Thursday, July 16, 2009

Let's Be Honest

Cheating is cheating...whether you are the one who initiated the "cheating" or not. Frankly, it doesn't matter if the person is married or just in a relationship with someone's still cheating and if you are a participant and KNOW they have a significant other, you can't cast blame on the person you are cheating with. If they are so stupid and need to go sit in a corner, well then you're equally as buffoonish and need to park it in the corner too. Whether you are 16, 26, 36, or 46, you KNOW what you're doing and I'm pretty sure you wouldn't want someone sneaking around on you.

I've read my fair share of Air McNair blogs that centered around cheating but it wasn't until I read this blog that I felt compelled to share my trifling story with the public. It's a real quick "story"; nothing drawn out or elaborate because there is nothing to glorify in what I participated in. When I was 21, I got involved with a 31 year old. For 6 months, things were good so I finally decided to go ahead and share my goodies with him. After getting my freak on, I started hearing little things from other people that he was married. When I confronted him, he of course lied about it. It wasn't until I actually met his wife that I KNEW he was married. At that point, it was MY RESPONSIBILITY to separate myself from him and his foolishness but I didn't so...that made me just as much a fool AND as responsible as him. I continued to be involved with him for 3, almost 4 years. ALL MY CHOICE. He wasn't forcing me but I did have incentives to stay acting a fool with him. I was young and ONLY thinking about myself so I continued to carry on in a cheating azz relationship.

I will NEVER blame him 100% for what happened because he could easily walk away from me and go find another retard to sleep with, KNOWING he IS in a relationship. I blame myself and only myself from the point I had confirmation he was married. I chose not to cut him off and for that I am sure karma found a way to repay me or it will. I accept responsibility for any foolishness I partake in whether it was when I was younger or now.

Would I ever "cheat" with a married man again? Nope. I'm just not that person anymore and I actually care. I haven't done it since. Although, I have been in a situation where I was involved with someone and they decided to get a girlfriend WHILE we were "involved" and I didn't walk away immediately. It took me 2.5 months to process how to fully separate from him, we had our talk, and he chose to separate from her. He had the free will to stay with her but I wasn't going to be with him while he was with her. That is a road that usually ends with someones feelings being hurt and I would rather it not be mine.

I think the issue with women who want to ALWAYS place the blame on the man they are "cheating" with is that they feel somewhat duped and in an effort to feel better about themselves, they look for someone to blame. He isn't making you do anything with or for him so how is it his fault? Blame yourself and get over it. If you are gonna be a woman who has no respect for other people's relationships, own up to that. You're an adult and only God can judge you  so it shouldn't matter how anyone else feels about your contribution to trifling behavior anyway, right?

Point is, we know what we are doing when we engage in these kinds of things so the blame of other people involved has to stop. The young lady who willingly accepted gifts and peen from McNair didn't want to believe that she just wasn't as important to him as his peen initially made her feel. She got upset and took matters into her own hands. The fact that she murdered someone she was cheating with because she couldn't have her way is a drastic result of people (Steve included) being selfish. Sometimes we place ourselves in compromising situations that have all the potential in the world to turn out horrible and we KNOW it while we're doing it. We can't rightfully blame anyone but ourselves because we all have free will to do what we want. Murder AND adultery are wrong. It doesn't change simply because you choose to place yourself in the shoes of a cheater.

Bottom line...if you are cheating with someone, this does not mean he/she likes you more than their significant other. All it means is that they like to dip their stick or rest their loins on other people other than who they are with. Sometimes it turns out in favor of the person they are cheating with and sometimes, well, you are shown that you aren't as important as you thought you were. Tough titty...don't be a cheater and you won't have anything to complain about.

5 points of view:

Solomon said...

Sounds like wise advice to me. Unfortunately I've been on the wrong side in a few such instances. I could never figure out why I was always being shit on like this all the time. True is I still haven't figured it out, but I also don't put up with liars and cheaters no mo'. I've realized I can't control anyone but me, so I work on me.

Craigjc said...

Great post. Many women find ways not to point the finger at themselves. This account is an honest and accurate look at cheating from both perspectives. Question: So, would you ever immediately leave a cheater, just abruptly walk? Seems like you've always taken your time and never up and left, even after learning of the facts.

Assertive Wit said...

Craig: those were the only 2 situations where I didn't stop cold turkey once I found out there was someone else in the picture; I'm not a cheater (by nature) but I will never lie and say I wasn't a willing participant those 2 times.

The second time I was a willing participant in cheating, I was ALREADY involved with the person before he even met the chick that became his girlfriend. I was being stubborn and didn't want to let go for 2.5 months but I started feeling silly as hell cause if I didn't leave, he would have gone on being involved with me and her at the same time. Playing second fiddle has never been appealing to me so I don't involve myself in these kinds of situations simply for kicks.

The first excuses there. I was being stupid. So it isn't me "always taking my time to leave" LOL

MilesPerHour said...

I like that you took the responsibility for your part. Not many people would do that and I hold you in the highest regard for sharing this with brutal honesty.

I have been a "dog" in my past and I am not proud of it. No more.

Assertive Wit said...

MilesPerHour: I could easily place the blame on the other party involved but it only makes me look like a stupid puppet. You live and you learn...the key is to not habitually make the same mistakes. Sure, we're all human but that isn't a pattern I care to have in my life.

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