someone else is doing.

All of these people know judging others is wrong as two left shoes but they still do it...especially when something isn't going according to their plan in life. However, if you REALLY believed that God/Jesus has already designed a plan for each and every one of us, what are you getting upset for in the first place? If you TRULY believed in the same shat you're trying to force down other people's throats, anything good OR bad that happens to you was in God's plan. Right? Or does that not apply to you? Just other people? Oh ok.

This is how I look at life and I've looked at it like this since I was about 10 years old...we can play semantics all day but I believe we all have our destiny's. Whether we choose to embrace them is an entirely different thing. God gave us free will and what kind of entity would he be to get upset with us for ACTUALLY exercising it? Would you really serve someone who tells you that you have a choice and then smack you when you choose what you want? 

Free will is about choosing what YOU want to do with YOUR life. Say you want to lose a certain amount of weight within a year. Would you JUST pray to God every day to lose that weight? According to the above logic, that's ALL you have to do is pray it away! So sit on your ass and God is going to make it happen for you BECAUSE your wish is his command. Really? If you believe this you're clearly delusional. It takes work on your part; continuous, hard work IN THE GYM (or however else you intend to shed the weight). However, THIS is what some people want others to believe. I call bullshat. We all have to work hard for ANYTHING we want, in addition to whatever religious beliefs we also subscribe to.

Bottom line is, if I am REALLY living my life all that wrong and EVERYTHING in the Bible is the truth, God will deal with me as he sees fit...he'll also deal with you too.  

Ironically, Jay-Z's song Pray came on as I was about to hit "Publish Post".  

Thursday, August 26, 2010

What's Your Deal Breakers?

The thing I LOVE the most about Babybottoms dad is that I learn something new about him every day. You would think after 4 years of constantly being in each others face, this would get old but he manages to stay interesting to me. It is a feat not accomplished by many men and I am very grateful for it. I don't think that he stays interesting specifically for me...he just happens to be an intriguing guy. Kinda like the Dos Equis guy...

Moving on, because this isn't about him...we got on the topic of household finances the other day and he interrupted our discussion to tell me something that completely turns him off to some women. In the 4 years that I have known him, I only viewed it as a personal preference of his but he made it VERY clear that any interest he might have had will die when he hears certain words. Thankfully, it isn't anything I would EVER say or do, so I'm safe.

But it got me to thinking...what are some deal breakers as far as my relationships go? I know EVERYONE has them but it is interesting to actually hear other people's. So that's what this blog is about. What are your deal breakers? I'll go first :)

DEAL BREAKERS

  • having no ambition
I would never break up with someone because they lost their job. I would never NOT date anyone because they don't have A job. However, I will shoot you the deuces if you aren't going anywhere in life and there are no evident signs that you even want to do better. To me, that translates into laziness. Even the most lamest of lames have goals and if a guy has NONE that he is working towards, I can't fool with him. If you start out appearing to have ambition and you lose it along the way, I'm out. Sounds mean but some guys bounce if their chick gains 2 lbs. This is FAR more serious than a 2 lb weight gain.

  • being a horrible liar
If you've been reading my blog for a while, I am sure you are well aware of my stance on liars. I despise them, especially those who lie about stupid shat. As I have gotten older, my tolerance for liars has shifted. If you put some creative spin on a lie and can master manipulating and mindf*cking someone, I still think you might be a douchebag but it tells me you have a skill. In the business world, this is an appreciated attribute. Just don't try to use it on me. Horrible liars don't retrace their steps properly, end up causing FAR more damage than telling the truth would have and just irritate the hell out of me. Being lied to without finesse is insulting to me. If you're gonna lie, at least get me to believe it, jackass.

  • trying to change me
NEWSFLASH: I will NEVER change for you.
I am a firm believer in "take me as I am". If you don't like something about me, it's ok. I'm not in the least bit offended. Everything isn't for everybody. However, don't try to play me like you're all enthralled with all things Syn and then when you have me trapped in a "relationship", want to sit down and have a talk. Talk about what? The answer is NO. Yes, before you can even get anything out...if it has to do with something that was the same when you decided you wanted more than a friendship, that becomes YOUR problem. If I decide to  change, it will ALWAYS be on my terms. Is that unfair? No, because I accepted you and I have NEVER dated ANYONE who was perfect. He might have thought so in his mind but he probably is STILL sadly mistaken.

  • whining
Just something about a man who whines...does absolutely nothing for me but make me want to smack him in the face with a belt, Pooty Tang style. My mother's side of the family has whining BAD and most of the women have little girl voices so imagine how irritating that is. My dad NEVER gave us anything if we whined for it. Sometimes I think that was his way of feeling some sense of comfort about punishing someone for whining, since he couldn't punish my mom. I have grown to hate it as much as him. Seriously though, I feel it isn't masculine at all and I might try to rearrange your voicebox in your sleep if you think it's cool to whine. In order to stay out of jail, I'll just tell you "this isn't working". You don't have to be in the hospital and I don't have to be incarcerated. It works for both of us.

But enough about me...what are YOUR deal breakers? :) 

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

It Was All Good Just A Week Ago...

Some friendships do last 'forever' and I don't think anyone enters any friendship thinking to themselves, "oh, I'm only going to tolerate this mofo for a year and then I'm on to the next one". When friendships fizzle, both parties go through their moments of wondering what went wrong. Some people blame the other person 100% for the loss, others blame themselves. Then there are those who take the "reason, season" approach; they appreciate the time they did have and easily move on and away from said friend to go experience friendship with someone else.

From what I have observed, the friendships that hurt the most when you lose them are those that were actually built on what you believed to be a sturdy foundation because you'd been friends for SO long. There is this misconception that just because you are close enough to label one another "best friend" that you ALWAYS have to be in that persons life. You don't. Things fall apart sometimes and close friends can become enemies. 

I'm currently seeing this happen with one of my friends. They've been friends with someone for over 20 years but they cannot even mention this persons name without a tinge of disgust in their voice. I totally understand the reasoning behind it but if I had to say which one was wrong, I'd say both are. One of the individuals has decided to move on and not discuss any of their feelings about their friend, WITH their friend. The other party involved chooses to express themselves through status messages, tweets, and pretending their other friendships are so much more important. Both people are just hurting each other even more; which makes their friendship deteriorate further. 

For some, it becomes a blow to their pride to admit when they're wrong, jealous, hurt, or just don't like how they're being treated. Women tend to be able to do this easier but most men...they don't want to be looked at as acting like a chick so they'll let their friendship die. All in an effort to preserve an ego that probably caused their friendship to start crumbling in the first place.

I have been here before and I don't desire to go back. No matter how irritating it might be to someone, I will let them know when I have a problem. I don't feel like the demise of a friendship should come as a shock to anyone. Respect that person you heralded as a friend to let them know what's going on from your point of view. It does matter. If you were both in it to win it at some point, the least you can do is let that be known. After you let so much time pass, pretending not to care, it turns EXACTLY into you NOT caring. You become indifferent and that persons feelings are no longer even important to you...when "just a week ago" you would have defended them.

Long, meaningful relationships are worth attempting to save. The nature of your friendship might change but you don't have to "lose" a friend due to differences and misunderstandings; that's what communication is for. So, if you gave a damn about this person "just a week ago", let them know. Real friends are able to get pass bumps in the road. If you can't manage to do that, then maybe you weren't that good of friends to begin with... 

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Perception is Becoming EVERYTHING

Perception isn't everything but it is becoming that way.

I was the biggest advocate for never fully relying on what you perceive to be the case. However, society is beginning to rely more on the internet than actual interaction with each other. This changes things and it forces everyone to rely on what we project to others about ourselves. Anyone who tries to skate around this issue is asking for trouble. The written word has ALWAYS been JUST as powerful as the spoken word. There are SO many people who claim to believe in the positive manifesting itself if you speak it but their sometimey asses will TOTALLY disregard the negative they throw out into the universe. Life doesn't work like this folks.

One thing that has remained a constant is...the universe will continue to give you back whatever you put out there. It doesn't change because YOUR definition of it changes. I bring this up because of a conversation Babybottoms father and I were having. We were discussing Twitter. Up until this particular conversation, he always felt I was putting my cape on for Twitter and it was a useless forum of oversharing on EVERYONE'S behalf (even though he uses Facebook, go figure). I decided the best way for him to understand where the appeal in it laid for me was to put it in his "terms". Twitter is a big social experiment. I am interested in how the mind works and I get to SEE that on Twitter. Regardless of the bullshat excuses people give about 140-160 characters not defining them as a person...sorry, but it does.

People will unfollow you over those 140-160 characters because they become clear indicators of your personality. It doesn't take a rocket scientist or a psychologist to figure out that some people are faking, doing too much, flat out lying, sharing too much information, or just being themselves. I don't mind someone assessing my character based off of what I tweet because they are all things I would say "in real life". I don't get online and turn into a totally different person that I have to debate with someone about who I REALLY am. If I tweeted it, I stand by it. Now if you would like more detail than the 140-160 characters I gave you, I have no problem giving you that. If I want to be better understood, I should be open to anyone questioning what I have to say.

So one of the things Babybottom's father and I discussed was how others are perceived. I told him there are some people who do the COMPLETE opposite of what they tweet and it makes me lose respect for them as human beings. I can't support someone who quotes Bible scriptures and inspirational/motivational quotes ALL DAY LONG about how people should live their lives but they aren't applying even half of what they're tweeting. It IS fake and the best word to describe that is: HYPOCRITE.

I understand that we are all human and we err. However, I would never tell someone how a man is supposed to treat them and then be letting my man treat me crazy as hell...and then tweet about it. I will only result in people continuing to follow me so they can laugh at me and my retarded ass life. I don't desire to be a mockery of any kind with my life so what you see is 100% what you'll get out of me. Anything you decide to post online IMMEDIATELY becomes a representative of who you are and if you don't believe that, you need to exit the stage NOW. If you don't want people to think that THIS IS YOU, don't write it. You can't explain your way out of your own words simply because it's a social network you chose to overshare on. You said it so either stand by your words or shut up.

However, there are a lot of people who see this differently. We are all entitled to our opinions on this subject but come on...be serious. If you don't believe in what you're saying/tweeting/tumbling/blogging, how do you EVER expect ANYONE to take you seriously? I see people tweet ridiculous crap ALL day and then say they have no real friends and no one cares about them when they really need people the most. Look at what you're projecting though. If you're constantly telling people WHAT you are and they decide to believe you, you can't be mad at anyone but yourself. I just wish people would use the internet responsibly and stop acting like bratty ass children when their life is shown to them. 

If someone took your online life and played it on projection screen for all of your family and friends to see, could you honestly say you would be proud of the things you have put out there for EVERYONE to see? I  sincerely hope so because if you can't, maybe you need to evaluate what you display to the general public...who doesn't know or really care about you.

Perception shouldn't be EVERYTHING but the more we submerge ourselves into the online culture, we have no choice but to accept the majority of people believe it is. Surf and share responsibly, adults :)

Saturday, August 07, 2010

Kanye West: Power

I cannot wait until his new 'album' comes out. I love listening to his mind. As insufferable as he can be, I can't help feeling like he's honestly genuine with everything he says and does. I think he would STILL be this person even if he didn't have money because he has this insatiable desire to win at everything. At times, I feel he has a lot of maturing to do but at 30+, I figure, this is just who he is. I LOVE when people are their organic selves despite the opinions of others. This isn't to say I agree with EVERYTHING he does; he can be a bit of an egotistical brat but if removing that meant losing the genius, he can be his bratty ass self all day.

As for the "moving portrait", I don't have anything deep to tell anyone about it. I think from a creative aspect, no one else is doing this...in videos. You can see some directing like this in movies though (see: 300). He gets an A+ for implementing a directorial style that isn't widely used. While watching the video though, I get the feeling that this is how he dreams. He's just dramatic across the board. 

From the Outside Looking In



Sycophantic behavior disgusts me.

I see a lot of it when it comes to random people's views on celebrity relationships. In my last blog, I spoke on adultery being wrong no matter who commits it...even if it is one of your favorite artist. What I am talking about in this post is all the ass kissing of other people's relationships because they APPEAR to be perfect. It has become OBVIOUSLY clear that people are grossly concerned with how things LOOK, versus how they really are. Yes, we're told that image is EVERYTHING but if you have nothing real to go home to, is that REALLY your idea of EVERYTHING? You have nothing, actually.



There are so many women who claimed they wanted a relationship like Nas and Kelis. How cute they were whenever they were seen out together. How their looks complimented one another and blah, blah, blah. I bet none of you asskissers wish you had their relationship now. It wasn't like Nas or Kelis woke up one day and decided, oh, I hate him/her and now, I'm going to act a fool and make their life miserable. I have no doubt in my mind that they had some good times in their relationship but what a lot of people fail to take into consideration is, it is NEVER what it seems. Their relationship required work just like anyone elses. When they didn't want to work at it anymore, it failed.

Sure, you can get surface information in regards to someones relationship but only those two people intimately involved know in full depth, what goes on. 

What I have been seeing since I was a kid, with relationships, is people putting more emphasis on APPEARING perfect versus actually working on your relationship to be healthy. My mother and father used to do this idiotic shat all the time and I vowed to myself that if I EVER took any man serious enough to spend more time than usual with, I wouldn't make their mistake. You're allowed to be upset at your significant other if they do something that upsets you and vice versa. I'm not saying you have to walk outside with your mood all over your face but presenting an image as if NOTHING is ever wrong? It only makes people get in your business even more when something DOES go wrong. If your main focus is the "look of it all", your relationship was doomed the minute it began. Relationships are HARD work; you will have your glorious ups but you'll also have moments when you get irritated by one another and need your space. It's normal and that is life. Thinking it is going to be nothing but cute photo ops to post on Facebook and Twitter is a mistake.



I see women comment on how they would LOVE to have what Jay-Z and Beyonce have...how Will & Jada are doing the damn thing and so in love...I can keep listing relationships that women envy ALL day. It still doesn't mean that YOU'LL ever have EXACTLY what they have. I don't think these women consider ALL the hard work that goes into having THEIR relationship either. Just because Beyonce is smiling in 99% of the pictures with Sean, that doesn't mean she wasn't at home upset because he was doing something inappropriate or vice versa. WE don't know; all we see are their smiles, none of their cries. You don't see the "cries" until the shat hits the fan and it becomes a public spectacle. Then everyone's tone changes and it becomes a pointing finger game about who was wrong in a relationship that isn't even ANY of your business or mine.



Sure, Will & Jada have been married over 10 years and still appear to be VERY much in love but...who knows what they've been through during those 10+ years? So many people say they want THEIR relationship but those same people think open relationships are a load of horse dung. Well, that is one of the things they contribute to having a good marriage, amongst being best friends, and having a mutual respect that they do not desire from anyone else. My bad though, none of you "need to be seen" women can deal with that though, right? An open relationship allows THEM to be together; this isn't saying it's going to work for you but if you would smile at their relationship and say they are to be admired, you can't ignore WHAT makes it work FOR THEM. They aren't concerned about judgmental, conventional opinions of their marriage. ALL of the relationships that I've seen fail have been based on a traditional, conventional point of view. As far as I'M concerned, if they got it right doing something different, good for THEM.



Even Chris Brown and Rhianna...they were everyone's favorite couple, it was all love and "they're so cute together!" "I want a guy to look at me like Chris looks at her" and blah f*cking blah...until it got 'real'. Then EVERYONE forgot how in love they LOOKED and it turned into "he never loved her because if he did..." "young people always think they're in love when it's just lust" and more blah f*cking blah. REAL relationships are not like light switches; you aren't happily ON one day and within 24 hrs depressingly OFF with the ON switch nowhere in sight. Even when negative things happen, you STILL feel for that person...if you REALLY loved them in the first place.

From the general public, I see all of these demands for what one wants in a relationship but I never hear anyone saying how they would make their relationship work. Look at the basis of your relationship, the foundation, and if it was built on lust, having a good time, fantasies, delusions of grandeur, and daydreams, it will more than likely crumble. If your relationship was mainly built on hard work, friendship, love, honesty, and other redeemable qualities that come in handy when you're actually going through something with the person, you have a better chance of withstanding any tough times. Sadly, a LOT of relationships aren't "what can I do for you", they are more "what can YOU do for ME". Everyone needs balance because you should never be giving so much of yourself that you aren't getting anything or taking so much that you aren't giving anything of substantial value.

Balance is the key with anything you do in life. Once things get a little tilted in favor of one side, you'll more than likely see some problems and that is how you end up having altercations in your otherwise "perfect" relationship. How you come out of those altercations is what matters in the end. I think what people need to start doing is stop looking at other individuals lives and do what works best for them. To the more conventional, traditional mind, how I choose to live my life sometimes doesn't make sense. Even though I have given myself structure where needed, I don't box myself in with other peoples ideals of how life should be. Life changes EVERYDAY. What I was doing this time 2 years ago is VERY different than what I am doing today and it will be different tomorrow. I adjust my life where necessary and I just keep living it.

I think if people want to be in a relationship with someone that they think is perfect for them, they should make sure that they're doing everything to keep it that way. Selfishly holding on to a vision that requires the other person to work harder at dealing with you isn't going to give you a perfect anything. You'll end up separated and living your life without that person...much like the 'failed' celebrity relationships that were once idolized.

Tuesday, August 03, 2010

Lauryn Hill vs. Alicia Keys

Isn't Lauryn Hill wonderful? I'm referring to the one who had a better grasp on her sanity...not 2010 Lauryn Hill. We ALL loved The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill...when it came out, it was something that you didn't hear being done often, let alone by a woman MC. It was musical perfection to our ears. Even 12 years later, people STILL love to quote her lyrics and reminisce on all the memorable times her music contributed to. Then she came out with some other shat that even her fans were kind of like "Ehhhh" on. It almost seemed like she was losing her mind. She was having "man trouble", it was throwing her into what seemed like some deep depression and WE ALL SYMPATHIZED WITH HER.

It was so heartbreaking to see someone with such an amazing talent, appear to go to waste...especially over the men she chose to deal with. Never mind that Wyclef Jean AND Rohan Marley WERE married during her tryst with them. It was Lauryn "Can Do No Wrong" Hill...and because her life was far worse than others, she got sympathy for her woes.

Now....what about Miss Alicia Keys?
Oh, my bad, as of yesterday, Mrs. Alicia Dean. Is it because her ALLEGED home wrecking situation turned out to be her happily ever after, the public has a reserved right to disrespect her AND her unborn child? Is it BECAUSE she didn't lose her mind over Swizz and her relationship wasn't turbulent like Lauryn's, that it becomes okay to cast judgment? I don't see ANYONE talking about Lauryn having 5 children with a man who was married. SO WHAT IF HE LEFT HIS WIFE TO BE WITH LAURYN. WHEN SHE WAS PREGNANT WITH THEIR FIRST CHILD, HE WAS STILL MARRIED. True, it isn't in our face NOW as much as the media likes to throw Alicia and Swizz around but that doesn't mean it didn't happen.

However, Lauryn will ALWAYS be heralded as a musical great....as of lately, or until these bitter, judgmental, sorry, carcasses of human beings find someone else to publicly massacre on their blogs, twitter timelines, and tumblr, Alicia's musical TALENTS are disregarded. It doesn't matter that Alicia is STILL the SAME musical genius she was when she released Songs In A Minor. She has consistently given us an album every few years since 2001. WE should be interested in her MUSIC, NOT who she is screwing. Same goes for Lauryn Hill. My interest in her waned because she stopped putting out music I LIKED. I could give two shats about whose husband the trollop was sleeping with. WE know adultery is wrong; don't be a fool and think she didn't know.

I have nothing to gain by liking one musician that ALLEGEDLY commits adultery and disliking another. ADULTERY IS WRONG, NO MATTER WHO IS DOING IT OR WHY (even if that person was me). It just appears that the general public LOVES when entertainers are miserable...THAT is when they are recognized for their musical genius. Why? How would you feel if someone only acknowledged that you HAD talent when you were down in the dumps? I suppose that has always been the life of an "artist" though.

No one really comments on or "likes" things I write that come across as positive and uplifting but ANY time I have written about some bullshat you can Google and pull up millions of hits on, people will talk about my posting ALL day. This is a effed up society we live in....to anyone who is reading, please don't be that asshole of a person who picks and chooses who is exempt from f*ckery. That makes you an insufferable hypocrite and you might as well count down the days that someone is going to turn around and do the same thing to you. We all have something we can be judged on...just remember that folks.

P.S. - I think I am more disgusted with people attacking an unborn child than anything. You can't quote the Bible one minute, talking about "Children are beautiful gifts from God" and then pretty much send another child to hell because of the conditions they were born into. You f*cks act like that sperm decided it wanted to be sired through a suspect type situation. That isn't how children are conceived, assholes. Maybe, I am more sensitive about people talking shat about a baby because I have my own and I would stab someone in their left eye if they EVER talked shat about how my child was conceived. My daughter doesn't deserve to be lambasted for my sinning...neither does anyone elses child. CHILDREN ARE OFF LIMITS...until they can defend themselves...and if they aren't, well, let it be clown season on you and your children too.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Inception: Lucid Dreaming

*there are no spoilers*

I had this blog written and ready to post...then I erased it all and started over. It was a little too revealing about the things I dream about.

If you haven't seen it, go. It's entertaining, even if you don't have the slightest clue what a lucid dream is. For people who think Nolan created lucid dreaming up solely for the purpose of his movie, do your research. It's very real and I've been dreaming like that since I was 12 years old. I don't remember any of my other dreams I have and it is a big contributor to my insomnia. It's pretty cool to control your imagination when you're a kid because there are so many things about life you aren't aware of yet. Your subconscious tends to be a LOT more innocent and pure. As an adult? Not so much.

It comes as a relief to be able to dream about things that you could NEVER do without serious repercussions but at some point...you have to wake up.  Sometimes, the life I have dreaming is FAR better than my reality so it's almost like taking drugs. Do you continue to remove yourself from reality as much as possible or do you wake the hell up and just deal with life like normal people? My trade off for dealing with life like a normal person is not sleeping too much.

A 20-30 minute stretch of sleep ALWAYS feels like 2-3 hours. I can always start a dream where I left off; I can tell when it is about to end; I see everything in FULL color. So watching this movie was entertaining at some points, terrifying at others. I think it was an accurate portrayal of how the mind works when you seek to control your subconscious. The tricky thing about your brain is...there are some parts that you've never used in your life and what if they decide to kick in while you're sleeping? Who would believe the things that come out of your brain, but you? So a lot of my thinking, I transfer into my fiction writing or I'll discuss with Babybottoms dad. He has a pretty over active brain so he understands someone who is always thinking. We have some of the most interesting conversations because of topics I will bring up. Most of the time he has no idea it has anything to do with something I've dreamed about but sometimes you just gotta get that crap out of your head. It's far worse to continue having the same dream over and over...that you're controlling. In a word, it becomes: insanity.

I love EVERYTHING about cinema. I understand the screenwriters, producers, and directors minds. They have a vision that they've conjured up and put on a screen for the world to see. This is why I love movies like The Matrix, Avatar, Star Wars, Empire Strikes Back, 300, The Neverending Story, Legend, Mad Max, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, Fifth Element, and Ice Pirates. Those movies are the stuff dreams are made up. Any type of epic film (and not in the slang terminology) requires a LOT of imagination and I've always been inspired by the people who come up with them. 

One day, I'll be able to share my imagination with the world much like these amazing screenwriters, directors, and producers. Then...I will FULLY appreciate all of the lucid dreams I've had.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

If You Don't Care, Why Are You STILL Talking About It?

How many times have you heard/read, "I'm so over it!", "I could really care less", "This is a thing of the past", only to see/hear the same person CONTINUE to hint at/talk about that same thing that is supposed to be of such insignificance in their life? Not only is it irritating as hell, it makes the person saying those things look like a complete and utter fool. Usually when someone does not care to give a situation or person any more of their energy, they stop mentioning it altogether. 

I'm not saying that you can't vent and be upset about things that happen in your life. That is a normal reaction and everyone is allowed to do that but downplaying a situation to make it appear to others that you're this pillar of strength? It does the exact opposite. You haven't succeeded at anything but making people laugh and shake their head at you.

Personally, if something is bothering me, I will talk to one of my close friends about it until I feel I am "over it". Sure, people might bring it up again but I have good enough sense to know that if I am not going to take the time to tell the whole story, I need to just keep my mouth shut. Sometimes it feels good to play the victim because you get the sympathy/empathy from others that you wish you could be getting from the person you were obviously hurt by. I think that's normal, however, you should never make a fool of yourself, attempting to make a fool of someone else.

I've had some shitty stuff happen to me in my lifetime and there are times I will share it with others through my writing or I will turn it into a draft when I see it isn't anything I want to discuss with others. I make sure I give ALL of the information so that if anyone is going to form an opinion of me or the other person involved, it will be fair. Some might think to themselves, "why would I care to be fair to someone who was unfair to me" but if you're such the "bigger person" out of the situation, why wouldn't you want to be fair? Anytime I have knee jerk responses to other people, it is because I didn't care to think about anything I intended to say or do. However, I know that if there was even a slight chance that I would be in contact with this person again, I pause. I genuinely like certain people, regardless of whether they like me back so if anyone is going to burn a bridge, it isn't going to be me.

Some people I have no problem letting go of but others...they mean more to me than a tantrum I can throw on Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, or when I'm having girl talk. If at anytime, I felt that my relationship meant something with someone, platonic or otherwise, I watch my mouth because just like some actions cannot be forgotten, words can damage just the same. We're all human so there will be some slip ups, I'm sure but everyone reading my blog is an adult so it shouldn't be too hard to stop talking about things you really don't care about...if you really have moved on.

"it was all good just a week ago..."

-Jay-Z

Friday, July 16, 2010

Post Racial Society = Long Journey

Consistent and willful intolerance of others is hard for me to ingest. It offends me when ANYONE attacks someone because of who they were born as. No one ASKS their creators for the skin color, hair texture, physical features, or family they are born with/into.

What makes us different is the information we choose to feed ourselves. Constantly eating from a table that only supplies hateful fodder about others and that conjures a spirit of "them vs. us"…it will harden your soul in areas you may not even realize. As human beings, why has it not clicked with the masses that the change comes about when you seek to do the opposite of what has been done to you?

If someone rapes you, do you eagerly search for someone else to rape so they will know how you feel? No. You speak against it because you do not EVER want anyone to experience that horribly traumatic event. Why people do not view the hating of one another the same, baffles me. Hating someone because they are not similar to you, from an outward perspective, is counterproductive behavior.

I learned at a young age that just because my elders tell me something, that does not make it true/right. Some of my family openly refer to White people as "crackers" and "honky" but when they read or hear a White person refer to Black people as "nigga" or "nigger", it INSTANTLY becomes a problem. There are MANY people like this indoctrinating their children and grandchildren with the same hypocritical ass backward belief system. It was not okay when your ancestors were forced to pick cotton and it is not okay now that they have attained some level of freedom. So why do some people continue to adopt this attitude? In my mind, THAT'S self hate. You should love yourself and any future generations enough to DO BETTER.

The only way our society will ever be post racial is if EVERYONE makes a conscious effort to know and believe that one ethnicity is NEVER better than another. Having pride in who you are is a beautiful thing. Cutting others down to do it? THAT…is hateful, ugly and sets you so far back in the race for equality that you might want to quit now if you never seek to change.
When will people truly believe this? When will ALL of us REALLY do better?

The cruelest lies are often told in silence
- Robert Louis Stevenson

Monday, June 28, 2010

Cut It Out Already! Sheesh!

My significant other was listening to Renegade the other day and he said the chorus was my theme song about life. I laughed because this is actually one of my favorite Eminem songs. If you aren't familiar with the chorus, it says:

RENEGADE! Never been afraid to say what's on my mind at any given time of day cause I'm a RENEGADE! Never been afraid to talk about anything (ANYTHING), anything (ANYTHING), RENEGADE! Never been afraid to say what's on my mind at any given time of day cause I'm a RENEGADE! Never been afraid to holler about anything (ANYTHING), anything (ANYTHING)

So with that being said, I want to talk about Christians, Chris Brown, Alicia Keys, hypocrisy, and fake ass people.

First of all, around this time last year, there was a BET Awards show and Michael Jackson had JUST passed. There should not have been any question as to WHO was talented enough to perform a tribute to him. However, because the world is chock full of stupid sycophants who get their panties in a bunch when a celebrity SURPRISINGLY reveals they are human, BET chose not to approach Chris Brown for the job at hand. Instead they had some bootleg, shotgun bullshat of a tribute of which they made up for this year by asking him to perform the tribute he should have done last year. F*ckery at its finest.

As far as Alicia goes...yall don't know SH*T about that woman's life EXCEPT what you see in the media. AGAIN, if we were to take bits and pieces of regular normies lives and distribute them to the public, I am sure I can make a large percentage of people reading this blog look like the criminally insane. NO ONE but her, Swizz and Mashonda have ALL the details regarding that relationship. Even IF we did, what in the hell does that have to do with her writing music and playing instruments? Not a damn thing. So yall call her an adulterer and that she conceived her child in sin...well last I checked fornication was a sin too...don't stop yall from humping and scrumping on each other. God doesn't have a check list that says "adultery, bad...fornication, not as bad". IF YOU ARE A CHRISTIAN, IT SAYS CLEARLY IN THE BIBLE THAT BOTH ARE WRONG. So if A. Keys needs to kill herself, why don't you do everyone a favor and blow your brains out too.

The problem I have with the general public is all the judgment they pass on others. It is sickening to see my timeline always filled with "#whogonecheckmeboo" "#dontjudgeme" "I'm grown and I do what I want; I wish someone WOULD say something to or about me" "haters are always talking sh*t about me; hate on haters"...and more foolywang that fools like to spit and then see these SAME people judging folks they only know through the media. AGAIN, NONE OF US KNOW THESE PEOPLE! THEY WERE NEVER YOUR FRIEND, NO MATTER HOW MUCH OF A FAN YOU WERE BEFORE THEY SHOWED YOU THEY WERE JUST AS FALLIBLE AS YOU.

The Christian and hypocrisy side of things go hand in hand because a large portion of people who I follow and that end up in my timeline are Christians. This isn't based on assumption; I know the majority of these people and I can always count on Sunday to see their "praise Jesus" tweets. Apparently what I can count on is for them to act unChristlike too. I AM NOT CONDONING A MAN PUTTING HIS HANDS ON A WOMAN OR ADULTERY...so don't make THIS about THAT. What I am saying is, who are you to say that it is NOW ok to forgive Chris? Who are you to talk about someones unborn child because of how it was conceived? When did someone appoint you God? God forgives us EVERY DAY for ALL of OUR sins, not just the ones other people can see. Who were you to say last year that Chris didn't deserve his job anymore because he hit his girlfriend? Alicia can't write music and sing it because YOU think she's talking about f*cking around with a married man? Do you even know WHEN she wrote that damn song? No you don't so shut the f*ck up. If I looked at your life in FULL DETAIL, would you be able to walk away unjudged by God for your actions? I seriously doubt it because WE ALL SIN. 

I don't know what Bible these folks been reading but apparently they have found some list that says certain sins are to be forgiven while others are not. Last I checked, that aint nowhere in the Bible. God doesn't pick and choose WHAT sins are forgivable. Granted, if you continue to do the same thing over and over like an idiot, you aren't showing repentance but again, that isn't our place to judge someone on. As for the fake ass people, well, if you don't want anyone judging your hoeish ways, shady behavior, and/or felonious acts, STOP JUDGING OTHER PEOPLE. Instead of spending all this time talking about how genuine Chris Browns apologies are, whether or not his tears were real or a PR stunt, and if A. Keys needs to "burn in hell for stealing someones husband", yall need to go read your Bible.

No, seriously, start at Genesis 1:1 and don't get your ass up until you have read everything down to Revelation 22:21. In that book, you will find that God forgave men who committed HEINOUS crimes against their family, friends, and groups of people they didn't even personally know. King David was the  assclown of his era but God still saw something in him that allowed him to remain in his good favor. He didn't go without punishment but it was God who did the punishing...not some puny humans. Don't believe me? Go do your research...King David wanted another man's wife SO bad that he would sleep with her while her husband was at war. When the wench got pregnant, David put her husband on the frontline to make sure he didn't come home to a wife pregnant with some other mans baby. So not only did he commit adultery, he intentionally set someone up to get murdered. When you read that account and other parts of the Bible, you will see that God had plans for David STILL after he willfully committed wrong acts.

Sounds to me like some of you need to be taught a lesson in forgiveness so you stop judging people like you don't do f*cked up shat too. Imagine if no one EVER forgave you for some of the things you did...every time you came around, your discretion was thrown in your face. If it has happened to you, it doesn't make it right for you to do it to someone else. It doesn't prove that you even learned anything. Try mercy and forgiveness on for size instead of this disgusting judgment that you think fits so well.

Assholes...

P.S. - if you believe in another higher power, change "God" out and insert your highly revered being there...if you don't believe in any higher power, just be humane.

P.P.S. - I am DEFINITELY a big sinner but I never measure my wrongdoing next to anyone elses. I need to be forgiven just like everyone else...

Friday, June 25, 2010

Open Relationships

Open relationships usually get the side eye when they are mentioned and it is understandable if you could never see yourself in one. If you are seriously into monogamy, THIS is not going to ever work for you. If you are selfish and just want to have sex with anyone who arouses you but you want wholehearted devotion from one person too, it is not going to work. Open relationships ONLY work when the mutual understanding is there and that whatever you participate in, the one person you choose to be committed to, will have those same privileges.

Growing up in a very religious household, some might have never thought that I would be okay with this but unbeknownst to many, I have had issues with monogamy since I first knew what dating was. The fact that I have commitment issues also made it an easier concept to grasp. Even though my household was religious, it wasn't perfect so I saw some things and was able to comprehend a lot of activity that didn't seem so "Christlike". I figured, if everyone else could pick and choose how/when they'd abide by their Christian standards, why couldn't I? Needless to say, that attitude made me feel some kind of way about religion as a whole...but back to the topic at hand.

I had a lengthy conversation with someone the other day about my relationship. I don't discuss my relationship in detail online because you never know who is waiting to misconstrue your words. For all intents and purposes of this blog, I am choosing to use myself as an example though. I am currently in an open relationship and it is of my own volition. I was not coerced into it; he was actually persuaded by me. In my history of dating, I have found most men's idea of an open relationship is that they get to do whatever they please but the woman must ONLY give herself and her time to him. That isn't an open relationship; that's you getting a free pass to be a whore AND have a girlfriend. If I was delusional and dickamatized, then a one-sided open relationship might take place. However, I am not and I would never agree to a relationship like that.

The reason my open relationships didn't work in the past were due to jealousy...on behalf of the man I was with. They had no problem doing whatever they wanted and were happy as pigs in shat to have their "freedom", however, the problem came in when I would choose to exercise my "freedom" and hang out with other people. It became a big problem and from my previous experiences, I know it had to do with their male egos. Apparently, women should have no problem with a man liking variety but heaven forbid we want to experience someone else! In the minds of those men, one man should have been good enough for me but I should be understanding that one woman would never be enough for them. So we broke up. 

Open relationships have terms & agreements in them just like any other kind. In order for me to even be categorized as someones girlfriend/woman, my terms & agreements have to be met. The person I have chosen to be with at this moment understands that. He isn't always comfortable with it but if he wants to be with me, this is it. All relationships require compromise and sacrifice; it is no different for us. As long as everything remains fair, I have no problems. Talking to friends and family about this subject is off limits for me because I don't ever want to feel like I HAVE to explain my adult decisions to anyone. My relationship is not up for discussion unless I choose to discuss it with you. 

As far as his friends go, I have no idea what they think or what they have been told but I could really care less. He has Neanderthals, mainly, for friends (yes, he is a bit of one at times too) so they would never agree to anything like this with any woman they even half ass commit to. Yes, they would have a girlfriend but would constantly be cheating behind her back. If my relationship can't be open, I would much rather prefer not being in ANY committed relationship because I don't think anyone should be subjected to the deception behind cheating. Could I do monogamy? Sure. Will I get bored? Well...who doesn't? Having an open relationship doesn't mean that every week, I'm splitting my time up between him and someone else. It means that when I WANT TO, I have the "relationship freedom" to do so. Same goes for him.

TO ME, it doesn't matter how well I get along with someone, or how perfect things might seem to others, I get bored of the same old thing too. It shouldn't be viewed as an insult; it just is what it is. Will I purposely pursue someone else to fill the shoes of my significant other? No and if I see that someone I get involved with wants to take things to a level I cannot devote myself to, I exit the situation. I don't have a desire to be as close to anyone as I am to him, and to my knowledge, the feeling is mutual. Should either of us decide one day that this isn't going to work, we are both free to go do something with someone else that makes us happy. The only binding we have here is love.

I have found that a lot of people are curious about how open relationships work but the respect in the relationship is no different than in a monogamous relationship. If at anytime either person begins to disrespect the terms & agreements, that person has to go. It isn't very hard to grasp. It isn't for everyone but for those who like a certain element of freedom in their relationship, it works. I get questions all the time about it and I don't mind answering them, as long as they are respectful of my personal decision. I don't need anyone throwing the Bible at me about it, nor do I need anyone making assumptions that I'm being forced into this. I have always been very decisive with my actions and if I participate in something, it is ALWAYS of my own free will. 

I love AND like who I am with; there are things about him that I haven't experienced with anyone else. I can freely open up to him and share things with him that other men might not even want to hear. He is able to be himself around me as well. We are so close that we can finish each others sentences effortlessly. We are so much in unison that our thoughts actually sync so much that we find ourselves thinking about the same thing at the very same moment. It's weird and I've never experienced a closeness like this since I was in high school. It isn't something either of us is ready to let go of so we make the necessary adjustments in other areas of our relationship so that both of us continue to be happy where we are.

If you are considering it, you can't be jealous. You must be confident in your decision to embark on this kind of relationship. It isn't anything to jump into in an effort to save a relationship that is dying either. Being with someone, through monogamy or not, requires you to be concerned ONLY about that person, not anyone else who you think MIGHT distract them. There are so many different vantage points from which these kinds of relationships can be viewed. Whether it is right or wrong is not a concern of mine; all I know is that I am happy and when I wholeheartedly try monogamy, I am not.

So feel free to ask questions if you're curious and/or share your thoughts but passing judgment will not be looked upon kindly :)
 

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