Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Living Single


I have never read that book but the title of it, as well as, the byline serves my blogs purpose well. If anyone has read it, feel free to let me know.

Anyway, Twitter prompts a lot of things to go through my head on a daily basis. The most current running thought is "are people REALLY this stupid or is this part of their online persona". In the middle of me thinking more than half the people twittering something are dumb as rocks (simply to entertain others), I started seeing random tweets here and there about being single, why people are single, and other people lamenting to others about how at a certain age you SHOULDN'T be single. If I wasn't limited to 140 characters (thank God we are though) I would just randomly tweet:

"being single is not a disease; if you think it is, you obviously need to find something better to do with yourself than live vicariously through the ass of a relationship" (hey! maybe that can fit on a tweet!)

Relationships are for people who want to be in them. Period. There is no psychological discussion to be had about those who CHOOSE to be single and those who CHOOSE to be in a relationship. I know plenty of people who REFUSE to be alone so they'll date the scum of the earth JUST to be in a relationship. It's what they like; being with someone. Me personally, my breath of life is not contingent on someone calling me their boo. It never has been and it never will be. My attitude towards relationships is one of nonchalantness, generally speaking. I've never been pressed. I know when I wouldn't mind being in one but it's generally because of the way THAT person makes me feel...not because I think the idea of being an "us" is the greatest thing since sliced bread.

But then again, I wasn't that little girl sitting in her room daydreaming about her wedding, husband, kids, house, and animals. I was more content reading a book, playing with action figures, and trying to figure out how to melt plastic without my mother smelling it. Hell, I didn't really start WANTING kids until after I turned 25. I felt a little awkward that me wanting kids came before actually WANTING to be married...probably why I'm pregnant now, LOL. But I digress...I have never really put much effort into relationships. I've always just liked to let them "happen". I will be honest and say, the relationship I have with Babybottoms dad is the MOST I've EVER done as far as maintaining a relationship. Again...probably why I'm pregnant now.

Have I had boyfriends? Sure. I just always felt myself getting a wee bit bored because...well...what's next? After you've dated someone for eons, shouldn't you have formed some kind of attachment that MAKES you want to marry them? If not, aren't you both essentially wasting time? Because I've thought like this for so long, I'm kind of scared as to where me and Babybottoms dad will end up. It's almost like, if I get bored after a while, who is to say he isn't getting bored also? So far, me and Babybottoms dad have yet to get bored with each other. Probably because we don't smother each other to death and for some odd reason, things just don't get "old" between us.

But I'm getting off the subject here...the subject matter being people acting like you have the plague because you're single. I'm 29; I'll be 30 in a few months and I look at people in my peer group and I see a LOT of people who are PRESSED to have a significant other. They haven't done any deep soul searching to better themselves but want to get married or be in a relationship. My question to them is...who do you REALLY think wants to marry your unstable ass? If you haven't taken out the necessary time to make your undesirable qualities a little less undesirable WHO do you think, in their right mind, is going to "wife/hubby" you up? 9 times out of 10, THAT'S why your unhappy ass stays in and out of the single life.

These kinds of people are FAMOUS for lamenting about the opposite sex and what they ALWAYS do. No, that's what ALWAYS happens to you because YOU date/attract/choose the same type of person OVER and OVER. Why do people act like it's so hard to understand? There is nothing more irritating than people who OBVIOUSLY can't take being single projecting onto others that they shouldn't be single either. You just want company at your sad little pity party. Those of you who WANT to be in relationships, leave single people alone who WANT to be single. While there is obviously something wrong with your "determined to fail in relationships" ass, there is nothing wrong with someone KNOWING they don't want or need to be with anyone right now. Needy, clingy relationship types might find that weird but guess what...NEWSFLASH: Everyone isn't you.

If you REALLY are CHOOSING to be single, fine and don't let ANYONE preach to you about how you should want to be in a relationship. You should want to do what you want to do and they should mind their damn business and figure out why their relationship life has been an ultimate FAIL, for the most part. If you are single because you REFUSE to do anything for anyone to tolerate your insufferable ass then fix that too; you'll get someone because there really is someone for everyone out there.

Again, this isn't anything that's so hard to figure out that you lose sleep at night. Point is, no matter how old you get, it is not a disease to be single. If you feel so "afflicted" by it, try doing something other than what you been doing and you'll get different results...more than likely the ones you are looking for.

6 points of view:

VerbFashion said...

YES! You never fail to make all the sense in the world on various topics. I appreciate this blog..for real.

LOVED..."While there is obviously something wrong with your "determined to fail in relationships" ass, there is nothing wrong with someone KNOWING they don't want or need to be with anyone right now."

While people who are set on needing to be in a relationship to create something else for them to do or add to who they are I really feel they need to instead be focused on how they can understand themselves so they can add to the relationship they are dying to be in. No one wants a half-ass partner draining the shit outta them because they have come into the relationship looking for someone to 'complete' them. You touched on that well.

And being single does not mean you're out here lonely as hell and being depressed. When I was single, several guys tried to use the fact that I'd be independent at 40 with a great career and no man...as if to say my world would be an epic fail because I was perfectly content with focusing on this degree and having single fun at age 21.

Wizzy Jr. said...

You might have to break that tweet up into 2 or 3. HEHE.

But people think that being single is a curse. They just don't know that you can be SINGLE but not ALONE.

Coogie Cruz said...

I use to think I was doomed or something was wrong because my sisters at my age, my parents, my cousin who is my age now were either in long term committed relationships, married (the cousin) and with their families. But now I am like screw it this is more fun and I am still learning who I am. I am dating myself right now. Mind you I am just 23, 24 next month.

Craigjc said...

I co-sign on this 100 percent. People choose both sides now, and believe me, both sides have pros and cons.

Assertive Wit said...

To Everyone Who Commented: By the time my mother was 30 years old, she had been married 12 years and had me & my 2 siblings. Now, THAT was the life she ALWAYS thought she wanted but there were a LOT of things she NEVER got to do or enjoy because she had all 3 of us between the ages of 22 and 27. She is 53 now and sometimes when I talk to her, I hear a tinge of sadness over the fact that she didn't take out time to enjoy HER life before starting a new life with someone else and then raising kids together; my dad is really no different, he just masks his personal disappoints a lot better than her LOL

I shared that because a LOT of people have this ideal life in their heads that they really haven't sat down and thought through. I think that is something EVERYONE should do when they think about entering a relationship because it is no longer JUST about YOU...it involves that person you're with, AT ALL TIMES. But people are so selfish these days so I am sure someone (not you ladies and gents who commented) is reading this like "oh Synitta, blow it out your ass" LOL

Lil Honey B said...

Amen!

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