Saturday, July 11, 2009

You're Trying to Give Me a Nightmare Bey

I've seen Kanye's blog for Beyonce's video Sweet Dreams for the last day and stayed away from it on purpose. After that Big Ego video, I had decided I'd had enough of her living out her missed calling in life to be a stripper vicariously through her music videos. If she does one more coochie hump to the viewing public, I promise you, I will take my eyeballs and give them to someone far more deserving. I don't want my eyes anymore...sometimes...after watching too many videos of her gyrating.

This is not an "I ABHOR BEYONCE" blog. I have no problem admitting I own every cd she has EVER even sung on (except for that whack ass movie she played in with Cuba Gooding...iJust couldn't on that one). I have no problem admitting she is EXTREMELY talented at what she does. Wooing the masses is not a job easily done and when you can make White people love you JUST as much as Black people, you've accomplished a goal most Black entertainer's have no idea how to achieve. The last person to do that on a level that is acknowledged worldwide is/was Michael Jackson. NO I DID NOT COMPARE HER OVERALL TALENT TO MICHAEL JACKSON SO DON'T MAKE A COMMENT THAT I DID; I'd never be that disrespectful to that man.

Anyway, she gets kudos from me ALL day...but there are some things that she does that I just can't let fall by the wayside (kinda like when she busted her ass down them stairs). I have been writing letters/blogs about and to Beyonce since Destiny Child was a budding thought in that Joe Jackson father of hers (no beatings) brain. Some things just be extra on her behalf and I know she does it BECAUSE...she can get away with it. She's Beyonce. All hail the Queen. (insert sarcasm anywhere after I said I own all her music; oh and no sarcasm on MJ)

I have been listening to this song Sweet Dreams for the last year. Babybottom's dad played it for me in the car on the way to TGIF's one day and I only listened to the words. This song was played during a pivotal point in our relationship so I always listened to it nostalgically...that is until I saw this video and Beyonce stomped all the life out of my tender moment of love. Beyonce...why did you make me go from always wanting a sweet dream to immediately wishing I could kill you in a nightmare?

My "I hate this stupid video" moment didn't rise up until I saw them forlorn finger waves.

The levitating at the beginning made me think "Sorry B, Maxwell already did this in Pretty're fired and the video hasn't even started". I still decided to give her a chance and enter her choreographed repeat of pretty much every video she's made in the last year. I want to stab her choreographer. She pays you WELL I am sure...why do you make her do the same dance routine EVERY video? And then it hit me....she LIKES to dance THIS hard in EVERYTHING. She's gonna need a hip replacement by 40 if she keeps on and all that air grinding....if she's behaving like this on the dance floor, I hope she brings some of that to the bedroom for her husband cause if not, you're fired for letting all the steam out for us random viewers and then going home talking bout "I'm tired and my hip hurt Shawn. Where's the ICY/HOT? Please don't touch me". Fired...again.

And then the end...maybe it's just me but I think she showcases her body EVERY video because she wants to have a point of reference should she decide to "age gracefully" (read: be like normal women who can't afford plastic surgery and just age how God meant us to). Don't take that to mean should tomorrow I come into some money some augmentation isn't gonna happen on these soon to be mauled tits of mine. Babybottoms is greedy as hell in the womb, I can only imagine how she's gonna act once she gets out. If the sucking of my breasts by my lovely child results in my tits looking like a freak show fit for The Devils Rejects, they're getting lifted and if anyone says anything to me about it, they can kiss my phat azz. But this isn't about me, remember? We're talking about lovely Bey.

Sometimes I smile with great joy that she is in my peer group and SO successful with her life goals. Sincerely, should/when my bank account gets close to hers, I'd allow her to be my friend just so I can be that "mirror" to call her and be like "what in the hell was that shat you released? you're fired and no I'm not playing". We all need a friend like that...seriously, we do. You see those people who walk out the house like they own no mirrors whatsoever? Yeah, they don't have friends like that...better yet, they don't have friends at all. Everyone is so busy trying to stick their head in her ass to see if she shits gold that no one is honest with her. At least this is what I believe.

I think I know what MY problem is with these videos artists are putting out...they aren't doing anything new and I'm getting rather bored with their lack of creativity. How are you an artist and have no creativity? One word to ALL of them (Drake, please be listening for letting Kanye piss on your genius): FIRED

Anyway, I've ranted enough about this video; feel free to watch at your own eyes risk.

8 points of view:

Black Yoda said...

I haven't seen the video...or any video really for several years, but I do support T & A in my face so I say Go Bey! I do agree with you about firing her if she came home too tired to bring the heat. It's like that episode of Seinfeld where he dates the professional Masseuese who refuses to give him a massage or dating a porn star who comes home after a long day on set too tired and sore to have sex. What's the point? :-)

VerbFashion said...

Love the new layout!

Like you I won't lie, I own everything she's sang on as well (no, Fighting Tempations)...

Bey is just over the freaking top. I agree, she does have talent but she just takes that to the extreme. Clothing line, why? Still shaking it fast in '09, WHY?!

I'll get down with her once you become her "mirror" in a few years.

video pissed me off as well...good post, well said.

Unknown said...

Thank Goodness you said it!

AssertiveWit said...

Black Yoda: well of course you have no problem with Beyonce coochie humping the screen every 5're a man. I just want to see how far her creativity can span casue right now....her mind seems challenged in a yellow bus kinda way.

VerbFashion: thank you...I wanted something different and it was perfect. The dead lamb might disturb some people but hey...I like it LOL

She goes to extremes because she can and who can REALLY compete with her level of entertainment? No one really so she has free reign to act a donkey at all times.

Mista Jaycee: no problem LOL

CoogieCruz said...

Love the new layout. The video was alright, just glad to see something a lil' different from her last couple of videos. It left me wondering if it was before or after MJ's death though.

ChiChi said...

I shouldn't even be posting nothing about Bey seeing as how I got called on kinds of fat ugly bitchsnhoes on Twitter behind her gyrating ass...

But, yeah. I'm still trying to figure out what people saw that was so different from her last couple videos.

After I read someone say she remade classics and shat on the original artists and she would be shitting on greats right now if they were working...I had to let go and let God.

iCan't with the stans.

AssertiveWit said...

Coogie Cruz: I'm not being an azz when I ask you this; I'm being VERY sincere...I'm curious to know what exactly was different about this video vs. the last few she put out. Big Ego was similar if you think about concept or story line...just her coochie popping with 2 other coochie poppers behind her. I think she might have had 2 recent videos that had some kind of treatment applied that looked like it took longer than 5 minutes to come up with...Brokenhearted Girl and Halo.

I just don't see her really doing anything new in many of her videos...hence my boredom LOL

ChiChi: I HATE when the first thing that comes out of someones mouth when an OBVIOUS TRUTH about Beyonce is pointed out is, "you prolly hatin cause you're fat and ugly". For real? So the only people who have opinions contrary to wanting to stick their head up her azz, are fat and ugly people? Oh ok. It's utterly ridiculous.

It's true that she can's true that she can shake a tailfeather (being able to dance like a stripper DOES NOT MEAN she dances better or even close to Janet J.)'s true that she is a GREAT entertainer.

Is it true that she is perfect and can do nothing wrong? No. She's still human and even though I like her, she still be getting the side eye from me on numerous occasions LOL

iCant with the delusional Stans either...

Naturally Alise said...

You killed me dead with "forlorn fingerwaves", I thought something very similar (weary waves)... I cosign your entire article!

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