Sunday, July 05, 2009

Loyalty, Trust, and All That Is Related

When I was younger I adopted the mind frame that trusting people was a bad idea. By trusting someone, you allowed people to weasel their way into your life, learn things about you, and that would give them the power to use those things against you later. I didn't want to deal with that so I proudly tooted that I trusted no one and even told other people they shouldn't be so trusting. That was probably some of the worst advice I could have given anyone. The problem with not trusting anyone is that NO ONE TRUSTS YOU.

While I was learning that fact of life, my father sat me down one day after hearing me say "I don't trust no one". I couldn't have been no more than 19 years old. He said he had to learn the hard way that you can't EXPECT anyone to be loyal to you, if you don't trust people. You can't expect people to look at you as trustworthy when you don't look at anyone like that. At the time, I thought he was blowing smoke up my ass but as I got older and wanted those I formed close attachments to to trust me, I understood what he was saying.

So when I hear people say they don't trust people but state they have a problem with people being loyal to them, I look at how they treat people. Why would ANYONE want to be loyal to you when you don't trust them anyway? No one owes a person like this ANY allegiance of any kind because they don't really want it anyway. I've found that you can talk to people like this until you are blue in the face, telling them truth upon truth, but because they have it made up in their mind that EVERYONE is not to be trusted, you might as well be lying to them.

Personally, I can't have any friends I can't trust nor do I want to be friends with someone who can't trust me, simply on the strength that they never plan to. There are plenty of people I know and are cordial with who have this outlook on life and I know they have a long road to travel before it clicks that loyalty and trust is something that is earned. Therefore, if you don't have those qualities residing in yourself, it is going to be very hard to find it in others or even attract people who have them.

I got to thinking about this after talking to someone who ALWAYS plays the victim role like people are constantly out to get them. I can't take people like this seriously because it is never them who is at fault, even though after talking to them for a good 5 minutes you can see that most of their problems are self-imposed. I eventually had to stop talking to them altogether because my nice Sunday afternoon was beginning to turn into Doom & Gloom. I'm trying to end my weekend with smiles and joy...not frustration over someone elses issues.

6 points of view:

David said...

An interesting post.

Trusting people is hard, but something that we just have to do.

Coogie Cruz said...

I have blogged about this several times because I am guilty of saying "I don't trust anyone not even myself." Which is true to an extent but I've learned to rephrase that and to trust myself as well as others. For me it's learning about who i worthy and deserving to be trusted rather than trusting everyone you come across. But you have hit on some valid points here that I took to heart.

MilesPerHour said...

Trust is a very difficult topic with so many branches on what it means. I am very private so I trust very few with what goes on in my life. On the other hand I trust others to obey traffic signals. There are many different forms of trust.

Assertive Wit said...

David: I agree that trusting people is a hard thing to do. I've just learned that you pick and choose who you can trust and it'll be alright in the end.

CoogieCruz: People who say "I don't even trust myself" have always made me question whether or not they genuinely know themselves. That isn't a comment directed specifically towards you, just generally speaking, it makes me question how many people take out the time to get to know themselves. I trust myself before I trust anyone else LOL

MilesPerHour: I think the ISSUE of "trust" is only as difficult as one makes it. I'm a private person (to an extent) as well but that doesn't mean you'll ever hear me say again "I don't trust ANYONE". It just encompasses too many people who love and care about me and it's kind of a slap in their face when my trust issues (if I have them) are not conclusively EVERYONE'S fault. This blog was speaking generally about the basic level of trust; I would hope that people exercise caution in who they trust but not be so closed off that they trust no one.

Black Yoda said...

I've read quite a few pearls of wisdom from your father in your blogs. He's like some kinda Shaman. He's like Wilson from Home Improvement :-)

Coogie Cruz said...

In response to what you said, that's true and for me that was a big problem. I didn't know myself well. I was who I thought I was more than who I really thought I was if that makes sense. I was always making other people happy first and doing what they expected or wanted and just doing what I thought I should be doing along with doing stupid shit and passing it off as "I am just 18,19,20,21 it's okay to be dumb". Now I know better because I know myself better.

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