Sunday, August 30, 2009

What In the Hell Is YOUR Damn Problem?


When Babybottoms dad and I first started being friends, I would sit in awe at some of the women who would be so enthralled with who they THOUGHT he was or who THEY thought he had the potential to become in THEIR life. We discussed his "conquests", past, present, and any future plotting he was up to. Our friendship was being built on mutual trust and something he'd rarely found in people...the ability to be completely honest and up front, regardless of how the person he was speaking to felt. I don't ask for much in friendship...just be fair to me, don't lie, and respect me. If you do all three of those things in ANY relationship, mutually, I PROMISE you, you'll end up with the best friend you could possibly have...not unless you're dealing with a person who prefers lies to the truth.

There were some things he's done in the past and was doing when I first met him that I could have EASILY judged him on but eff it, that's the life he wanted to lead. I made it clear that although I didn't condone his retard moments, as long as it wasn't directly affecting me, there was no need for me to get all up in arms about it. His life, his issues.

A year into our quickly budding friendship, we had our bump in the road. His selfishness inevitably ran over into our friendship; since it was affecting me, I had every right to speak up on it. The closeness we had formed wasn't one he wanted to let go of. I was ready to walk away and leave our friendship behind because there are just some things you don't do to someone you call your friend. Needless to say, getting past that and keeping our communication open has made our friendship and bond THAT much stronger.

Three years later, some people still don't understand that and it isn't up for discussion. We are friends because WE want to be...nothing more, nothing less. To date, he has not done anything else to jeopardize that between us. I look at him and I see a best friend for life. For those who might be acquainted with him on a surface level (which MANY people are), they judge him...and now since we're having a kid together, they judge me.

I don't really care about the judging part...it's the incorrect statements they spout to others that rubs me the wrong way.

Because some women's agendas for him were on some other planet, they have projected their typical foolishness they'd participate in onto me. Hearing things like:

"I guess she got what she wanted"

"You know she's only having that baby to keep you"

"Well, she won"

pisses me off to no end because ANYONE who REALLY knows me KNOWS, I AM NOT THAT KIND OF WOMAN.

I wasn't raised to behave foolishly like that and regardless of what other women conjure in their mind, I deal in REALITY. It's an insult to my upbringing to hear someone accuse me of this kind of thing. It infuriates me, knowing what I know about the trash of a woman who said these things.

I didn't win a damn thing having a baby out of wedlock and any woman who looks at relationships like that needs to have her head examined. Raising a child is not something you wake up and excel 100% at. I have 18 years set in stone that I am responsible for another human being other than myself, regardless of her fathers involvement...THIS BABY HAS BECOME MY SOLE PURPOSE FOR LIVING. Sure, her dad is still an important figure to me but next to me ensuring I do everything within my power to keep breathing, she is my next #1 priority....not him. Some women do convince themselves that giving birth to something they sired with someone else will manipulate a man into giving a damn about them, unfortunately, they are incorrect. The truth is Babybottoms dad gave a damn about me LONG before she was even in the "making".

Some women are truly pitiful and I wish nothing but sanity for them. To speak ill of me because what you thought you could have with my daughters father has become obvious that it will NEVER exist, is childish and proof that you have a lot of maturing as a woman AND a person to do. To think, this same woman writes notes on Facebook (and previously, blogs on MySpace) about "sistas coming together and not hating on each other". NEWSFLASH STUPID BIOTCH: you're being a hater.

I think my "therapy rant" has come to an end. Maybe this trollop will find AND RETAIN a man that can tolerate her controlling, nagging, psychotic mentality. Sure, you can doll up your physical to ensnare any man but if your mental is still the psycho biddy you were when you lived in Atlanta, you'll be alone all your life. To hate on someone else because what you wanted, you didn't get...is sad but typical of your pathetic life thus far. You live in New York, find something better to do with your time than coming to Atlanta and talking sh*t about a situation you are just jealous of. FYI, being jealous of my situation makes you look silly because even if you were on the other side of the fence, your grass would still be that dingy, dry ass, fucked up brown you have right now...because you aren't me and like Babybottoms dad told you, "you aren't built for the rain".

To get some green grass of your own, you don't have to be me...just work on your faulty azz personality. It's been 2 years, get over it, and live a life suitable for you. Trust me, you'll live...

get a liiiife Pictures, Images and Photos

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Death By Mini Blinds

One of my friends emailed me a couple links enclosed in an email with the subject "Watch your little ones around mini blinds!!". In the body of the email she said:

"I'll warn you that the video is a little scary...Nothing tooo gruesome, just very eye-opening"

Now...before I give you my personal opinion on children and mini-blinds, here is the link to the video and my mother's response (who has 3 adult children and 1 grandchild who have NEVER strangled themselves with mini blinds):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d1TOJvinCQA

"That is the most wasted stretch of footage I have ever seen. First of all, mini blinds are not toys for tots! Second of all, no one has to have them as window treatments. Last but not least, keep your stupid kids away from the blinds and shorten the pull strings if you're really concerned. This has nothing to do with the mini blind makers. People need to stop trying to make other people pay for their lack of supervision over their own children. Tots will be tots. They are busy as bees. Always moving around and getting into everything. That being the case, if you can't watch them lock them up. Play pens, leashes and depending on the age, swings tend to work. As I said before mini blinds are not the only solution for window treatments. Good old fashioned curtains have been around and still are. Besides children do not need to be near the window anyway. What if the critters break a window and it falls out? I guess then the makers of the windows will be sued... Parents need to own up to their lack of responsibility and remember that as my mother always said, "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure". In other words use precautions in all things, but especially with a small child."

Now...before my mother even replied to my email I sent her with the video and news story, I felt it was ridiculous myself. I know MANY parents who've ALWAYS had some form of blinds in their homes and NONE of their children have been strangled or died from the cords. Why? Here's a newsflash for parents who are SO CONCERNED about the welfare of their child:

THEY TIED THE CORD UP OUT OF REACH OF THE CHILD!

And for those meddlesome children who want to be all in the blinds like that cat above, parents of those children kept a closer eye on their kids. If the kid didn't want to stay away from the window, guess who was getting swatted on the butt?

Growing up, my parents had a ton of precautionary measures not just because there were children in the house but also because we grew up with a dog. If people can think far enough ahead to tie up the cord so their pet can't get a hold of it, don't you think, as a parent, you should think the same for your busybody children? I would think so. As my mother also stated, what is your kid doing near a window anyway? Some people might take that as a parent being far too paranoid but demanding a recall on mini blinds from these choice manufacturers isn't? I agree with my mother; this goes back to parents accepting responsibility for what goes on in their house with their child.

If you watched the video, you'll see that the mom was busy videotaping the baby and had no idea her dingbat son was in the living room strangling himself with the damn blind cord. Lady, you weren't watching ALL your children and one got into something that you could have prevented. Instead, she blames the manufacturer of the blinds.

The truth is, many parents let their children run amok in the house because home is safe...to them. Another newsflash:

THE HOUSE IS A SAFE HAVEN FOR YOU; NOT ALWAYS SO MUCH FOR A SMALL CHILD!

Things that we as adults don't consider to be a danger, well they are for small children. We know better than to eat Comet, drink bleach, and rub ammonia all over our skin. Does a baby know? Not so much. So you might need to lock up the cabinet with your cleansers in it. You know that pounding on a window isn't such a good idea but your toddler or even a child up to 5 sometimes just likes the noise it makes so it is never a good idea to leave your kid standing on the couch, pounding on any window. If they can stand up in their crib, hey, maybe it's time to move their crib away from the window. That would solve strangulation by cord AND the chance of them beating a window out. Stairs? Not a big deal to an adult who can walk up and down. A baby just learning to walk, even a kid 4 and under, maybe not such a good idea to leave them playing on the stairs when you're in the kitchen. If the child falls and breaks their neck, is it the carpet manufacturers fault? No, it's yours for not paying attention. Doors? They aren't exempt. If your child has managed to learn how to open all the doors in the house, you might need to install different handles or locks they can't undo. Nothing would be worse than little Johnny, who is 1-4, opening a door, walking out on the balcony and falling off to his death. Is it the door knob makers fault? Nope. If you're upstairs and the kids are downstairs with NO SUPERVISION, they are liable to get into anything.

Babybottoms is my first child but even when I watched my nephew, I made sure we were ALWAYS in the same room when he was little because 1) he was a mischievous boy and 2) kids get into anything they can get their hands on.

Point is, for all the parents who are leery of mini blinds, use damn curtains and please...stop blaming other people for the lack of attention you pay to your small children.

Friday, August 28, 2009

VIBE Magazine

I have a bone to pick with VIBE magazine...

Apparently, they are relaunching with a new editor, Jermaine Hall. After reading this article:

http://www.mediaite.com/online/interview-new-editor-of-vibe-points-the-way-forward/

I decided to mosey on over to VIBE's website to see if they had FINALLY posted information for ALL of it's subscribers. What did I find??? NOT A DAMN THING.

If you took out the time to read that article, you'll see he mentioned NOTHING in regards to subscribers and any money they've spent on subscriptions either. However, you will read that it is being turned into a "bimonthly [editorial] with a ramped up online presence". I don't like the sound of this at all, being as that I paid for a monthly editorial...for 2 years. Now...if they are going to give me the equivalent of that, no problem, but as I stated before, there is no information listed anywhere (that I saw) stating what the subscribers have to look forward to.

I PAID FOR 12 ISSUES A YEAR AND NOW YOU'RE TELLING ME I'M ONLY GETTING 6? ARE YOU GOING TO GIVE ME 2 EXTRA YEARS TO COMPENSATE FOR THE OTHER 6 I DON'T GET THROUGHOUT THE YEAR? HUH????

If you go on VIBE's website you'll see this header that says "VIBE UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT UPDATES COMING SOON" and when you click on it, it takes you to a press release that really tells subscribers nothing of notable mention.

I'm disappointed, to say the least, and I expect better updates than what's being given. I think I have a right to expect this considering I paid them what I owed. Now it's time they pay what they owe...either a full refund so I can spend my money on magazines more worthy of my reading time (i.e. Esquire, GQ, GIANT, etc.) OR an amicable explanation followed by a speedy solution.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Very Young Girls

I can remember when I was 14/15, there was this guy who would come to visit my neighbors across the street from where I lived. No lie, he looked like Deebo from Friday (if you've ever seen that movie, you know who he is; if not, see below). Same muscle mass and everything; I would just stare out the window, enthralled by this huge MAN.


deebo Pictures, Images and Photos

Now, anyone who tells you that teenagers have no common sense or don't know right from wrong, well, that's SOME teenagers. After watching the harrowing documentary, Very Young Girls, it will become VERY clear to you that if you are young and missing certain elements in your life, what is so common to YOU is not common to EVERYONE else. Although I was young when I was captivated by the neighbors friend across the street, I knew there was something not quite right about a man 10 years older than me, being "interested" in me. He wasn't "interested" in me so that he could start pimping me but he did kiss me, which I knew was TOTALLY inappropriate. I also knew that because it didn't "feel" right, I wouldn't be participating in it again. I was about 15/16 when we kissed each other. Being young, you take a lot more risks than necessary and this was one of them for me. In the middle of my junior year in high school, I realized I had classes with his sister. It was this uncomfortable fact that led me to start brushing off the older man's advances. It didn't "feel" right before but it REALLY didn't "feel" right now. I saved myself, as well as this idiot, a lot of future trouble by choosing to walk away. A lot of young girls don't come to these conclusions in a timely manner though....

I used the main picture at the top because just as those young girls are being portrayed in an adult manner, there are men who prey specifically on young girls for the purpose of making them act in an adult manner...turning them out...yes, making them prostitutes. My situation was not 100% comparable to this but it was similar in that this man was older than me and attempting to tell me things that would keep me interested in him. There is NOTHING a 24-26 year old MAN should WANT from a 14-16 year old girl...NOTHING. I knew what a "normal" relationship for a teenager should be and this wasn't it. I was taught what should be age appropriate between the opposite sexes and this wasn't it. Unfortunately, not every young girl is given this knowledge.

While I watched Very Young Girls, I was filled with disgust at ANY man who sought out impressionable CHILDREN to influence into a life of drugs, sex, and basically slavery. The documentary initially started out with these 2 brothers attempting to tell their story about "pimping". They were both in their late 20's. Of course the authorities ended up catching them in the act of their sexual exploitation of children but what disturbed me EVEN MORE than their sordid acts on their fellow humans was OUR justice system that aint shit. These 2 clowns only got 10 years in a federal prison, even after it had been confirmed that they had destroyed 100's of young girls lives.

Some of these young girls were actually being held against their will. An example of such was a girl (I think she was 12) who was just walking home one day, approached by this van...that was the last day she saw any kind of freedom until she was about 15. She got arrested for prostitution. The defense attorney felt that since she broke the law, she should be placed in jail immediately. He didn't care that she was a minor and definitely didn't care that she was being FORCED to prostitute herself. Sure, it's easy to say she could have ran away to somewhere safe but these girls obviously don't have the strong mental thinking to devise a get away plan, especially when their lives are being threatened. Those who are there against their will are usually operating out of fear. Fortunately, the judge ruling over the case had compassion in her heart and allowed the girl to go back to her mother, under certain conditions, which were totally understandable.

Another mother had been looking for her daughter for 2 months. Someone called her with an anonymous tip as to where her daughter was AND told her other girls were being held there against their will as well. She had all the necessary information for the police to go and investigate. She went to the nearest precinct and alerted them as to what was going on because she wanted to get her daughter back. The police officers response?

"What do you want me to do about that? You want me to operate off an anonymous tip? I can't do anything for you" (not verbatim, but pretty much in a nutshell, that's what was said)

The mom becomes furious and starts buggin out in the precinct. She is told to calm down IMMEDIATELY...and they STILL did nothing for her.

I almost turned the documentary off at this point because our justice system infuriates me that much. I studied Criminal Justice, not an effort to evade any laws, but to learn EXACTLY how the law is supposed to treat people. Let me just tell you, if the government, whether it's on a state or federal level, stand to gain anything from your crime, they will find a loophole to either enforce a more severe punishment or just the opposite, to not enforce much of anything. Also, if the justice system stands to make ANY substantial amount of money off of your crime, you're INSTANTLY going down; if your crime is going to cause law enforcement more of a headache to process, it will more than likely be enforced with a nonchalant like approach.

Had the mother come in the precinct saying she had an anonymous tip on a drug cartel that would allow law enforcement to combat the "war on drugs", she would have been PERSONALLY escorted by that officer to the back to see what else she knew. He would have taken that tip VERY seriously...but a human life? That meant NOTHING to him and he proved that with his response to this mother's concern.

We see examples of this in the media too...I'm not saying that Michael Vick associating with people who maul animals is tolerable but the media and law enforcement do send out a certain message when they pretty much tell the masses that crimes against animals will be dealt with MORE severely than the assault that results in death or reckless actions that result in the death of a human being (reference Ray Lewis and Donte Stallworth). People can say what they want about the Michael Vick situation but the dogs were an OBVIOUS red herring used by the government; if ANYONE was closely paying attention, there were other things going on with those people who called themselves friends of Michael Vick that had to do with....drugs. THAT is what the government was after with that case; the dogs just caused the necessary diversion to get them the information they had been looking for.

Back to these young girls...I guarantee you if this child prostitution was in some way tied to major drug distribution, all of a sudden law enforcement would be concerned with the youth of America. Until that day comes, these very young girls are still in danger of being exploited until they are either in jail or wind up dead somewhere in an alley.

Last thing of notable mention is this video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bGL_p7BcJqk

It's about a 29 year old woman who has been in jail for 13 years for killing her pimp. He started pimping her when she was 13 years old and when she was 16 years old, she decided she couldn't take it anymore and killed him. Our punk ass justice system gave her a life sentence with no parole. I agree with her, as she will tell you in the video, yes, she deserves SOME kind of punishment for killing another human being but....LIFE IN PRISON WITH NO PAROLE??? AT 16 YEARS OLD??? Really? This is ABSOLUTELY ridiculous, considering ALL the circumstances AND that she was a "child" when she committed the crime. The justice system basically revoked her right to be rehabilitated; the message they sent by doing this to her is that if you commit a crime, we really don't give a shit about you getting another chance at life.

I studied Criminal Justice to find out how the law is supposed to operate...with the knowledge I was given, I feel like I have a responsibility to do something about things like this. Now that I will have a daughter of my own, I feel an even bigger responsibility to support anyone who gives a damn about situations like this. There isn't much I can do TODAY but trust me, as soon as I am able to grasp my opportunity, I will....

Thursday, August 13, 2009

When You Say "I Do", What Do YOU Think That Means?

Maybe I'll come up with a title by the time I am finish writing this...

It's 4:45 in the morning and I should be taking advantage of the fact that Babybottoms is knocked out but I'm up and my eyelids don't feel like shutting. After reading the IM's I received while sleep, tweets from followers who seemed like they were in drunken relationship despair, and catching up on my blogs through my Reader, I felt compelled to write about relationships again.

As far as I can tell, from what I've been reading AND seeing, people get married thinking that the other person is supposed to change BECAUSE they are now married. It really doesn't help when I read blogs like The First 100 Days (his perspective) and The First 100 Days (her perspective)...by the way, those 2 blogs are HIGHLY entertaining and a VERY good read every day!

I'm not anti-marriage in the least bit; I'm all for 2 people loving each other enough to want to spend every day together in heavenly matrimony. I am realistic and know that every day is not going to be a walk in the park filled with bliss. But I'll tell you why I think some people jump into marriage without REALLY thinking about what they are getting themselves into.

Take for instance the guy who has NEVER been faithful to ANY of the people he's dated and uses the excuse that ever since that chick broke his heart, he doesn't feel obligated to "be" with one person in the aspect of boyfriend/girlfriend. That same logic carries over into being engaged; in his mind, he's STILL single until he says "I do", therefore, he is still "free" to do as he pleases, whenever he pleases. I have the same question every time I hear this sorry excuse to participate in foolishness...if you aren't willfully active at committing to one woman in the dating realm of things, what makes you think that because you get MARRIED, you'll willfully commit then? Being married doesn't AUTOMATICALLY strip you of ALL bad habits you've acquired while maturing as an adult. You are who you are whether you walk down the aisle today or tomorrow. This behavior simply boils down to: SELFISHNESS

So if you are dating someone that has a problem with fidelity NOW, I'm curious to know what makes some people think it will change because they stand before a pastor and group of people and say "I do".

It doesn't change because THEY haven't changed.

Which makes me feel and think some people get married simply to say, "I'z married nah!"

All jokes aside, being married requires a LOT from you as a person so once the wedding is over that you get to brag and boast to everyone about and play dress up for, all the work comes in. I think some people (read: MOSTLY women) get so enthralled with the glamour of a wedding that they put their personality and the man they are marryings personality on the back burner, thinking they'll cross that bridge when they come to it. THE BIGGEST MISTAKE YOU'LL EVER MAKE IN LIFE.

Getting married isn't the biggest mistake...marrying someone you know you HAVE unresolved issues with IS THE PROBLEM.

Some of the marriage problems I see people having aren't exclusive to "being married". These are problems ANY relationship can have if you marry someone you are REALLY not compatible with or never really tried to be. If she was selfish and bratty before you got married, that isn't going to change because you bought her a 5-carat engagement ring from Tiffany's. Sure, she might be blinded to EVERYTHING for a good 6 months after staring at that diamond but it doesn't change who SHE is or who YOU are. If he is a philandering moron whose first mind is to think of himself before you or anyone else, that doesn't change overnight either. SO...when you say "I do" and things like that have not been addressed to the point of correction, you are saying "I do take this person to be EXACTLY who they are today and tomorrow, should they show they ass on me, I accepted them for who they were so how can I REALLY get mad". Unfortunately, MOST people are not looking at it like that.

If I hear one more time, "I just figured that since he loved me enough to get married, he'd stop being a cheating azz", I'll slap the next heffa who says it. IF you were more into the wedding preparations than he was and FAR more excited, that was YOUR wedding not YALLS wedding. I don't think it ever crosses anyone's mind that sometimes guys are stupid enough to go through with the wedding to shut her up. It's the DUMBEST thing to do because you'll actually be respected more as a man for NOT making a life changing decision like this. If you really don't intend to love and cherish her as your wife, don't marry her and DEFINITELY don't waste all that money. Weddings and receptions can get expensive!

Men can also have the delusional thinking; "now that we're married, she won't be AS MUCH of a bitch; plus, look how pretty she is in her wedding dress; I'm sure she'll change for the better"...you're a fool too for trying to convince yourself of that. Sometimes women will get married because their "time is running out", all of their friends are "doing it", it just seems right to do, and/or there are children in the picture. So they'll marry this man but as soon as the sparkle of "I do" wears off they go into this mode of making his life miserable for marrying them, or so it seems.

I tie all of this back to people not ACCEPTING who they are marrying for who they REALLY are.

My parents (being the loving people they are to me) questioned whether or not me and Babybottoms father were going to get married. The honest to God truth is, we both love each other to DEATH and we have lived together with no problems (i.e. him washing dishes consistently is NOT a problem; him acting a donkey fool is...I don't have THOSE problems) so to the uninformed outsider looking in, we shouldn't have a problem getting married. Here is the MOST important truth of all when it comes to us getting married...who he is TODAY is NOT the man I would want to marry. Is there something "wrong" with him? Not really; I just know I EXPECT things to be a certain way should I ever get married and if he can't commit to those things, WE DON'T NEED TO BE MARRIED. They are not things that I've pulled out of my azz and I want him to sign in blood but anytime someone acts like the mere thought of marriage would be torture and that they'd POSSIBLY miss out on "something", YOU SHOULD NOT MARRY THAT PERSON. Sorry babe, that is you. Marriage terrifies me but if you want to see someone who is more scared than I, look at Babybottoms dad.

So when he hears of guys getting married and their wives becoming the bane of their existence he smiles because it supports his theory that marriage is the destroyer of ALL great relationships. I remind him that in reality, the relationship wasn't that great to begin with IF that happens. Some people ignore their warning signs and plunge head first into a commitment that isn't to be taken lightly. I'd like to think I'm smarter than that, which is why I'm not married now.

The institution of marriage was created so that people would grow closer together, not apart, but if you are oil and water, there is NOTHING marriage can do to fix that. The one thing I don't see much of with these problematic marriages is the willingness to compromise on both people's ends. Babybottoms dad and I get along to this day because we can compromise when necessary. I don't badger the f*ck outta him about who he is and he leaves me alone, as well. We have open lines of communication where we discuss ANY and EVERY THING, no matter how side-eyeish it might seem. He and I are really best friends and it does puzzle people that we don't just go jump the broom but it is VERY important to me that I do not have a phobia of getting married while walking down the aisle...and even more important that the man I love dearly, doesn't share that phobia.

So who knows, if both of us can move pass that, we might get married but to be honest, I don't think either of us even really want to. Apparently, that is the one thing we can't and won't compromise on so...we won't be getting married.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

You Ain't Gots Tah Lie!!!

The world is chock full of liars...I tire of them but I guess I'll be hearing their random lies until I die. For some odd reason, people have ALWAYS felt the need to divulge information to me, whether it's the truth or some made up fantasy in their brain used to get attention or divert attention from someone else. Either way it goes, it's lame as hell and their lies ALWAYS end up coming out in some shape or fashion. I get the last laugh because now....not only do I get to laugh at how stupid you are, I'm going to share with other people the ridiculousness of your lying azz.

So who has lied and got busted out UNKNOWINGLY? Someone I used to work with...

The story is actually quite sad in itself but BECAUSE she lied, it QUICKLY became my humor for the day.

I used to work with this young lady who was a few years younger than me. Her first insecurity was apparent from the first month of my employment; she has a preteen and is still in her 20's. Doing the math, yes, she had her child when she was in high school. WHO THE HELL CARES? I surely don't. I have greater things to worry about than your out of wedlock child, oh I don't know, LIKE MY OWN OUT OF WEDLOCK CHILD! But whatever...over the course of her child's life, some women have made her feel like a "lesser" mom because she was a teenager when she had him. While I understand how that might make someone feel, you can't assume EVERYONE is looking down at you because you were a teenage mother.

Moving on to another insecurity I noticed...she has to be in a relationship to be happy. In the course of my 2 year employment with the company, she has been with 4 different men, 3 of which have "lived" with her....one of which she RECENTLY bought a house with (remember that tidbit of info). Even though she acts like she's dumb as rocks to me, at times, she has enough brain power to see that I've been "with" the same person since I started working with her. Once she inquired as to whether or not we lived together; at the time we did not so she smiled and says, "Well, me and (dude #4) are moving in together and he says he can see himself marrying me". Ok, good for you. Get out of my office with your trivial relationship shat please.

Moving on to another insecurity I noticed...Babybottoms dad has had 2 different Benz's and now has a Volvo. These 3 cars have been the topic of discussion amongst people who just REALLY need to mind their business and stop trying to figure out how he is able to drive around in a car they can't afford. No he isn't some big time (or small time for that matter) drug dealer...and he doesn't do anything else illegal to be in possession of these vehicles. She's asked several times what he does; I change the subject. It isn't anyone's business, period. Then I traded in my Honda for a Land Rover and all of a sudden she's trying to do the same BUT....keep her car and just flat out buy another vehicle. Long story short, she ends up with the EXACT same truck as me (just older) and pulls one of these moves: "WE bought our truck; so WE don't have a car note". Ok, again, good for you. Question...can you even drive your truck because last I heard FROM YOU, it didn't even have an engine? Beat it, loser. You're not one upping anyone...you just sound ridiculous.

So one day out the blue, she has to move IMMEDIATELY. The story she VOLUNTARILY feeds me is that the application on the house she wanted went through so they are moving into their new house they are buying together. Oh, ok, congrats for you (seriously, no sarcasm)! She calls me over to show me pictures and to boast on how much the house is (260,000), as well as, to tell me that their neighborhood is full of people with money. Ok...I REALLY don't give a shat about where you live. Personally, if I lived almost an hour outside of the city, I wouldn't be paying no 260k (in Georgia) for a house of that caliber. That's just me...I'd have gotten more bang for my buck IF I moved out that far but whatever. She wanted to rub in my face that HER AND HER BOYFRIEND had bought a house because she overheard me talking to one of my friends about me and Babybottoms dad looking at houses.

And here comes the funny...

Someone I guess she thought was her friend because she confided in them came and told me all her business yesterday. I didn't ask to know; I was minding my business and this is what I get told:

- her boyfriend broke up with her almost 2 weeks ago due to her clingy behavior

- they DID NOT buy that house; they are renting

I instantly laughed inside because I KNOW how much money she makes...she couldn't afford the $900/mth house she previously lived in and THEN moved into a house that costs $1300/mth...bad move. ESPECIALLY since the person she was depending on to pay MOST of that rent has now shot her the deuces. 

She posted pictures on Facebook of the house and people commented saying things like "Congrats on your new house!", "You're moving on up in the world!", etc...it feels good to have people pat you on the back but if you're "stunting", that makes you a clown. Apparently, I am not the only one she's told she owns that house. Renting is NOT a bad thing; it's okay if you can't afford, are not ready to buy, and/or don't even WANT that responsibility. There is no rule set in stone that says by a certain age you MUST be a homeowner or everyone is going to think your life has gone to shat. I guess she felt she had something to prove by lying about her house.

Same person running off at the mouth about this chick's business says "ummm, neither one of their credit is good enough to buy jack sh*t; that house has a rent to own option on it but they are not buying it". See why it doesn't pay to lie? Someone else has done you the favor of making you look stupid.

The informant went on to give me more information about her relationship that made me double over in laughter but the funniest thing was her lying about buying a house she is renting.

I am sure she'll realize that she doesn't own that house when she gets evicted. When you "own" a house (i.e. paying a mortgage), you might get foreclosed on but you sure as hell don't get evicted. Maybe then she'll understand that "rent to own" options are STILL renting, therefore, don't lie about what you're doing with your paycheck every month to impress other people. It only makes you look like the idiot in the long run...especially when you have to move out. 

Saturday, August 08, 2009

Tiny & Toya



I need for people to know the difference between being raised in the hood (i.e. what MOST people read off as you being "ghetto") and acting like a damn fool.

I will admit that when I heard the show Tiny & Toya was coming out, I was one of the first people to give it the side eye because:

1 - it's on BET ( I ABHOR this damn television station because it's almost like it is trying it's hardest to live up to EVERY NEGATIVE stereotype about African American/Black people that was ever created; I have a problem supporting a station that is supposed to be for Black people but only targets f*cking idiots)

2 - every show that has been on BET has been an embarrassment to me as an educated Black person (this includes Keyshia Cole's show; granted she wasn't the one acting a plum idiot every episode but it showcased her crazy azz family and NOW...everyone and their momma think EVERYBODY Black and/or in Oakland and/or from Oakland acts like these coons...I was born/raised in Oakland. It rubs me the wrong way at times...)

Because of those 2 main factors, I steered clear of watching anything associated with the show. A few of my friends had status messages on Facebook about the show and I laughed or joked them about watching it BECAUSE it's BET...did I mention I HATE that station? But what could I REALLY say about the show? I had never seen it so my bias would be VERY apparent and one sided. So I just laughed about surface info I knew about Tiny & Toya...which really aint much, considering 5 million other people know the same thing I know about them...Tiny is T.I.'s girl and Toya is Lil Waynes ex-wife.

So...I watched the show this morning after perusing Smashedthehomie's blog.

I watched it and I will admit...I like these 2 chicks. Seriously, all BS aside....I have friends who have similar personalities to both of these women. They weren't acting belligerent, ignorant, and embarrassing the entire population of Black/African Americans that actually operate in life like they have some damn sense. Considering how Toya grew up and how young she was when she had Reginae and married Wayne, she could have been the stereotypical "ghetto" banshee that so many people allow to represent Black women as a whole. But she isn't....and she wasn't one time in the show. She wasn't loud and just....dumb as hell. She act like she has some sense...and I appreciate that more than words can express.

Tiny...parts of her life look TOTALLY unnecessary (all them kids and not married) but really, who am I to judge her? Whether you have 4 kids and not married or 1 and not married (read: me), we both in the same boat. So let's not focus on the obvious...but let's look at how she carries herself. Just because she talks "country" as hell that doesn't AUTOMATICALLY make her "ghetto". Her accent is a direct result of her geographic placement...not a signifying factor of her intelligence level. Never once do you catch her being a constant embarrassment to Black women either.

Now, I know this was just episode 1 I was watching but it made me reconsider whether or not I would watch anymore episodes. I think I will. I'm sure something might happen that causes them to show one of their many sides of being a woman but personally, I don't think it will be anything that you can directly connect to Black people just acting a fool on TV.

For anyone who hasn't watched the first episode and has refused to support BET, feel free to watch the video I attached below. It isn't a disappoint to the Black race and doesn't set us back a few hundred years. Watch and THEN form a better opinion... (the video has been removed from my blog because it automatically plays when someone goes directly to my entire blog; kind of irritating so run a search if you want to see it. I found it at Daily Motion. Adios!)


Friday, August 07, 2009

Relationship Blogs

Blogs that talk about different aspects of non-platonic relationships NEVER seem to get stale. Someone will ALWAYS comment and there will ALWAYS be someone around to vehemently disagree with your POV. That's fine...relationships aren't meant to be viewed ONE way because there are so many different people in the world who operate from different vantage points.

The thing that irritates me the most about relationship blogs though is NOT necessarily the material presented (well, sometimes, depending on who it is, I do want to tell them to go kill themselves...) but more so the pulpit, preachy type comments that come after the posting. Because we live in a world that has ALWAYS had a plethora of people who THINK different, there has always been a battle amongst people as to what the "perfect" relationship is. I'll be the first to admit that what works for me might not work for you. If you demand and want certain things from a significant other that just aren't that important to me, we are going to disagree on a few things here and there. The only rule in a relationship that should be applied across the board for everyone is...never be with someone who cannot respect you on the level you wish to be respected.

Make sure you define what you feel is disrespect though...because that can start an entirely different problem in itself.

But back to relationship blogs and the comments that are usually generated by them.

I'm not saying YOU (the reader) MUST do this but personally, I read the blog and my FIRST reply is ALWAYS to the person who wrote the blog. Unfortunately, you have people who read the blog, then the comments, and go on to reply to commenter's as if they wrote the entire blog with their 2 sentence comment. If you don't agree, fine, but stick to the topic of THE BLOG because when you go off on a tangent and it's in reference to a comment that wasn't even made to you, it becomes MORE than obvious, you're taking things personal. Unless the comment was directed AT YOU, what is the purpose of internalizing something someone said that doesn't even know you? There is no purpose.

The most recent relationship talk that has somewhat chaffed my skin are the people who are SO adamant about being married by a certain age and for all those people who are not, something is wrong with them and they need to adjust their priorities. Huh? Adjust them according to what? YOUR standards? Why is it SO hard to believe that EVERYONE doesn't WANT to be married??? For those who do, more power to you! I'm happy for you and I GENUINELY hope that you are getting married for the right reasons (i.e. the right reasons do not include so you can floss on all the batches who are still single; so you can wife up this dime piece so no one else can sow their oats in/on her). I'm not against the union of marriage because it SHOULD be a sacred and lovely one. I just KNOW that it isn't for me right now and I can't even begin to tell you when it will be. What I will tell you is...just because I'm a few sneezes from 30, that doesn't mean something is wrong with me because I don't want that out of life right now. And no, I'm NOT sitting at home sad over it either. I said I didn't want to be married; I NEVER said I have a problem dating or being with a man. Those things are not on my list of GOALS at the moment. No one should be made to feel like a lesser human being because that isn't what they want as they get older.

For all we know, they could be the people who get married at 40 and up, NEVER cheat on their mate, and stay married until death do them part....whereas, you "Mr./Ms. In A Hurry To Say Nuptials Because I'm A Certain Age Now" ends up divorced due to not being able to get along with the person YOU chose to marry. Which one is better off? I'd have to go with WAITING UNTIL YOU ARE READY TO BE WITH A PERSON UNTIL DEATH DO YOU PART, NOT IRRECONCILABLE DIFFERENCES.

Point is, in relationships, ALWAYS do what's best for you. Don't read blogs, comments, advice columns, self-help books, listen to friends who will lead you down the road of despair cause that's where they are headed, etc. Before engaging in ANY relationship, know yourself well enough to decide what you want to tolerate; ONLY be with someone who can understand and be with you under those circumstances. While it might be true that opposites attract, if you are on two different pages of life, that attraction will be short lived and/or give you relationship hell so ALWAYS DO WHAT'S BEST FOR YOU!

FYI, there is talk that Steve Harvey's book is about to be turned into a movie...I can see all the women going to see this the same way they did "He's Just Not That Into You"...you cannot live your life based on the lives of others. When will people learn this?

Wednesday, August 05, 2009

The Anonymous Commenter



Yes this particular blog was prompted by the anonymous comment left on my last posting but these are musings that I've often ruminated on as I read other blogs and saw the random anonymous postings.

I have yet to see an anonymous comment that isn't rude, sarcastic, weird, random as hell, or seeking controversy. My question is...why are YOU hiding behind anonymity? Even if the poster of the blog didn't know you from a can of paint, why would YOU seek to detach yourself from your words to the point of becoming an irrelevant thought? Personally, that's how I view anonymous commenter's...your 2 cent matters even less than if your real name was posted.

If a name or hyperlink is attached, I view the commenter as a REAL person. I might very well know who you are, therefore my response to your comment will be catered specifically to who you are as a person. If you choose to be anonymous, your comment deserves to be interpreted however I see fit. If you're being rude, well, you just might get a rude response back...being random, I'll serve you alike...being weird, hell, I just might delete your comment altogether. What difference would it really make? You didn't want anyone to know it was you so your comment was pointless anyway, right? Right.

I just think that if you have something to say, say it and be clear it was YOU who said it. Anonymity is a cowardly, punk move when you just want some face time to be an azz really.

Someone once asked me why I didn't leave anonymous comments...I laughed to myself. Frankly, if I have something to say to ANYONE, I WANT you to know what I have to say. I don't grow balls of steel and throw on the Anonymous Hat. It's pointless and I might as well have kept my peanut gallery comments to myself if I was going to act scary.

Someone said that I would get a bunch of anonymous comments to this particular posting and I'm sure that would be the desperate act of an overly sarcastic person but that's what the deleting of comments is for. I'm easily entertained at times but stupidity, more often than not, has a limited window for entertainment, in my world.

So to all of you anonymous commenter's, stop it already or just put your name. If you didn't want to interact with the poster, it would serve you well not to leave a comment in the first place.

Enough With the "Good Hair" Already!!!!

So, Chris Rock has incited some fury in a few folks with his movie/"mockumentary" called Good Hair (I only call it a "mockumentary" because I'm sure the jokes are gonna fly the entire duration of the film, intentional or not, and some folks are going to be hotter than fish grease about it).

Several blogs have been generated that bring into question how Black someone is based on their hair, how parents deal with a child who has hair that doesn't resemble theirs, why reactions are different to certain hairstyles that Black women wear. For the most part, you can QUICKLY tell which people are sensitive to this issue. If you happen to have a differing opinion, you're quickly treated as though you aren't Black enough to speak on the subject because "you probably got that "good hair" yourself". I call bullshat on it all.

Some days I walk out the house having a GREAT hair day; other days, it aint so fabulous and don't get too close because you might not like what you see. I can live with this; I'm not perfect and neither are you so no harm, no foul.

Personally, I feel, if you are going to let someone make you feel inferior because of your hair texture, you have bigger problems with YOURSELF than anyone could EVER make you have. If you comb your hair and look presentable, what effing difference does it make if you have a tighter curl pattern than the person sitting next to you?

As a Black man, you should feel free to date who you please without being attacked by Black women about your preference in Black women you date. So what if your track record shows you date lighter skinned sisters than yourself who wear their hair straight? If he was dating a White woman, then some Black woman would have a problem with that. It's almost like there are a class of people sitting around waiting to have a problem with something everyone does. I just want to know...what in the f*ck is the REAL problem with YOU? Would the situation be any different if he chose to date a "sista" who had natural hair but ALWAYS wore a straight weave? Let's ask her WHY she isn't "comfortable" wearing her natural hair she PURPOSELY doesn't relax but opts to wear some hair that isn't even hers, relaxed. Is HE still the problem or should we divert our attention to her and MAKE her have a problem for wanting to wear a hairstyle contrary to what's growing out of her head? You see how silly this can get?

Yes, I do think there are better things to think about and draw attention to than the texture of someones hair...seriously, don't you too?

Hair is just like eye color, skin tone, and anything else you inherit from your family....it's determined by your parents collective gene pools. Therefore, you could be that ONE person in your immediate family that has the "kinky" hair or the "good hair"; you have kids one day and their hair texture is TOTALLY different than yours. Your kid has either dug in your gene pool or the other parents and pulled out a trait different than your own. Can we still sit up here and have the same dumb azz argument that you can't relate to your child because you have different textures of hair? It's seriously ridiculous. You work with what you have and if you don't know what to do with "kinky" or "good hair", as a parent, you learn. Also as a parent, you teach your child to not walk around like they are better than anyone BECAUSE of the texture of their hair. This lesson isn't JUST to be taught to children who have "good hair"; teach it to the children who have the "kinky" stuff too because there is a shatload of Black women walking around who THINK they are FAR more ethnic than their "sisters" because they wear their hair natural. Basically, you're an idiot if you measure your Blackness by the texture of your hair.

When someone who isn't Black looks at me or my mom, all they see are two Black women; they aren't sitting there analyzing why my hair is lighter and longer than hers. Although my mom is shades darker than me and let her tell it (she's old school), I have "good hair", she can out grow my hair ANY DAY but to the outsider looking in, how would you know that if you judge folks Blackness on their skin color and hair style? You'd have to make another silly assumption that in the end doesn't really make sense anyway. My hair can be just as difficult to manage as anyone elses; I simply know what to put in it so it doesn't look dry as the Sahara or doesn't roll up on the back of my neck and look like black rice.

Point is, get over the hair issue people and work on how you perceive yourself, as well as, your perception of other people who look different than you. If God wanted ALL Black people to look alike, he would have made us one color and with one texture of hair. Any other time you'd be offended if someone said "all Black people look alike" but in this case, it's almost like you aren't happy UNLESS we ALL look alike. Make up your minds people....
 

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