Friday, August 07, 2009

Relationship Blogs

Blogs that talk about different aspects of non-platonic relationships NEVER seem to get stale. Someone will ALWAYS comment and there will ALWAYS be someone around to vehemently disagree with your POV. That's fine...relationships aren't meant to be viewed ONE way because there are so many different people in the world who operate from different vantage points.

The thing that irritates me the most about relationship blogs though is NOT necessarily the material presented (well, sometimes, depending on who it is, I do want to tell them to go kill themselves...) but more so the pulpit, preachy type comments that come after the posting. Because we live in a world that has ALWAYS had a plethora of people who THINK different, there has always been a battle amongst people as to what the "perfect" relationship is. I'll be the first to admit that what works for me might not work for you. If you demand and want certain things from a significant other that just aren't that important to me, we are going to disagree on a few things here and there. The only rule in a relationship that should be applied across the board for everyone is...never be with someone who cannot respect you on the level you wish to be respected.

Make sure you define what you feel is disrespect though...because that can start an entirely different problem in itself.

But back to relationship blogs and the comments that are usually generated by them.

I'm not saying YOU (the reader) MUST do this but personally, I read the blog and my FIRST reply is ALWAYS to the person who wrote the blog. Unfortunately, you have people who read the blog, then the comments, and go on to reply to commenter's as if they wrote the entire blog with their 2 sentence comment. If you don't agree, fine, but stick to the topic of THE BLOG because when you go off on a tangent and it's in reference to a comment that wasn't even made to you, it becomes MORE than obvious, you're taking things personal. Unless the comment was directed AT YOU, what is the purpose of internalizing something someone said that doesn't even know you? There is no purpose.

The most recent relationship talk that has somewhat chaffed my skin are the people who are SO adamant about being married by a certain age and for all those people who are not, something is wrong with them and they need to adjust their priorities. Huh? Adjust them according to what? YOUR standards? Why is it SO hard to believe that EVERYONE doesn't WANT to be married??? For those who do, more power to you! I'm happy for you and I GENUINELY hope that you are getting married for the right reasons (i.e. the right reasons do not include so you can floss on all the batches who are still single; so you can wife up this dime piece so no one else can sow their oats in/on her). I'm not against the union of marriage because it SHOULD be a sacred and lovely one. I just KNOW that it isn't for me right now and I can't even begin to tell you when it will be. What I will tell you is...just because I'm a few sneezes from 30, that doesn't mean something is wrong with me because I don't want that out of life right now. And no, I'm NOT sitting at home sad over it either. I said I didn't want to be married; I NEVER said I have a problem dating or being with a man. Those things are not on my list of GOALS at the moment. No one should be made to feel like a lesser human being because that isn't what they want as they get older.

For all we know, they could be the people who get married at 40 and up, NEVER cheat on their mate, and stay married until death do them part....whereas, you "Mr./Ms. In A Hurry To Say Nuptials Because I'm A Certain Age Now" ends up divorced due to not being able to get along with the person YOU chose to marry. Which one is better off? I'd have to go with WAITING UNTIL YOU ARE READY TO BE WITH A PERSON UNTIL DEATH DO YOU PART, NOT IRRECONCILABLE DIFFERENCES.

Point is, in relationships, ALWAYS do what's best for you. Don't read blogs, comments, advice columns, self-help books, listen to friends who will lead you down the road of despair cause that's where they are headed, etc. Before engaging in ANY relationship, know yourself well enough to decide what you want to tolerate; ONLY be with someone who can understand and be with you under those circumstances. While it might be true that opposites attract, if you are on two different pages of life, that attraction will be short lived and/or give you relationship hell so ALWAYS DO WHAT'S BEST FOR YOU!

FYI, there is talk that Steve Harvey's book is about to be turned into a movie...I can see all the women going to see this the same way they did "He's Just Not That Into You"...you cannot live your life based on the lives of others. When will people learn this?

5 points of view:

MilesPerHour said...

My blog posts get the most responses when they have to do with relationship issues. Most of them have to with my own so I guess I escape the comments you are speaking about.

People can see how I feel and what I do and then agree or disagree, but I really don't put advice out there too often. Why? As you said, ALWAYS DO WHAT"S BEST FOR YOU.

Jay_fever said...

lol...good for Steve(on the movie). But you're right. Even though the dude spit truth...doesn't make it an absolute truth. People are much to complicated to fit them all in one box.

TheBeez said...

Kudos to this post! I'm still getting my feet wet in the blogging world, and have quite limited dating experience, so as a point, I usually choose not to discuss those things.

I definitely agree that we should do what's best for ourselves, and not what some book says. I haven't read the Steve Harvey book in full, but I feel like it's probably stuff we should already know, like "He's Just Not That Into You," which I couldn't even finish. This whole "self help/common sense" genre is booming.

relationshipspot said...

Hand Clap!!! Very well said, and necessary...

mr. nichols said...

Very excellent point. As you know, I write a relationship blog so I try to monitor which commenters respond to the blog compared to responding to other comments, and I try to keep my cool when I feel like somebody's trying to push their agenda on me. But you nailed it. All you can do is do you and let them do them.

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