Thursday, April 30, 2009

Obesity in Children...Fast Food At Fault or THE PARENTS?

My ears tire of people and their opinions that have no traces of common sense in them. I hate to hear someone who is NORMALLY educated "sounding" get on their soapbox and say something stupid like "commercials on television are making our kids fat". *sigh* Commercials can't do ANYTHING but make your kids nag you about something they want...you as the parent should have half a brain enough to know that just because your kid wants it, doesn't mean they HAVE to have it.

So some lady who was up in arms about the new Spongebob Burger King commercial was talking about how it objectified our little girls and the usual conversation of the media being responsible for putting negative images out there to...our children. She mentioned that some of the commercials also could be blamed for the obesity in our children and that is where I just tuned out. 

McDonald's, Burger King, and Wendy's have ALWAYS had commercials since their doors opened. Some commercials are catered to entertain children, others are catered to entertain adults. Every now and then, the lines are crossed to pull the entire family into the entertainment. Take for instance the commercial that was SPECIFICALLY manufactured to get kids to eat healthier from McDonald's. The little boy dressed up in B-Boy gear, bringing a boombox to the dinner table, dancing to Cha Cha Slide while eating his apples....while dipping them in caramel sauce. I guess parents were happy with that...instead of your kid getting fat from eating chicken nugget meals obsessively BECAUSE YOUR DUMB ASS WON'T STOP BUYING THEM FOR THEM, now their teeth will rot out of their skulls because they can't stop eating that caramel sauce...with their healthy apples.

Commercials and advertising do not MAKE kids fat...parents who don't give a f*ck about their children's health ALLOW their kids to GET fat. When was the last time you saw a 5 year old go work for 40 hours a week, cash a check and tell their parents, "I eat what I want cause I work 40 hrs a week"? You've never seen that because kids don't work...parents do. I understand that it is easy to stop by some fast food spot on the way home, grab dinner, and get on with your life but if you REALLY cared about the welfare of your kid AND THEIR HEALTH, you wouldn't doom them to a life of obesity like that. Some children are blessed with a speedy metabolism that allows them to burn that crap off as easily as they put it on but if your kid ISN'T and spends more time in front of the television and computer than is healthy for even an adult, you're gonna have some obesity issues on your hands.

Another thing...if you are obese and have bad eating habits, 9 times out of 10, your kids will be too. It has NOTHING to do with the commercials that are being aired on TV.

Me, my brother, and sister used to get all excited when we'd see Happy Meal commercials and IMMEDIATELY run into the other room to beg for that ride to McDonald's. Did my mom say, "Oh kids, please don't force me to take you there"? Did she even get up and say "Sure, grab you coats, let's go"? No. Unfortunately for our naive and unaware asses her response was usually, "You have plenty of toys already. That's all you want a Happy Meal for anyway" or "Are you hungry? You really hungry? Ok, go in there and make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, grab a banana, a glass of milk, and sit down somewhere and eat it". Sure, we HATED her for all of 2 minutes for ruining our dream of McDonald's but we ain't never been obese a day in our lives.

My dad...he'd just laugh in our face , walk us to the refrigerator, point to some carrots and celery, a jar of peanut butter and a container of ranch dressing and tell us if we're REALLY hungry, we knew what we could eat. When we'd sulk back to the living room, he'd laugh again and say, "Guess you weren't that hungry, huh". And the truth was...WE WEREN'T HUNGRY; WE JUST WANTED IT BECAUSE WE SAW IT ON TV.

I won't lie and say my parents NEVER let us eat fast food but it was WITHIN REASON. It wasn't EVERY TIME we said we were hungry, nor was it EVERY TIME we saw a commercial and felt we needed some fast food in our life.

Some people make the mistake of thinking because they eat crap all the time and aren't obese, they are okay. The issue here is NOT being hefty...it's being healthy and if PARENTS were more concerned about their children being HEALTHY, they wouldn't allow their children they supposedly love so much to eat a slew of unhealthy food. Fast food sometimes is okay...all the time to the point your child looks like that kid up there, well, you should be beat twice daily for killing your own child slowly.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Why I Read Men's Magazines and I'm A Woman

When I was a teenager trying to find out as much about the world of women, I read Cosmo, Glamour, and magazines like that. But as the years troll on by, you realize that those magazines just reprint ALL THE SAME BULLSHAT year in and year out...they just put a different pretty face on the cover so that you get sucked into buying their repetitive bullshat.

Around the age of 20, I actually WANTED to know more about how men's brains operated so I started reading the stuff they read. Which is how I stumbled on Esquire and have been a subscriber for the last decade. There are some years that I've tried to opt out of subscribing to them but no matter how much I try not to renew....I always do and it is because I'll read something that I know I'll ONLY find in a men's magazine. Forgive me for saying this (women) but men's magazines have better articles. It isn't just Playboy. Granted, there are some excerpts that we can all do without in ANY magazine but for the most part, Esquire has ALWAYS talked about something I wanted to hear...their interviews have always involved subject matter that was presented to make me interested in learning about celebrities that I could really care less about and the humor/sarcasm is more along the lines of how I talk. It just fits me. So I keep reading it.

Take this for instance....

The sidebar article that is no longer than 2 long paragraphs entitled "WHAT THE F%$# IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? (candid responses to a perplexing reality - from an expert and a comedian)". The responses are to a "major human flaw: some people refer to themselves in third person". What women's magazine would you EVER find a short article like this? Please try to name one...struggling? It's because you won't.

Women are always taught to be nice and subtle when discussing things that have to do with human characteristics. There would be some 2-4 page article about the emotional psychology of why people talk in third person and somehow it would be tied into their childhood and some trauma that was experienced. Men...they just let you have it and leave you to pick your own face up off the ground. In a nutshell, the article said people talk in third person because they're either a jackass who assumes they are far more important than they really are or they're just a peon who wishes they could get away with referring to themselves in third person.

Didn't take 2-4 pages to say that and it was funny at the same time...and this is why I will CONTINUE subscribing to Esquire for decades. My subscribing to Cosmo and Glamour? Stopped doing that a decade ago and never looked back once but then again, it could just be that Synitta is an azzhole and doesn't care anyway.

FYI, for those of you who didn't get that last sentence...my name is Synitta.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

I'm Embarrassed That I Wanted Chicken THIS Bad Yesterday


Yesterday, all I wanted was a juicy breast from Popeye's with a side of jalapeno peppers and some hot sauce. I waited all day at work to go get my piece of chicken for dinner.  I could taste that spicy chicken in my mouth as I drove up Ponce on my mission, only to get to the corner of Ponce and Blvd and see the Texaco gas station next to Popeye's packed. It seemed odd because there was no drop in gas prices recently so what in the Sam Hill were all these people doing in the parking lot?

I quickly focused back on driving into the Popeye's drive thru line because my chicken was all I was concerned about. I stepped on the brakes quickly because someone had let their grandma outside in her motorized wheelchair and for some reason, I guess she felt she didn't need to abide by any traffic laws. After she passed, I drove up to the drive thru only to see this utterly ridiculous line. I tried to remember if it was Tuesday because I could remember someone saying on Tuesday's there are chicken specials...then I remembered that was Church's. I drive up and see 2 specials posted on the windows...9 pieces of chicken for $7.99 and a 2 piece for $1.99...is this what all the rigmarole is for? Some chicken specials? I almost got out the line but it was moving pretty quick so I decided to stay in line and who but grandma comes smashing up the side of the drive thru!

Grandma, seriously...cool your jets on that wheelchair. Apparently she was determined to get her some chicken too and was willing to bust her little azz tires on the curb, trying to get it. Then she gets up to the door but had pulled too close so was getting frustrated because she couldn't open it. Was it wrong that I laughed? Because I did. Grandma, it is never that serious for some chicken. I was about to shake my head and silently mutter to myself "black people" when a group of Asians jump out their Honda full of smiles...does chicken REALLY make people this happy? They were discussing which meals they were going to get once they got inside and the entire time I'm sitting here looking at Grandma still trying to get in the door. Thankfully, one of them helped her out.

So I drive up, order my breast and the lady says, "you know there is a wait, right"...I assumed so because the line inside was wrapped around all the tables and the drive thru was packed. I smile and reply, "Ok, how long"...this is where I got angry. "30 minutes ma'am"....FOR SOME DAMN CHICKEN???? I would have said to hell with that and drove home livid but I was stuck in line. This particular Popeye's is not set up for you to be able to drive out the line. Once you get up the speaker box, you're stuck until you can drive your merry way out of the line after getting your food. So I figured since I was gonna be stuck in line, I might as well place the order. I felt silly waiting for one piece of chicken so I got the 2 piece with a biscuit, mashed taters, and a Root Beer...my side of jalapenos and hot sauce. About 15 minutes pass and I get to the window...I pay, she hands me my drink and says pull over to the side. I ask her how she's going to know who to bring the food too. She says she's gonna write down the make, model, and color of my car and someone will bring it out to me.

45 minutes pass and I aint got no chicken...had it been any other year, I might have just wrote it off to every Black person in Atlanta being at that particular Popeye's, took my L and went inside. But this year...I'm pregnant, hungry, and I just got off work...it's hot outside and I want my damn chicken. I walk up to the window and she talking bout, "We was looking for you".

HOW WERE YOU LOOKING FOR ME AND NO POPEYE'S EMPLOYEE WALKED OVER TO MY SIDE OF THE PARKING LOT ONCE? You got me effed up...where is my chicken?

She hands me a box and it feels kind of light. Something tells me to go inside and check my box. Sure enough, she has given me the wrong piece of chicken. I asked for a breast...she has given me some rinky dink thigh and wing. Oh. Hell. No.

I walk up to the front and the Assistant Manager is there handing people their food and I say excuse me 3 times to get her attention. She looks at me and ignores me. Really? She must not have read my t-shirt when I walked up because it clearly says on it: "YOU WOULDN'T LIKE ME WHEN I'M ANGRY" and she's pissing me off. So I yell...yes, I yell, EXCUSE ME, and this gets her attention and everyone elses in the establishment. I open my box and point to the shriveled up thigh and quietly say, "I asked for a breast", to which she replies, "You prolly didn't get one because we didn't have one to give you"....I counted to 10 before yelling again and said in the calmest voice, "I've been waiting for 45 minutes. I ordered this in the drive thru. I asked for a breast. I want a breast now". She looked up at me and then looked away to some guy on chicken patrol and asks if there are any Spicy breasts. He looks at me like I'm unwelcome and says, "Yes is she gonna give us that thigh back though". I wanted to jump over the counter and beat him in the face with the thigh...GIMME MY MEAT YOU CLOWN.

She rolled her eyes at him, told him to drop the breast in my box, and apologized to me.

I walk outside and some guy tries to make a joke about my Incredible Hulk t-shirt and says, "they bet not mess with you, huh"...I said, "damn straight, I'm pregnant, hungry, and been waiting 45 minutes for this stupid piece of chicken; they would want to stop f*ckin with me" and walked back to my truck.

All of this for some chicken...and they still didn't give me no hot sauce...SMCH.

First 100 Days On the Job


When I first started this job I currently have, the Owner who hired me said that for the first 90 days, it would be similar to a probationary period. They would get to see if I was a good fit for the job and I would get a chance to see if this was really a place I wanted to work for. I knew after 30 days that I didn't want to continue to work here. I had the hideous task of cleaning up over 3 years of someone elses f*ck ups. The f*ck ups that had occurred in the past 3 years would actually (if we're being realistic) take longer to correct than the time it took to make them. 

People are creatures of habit and when an ENTIRE company is comfortable doing things a certain way, if someone comes along ready to fix the problems, you will get resistance. It doesn't matter if they KNOW these are changes that have to be done for the better, people will fight you. I stated my reservations about the job and I thought it was clear that 90 days wasn't NEARLY enough time for me to rectify the damage that had been done YEARS before I came on the scene. To expect me to get in there and fix it lickety split was expecting a miracle. To expect ANYONE to fix it STAT was asking too much.

I'm still here almost 2 years later and even though I have tried to implement certain policies and procedures to ensure the companies progress, people are still doing what they want (read: the Owners). That's fine because they also NEED to understand, as long as they don't allow SOLID structure that they will also abide by within their company, they are only going to make so much money and only get so far. So while I fixed the most URGENT of problems, it is the little issues that will keep them straggling behind more innovative companies who allow necessary change to happen and actually enforce it.

Makes sense, right?

So please...someone...explain to me why in the hell people think that 100 days is enough time for President Obama to make SOLID changes within a government that was running amok for the last 8 years? My job is NOWHERE near as important as his and neither were my companies problems. I was able to reason with these bricks for brains people about the fairness of allowing me time to do my job efficiently so what is the problem with THE PEOPLE thinking President Obama can turn water into wine in 100 days? He isn't Jesus...I repeat...HE ISN'T JESUS.

President Obama works with an Administration of individuals that he actually has to take into consideration when making ANY decision...just like anyone with an important position. I process and print out ALL the checks in my company...but they still need to get approved by one of the two owners. His job is really no different. Just like I have had to explain to some idiot coworkers that just because I print a check doesn't mean the work stops there. I have to get approval to use the funds for whatever they are requesting, have someone sign off on it, sign the check, and then I can give it to them. Again, his job is no different. He has ideas about what he wants to do differently than say, President Bush, but he still has to run it across that Administration before he can ultimately make a decision for "us".

This isn't hard to understand and I wish Americans would just shut the hell up and let this man do his job. Now after 4 years he hasn't made ONE significant change...vote his azz out of office. 

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Dating...After the Baby

Dating is the last thing on my mind these days.

I just can't make myself even want to date anyone right now because I'm pregnant. I'm sure a lot of women do it but if I'm not going to be with the father of my child, I feel like the right thing to do would be take a chill pill on getting to know someone else right now. Once the kiddo has been released from my womb, that's a different story. Everything is changing now and it is REALLY going to change once the baby is here (in living color).

I think the father of my child is under the impression that my dating life will be beyond resurrection by then and I'll be stuck pining after him but I have news for him...he's the fool. I understand that once I get back to dating, I'll be "competing" with women who have no "living baggage" so in order to make myself a presentable and viable option, I must get it right, get it tight, IMMEDIATELY after dropping my load. With that requirement to dating, after having a baby, comes certain standards that I can no longer be lenient on.

For instance, before I got pregnant, I was not opposed to dating someone who made less money than me. Now, it can't even be an option. I'm currently working on a personalized onesie for Babybottoms that reads "If you have no money, my mom says beat it; I'm the only charity case she'll ever need". It's only fair. This is all in the best interest of Babybottoms. Who am I to deprive my child of something because I am supporting someones potential? My kid is the most important thing right now and always should be. Dating someone should NEVER be a burden but it becomes one when you are responsible for a little bundle of joy and you make a bad decision to date someone who isn't financially stable. AS 50 Cent said "love will have your azz on the bus".

So is it wrong for me, as a responsible human being, to set my bar of standards higher because I now have a kid? I don't think so. Truth be told, I never did ask for much from anyone I dated but to be respectful of me at all times. Unfortunately, these days, that's asking too much. Therefore, as it stands, whoever is interested in dating me from this point forward better come with it or don't come at all. 

I will admit, I'm not the number one stunna right now and it is because I don't care to date ANYONE right now; appearances are the last thing I concern myself with when I'm trying to keep food down. Please believe, when I'm ready, I'll STILL be a GREAT asset to someone, even though I will now come with a little "baggage".

Another thing I REFUSE to tolerate once I get back to dating is dating someone with a crazy baby momma. I've done it twice while being single. Having a kid changes the perspective on that situation. Whereas I had the time, energy, and strength to persevere with the person I was dating as his banshee baby momma terrorized us, I will not have that same desire with a kid of my own. Me and Babybottoms goal in life will be to live essentially stress free...so any stress from dating someone who doesn't have their baby momma under control is a big AIN'T. Will I date someone with kids? Sure but their BM has one time to act a fool and I'm out. I don't give drama so I most certainly don't receive it.

Going dutch and/or picking up a bill will only be reserved for friends and family...not anyone I'm dating. I believed in it before; not so much now. When you have kids, you have to think smarter. The money you'd spend on a date could be money you spend on your kid so if someone wants to wine and dine me, that is EXACTLY what he will be doing. I've never had to look for a man so when I do decide to date again, they'll find me and therefore, they should pay if they want to see me for breakfast, lunch, or dinner.

And the last bar standard I'm raising is...coming over my house. I didn't really let dudes over before but now...unless we are dating exclusively AND it's been a while, you won't step foot inside my house...or meet my kid. I was pretty lax when dating before because I was more interested in getting to know the person behind the dating facade. Now? If I smell one hint of "games", someone's getting NEXTed. My grandmother always told me I didn't trust my first voice enough...it's been past time I started listening to her. This kid, in a way, has been my biggest incentive to filter people better. I'm one for giving others the benefit of the doubt and I'm not saying I'm going to trash that characteristic of mine...just saying it's going to get applied a whole lot more than I used to.

It's only fair...

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Sir, You Are A Certified Grade A Clown

For all uninformed people, this fella to the left is gossip extraordinaire, Perez Hilton. Personally, I don't like him...he's annoying as hell (to me) and always has some LOUD MOUTH opinion about things that are NEVER that serious. Sometimes I wish he would just shut the hell up, sit down somewhere, and let his soul simmer in whatever good sense it has left.

Unfortunately, that would be too much like right AND he wouldn't be the gossip extraordinaire people happen to love. He's succeeded in rubbing me the wrong way with his foolishness, yet again. This time it has to do with a certain pageant that was recently held. He asked a question of one of the contestants...basically the question was 'do you think gay people should be able to get married'. She gave a well structured and honest answer. He gets livid because...well, he's gay and I guess he feels EVERYONE should share his sentiments on gay marriage.

First of all, I think it was a bad call on behalf of the pageant to let him be a judge and then let him obviously base his choice off of a bias that shouldn't have been present. Was it a bad call because he's gay? No. It was a bad call on their behalf because his opinions are not levelheaded and he allowed them to interfere with his job. He asked a question and didn't like the answer that was given but when the contestants are answering they should be judged on the delivery of their answer, not their personal opinion. The contestant delivered her answer very well but if you didn't want to hear someone say they PERSONALLY don't believe in gay marriage, DON'T ASK THAT QUESTION.

This is a beauty pageant, not a political forum.

So he rants about it on his website...calling the woman a b*tch and a c*nt. Really? This is how you're gonna behave over her opinion?

I can't stand people like this...people who asks questions that they KNOW there is a 50% chance someone won't have a similar view to theirs and then get upset at the person who disagrees. Of all the questions he could have asked her, he chose to ask THAT question and frankly, it was a bad choice on his behalf. He obviously was not open to the idea that someone would disagree with him. Anytime you ask a question, you have to be open to the idea that someone is not going to agree with you, otherwise, shut the hell up asking questions you don't want REAL answers to.

I notice a lot of people do that with their statuses (on Facebook, Twitter, Myspace, etc.). Some questions are rhetorical and it isn't always obvious so no, I'm not talking about those. I'm talking about questions like (I randomly pulled this out of my head so if it's been anyones status, I had no idea) "would I be an idiot if I slept with a married man even though he said he was getting a divorce soon". If someone replies back: "yes you would, trifling heffa; get a man who isn't tied down to anyone"...well, you got what you were looking for...AN ANSWER. Didn't mean you had to like it but then again, you didn't have to ask the question. That was just an example but people have been known to ask milder questions and then argumentatively debate someone's response. Those kinds of people shouldn't be allowed to ask questions ever in life. Everyone has an opinion, just like azzholes but it doesn't mean you have to BE an azzhole about someone disagreeing with you.

Monday, April 20, 2009

I Think I Killed A Bird...Cricket?

This past weekend did not happen like I wanted it to. I had EVERY intention of unpacking everything on Saturday...instead, the headache from pregnancy hell took over my brain for 3 days and I wasn't able to really get rid of it until Sunday evening. So my plans to go get that BB gun? Foiled. I'll get on why I think I killed a bird in a minute though...

I want to understand this baby in my stomach...I really do. I think, and maybe this is just me but, I think this baby lives to scare the hell out of me. When I'm in the bed trying to sleep, I know it's alive and well because it does it's best job to get comfortable on my bladder as frequently as possible. Imagine feeling like you need to pee...for 4 months straight...and when you go to the bathroom, nothing comes out but air...but that's about the only time I know it's alive in there. Usually it's acting like it's holding its breath...until I get in a tub of hot water. Then you can see his/her little body breathing all heavy in my stomach. It's the weirdest thing ANYONE could ever experience in life and sometimes I sit in the tub wondering when the Alien abduction is gonna come busting through. I was told babies like the warm water but it still creeps me out...sorta kinda.

I had a conversation with the kid the other day about letting me get some rest. One of my friends suggested I hold a knife or fork to my belly and threaten to stab/poke my belly every time he/she wants to make me throw up. I figured that would cause me more pain than the baby so I laughed...but stored it away for last result threatening. As my head is pounding, I pop 2 extra strength Tylenol and figure I will grab something to eat after my head stops feeling like a donkey kicked me in it. WRONG. Apparently the baby was not happy with me ingesting pills and water...this brat wanted food AND NOW. So I go in the bathroom thinking I'm about to brush my teeth...nope. Another session with the toilet ensues. The minute I ate, my headache calms down...not all the way but enough to see out of both eyes now.

I'm driving out of my complex to get food and this pale brown figure darts out in front of my truck and I hear the right side of my car kind of catch whatever it was...I think it was a bird. I IMMEDIATELY felt all sad and kind of panicked...then I thought about those damn birds making all that noise between 4:30 and 6:30 am and a smile crept across my face. Was that wrong? Was it wrong that I got filled with glee that I might have taken a bird out and it would be one less bird chirping and keeping me awake in the wee hours of the morning? So what. I hope he is somewhere maimed and laid up, not able to get a chirp out to save his life. Evil? Maybe but I like my sleep...

That was yesterday...today I'm driving to work and I hit another bird. I don't know if these birds are blind and don't see my humongous truck or they are purposely flying into my shat but this time....I felt bad. This bird wasn't in my complex but it was swerve and hit a car or...hit the bird. God will forgive me...it wasn't intentional. I hope it isn't dead somewhere on Marietta Street...

Friday, April 17, 2009

You Couldn't Pay Me To Believe You Have Better Friends Than Me

I might not talk to ALL my friends on a consistent basis but they certainly have no problem letting me know they are my friend. And THAT is what's most important to me. I don't NEED to talk to you everyday...and truth be told, sometimes when you talk to the same person EVERYDAY, you kind of get tired of hearing them talk about the same things ALL the time...if they are that kind of person. Space is a good thing between some friends. I know it is for me.

So, a friend I haven't seen in a couple months (I think) sent me the following on my Blackberry Messenger last night, just randomly out the blue:

"I can't wait for Choop (her nickname for the baby) to be here. You're going to be a superb mom. You're a good person and a strong person. Just thought you should know."

I was taken aback because it was LITERALLY out of the blue so I asked where all that was coming from and she says:

"My heart"

I think a piece of me melted instantly and then she followed it up with:

"But I've just been thinking about it and I thought hey those are all good thoughts and I'd want to know and would want to hear if someone thought it of me so I thought I 'd share "

Sometimes I don't know how to respond to things like that...not because people don't tell me...simply because that kind of stuff is so genuine and I've always thought the proper response was to shed a tear but I'm not that much of a cryer. So when I say "thank you", sometimes I feel like they don't think I really appreciate it. But I really do...

These past few months have been TRULY introspective for me and the hormones have made me cry more in the last few months than in my entire life! I'm a pretty decisive person by nature but being pregnant makes me REALLY do what's best for me and the bundle FIRST, before I consider anyone else. I think it's some kind of mommy mechanism to keep me safe...or at least that's what I keep telling myself. There have been some decisions I've made effortlessly whereas 6 months ago, I might have sat back and over analyzed them to the point where I changed my first mind on what to do. I don't regret not one of the decisions since I've been pregnant. I've grown closer to all the people who matter and that's what matters the most to me at this time. Others and their headaches that I usually make time for because I'm being "a friend", they've all taken the backseat. One thing I can thank Babybottoms for is giving me perspective on people and it has truly helped.

I had my reservations about having a baby in my current situation (read: not married) but the baby has actually given me the clarity I needed in life. Surprisingly, my friends I haven't spoken to for the longest amount of time have been VERY helpful and it's making me see how blessed I am to have ALWAYS had them around. At first I felt some kind of way about having no family in Georgia but they've made me reconsider my definition of family...they are my extended family and I love them as much as they love me...and Babybottoms :)

My Minds Playing Tricks On Me

Many of you reading already know who that fella to the left is. For those of you who don't...well, you obviously don't watch porn...or negro porn. Yes, I said negro...my dad still uses it so I think it's okay for me to use it. Go get politically correct in someone elses blog who cares...I'm Black, therefore, I can call other Black people Negros. Back to the blog...

So I was having the most wondrous dream ever a couple nights ago and when I woke up, I felt all bad because I had this dream while little Babybottoms was trying to catch some Z's in my tummy. I don't want to transfer filth to my unborn child but I'll blame this on Auntie B for sending me perversion to read. Them books sho' was good!!!

Anyway, I refuse to go into detail about this dream but I'll tell you why Mr. Marcus is being mentioned above. In my dream I was looking for someone, me and this other chick. We're in this ridiculously big house that either belonged to me or the father of my child. It wasn't very clear but it didn't matter...we were on a search. We came to this one room and this guy was in there...from the way we were gawking in the dream, this wasn't the guy we were looking for. He was naked and we was staring because from the profile, it was Mr. Marcus in all his soapy glory. There was no bathtub or shower in sight but he was standing there glistening and all wet like from the soap. So in the dream, I'm getting a little excited! I'm not too much a fan of Mr. Marcus face but that hub buddy...good lawd, sweet little baby Jesus, take me now!

Anywhom, the man notices that we are standing there staring at his nakedness, turns around and it's not Mr. Marcus. No...it's the father of my child. I instantly woke up and was FURIOUS. Why? Because the father of my child is NOWHERE NEAR being ANYONE'S hub! Hub is the equivalent of being diesel, buff, swoll, full of musssskulls. The father of my child, bless his skinny heart, is a bean pole. Don't get it twisted, he's attractive...he just aint got no muscle to speak of. I relayed the dream (in more detail) to the baby daddy and when I told him that HE was the Mr. Marcus guy, he smiled like I had just told him he won the lottery. Ummm, it was just a dream.

Then he starts talking about getting hub. His definition of hub is turning his ALREADY flat stomach into a washboard. That isn't hub. That's a skinny guy with a 6-pack. In my mind, I don't think Babybottoms dad would like right being THAT big. Mr. Marcus is a big dude. Granted, Babybottoms dad has the height for it AND the frame but he's been thin ALL his life (except when he was a fat, adorable little baby). I just think it would take way too much getting used to to see him go from Pharrell's size to...that up there. I mean, I can't even fit his jeans...that's how thin he is. But this guy has been known to do things simply for shock factor so who knows...my dream might have been a prophecy.

For those unaware of who Pharrell is (I understand I have a diverse set of readers), this is him:
(all friends who have met Babybottoms dad can attest to his birdchestedness...in the event he is reading this and thinks I'm trying to stomp on his ego, they all said you were cute...just skinny as hell LOL)

pharrell Pictures, Images and Photos
pharrell Pictures, Images and Photos

Thursday, April 16, 2009

A Little of This and That on Thursday

I changed the title of my blog because I will probably turn into that woman who inserts tidbits here and there about her kid...now that I'm going to have one. A little less coffee because contrary to popular belief that caffeine does absolutely NOTHING to the alien growth in your belly, it has been known to produce children that are hyperactive. I stopped drinking coffee as soon as I found out I was preggers. I solidified that resolve when I was 13 weeks and I saw it waving its little hand on the screen like it was experiencing an acid trip. Any kid with this much energy, this soon, doesn't need caffeine help.

You know how some people will blog obsessively about their significant other, almost to the point where they have convinced you that they don't love the person, they're just obsessed? Well, I'll try not to do that about my pregnancy/Babybottoms. I know how irritating it can be to go to a blog you read on the regular ONLY for them to be talking about their significant other YET AGAIN. I can only imagine some people are like that about their kids...like I said, I'll try. I don't think it'll be that hard to do considering, I don't write about the father of my child like that LOL.

Anyway, everyone say hello to Babybottoms. Hopefully, I find out if it's a boy or girl on Monday but the dad affectionately deemed the bun in my oven Babybottoms until then so that's what I'll be calling him/her until further notice. He/she will make random guest appearances, being that he/she likes to take over my life and force me to do what's most comfortable for them. Like right now...I have a desk full of work to do but for some odd reason my concentration is seriously thrown off and I can't manage to do anything but type meaningless banter. Blame the kiddo.

Moving on...my last blog I stated that I was looking for a BB gun to kill maim some birds. I spoke to my dad and it is times like this I wish he lived closer. I'd just go to his house and borrow his and that would be that. Plus, his BB guns are far better than I had imagined! I was looking at this mini uzi at Walmart...I would show a picture but my job be hating on weapons searches and threw up a firewall when I tried to save the picture. Anyway, the mini uzi shoots 130 FPS...my dads BB gun...shoots 600 FPS. Like I said, I'm not trying to kill these irritating suckabutt birds...with 600 FPS, someone's going to bird heaven. Of course he wasn't shooting birds with his...he was shooting dirty azz cats that used to spay our balcony. Trust me, THESE cats deserved EVERY BB in their hide. I referred to them as Satan's little henchmen cats. Anyway, I think I'm gonna get that uzi this weekend...although, my dad suggested I try an owl first because birds are scared to death of them. Not a real owl folks LOL. One of those gnome like owls that just sit there and look creepy. He also suggested I research bird calls...ummm, he was starting to do too much at that point so I cut that conversation real short.

Next subject at hand...I should be officially finished UNpacking this Saturday. My favorite volunteer who has rightfully earned her spot as Auntie (in my book; for the kid) will be coming over this Saturday to force help me to finish. I think this chick was Superwoman in another lifetime. Far be it from me to bestow unnecessary kudos but seriously, this woman is great. We live a good 35-45 minutes from each other and I promise you she has helped me more since I been pregnant than some folks who live 5-10 minutes from me. Words cannot express how grateful I am that she is a living, breathing soul who genuinely cares. 

Next...I have a date with the beach coming up real soon and I can't wait. It wasn't a planned trip but it is/was much needed. I'm going by myself but I'll be meeting up with a friend once I arrive at my destination spot and my goal is to spend as much time laying on the beach as possible. As soon as I step foot off the plane, I'll be looking for food and sand. Since I can't drink at the moment, I'll also be looking for some virgin daiquiri's somewhere too. It is only going to be a weekend but the relaxation I plan to get cannot be compared to anything else at this point. I'll take what I can get, plus, I have to save as many vacation days as possible for when Babybottoms makes his/her grand entrance so no long trips until next year.

I think that's it for now. I had a more uniformed and theme filled blog written but for some odd reason my computer wants to act a donkey and reload pages I didn't ask it to...so I lost everything I had written. Therefore, this will have to do for now...hope everyone has a good Thursday!

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Who Shot Cha?

It was me. This is what I would gladly tell these damn birds who feel the need to chirp outside my bedroom window EVERY morning between 4:30 and 6:30. This is a problem because my alarm goes off at 7 am. This weekend I will be looking for bebe guns because these birds HAVE GOT TO GO. If there was a more civil way to get these birds to beat it, I would gladly opt for that but being that there might be more than one outside getting on my last damn nerve, I have to come prepared. See, a bebe won't really kill the bird...just knock it off the branch and let me go back to sleep.

Some people may think this is cruel and inhumane. Sorry. My sleep is of essence. I'm especially irritated today because the father of my child was supposed to come over after he got off work to get some food I had slaved over. Mind you, he gets off at 10 pm and has to pass my house to get to his house FROM WORK but at 11 pm, no call, no show. I'm tired folks. Did I mention I'm pregnant? Yes, so 11 pm is late for me. I'm expecting him to come get his food and be gone so I can go to sleep. Instead, I have to inquire as to what in the hell he's doing and what's taking so long. Apparently, he felt it was a bright idea for him to run errands after he got off, change his clothes, and come by before going to his other job.

Excuse me? I'm not sitting here staying awake for my health. I tried not to get an attitude or fall asleep (because I HATE my sleep being interrupted, hence me wanting to kill maim the birds) but....I'm pregnant. All it takes is me sitting still for longer than 5 minutes and I'm off counting sheep. Being pregnant, I have to pee several times during the night so I wake up...it's 1:45 am. What. The. F*ck. At this point, I'm counting to 10 because it is obvious this clown has decided to go to his other job without communicating AT ALL.

I probably hate lack of communication more than the birds outside my window. He still has yet to understand what the words "be considerate of others" mean and I'm trying to have patience and not black out on him...I'll end up looking like the crazy hormonal one because I'm pregnant. So it's 1:45 and he hasn't made his way anywhere near my house so I decide to send a nice little text message that I'm going to sleep (read: don't bring your azz over here; I'm sleep). Except...now I can't go back to sleep. Dammit. I start reading and start getting sleepy around 3 am and doze off...only to get woke up by these frickin frackin irritating dang ol' birds...at 4:30.

So if anyone has any suggestions on where to purchase an affordable bebe gun and some bebe's, feel free to pass that information along to me. I promise to only shoot the birds...and not the inconsiderate azz father of my child.

P.S. - I almost sent this blog to "baby daddy" to subtly let him know he was being a jackazz last night...then I thought about his love for all things breathing (except for me last night...last I checked I breathe but apparently I gotta be some drowning deer for him to care half the time) and decided against it. I think he'd be more upset that I was thinking about shooting a bird versus me writing a blog and mentioning him without fair warning. Let's hope he doesn't decide to be "supportive" today and actually read something I wrote...

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Your Kid Looks Like A Garanimal

I do not believe that EVERY baby is cute. I do not believe that if you are pregnant, you aren't allowed to say someone elses child is less than attractive (read: ugly) for fear your kid will come out looking like that dog to the right. So anyone who believes that, well this isn't the blog for you.

Children can STILL be precious...even though they might be a little unsightly. In a previous blog I said that it terrified me that I am going to be responsible for another human beings well being and upbringing but this ALMOST terrifies me more...

I get emails and picture messages of people's kids ALL the time and when it is sent in the form of a mass mailing, I feel a little bad when no one compliments the kid. It's like the parents set the kid up for their first "L" by sending out a picture of them on their first day out in the world. So cruel. Every mother needs a team of friends who will tell them, "pump the brakes on sending that picture", or whatever will get it across that they need to wait a few days (or months) before bragging on their kid that isn't that cute. I know I have my team already setup in my phone for the picture distribution. It is 4 women I trust to tell me the truth...even when it might be something painful like "your kid aint that cute sister". I'd rather hear it from them then hear through the grapevine that someone thought my kid looked like a wet gerbil.

In the kids defense, it could just be a bad picture day...or they have yet to grow into their new features. Either way, don't assume that EVERYONE will think your baby is cute because YOU (the parent or biased relative) think they are.

My mom just told me today that my sister wasn't all that cute when she born. In my sister's defense, she was a skinny baby. I've never seen a cute skinny baby. My sister is pretty awesome now and when we were kids she was cute too. Just that Day One...it wasn't the best day to be taking her first portrait and showing off to everyone. But her son...I don't know if I've ever seen a kid who looked like he did on Day One. He looked like he was about 3 months old and was actually very cute. You know how some kids have HUMONGOUS eyes that scare you so you don't have time to look at their other features to determine if they are cute? Well my nephew had HUGE eyes that worked well for him. To this day, he gets compliments on his eyes...he looked like a cute little deer. Cute like Bambi, not like some deer who got stuck in your headlights when you hit him on a dark road.

So when I pray, I make sure to get in one for the kiddo. Lord please let the kid be cute (like both of his/her parents) and fat. Everyone loves a cute AND fat baby. I thought I could take comfort in KNOWING that me and the father were cute babies but you can't place all your eggs in that basket. Kids sometimes have a way of coming out the complete opposite and making you wanna kick yourself for ASSUMING you were going to have a Gerber baby.

Monday, April 13, 2009

What Terrifies Me...

What scares me the most about having a kid is the FACT that I have the power to f*ck this kids life up...FOREVER. I know MOST people who have the role of guardian don't INTENTIONALLY destroy the fibers of a child's life but there are moments when a parent/guardian does MAJOR damage and can SEE they are doing something that might have SERIOUS repercussions later but it is almost like they are wishing on a star that the kid NEVER figures out what they are doing. I understand that MOST parents/guardians have the mind frame, "this is for their own good", but really...is it? Or is it just you as the guardian/parent exuding your control over an individual that doesn't have the power or balls to question your authority?

I'm going to go with the latter and I base it strictly off how I was raised and also some people I've seen struggle with life because of some ridiculous shat their parents did to them when they were younger. Granted, EVERYONE doesn't experience this and to those people, I high five you. I understand my parents meant well (sometimes) and it was their first time raising kids but usually, that's the case. If you've had the privilege of raising more than one set of kids and you manage to f*ck both sets of kids up, the problem DEFINITELY rests in you not knowing what good judgement is.

I know there are going to be days when I might do something because I think it's best for my kid but I pray to God EVERYDAY that SOMEONE, ANYONE, hell, ANYTHING shed light on a subject that I'm just being an azz on that will affect my kid later so I make a better decision, FOR THEM, not myself.

Give you an example. I was watching this foreign film called Twin Sisters. Their dad died and their family separated them. Sent the sick one off to live with the rich side and the healthy one stayed with the poor side to help on the farm. The rich family lied to the sick girl and told her that her sister was too stupid to know how to write her back and since she was poor and stupid, she didn't have no stationary to write her and that's why she never got any letters. These girls were 6 years old and grew up in a middle class household with their father. THEY BOTH KNEW HOW TO READ AND WRITE BEFORE THEIR DAD DIED. You don't forget those things because your parent dies...dumb azzes. The sick girl wasn't having it and said she was going to write her sister anyway. The guardians decided it was within the little girls best interest to forget about her sister, like she had died and never mailed one letter out but led her to believe the letters were getting mailed and her sister just didn't want to respond.

The poor little girl wrote a letter to her sick sister only for her guardians to tell her they didn't know where her sister lived and the rich people didn't tell them because they didn't want her to see her sister.

These girls weren't reunited until they were about 21 and by then, even though they were still flesh and blood, they couldn't have been more different. Even though both were German, one was raised to support the reign of Hitler and the other was raised to think of Hitler's reign as one of terror and anarchy. Because of this HUGE difference in thinking, it caused a rift in their relationship and they didn't really speak to one another again until they were both hella old and about to die.

See...f*cked them girls lives up for no reason at all but simply because they had the power to do so.

But there was a moment when both families KNEW what they were doing was wrong. The rich family, the "mother" cried when she was asking her husband IF they should mail the letters out AND she willingly lied to the sickly girl, calling her sister a barbarian, poor, and stupid. YOU'RE AN ADULT; YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING IS WRONG.

The other family didn't want to pay someone to do the job they were forcing the healthy little girl to do AND deprived her of an education. They did all of this even though they were given money when they took the little girl into their home.

Even though this example is kind of extreme, lying to your kids isn't and some parents think it really doesn't matter if they do lie to their kids to spare them some uneasiness at the moment. But if you raise your kids to KNOW that lying is wrong, and you spank them when they lie, what are you really teaching them? That it's okay for you to lie but not them? Sometimes things happen between parents and children so fast, they don't realize what they're doing so I'll give some room for error there. Where I leave little room for error is when a parent has an opportunity to right their wrongs and just takes the "L" because so much time has passed, they figure it isn't worth it. Trust me, it's ALWAYS worth it to admit you're wrong and to apologize for destroying someone's life. At that point, it's up to them to forgive you and move on.

So yes, I acknowledge that being a parent is not going to be easy and there are going to be times you want to lock your kids up in the one of the dog kennels (reference picture). I've already stated that if my kid ends up with ADD or ADHD, I'm tying his/her attention deficit azz to a plant until they calm down. As long as mommy apologizes, all should be forgiven. Kidding, but seriously, once the damage is done, as long as parents acknowledge that MAYBE THEY WEREN'T RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING, people can go on to have better relationships with their parents and also live better lives.

I know I have...

Flashing Lights

Generally speaking, I don't like the police. I just wanted to state that before I got into my writing. But please never get that mixed up with me having respect for what it is they are SUPPOSED to be doing. I respect those who are actually doing their job and doing it well. My aversion to them as a whole comes from personal experiences with officers who allow their egos to get in the way of what they are supposed to be doing...serving and protecting the citizens. So in an effort to respect what it is they are supposed to be doing, when I see flashing lights and I can get out of the way, I do. For all I know, they are on their way to stop a murderer so who am I to be the azzhole and continue driving like I don't see their flashing lights and their increasing speed?

You'd be surprised how many people have no regard for those flashing lights and sirens.

I sat at a red light this morning and saw this officer flash his lights as clear as day. So I know if i saw him, DIRECTLY ACROSS FROM ME, everyone making a left turn into the lane next to me saw him. Do you think they stopped so he could get to where he was OBVIOUSLY trying to go? Nope. They kept making their left turns and going straight. Now many people will say, "Well, he's a cop he could have just kept driving" and I'll tell you WRONG. No police officer will PURPOSELY endanger the life of a civilian and to just smash through traffic...well that would have been reckless endangerment on his behalf. He doesn't have time to pull over all the people who basically ignored his lights because their destination was far more important to them than what he was trying to get to. So all the azzholes who jumped in front of him, yeah, they're still in his way because NOW...they're all sitting at a red light.

So what does the officer have to do? Go into the oncoming traffic lane to go around everyone who was in a hurry to get nowhere.

I will never understand this about drivers who don't get out the way (if they can) of emergency vehicles and cop cars that have sirens and are flashing lights. I just want them to stop and think for a second...what if someone had just broken into your house, where your wife and newborn child was, thinking they could make a quick come up? In the process, they realize the house isn't empty, shoot your wife and proceed to grab what they can. Your impatience could very well cost your wife her life...simply because you want to make a left turn before the arrow disappears or turns red, instead of letting the emergency vehicle go. Or even for the police who are in pursuit of someone that just got radioed in. They are speeding with their sirens and lights on for a reason. Why would you just sit your azz there instead of moving out of the way?

Some people I will never understand but the next time you see some flashing lights and/or hear a siren, move the hell out of the way (if you can). You don't have to like the police to do this but at least let them do their job when they're trying to.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Raining On My Parade

I was reading Death of a Genius blog this morning called When the Rain Falls.

I suggest you go read it but in a nutshell he was basically saying if he's having a bad day, don't come telling him someone else has it worse off because that goes without saying but if he's having a bad day, do you REALLY think he cares about someone elses misfortune? No.


Sounds cruel and insensitive but if you really think about it...YOU'RE kind of cruel to tell someone going through a rough patch that it could be worse. You might as well tell them to shut the f*ck up and get over it.


Many people grow to have that outlook that their problems really aren't that significant because someone else has it worse but that's ALWAYS gonna be the case. I could be walking down the street and get hit with a bullet meant for someone else. I could be losing blood in dangerous amounts but guess what, I'm not dead so yes, it could be worse. BUT...that doesn't take away from the fact that I've been shot, I'm in pain, AND....I'm bleeding to death.


Since I've been pregnant, I've heard this stupid "word of advice" so many times it LITERALLY makes me want to go cattywhompiss on people. My health isn't "bad" per se; I'm just pregnant and experiencing EVERY symptom known to any woman who has ever been pregnant. According to other pregnant women and mothers, as well as my team of doctors, it's normal. MY body has to adjust to something "foreign" being there and the first two trimesters aren't pie...usually. Some women get lucky and experience NONE of what I have. But if I am usually the picture of great health, do you REALLY think I want to hear YOU (especially if you've NEVER been pregnant a day in your life) tell me that "it could be worse"? NO. I DON'T.

It isn't helping, although you might think it is, and it doesn't present me with a ray of hope. Yes, I could be dead and truth be told, there are days when I want to die so in my warped sense of hormonal thinking, the dead are better off than me at the moment.


The father of my child has this outlook on other people's lives and will be the first to tell you that "it isn't that big a deal" but let him go through something that throws a monkey wrench in his plans and he feels entitled to his 5 seconds of a pity party. What I want to know is, how come YOU can have a 5 second pity party but I can't?


The reason we have emotions is so that we can experience a balanced outlook on life and how you feel about things. Being happy all the damn time is just as weird as being miserable allthe damn time. Most of the people I know who walk around smiling all the damn time and NEVER showing that things bother them, well they usually have some DEEP, DARK shat going on that when finally unleashed, makes you feel like you wish you'd NEVER known what they were going through. Some are better at hiding it than others but what some people have to understand is that you are entitled to feel happy, sad, mad, and glad WHENEVER YOU WANT. The key is...don't stay in the negative zone longer than necessary.


If I JUST stubbed my toe and I want shout curses, dammit, let me shout. If I'm still ranting about my toe 2 days later and there is no chance of gangrene, THEN, tell me to shut the f*ck up.


If someone lost their job and finding a new one is taking longer than 3 months, it's normal for them to be a little down about it. Since it's a recession, it might take longer than usual, especially if you work in an industry that is DIRECTLY affected by the economy nose dive. If you are the type of person to bring up your no job situation EVERY TIME you talk to someone, turning the entire room into a black hole but you really aren't doing anything to find a new job, then, shut the f*ck up.


If life is whooping someone's azz and you are their friend and want to know why they haven't communicated with you in weeks and you proceed to tell them what's been going on, DON'T...I repeat...DON'T LET THE FIRST WORDS OUT YOUR MOUTH BE "You need to pray" or "It could be worse" or "You gotta stay positive". Life is whooping their azz...this is the last thing they want to hear and for you to assume they haven't prayed and that they want life to continue this way makes you an azzhole. Find a better way to console people and maybe they won't NOT talk to you for weeks. Some people need to stop and think that it isn't anything personal; they're actually doing you a favor by NOT SHARING their gloom with you. They want to deal with it in their own time and all you need to do is LET THEM.


If he (Genius) hadn't disabled comments I could have just left a little "ditto" and that would have been that. But since I couldn't, this was my comment...in Layman's terms, I agree with everything he said. LOL

Thursday, April 09, 2009

Talking to Strangers

One of my friends had her status on facebook asking if a child doesn't respond when someone says hello to them, are they being rude. It was interesting to see some of the things people said. My parents taught me to NEVER talk to strangers but sometimes people think your kids are cute and will just randomly speak to them. Friendly people are sometimes just that...friendly. We still viewed them as strangers but could sense they weren't trying to harm us so we'd ask if it was okay to speak back to them. Usually our parents would nod and we'd respond.

You never really think about how that one simple rule (don't talk to strangers) affects you as you grow up. I think it's played a large part in who I have chosen to date. Most of the guys I've dated, I've been friends with first....simply because talking to a stranger always felt "weird". The few times I went out on a limb and talked to a "stranger", I felt I needed to protect myself because I didn't really know this person all that well. Call me paranoid but you will NEVA see me ending up like baby in Aruba...dead...why? Because she was talking (and drinking) with strangers.

Some people are naturally friendly with anyone they meet...I am up to a point.

So when one of my friends told me that she was going out of town with someone she had met 2 days prior to talking to me on the phone I was confused. Now...I have plenty of friends who will take advantage of some spur of the moment "trick session" and spend the next dudes money. BUT....they always take the necessary precautions. First off, NEVER are they leaving their city/state without knowing full name, all contact numbers, home address, and license plate. Trust me, one of my friends turn up missing, at least one of us know who she was with last.

Case and point...I had a friend who went out of the country and before she left she managed to get a copy of his passport, tell me where he worked, what his position was, his work number, cell number, and some other information that wasn't valuable at the moment but if she didn't make it back from her fun in the sun, I knew where to direct the police.

So when one of my friends sent me a text message today saying she was going running with a neighbor and she was sending me his info later, I laughed. I hadn't gotten a phone call or text message like this in a while and it made me happy that some of my friends were still being cautious with their lives. People are crazy these days...

Sometimes I wonder if the very people who wind up mysteriously dead are some people who talk to strangers or are overly friendly with them. I've never had a one night stand for this very reason. If I know nothing about you, that's a bad situation waiting to happen. I don't let men come over my house, whether I view them as a friend or more, right away, because I need to feel out THEIR intentions first. Some people don't really care and will let anyone know "hey, I live RIGHT HERE ALL BY MYSELF".

I'm just funny about strangers and I think I'm going to blame it on my parents telling me not to talk to strangers when I was little. LOL

P.S. - I google men I date...call me crazy but that is how a friend of mine found out she was about to be dating a rapist...

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Tell Me Something I Don't Know

I'll be 30 years old in November.

So when I go to my parents (who are 52 and 53) for advice, I expect them to impart knowledge on me that I didn't know before I came to them. The way I see it, they have 23-24 years of life on me so they MUST know something I don't know OR have a different perspective (from my own) that will enlighten me. This is the main reason I used to keep older people as "friends" versus people my age. It wasn't that I thought I was smarter than my peers; I just looked around at what they were doing & saying and really didn't see myself fitting into their idiocy. I wanted something else out of life and since I wanted more than those who were around me, I figured I could get it by talking to those who were wiser beyond my years...older people.

So nothing pisses me off more than someone who is SIGNIFICANTLY older than me telling me some basic bullshat ANYONE my age should ALREADY know. Older person...you are not serving your purpose well.

I observe people and the things they go through and there are people my age who have been through a shat load of things I will probably never experience. Should I happen to experience those things, I would more than likely go to them to see how they dealt with it....no matter their age. Will I go to them about ANYTHING? No. Just want pertains to them. See, with an older person, if you know them and a little about their life, you can pretty much go to them about ANYTHING. Or so I thought....

I approached this woman who was in a similar situation as myself at one point in her life. I made the mistake of thinking that she would talk TO ME....well, all she did was talk AT ME. Some people don't understand what that is but when someone does it to you, YOU KNOW EXACTLY HOW IT FEELS. I felt as though I had wasted valuable time and words on her. She pretty much recanted back to me what I wrote to her, using different words to appear to care when at the end of her words, I knew she could give two shakes of a rat's azz about what I told her. It wasn't her life. She didn't have to care. So she didn't.

Sometimes I make the mistake of thinking that because someone experienced something similar to me, they can relate to me. Life is teaching me that isn't always the case. No matter how much two things look alike, someone will always see it from their perspective making it appear to be totally different. I've had to learn that the sky is blue, black, red, purple, orange, and pink....just depends on when you're looking at it and how.

But back to my initial topic...it always feels good to learn something I didn't know before. Gives me a reason to keep wanting to learn because how I see it, I can never know enough.

Thursday, April 02, 2009

Tired & Preggo

I sat in my truck yesterday looking at this lady struggle to get out of her car. She moved like she was carrying the weight of the world on her back. When she finally got out of her car, I saw that she was about 5 ft tall, maybe 130 lbs...not big at all. She looked tired as ever though. Her hair was a little disheveled and I noticed she kept tugging on her jacket for it to stay closed even though there was a zipper she could have easily zipped up. She turned sideways and that is when I noticed...she was pregnant. I smiled because I knew what she was going through without even talking to her.

So the father of my child gets in the truck and I point to her and tell him, "Look, she's pregnant". His response? "Why do all pregnant women be looking like bums?"....normally, I would have just rolled my eyes and changed the subject but damn these hormones! I turned to him and said, "Really? We look like bums? You try carrying another human being in your stomach for 9 months muthaf*cka and then ask that same question. We be tired. Some of us toss and turn all night and by the time we get to sleep our clocks go off to go work for 8-9 hours. Excuse me if getting jazzy is the last thing on our minds. I am sure if we didn't have to work most of our day, we would put more effort into our appearance but sue us, we be tired. Azzhole".

His Simple Simon reply? "Well, I'm a man so I aint getting pregnant; that's no excuse not to comb your hair".

The father of my child is utterly impossible at times.

I wish there was some virtual simulation that all fathers HAD to be a part of so they could know SOME of what we go through. I do not feel sorry for men who experience the "pregnancy symptoms" the wife experiences or should experience...tough titty, pansies. I think they would be a little more sensitive to the things they let fly out of their mouths if they knew how it felt to have to pee EVERY 20-30 minutes, have their breast tissue expand at painful rates while their nipples feel like they are being torn off with a saw, throw up at the smell of foods they used to love....and worst of all not be able to alleviate the stress of it all with a beer, shot of Henn, or a blunt. Suffering in silence is what we preggo women do best and that isn't even HALF of what I've experienced and it's only month 4.

Although, there are times when the father of my child's asinine brain makes him say funny things like "boobies" when I'm changing my clothes. Big dummy. 

I was walking to his car to give him a stamp and I had this dress on I had just bought from Old Navy. Silly me bought it in my regular size instead of a couple sizes bigger so my growing lady lumps were spilling out of it. I felt a little bad for Babybottoms because his/her mommy's tits were on MAJOR display but I got over it quickly when I got to the car and the father says, "Hey, your tits are getting bigger". Thanks baby daddy, for noticing.

Pregnancy is truly an eye opening experience and I think I might write a book just for the kid so he/she can know just how badly he/she invaded my body and took over. Kidding...but not really. LOL

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Age REALLY Is Nothing But A Number

This topic NEVER gets old...mainly because people LOVE to associate age with what people SHOULD be doing in life. Sometimes, that is appropriate...other times, it is not necessarily an indicating factor of whether someone will be mature or not...simply because they are a certain age.

For example...if you have a man who doesn't give two shats about fidelity when he's 18, he probably won't give two shats about it when he's 21...unless he's had some calling to Christ that has changed his life for the better and he understands that treating women like the beautiful creatures they are is in order. So if his calling has not taken place and he is 40, guess who still has a problem with fidelity? That 40 year old man. As a woman, to assume that because you are dealing with an older man he will act accordingly is basically shooting yourself in the foot. NEVER assume anything and then directly tie it in to the age factor...age is nothing but a number.

I used to date this guy who was 3 years younger than me and EVERY time he did something asinine, I had these girlfriends that would always be waiting to say, "it's because he's young". No, his behavior was not to be dictated simply because he was 3 years younger than me. I know men who are 10 years older than him who behaved the EXACT same way. Why can't it just be that some people are idiots and THAT'S why they act the way they do? Because that was his problem. He was just stupid as hell. Now, I prayed that as he matured, he would wisen up and stop doing 'tard shat but hey, that was my prayer, not necessarily what happened. Now that he is older, he STILL does stupid shat but it has nothing to do with his age....he's just an idiot at times.

I had a friend who told me she didn't want to date guys her age because they were immature and needed to grow up. Fair assessment, considering we were 21 and most of the 21 year old men I knew, well, they did act like young buffoons just freed from the wild kingdom. But what used to irritate me is when she'd date a guy that was like 30-35 and think that it was going to be the bees knees. I'd laugh at her because the problems she was having with the 21 year olds were the EXACT same problems she was having with her "older men". Why? Because they were not age related problems...they were morally related problems. For some stupid reason, a lot of women take morally related problems and stick an age on them as to when men should be past those issues. Bad idea. Some people, you will NEVER be morally compatible with because they just might not want what you want out of life.

I know a 40 year old man who is married with 3 kids and a baby momma. He cheats on his wife like he's never been married a day in his life and he probably will unless his dick falls off. Does that have anything to do with his age? Nope. But because he is 40, he has had enough time to perfect his craft of cheating so that when he finds some unsuspecting 25 year old who thinks it's WONDERFUL to date a 40 year old man, he can woo her with is maturity. All the while, she is still experiencing the same thing she could very well experience with someone her age....a clown cheating on her and not placing her in a well deserved position in his life.

Point of this rant is, don't think that because you are dating someone older they couldn't possibly act a fool on you because they are older. Fools are fools regardless of their age.

Unsolicited Advice

Nothing irritates me more than unsolicited advice. For one, if I want advice, I have FEW people I ask and they are usually in this particular order: my father, Tamara, my mother. If I am sharing what appears to be one of my life's debacles with you, it is not for you to give me advice. In the event I am trying to keep the conversation flowing and I ask a question, 9 times out of 10, it is rhetorical...I know what I am going to do before I even talked to you. Sometimes people just want to talk things out...not necessarily hear from others what they feel YOU should be doing.

Some people don't get this and feel the need to spread their advice EVERY chance they get. The thing I find about people who feel so freely about giving their unsolicited advice is RARELY do they take their own advice and apply. This makes me want to stab them in the eye even more. Stop telling me what I need to do and focus on your f*cked up life because USUALLY people who give unsolicited advice DO NOT have the most exemplary lives. Maybe this makes them think they are the best at giving advice but I have a natural aversion to people with f*cked up lives trying to tell me how to live mine. Work on yo shatty shat and let me worry about my shatty shat, capice?

I'm not in a bad mood today so please don't interpret this post as me being mad at someone...because I am not. Just in the last few months, I have been getting a TON of unsolicited advice because I am pregnant and then on top of that EVERYONE and their mother wants to tell me how to deal with the father of my child. Granted there are days I want to rip him limb from limb but I honestly will blame that on the hormones coursing through my body that makes me hate all things (read: men) that have a penis attached to them...sometimes. To be 100% honest, me and the father are cool. I won't lie...there are some things I would prefer to be adjusted only because, in my opinion, your life SHOULD change when you have a child (read: stop being so damn selfish) but some people are going to be who they are regardless of having children or not so...oh well.

But back to the unsolicited advice...yeah, it's MORE than irritating and my patience filter is slowly disappearing. Last night I politely told someone thanks but no thanks on the advice because I don't need it. It is ESPECIALLY nerve wrecking when they are ALWAYS presenting their advice like they are some Dr. Phil kind of authority on the subject at hand...do you even know what you are talking about? No...no, you don't so please be quiet and find some youngin that actually might need your advice on life....because I don't. I'm not saying I can't learn anything from someone younger than me because I am sure this kid I am about to have will teach me something new every day but for someone to assume their advice is best AND best for me....f*ck outta here. You and your unsolicited advice.

I think I'm done...
 

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