Wednesday, December 09, 2009

You Scratch My Back, I'll Scratch Yours

I write in my blog for creative purposes only.

Granted, everyone starts writing a blog for various reasons but mine was constructed to keep my brain fresh for my other writing (screenplays, novels, etc.). Therefore, I don't do much "advertising" of my blog. I don't hide it in the least bit but you won't catch me shoving it down anyone's throat either. So, it kind of irritates me when people, who I KNOW NEVER read my blog, TELL me to read theirs. It becomes more irritating when I have people set up in my Blog List and I'm alerted whenever they post a blog but they STILL will find some kind of way to say, "Have you read my new blog?"

Please....give me a chance to read it, first and second, don't ask me why I didn't comment. I probably didn't have anything to say and sometimes I don't want to leave a "LOL" or "good blog".

Sometimes it becomes obvious that the same person who wants to ask you if you've read their blog probably hasn't read yours because you aren't some popular blogger or gossip site. The reality about blogging is, just because you have a blog, it doesn't make you a good writer, or even a writer for that matter. There are some blogs that I read because they entertain me; other blogs I read because the author REALLY is a good writer.

I pay attention to certain things when I read blogs and if I'm too distracted by these things, I will more than likely stop reading the blog altogether. For instance, grammatical errors that are obviously made because yo azz don't proofread or spell check before you hit "PUBLISH POST". Granted, if I know the person offline, I might still read their blog from time to time but my interest might not be there 100%. My attention has to be arrested if I'm going to take the time to sit down and read anything because I have a lot going on during the day...Babybottoms being 90% of what's going on.

This is not just limited to blogs; people ask me all the time if I've checked this out or that out that they are doing or involved in. There is nothing wrong with self-promotion but if you can't relay anything I've written in the last 3 months back to me, don't bother. I don't think people realize how self-important and arrogant that is. If you want people to be interested in what you are doing, you've got to be interested in what other folks are doing. It's the universal cycle of things. You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.

So, if you want to fix your lips to ask me if I've supported your efforts at anything, please make sure that you are supporting me as well. Thanks!

Tuesday, December 08, 2009


None of my family have had the privilege of meeting Babybottoms in person...because we all live in different states. However, I did do my part and alert family members as to my due date, as well as when she actually came into this world. So far, the only grandparent of mine who has taken any interest in my child's existence is my mother's mom. That grandmother has been there for me for pretty much EVERYTHING so I didn't expect anything less but I'm kind of salty about my other two grandmothers.

My dad's biological mother didn't even acknowledge the baby shower invitation I sent her, nor did she return my phone call. She has no problem calling and paying attention to her other grandchildren though.

My dad's stepmother....she's the one I REALLY want to hit over the head with a brick. Because she's so damn old and bitter, I'm going to give her a pass. My sister recently moved around the corner from her so I asked her to show our grandmother the pictures. When my sister let our grandmother know that I had a baby her response was so evil. The first words out of her mouth were, "Is she married"; after my sister replied she said, "I guess she went out and got herself a baby just like you". To be honest, I might have hung up on her had I been on the phone. My sister handled it pretty well though and stated that while we weren't raised to have children out of wedlock, the baby is here now and that is what the family should be concerned about. Our grandmother went on to say some more nasty things about us and our children. I'll probably never talk to her again.

I know my grandmother is old and miserable because of her current situation but there are people like her who aren't old and I will never tolerate their behavior. She didn't even want to know my daughters name. While it kind of hurts, I just focus on all of the people who love Babybottoms and who have been supportive of her birth.

And people wonder why my friends are more like family, then my blood relatives....

Saturday, December 05, 2009

Self-Control is NOT a Gender Bias Attribute

When we found out I was pregnant, we IMMEDIATELY hoped for a boy; months later, we found out we were having a girl. I had a tinge of disappointment but when the doctor told me she was 100% healthy, my disappointment faded and I was still just as happy before I knew the gender of my child. My reasoning for wanting a boy was that it would be easier and I wouldn't have to deal with "female" issues. You can be rough with boys; you have to be more gentle with girls. Sugarcoating would be a thing of the past with a little boy; with a little girl, I'd have to be sensitive to her feelings.

The more I thought about the supposed differences between raising a boy and a girl the more I saw that it had been deeply ingrained in me to treat boys different from girls, in a LOT of aspects. Is this fair? Hell no but I think as a society, people are conditioned to mistreat boys on an emotional level because there was/is this belief perpetuated that any male who shows too much emotion is considered homo. Mind you, no one takes into consideration that anger is an emotion but it seems that is the only emotion people automatically associate with men.

This in turn got me to thinking about the things that females can get away with that males are made to feel downright awful for.

I'm a fair person so I'm sure it wouldn't have taken long for me to realize I needed to make some adjustments...if I'd had a boy. I think God made the right decision by giving me a girl. I came to this conclusion after witnessing so many women in my Twitter timeline who REALLY and HONESTLY feel that domestic violence (when it's the man abusing the woman) is NEVER to be tolerated BUT when the roles are reversed, it becomes a laughing matter.

I've never thought it was hilarious for ANYONE to put their hands on the next person OR a persons belongings. I wholeheartedly believe in self-defense, regardless of it being man on man, woman on man, or a man on woman attack. Think about it...what kind of world do we live in where it says as a woman, you are free to defend yourself if someone attacks you but as a man, if you defend yourself against a woman, you are AUTOMATICALLY guilty until proven innocent? Mothers who have do realize that can possibly put your son in a compromising position one day? Sisters who have brothers...think about if his girlfriend or even just some female he was entertaining felt the need to put her hands on your brother and/or his belongings...should he just have to sit there and get slapped in the face, punched in the jaw, ran over by a car, or have his stuff vandalized?

Just because someone is a male, that doesn't mean their feelings cease to exist and they feel no pain.

I read a blog about domestic violence and some of the comments were totally absurd to me. So absurd that if I see ANY comments on this blog where it turns into a flat out disregard for men who have to deal with this, I will delete your comment. This is a serious issue to me because one wrong move on behalf of ANY man and he is EASILY labeled a woman beater for the rest of his life. What if he was simply trying to keep a crazed chick out of his face? According to our f*cked up justice system and some clearly biased women, it doesn't matter because he's a man and is stronger.

Being physically stronger does not mean ANYONE gets a right to hit you AND that has to be the weakest debate point I've ever heard in my life. A lot of women want to be viewed equally to men but when it comes time to measure out the equality in this area, there are a lot of women who cower in their gender as though women MUST be viewed as the weaker sex in this instance. Sorry fickle minded can't have it both ways. You can't be shouting to the rooftops about having equal opportunities when it comes to men and then want to bend the rules when it comes to showing self-control.

It isn't funny when a man puts his hands on a woman, REGARDLESS of the reason just as it is EQUALLY not funny when a woman decides she's going to lay hands on a man. If it makes a man a punk for allowing a woman to hit him and he not hit her back then the same goes for a woman who does not defend herself; she's a punk too. Personally, I do not feel that a person who does not retaliate is weak. It sincerely bothers me that some women will choose to do things to provoke a man to wrath just so that it can be later said that "he still didn't have a right to hit me". While she is correct with that statement, I fault ANY woman who chooses to destroy a man's ego and/or property because she's upset. If a man busted windows out and keyed a car, slashed tires, and/or got his sister/female cousins to whoop your azz, it'd be a problem but it's okay for us as women to involve our family/friends in a violent situation and/or vandalize property because we're upset? It isn't fair and regardless of what you tell yourself so that you can sleep soundly at night, you and your actions are wrong if you behave like this. What I fault women who do asinine shat like this for is THEIR lack of self-control. You can't DEMAND that men have an attribute you are CHOOSING not to display either.

My mother raised me to talk things out with people. My father raised me to keep my hands to myself BUT to NEVER let someone hit me and think that was going to be the end of the situation. I came to a happy medium by reasoning with people first; if that was not good enough and I felt for even one second someone was about to swing on me, I swing first. I AM NOT ADVOCATING VIOLENCE OF ANY KIND HERE. I just believe every person should have a right to defend themselves, regardless of their sex.

So when I look at my daughter, I think about all the things I have to teach her. She has to learn that just because she is a woman, she doesn't get special "rights" that men don't get. Regardless of this being a "man's world", I want to instill the kind of values in her where she can decipher right from wrong and realize that she doesn't get any passes simply because she is "the lesser sex". I want her to treat people how she would want to be treated; if she doesn't want/like anyone just swinging on her, then she needs to learn to keep her hands to herself too. I don't want her to hang around other little girls that think it's okay to smack little boys and then tell on them when they get their ponytails yanked. As she gets older, it will become young ladies and women who condone abusing men but crying when they get abused.

It's tough being a parent and the more I look at my daughter, I realize that it doesn't matter whether I had a boy or a girl; it would still be up to me and my partner to raise them with some common sense. Let's hope that all my years of raising her isn't destroyed by the simple minds of others.

P.S. - for anyone who wants to use statistics as a reason we should care more about abused women than men, please, spare me; just because some numbers show that women are more victimized by violent acts, it doesn't mean it's okay for women to abuse men or that it should be ignored. If you have a problem with that, think about other statistics. There are statistics out there of Black people who are wealthy and live great lives. So because those statistics exist, we shouldn't care about the Black people who aren't wealthy and living in impoverished urban areas? No matter what side of the coin you are on, your life and well-being STILL matters.

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