Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Worst Whooping of My Life

In my young mind, my dad invented this dark and cold street. As a child, I had dreams and aspirations of demolishing this horrible place so no other parents could take up residence here. Forgive my tunnel thinking on this issue because as life would have it, this street existed LONG before my conception was even acted upon. I was reminded of this dismal place after reading Remember the Toothpaste by Damon, the writer of This May Concern You.

He asked readers to state their worst beat-downs they received at the hands of their parental units/guardians and to state what we did to deserve it. My story was too long to leave in the comments here it is in blog form.

When my mother decided to go back to work, me and my sister were left to look after my heathen brother. Many fights ensued the minute my mother backed out the driveway. Today was no different, except this "fight" was between me and my sister. She's never played fair...just not her thing and has always had a problem with keeping her hands to herself. She felt entitled to lay hands on me and my brother but if we even attempted to retaliate, it was going down. How dare we defend ourselves against her? Don't ask me where that one-sided thinking came from but today was not the day. After some time was spent trying to hit her back, I semi-gave up because I had to pee.

I guess she felt I was chasing her since I had to pass her to get to the bathroom so she takes off and locks herself in the one place I need to be...the bathroom.

I'm far too old to take this "L" in life and piss all in my pants so I start getting angry. As a child, I had the temper of Incredible Hulk...actually all 3 of us did. We get it honest; my parents tempers are nothing to joke around with. My mom is more that vengeful/vindictive type of angry person, plotting on yo life while you dad is the "snapped" kind of angry; real calm and then out the blue, catting off like he's smoked crack all his life. My temper resembled my fathers, my sisters temper, more so my mothers.

So I'm calmly knocking..."I gotta pee! Let me in!". She's still concerned about me trying to hit her so she yells out, "No! Pee on yoself!" This interaction takes place so long, it feels like I'll never be able to have kids in life because my bladder was full and now my uterus was being used to hold the toxic filled urine. I'm almost to the point of tears and I yell again, while hitting the door, "I gotta pee! Let me in!" Her simpleton ass still worried about getting hit, doesn't budge.

Now, this door to the bathroom was made of REAL wood, not that ply wood crap they are filling everyone's homes with these days. There was also a crushed glass like window at the top; you know the glass that you can't see through because it's smooth on one side and prickly on the other. Pretty much indestructible...remember those three words.

I think I felt a warm trickle start to hit my pants leg and this might have been what set off my was that or her opening the door a crack to laugh at me like my exploding bladder was a joke. I ran up to the door and did a Hulk Smash on it and as I looked up, I instantly became the sniveling, puny human Bruce Banner. This glass had taken many slams and NEVER broke but my fury caused it to spider crack...alll over. I guess my sister, seeing the severity of the situation, opened the door slowly, and she too had the face of fear. We were supposed to be staying out of trouble, watching the Heathen from Hell, and not killing each other but instead, had managed to destroy some shit we KNEW we was about to get the ass whooping of all time from.

I no longer had to pee...all I could do was cry.

That day, my dad seemed to come home even earlier than usual. Me and my sister looked so worried that he immediately knew we did something out of line. He took one look at the glass, asked who did it, then was off to get an estimate. That window pane was going to cost him $300 to replace. He sat us both down and talked about the importance of treating other people's stuff with respect. The conversation then focused on me and my temper. I was told that since I didn't know how to control it, he was going to help me out a little because what if that had been my sisters face or body I hit. I won't tell a lie, at that point, I was wishing it was but I quickly understood that my temper was to be locked away and never unleashed again. The fruitages of the holy spirit (mainly being slow to anger and self-control) were beat into me that evening.

$300 is my car note today and personally, I feel, a good chunk of change...20 years ago, it caused me to get the ass whooping of a lifetime. To this day, I ALWAYS think about not being able to sit on my ass for 2 weeks before I go cattywhompiss on anyone...

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Shamelessly Plugging My Retard Life

Yes, this is going to be a "woe is me" blog so if you aren't in the mood to read, move on to something else. However, I will be supplying laughs in lieu of cries so feel free to stick around and have a laugh...on me.

2009 will ALWAYS be the MOST memorable year of my LIFE. The first half of the year, I was adjusting to finding out I was pregnant at a MOST inconvenient time, watching my paycheck get sliced and diced so that other employees could keep their jobs, and moving way too many times than should be allowed.

Just when I thought I could breathe again, here comes Karma to kick my azz over something I'm sure I did but does "she" ever tell you WHAT you are being made to pay for? No. The seeds you sowed are now being reaped and your only job is to shut the hell up and roll with the punches. Although I called this a "woe is me" blog, please sincerely know, I am not in a corner feeling sorry for myself. I had my 5 REAL minutes of "why me" and got over it but it was tough.

It's tough to deal with this while being 30+ weeks pregnant (I made 32 weeks on Sunday; 8 more to go):

*the shower I DIDN'T want but was semi-coerced into having, yeah, some of the folks who "offered" to help out, didn't pull through so I had to cover the costs of things they volunteered to be responsible for...which is fine IF I had planned for that AND if the following didn't happen....

*almost EVERYONE RSVP'd...then the week of, MYSTERIOUSLY, they had other things come up

I understand that life happens and I am not saying anyone's life had to halt because my baby shower was this past weekend. What I am saying is please don't feed me lame excuses like because I'm pregnant I became retarded. If you've been everywhere in the world South of France (for the last year) up until the weekend of my baby shower, you're supposed to be "family", and then all of a sudden you can't make it to my shower due to transportation "issues", sorry, I just find that hard to believe. Especially when you decide to tell me the day before the shower. You hadn't planned on coming before the day you chose to send me a text message (for real? you can't even call me?); that's fine.

Another thing, I understand people have to make a living...if your job calls you in to work on the same day of something you RSVP'd to, hey, go get your money. But there is a reason you RSVP, especially when FOOD is involved. Head counts are instrumental, ESPECIALLY when you are pinching your pennies. So if 40 people RSVP and I go buy food for 40 people, I expect 40 people to be eating this food. If 20 or even 30 people only show, yes, I have a right to be upset. You've wasted my money simply because of your failure to communicate. You knew you had to work the minute they put you on the schedule so sending me a text telling me you remember my shower is today but what time is it cause you get off at 8 pm? Ummm, who EVER has a baby shower at 8? Go back to work and stop sending me asinine text messages please, thank you.

Those are just 2 examples...I've got more TRUST me LOL

*in the midst of trying to keep my head firmly screwed on, I got laid off 2 days before the baby shower

Yes, it is utterly pitiful for someone 8 months pregnant to be without a job. It isn't like I can get on my grind and go waitress. Right...and give birth in the middle of a food run as my ankles swell up to the size of elephant buttocks. Although it's discrimination, because I can't prove it, no one is going to hire me in this condition. I'm more or less ass out until November, when my womb has fully healed and my child is old enough to attend daycare. Who made up that 6 week rule? Damn doctors (that was sarcasm; I don't need any medical explanations as to why the baby needs to stay home for 6 weeks; I lost my job, not my mind...yet).

Are they discriminating against me? My "job"? Nope, please trust and BELIEVE if that was the kind of situation going on, me and Babybottoms would LEGALLY wipe their entire bank account clean for laying me off while pregnant. That just isn't the case. This isn't a personal vendetta against me so it's easier to laugh and joke about it than sit in the middle of the parking lot and pray for vengeance to be exacted on them.

Let's just say, I'm not the only one getting laid off and we'll leave it at that for now since I do have a "public" blog.

*my mom almost didn't make it

Due to Airtran being the idiotic mothersonsofbiotches that they are, they screwed up her flight arrangements and then tried to get in her pockets $1200 deep to fix it. Ain't no regular working class citizen got money like that, recession or not. Anywhom, my mom thinks she's Wonder Woman sometimes (like most "go hard" mommy's do) so she decides to drive from Texas to Georgia. Pandemonium and chaos ensues on this road trip and what should have been no more than a 14 hr ride (that's time included to get lost) turned into her on the road with my 12 yr old nephew for...20 hrs. She still didn't make it to my house until 1:35 pm on Saturday after leaving Texas on Friday at 8 am. My shower started at 2 yes, I was late to my own shower. By 15 minutes or so...

*haven't really slept since Wednesday of last week

and I probably won't until Sunday....when everyone (my family) will be back in their respective homes

There is however silver linings in these clouds of despair....

*Babybottoms got some WONDERFUL gifts from my family and the AWESOME friends who did follow through on their offerings

*My mom is still my mom, despite her tomfoolery on the road and has kept me from breaking down and crying a couple times since she's been here

*The baby shower turned out to be a lot better than what it was looking like and EVERYONE had a good time

*I still have no supplemental income but a few friends have been instrumental in coming up with good ideas of things to do from home so I don't have to unleash Babybottoms on the world right away


*Babybottoms dad is still probably one of the MOST supportive men I've ever met in my life. I think he's more so trying to make sure I don't go jump off a bridge somewhere but he's sacrificed comfy sleep more than a few times to make sure I was okay since all of this happened.

Despite the tragedy that is my life at the moment, I am happy I do have the simple moments of happiness I am getting here and there. So...with all that being said (here comes the shameless self plug), if you have any shreds of decency in your heart, you'll point me in the direction of money should you see some and/or a job fitting for someone in my condition.

Thank you.
(I had to laugh at that myself LOL)

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Living Vicariously Through The Past

What I decide to share in blogs/online is nothing in comparison with all of the antics and foolishness I have been privy to since I was a child. Some things I will take to the grave because it involves others close to me that wouldn't appreciate all the dirty laundry being aired, other things, well, as my dear friend Tamara says, "you gotta have something to tell Jesus". The most active time period of my life was between 16 years old and 25 years old. I had an almost 10 year stretch of doing pretty much whatever I wanted to, whenever. No holds barred.

I was reminded of this time period yesterday with the trending topic, #inhighschool. For anyone who is not familiar with "trending topics", it is something on Twitter that encourages people to continue interacting throughout the day with each other by stating something relevant to the topic. For instance, a couple of my posts read:

#inhighschool I had 3 best friends and I thought we would all live happily ever after; then life happened

#inhighschool you tolerate a lot more BS than you do as an adult

#inhighschool I used to steal my mom's wine in the box and put it in water bottles to sip on between classes; trife life LOL

I'm sure you get the point; just another way to share a bunch of useless knowledge with strangers that you normally wouldn't speak to otherwise.

Anyway, a few people shared some #inhighschool items from others in their timeline with me and I had to laugh when I realized some grown folks REALLY must miss their high school times...when they were at their best. If you haven't done anything significantly different since high school or you were actually more interesting in high school than today as an're failing at life.

Sorry, but you are.

Something should be different...and what I mean about different is, in a good way. You shouldn't have fallen off the map of Good Things in Life so hard that people laugh at the fact that you ain't shit without high school. I don't think many people were realizing that as they wrote about how popular they were in high school only for many to guffaw at it like "but no one gives two shats about yah now, huh?"

I saw a homeless man the other day and I wondered what he was like in high school. Was he the "ladies man"? school jock? Beneath the grit and grime that appeared to just start settling on his skin, I could see he was an attractive man. What went so wrong in his life that he was standing outside of a liquor store asking me for money? I thought about the trending topic...well, he probably didn't have a care in the world in high school, thought this one day at a time thing was gonna segue into adult life and he was gonna be just fine.

Adults, we can't ride the coattails of our high school life (if it was a good one). If you were "the shit" in high school, what are you doing as an adult to STAY "the shit"? If I see all your trending topics talking about your successful high school life, shouldn't you have had a successful life thereafter? Does the recipe for "success" change because we get older? In high school, you OBVIOUSLY wanted to be the center of attention and well known but you're a lame as an adult? Something doesn't fit into that picture well. If you strived to be the best...even if YOU thought you were "the best" in high school, don't stop thinking that or else you will become exactly what you are today...a loser living vicariously through your own tweets.

Happy Friday!!!!

Sometimes I Cringe That I Am A Woman...

There are times when I am OVERJOYED to be the GREAT woman I am...and there are times that I want to round up ALL the women who are dead set on making women look like idiots and burn them all to the ground.

Because the news is bias as hell these days and can't really be trusted to present everything before they start alerting the public, I will say my opinion on the Ben Roethlisberger situation is based strictly off my disdain for women who do stupid shat. So according to the news, some woman comes forward to sue Ben for raping her...a year ago. Before anyone says anything...I am fully aware that there are some situations where people go for YEARS without saying something about their attacker due to fear. I'm aware of that. But how many times do people go for an extended amount of time AND THEN seeks punitive damages of almost HALF A MILLION DOLLARS?

Most females who are raped, are trying to deal with the emotional stress of being violated and having no control over a situation they never imagined would happen in their lifetime; money is the farthest thing from their train of thought. I have friends who were raped as children and as adults...none of them are talking about "where them dollars at" and ALL of them have spoken up TO SOMEONE about their unfortunate situations. It doesn't matter if they confided in friends, the authorities, family, or a therapist...I just don't know too many females who go it alone with that kind of trauma/tragedy.

What was reported sounds sketchy to me...

I want women to be smarter these days...I really do. It irritates me how some women will complain about the light they are portrayed in but when you look at what they are willing to participate in, OF THEIR CHOICE, it makes you wonder where they get the right to be upset about being looked at negatively. I don't know anything about this 31 year old woman who says Ben raped her but deciding to take legal action against "one of the biggest names in sports" a year after the fact isn't a smart move. Half a million dollars to this man doesn't do anything but hurt his ego (if he even cares that much), if he should have to give it to someone. IF he really did rape her, she should be more concerned about his azz doing jail time so that it doesn't happen to another woman. Her concern shouldn't be focused on how much money she can bleed out of him.

Women who do this are no different to me than women who do things to be viewed as nothing more than sexual objects but want to roar "THERE IS MORE TO ME THAN JUST THESE PICTURES WITH MY PANTIES ON". You aren't portraying yourself in the most positive of lights so why do think and expect anyone to care about anything other than you in your panties? Shut up and go sit down. If you wanted someone to assume you have a head on your shoulders filled with anything more than smut, you'd be in a corner somewhere being a tad more ladylike, a lot less vixen. Same goes for this woman...if she wanted people to believe her, the focus should be on Ben being incarcerated for his crime, NOT how much money she can get out of his super plush bank account.

Someone needs to hold classes on how to be smart in your endeavors to get over on others because a LOT of women are getting big fat "F"'s in life lately....

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Living Single

I have never read that book but the title of it, as well as, the byline serves my blogs purpose well. If anyone has read it, feel free to let me know.

Anyway, Twitter prompts a lot of things to go through my head on a daily basis. The most current running thought is "are people REALLY this stupid or is this part of their online persona". In the middle of me thinking more than half the people twittering something are dumb as rocks (simply to entertain others), I started seeing random tweets here and there about being single, why people are single, and other people lamenting to others about how at a certain age you SHOULDN'T be single. If I wasn't limited to 140 characters (thank God we are though) I would just randomly tweet:

"being single is not a disease; if you think it is, you obviously need to find something better to do with yourself than live vicariously through the ass of a relationship" (hey! maybe that can fit on a tweet!)

Relationships are for people who want to be in them. Period. There is no psychological discussion to be had about those who CHOOSE to be single and those who CHOOSE to be in a relationship. I know plenty of people who REFUSE to be alone so they'll date the scum of the earth JUST to be in a relationship. It's what they like; being with someone. Me personally, my breath of life is not contingent on someone calling me their boo. It never has been and it never will be. My attitude towards relationships is one of nonchalantness, generally speaking. I've never been pressed. I know when I wouldn't mind being in one but it's generally because of the way THAT person makes me feel...not because I think the idea of being an "us" is the greatest thing since sliced bread.

But then again, I wasn't that little girl sitting in her room daydreaming about her wedding, husband, kids, house, and animals. I was more content reading a book, playing with action figures, and trying to figure out how to melt plastic without my mother smelling it. Hell, I didn't really start WANTING kids until after I turned 25. I felt a little awkward that me wanting kids came before actually WANTING to be married...probably why I'm pregnant now, LOL. But I digress...I have never really put much effort into relationships. I've always just liked to let them "happen". I will be honest and say, the relationship I have with Babybottoms dad is the MOST I've EVER done as far as maintaining a relationship. Again...probably why I'm pregnant now.

Have I had boyfriends? Sure. I just always felt myself getting a wee bit bored because...well...what's next? After you've dated someone for eons, shouldn't you have formed some kind of attachment that MAKES you want to marry them? If not, aren't you both essentially wasting time? Because I've thought like this for so long, I'm kind of scared as to where me and Babybottoms dad will end up. It's almost like, if I get bored after a while, who is to say he isn't getting bored also? So far, me and Babybottoms dad have yet to get bored with each other. Probably because we don't smother each other to death and for some odd reason, things just don't get "old" between us.

But I'm getting off the subject here...the subject matter being people acting like you have the plague because you're single. I'm 29; I'll be 30 in a few months and I look at people in my peer group and I see a LOT of people who are PRESSED to have a significant other. They haven't done any deep soul searching to better themselves but want to get married or be in a relationship. My question to them is...who do you REALLY think wants to marry your unstable ass? If you haven't taken out the necessary time to make your undesirable qualities a little less undesirable WHO do you think, in their right mind, is going to "wife/hubby" you up? 9 times out of 10, THAT'S why your unhappy ass stays in and out of the single life.

These kinds of people are FAMOUS for lamenting about the opposite sex and what they ALWAYS do. No, that's what ALWAYS happens to you because YOU date/attract/choose the same type of person OVER and OVER. Why do people act like it's so hard to understand? There is nothing more irritating than people who OBVIOUSLY can't take being single projecting onto others that they shouldn't be single either. You just want company at your sad little pity party. Those of you who WANT to be in relationships, leave single people alone who WANT to be single. While there is obviously something wrong with your "determined to fail in relationships" ass, there is nothing wrong with someone KNOWING they don't want or need to be with anyone right now. Needy, clingy relationship types might find that weird but guess what...NEWSFLASH: Everyone isn't you.

If you REALLY are CHOOSING to be single, fine and don't let ANYONE preach to you about how you should want to be in a relationship. You should want to do what you want to do and they should mind their damn business and figure out why their relationship life has been an ultimate FAIL, for the most part. If you are single because you REFUSE to do anything for anyone to tolerate your insufferable ass then fix that too; you'll get someone because there really is someone for everyone out there.

Again, this isn't anything that's so hard to figure out that you lose sleep at night. Point is, no matter how old you get, it is not a disease to be single. If you feel so "afflicted" by it, try doing something other than what you been doing and you'll get different results...more than likely the ones you are looking for.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Is It So Hard To Watch Your Mouth?

I don't think some people understand that you don't have to be racist to do or say racist things. I'm not as quick as some to call someone a racist because I understand the difference between someone just talking too much and an individual who genuinely has hate in their heart for someone of another ethnic background.

A prime example of this is my boss; sometimes he says things that would cause ANYONE to second guess whether he remembers we live in 2009 or not. I don't think that he is a blatant racist but I do think that because he is so comfortable, he does not see the need to filter his personal proclamations to others. Which brings to mind the phrase, "White is right". While the phrase is more sarcasm than anything else, I do believe some people feel that way with what they have to say. There have been several times that I've said to my boss that he has to watch what he says because while I personally do not believe him to be a racist, some of the things he says are out of line. His favorite line is to say "well, no one is wrong here". Correction, someone is wrong here and it's you.

There is nothing okay with talking to a Black person and telling them that they should not be offended when the subject matter is in regards to race and automatically affects them differently than the person who is talking. If you have not walked a mile in my shoes or any shoes similar, don't tell me how to feel about something that is race related. It's rude and does come off as you knowing better about a situation you know nothing about.

So when I saw the video about the minority children who weren't allowed to swim with the "other" kids at the pool, I thought about people who say things that can be viewed as racist. I want to ask the people who said that they didn't want the minority children there because they were afraid they would steal...I want to ask them how they'd feel if someone treated them like that because of their skin color. In their mind, that would never happen because apparently, from the comment that was made, a White person would NEVER steal from them....why? Because you are White?

Criminals, thieves, murderers, etc come from all different ethnic backgrounds so THAT particular comment is EXTREMELY hard to get around as not being racist. I bet if you asked them if they thought they were racist, they would vehemently say no and be appalled that you would think that of them. Well look at what you are letting come out of your mouth.

This is what I want people to are viewed how you behave. If you don't want people to think the word "racist" when they think of you, watch your mouth. While everyone is entitled to their own set of beliefs and what not, the world we currently live in will never change if this doesn't get through people's thick skulls. Granted, some people were perfectly fine with minorities not being equal to Whites but the fact is, in this day and age, continuing to think that way makes you have dinosaur thinking. We all know what happened to the dinosaurs...

Not everyone is up for "evolving" but what they have to face now are all the people who are willing to move to the next level of co-existing peacefully. So in an effort to all get along, folks, ALL OF YOU, just watch your mouths please.

Thank you.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Let's Be Honest

Cheating is cheating...whether you are the one who initiated the "cheating" or not. Frankly, it doesn't matter if the person is married or just in a relationship with someone's still cheating and if you are a participant and KNOW they have a significant other, you can't cast blame on the person you are cheating with. If they are so stupid and need to go sit in a corner, well then you're equally as buffoonish and need to park it in the corner too. Whether you are 16, 26, 36, or 46, you KNOW what you're doing and I'm pretty sure you wouldn't want someone sneaking around on you.

I've read my fair share of Air McNair blogs that centered around cheating but it wasn't until I read this blog that I felt compelled to share my trifling story with the public. It's a real quick "story"; nothing drawn out or elaborate because there is nothing to glorify in what I participated in. When I was 21, I got involved with a 31 year old. For 6 months, things were good so I finally decided to go ahead and share my goodies with him. After getting my freak on, I started hearing little things from other people that he was married. When I confronted him, he of course lied about it. It wasn't until I actually met his wife that I KNEW he was married. At that point, it was MY RESPONSIBILITY to separate myself from him and his foolishness but I didn't so...that made me just as much a fool AND as responsible as him. I continued to be involved with him for 3, almost 4 years. ALL MY CHOICE. He wasn't forcing me but I did have incentives to stay acting a fool with him. I was young and ONLY thinking about myself so I continued to carry on in a cheating azz relationship.

I will NEVER blame him 100% for what happened because he could easily walk away from me and go find another retard to sleep with, KNOWING he IS in a relationship. I blame myself and only myself from the point I had confirmation he was married. I chose not to cut him off and for that I am sure karma found a way to repay me or it will. I accept responsibility for any foolishness I partake in whether it was when I was younger or now.

Would I ever "cheat" with a married man again? Nope. I'm just not that person anymore and I actually care. I haven't done it since. Although, I have been in a situation where I was involved with someone and they decided to get a girlfriend WHILE we were "involved" and I didn't walk away immediately. It took me 2.5 months to process how to fully separate from him, we had our talk, and he chose to separate from her. He had the free will to stay with her but I wasn't going to be with him while he was with her. That is a road that usually ends with someones feelings being hurt and I would rather it not be mine.

I think the issue with women who want to ALWAYS place the blame on the man they are "cheating" with is that they feel somewhat duped and in an effort to feel better about themselves, they look for someone to blame. He isn't making you do anything with or for him so how is it his fault? Blame yourself and get over it. If you are gonna be a woman who has no respect for other people's relationships, own up to that. You're an adult and only God can judge you  so it shouldn't matter how anyone else feels about your contribution to trifling behavior anyway, right?

Point is, we know what we are doing when we engage in these kinds of things so the blame of other people involved has to stop. The young lady who willingly accepted gifts and peen from McNair didn't want to believe that she just wasn't as important to him as his peen initially made her feel. She got upset and took matters into her own hands. The fact that she murdered someone she was cheating with because she couldn't have her way is a drastic result of people (Steve included) being selfish. Sometimes we place ourselves in compromising situations that have all the potential in the world to turn out horrible and we KNOW it while we're doing it. We can't rightfully blame anyone but ourselves because we all have free will to do what we want. Murder AND adultery are wrong. It doesn't change simply because you choose to place yourself in the shoes of a cheater.

Bottom line...if you are cheating with someone, this does not mean he/she likes you more than their significant other. All it means is that they like to dip their stick or rest their loins on other people other than who they are with. Sometimes it turns out in favor of the person they are cheating with and sometimes, well, you are shown that you aren't as important as you thought you were. Tough titty...don't be a cheater and you won't have anything to complain about.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

What I've Learned...

Esquire is one of my favorite magazines. The August issue has a great interview with Gerard Butler (Leonidas in "300") but an even more interesting segment with Francis Ford Coppola in the "What I've Learned" section. I always look forward to who they are going to feature. As it turns out, directors and writers have THE BEST answers...actors....ehhhh, not so much. They let Christopher Walken give the answers one time and I was greatly disappointed...he should stick to scripted info (read: reading scripts for movies). His answers were very generic and well...boring. I thought some of the things they listed this time were great starts to seeing exactly what someone has learned so I'm doing my own. Feel free to do yours too!

When I was sixteen or seventeen, I decided normalcy was not the life for me and by choosing that, I've lead a unique life from that point forward.

Did you ever see the movie Legend? It was one of Tom Cruises first action flicks and wayyyyyy ahead of it's time. I think they should redo it...I'd go see it.

I've had wine while I was pregnant and got the best sleep ever.

I did something out of the norm today. My leasing office was being utterly ridiculous about my refrigerator STILL leaking (going on a week now) but I kept a lid on it...I just don't have the energy to go all bad on people these days. Too tired....

People feel this way and that. I'm not too concerned about it unless it begins to affect general rights of others and/or me.

I was never sloppy with other people's belongings. I figure if I set the example that I take just as good care of your stuff as I do mine, you'll do the same. Most times I am wrong about other people feeling they should care about my belongings...wankers.

Ten or fifteen years from now, I am positive I will be laughing in A LOT of people's faces as they stand in front of me. Some people are REALLY ridiculous and need that wake up call. It doesn't hurt as bad when someone with a similar bank account as yours laughs at you...but imagine someone "Oprah rich" laughing in your face. You'd feel salty until you die.

I saw this bin full of nothing at Target and wondered who in their right mind would want that crap for 99 cents.

I have more common sense than the average person walking down the street but you could never convince a stupid person of that so I'm quiet more often than not.

I just admire people who are honest ALL the might be a narcissistic move on my behalf but so what. There is nothing more refreshing than listening/talking to someone that you know for sure won't blow smoke up your azz simply for the sake of conversation or to make themselves look good.

To do good is something a lot of people have yet to accomplish in life. I've seen so many people THINK they are doing good but they are really just doing something to insure someone does something good for them. That isn't "doing good"...that's being a self-serving prick.

When I was starting out writing as a kid, I never let anyone read anything I wrote. I would read things I wrote to people and ask them to tell me what they thought of it, as if someone else had wrote it. I got the most honest feedback that way. Surprisingly, no one ever told me it was shatty but I did get what I wanted...honesty.

You have to view things from both sides otherwise you live a one-dimensional life that is totally your fault. See things from other perspectives and then you'll truly understand people as they were meant to be seen...

The ending was clear to me in a lot of relationships I've had with people. The inevitable might be put off for a short period of time or it might come 20 years later when you least expect it but as long as you are prepared for how it MIGHT go, it's easier to get past the emotion of it all.

I said I didn't want kids at all when I was a child. I think that came from experiencing a strict childhood and never wanting to marry anyone who would inflict that on my kids. Then I met my best friend and he gave me hope that I could have kids with someone and not risk that. I just didn't know he was the one I was going to have a kid with.

The only thing in life that matters to me is if I'm happy. If I'm not happy, I'm not content.

I was in my apartment thinking to myself, "I should have moved into a house" but I didn't have much time to search for one this last move.

I never saw or heard a man cry the way one of my friends did when he'd disappointed me so badly he thought I didn't want to be friends with him. To hear or see a man cry that genuinely does something to you as a woman when you aren't a "cryer"...and neither is he.

What greater snub is there than knowing you have a STUPENDOUS idea and someone shats on it simply because they didn't think of it first?

Some audiences are sycophantically inclined and that is ALWAYS the worst audience; you can delude yourself into thinking you're good when you aren't even a hair above mediocre.

What should I do now? go to sleep; me and Babybottoms have had a long day....

Saturday, July 11, 2009

You're Trying to Give Me a Nightmare Bey

I've seen Kanye's blog for Beyonce's video Sweet Dreams for the last day and stayed away from it on purpose. After that Big Ego video, I had decided I'd had enough of her living out her missed calling in life to be a stripper vicariously through her music videos. If she does one more coochie hump to the viewing public, I promise you, I will take my eyeballs and give them to someone far more deserving. I don't want my eyes anymore...sometimes...after watching too many videos of her gyrating.

This is not an "I ABHOR BEYONCE" blog. I have no problem admitting I own every cd she has EVER even sung on (except for that whack ass movie she played in with Cuba Gooding...iJust couldn't on that one). I have no problem admitting she is EXTREMELY talented at what she does. Wooing the masses is not a job easily done and when you can make White people love you JUST as much as Black people, you've accomplished a goal most Black entertainer's have no idea how to achieve. The last person to do that on a level that is acknowledged worldwide is/was Michael Jackson. NO I DID NOT COMPARE HER OVERALL TALENT TO MICHAEL JACKSON SO DON'T MAKE A COMMENT THAT I DID; I'd never be that disrespectful to that man.

Anyway, she gets kudos from me ALL day...but there are some things that she does that I just can't let fall by the wayside (kinda like when she busted her ass down them stairs). I have been writing letters/blogs about and to Beyonce since Destiny Child was a budding thought in that Joe Jackson father of hers (no beatings) brain. Some things just be extra on her behalf and I know she does it BECAUSE...she can get away with it. She's Beyonce. All hail the Queen. (insert sarcasm anywhere after I said I own all her music; oh and no sarcasm on MJ)

I have been listening to this song Sweet Dreams for the last year. Babybottom's dad played it for me in the car on the way to TGIF's one day and I only listened to the words. This song was played during a pivotal point in our relationship so I always listened to it nostalgically...that is until I saw this video and Beyonce stomped all the life out of my tender moment of love. Beyonce...why did you make me go from always wanting a sweet dream to immediately wishing I could kill you in a nightmare?

My "I hate this stupid video" moment didn't rise up until I saw them forlorn finger waves.

The levitating at the beginning made me think "Sorry B, Maxwell already did this in Pretty're fired and the video hasn't even started". I still decided to give her a chance and enter her choreographed repeat of pretty much every video she's made in the last year. I want to stab her choreographer. She pays you WELL I am sure...why do you make her do the same dance routine EVERY video? And then it hit me....she LIKES to dance THIS hard in EVERYTHING. She's gonna need a hip replacement by 40 if she keeps on and all that air grinding....if she's behaving like this on the dance floor, I hope she brings some of that to the bedroom for her husband cause if not, you're fired for letting all the steam out for us random viewers and then going home talking bout "I'm tired and my hip hurt Shawn. Where's the ICY/HOT? Please don't touch me". Fired...again.

And then the end...maybe it's just me but I think she showcases her body EVERY video because she wants to have a point of reference should she decide to "age gracefully" (read: be like normal women who can't afford plastic surgery and just age how God meant us to). Don't take that to mean should tomorrow I come into some money some augmentation isn't gonna happen on these soon to be mauled tits of mine. Babybottoms is greedy as hell in the womb, I can only imagine how she's gonna act once she gets out. If the sucking of my breasts by my lovely child results in my tits looking like a freak show fit for The Devils Rejects, they're getting lifted and if anyone says anything to me about it, they can kiss my phat azz. But this isn't about me, remember? We're talking about lovely Bey.

Sometimes I smile with great joy that she is in my peer group and SO successful with her life goals. Sincerely, should/when my bank account gets close to hers, I'd allow her to be my friend just so I can be that "mirror" to call her and be like "what in the hell was that shat you released? you're fired and no I'm not playing". We all need a friend like that...seriously, we do. You see those people who walk out the house like they own no mirrors whatsoever? Yeah, they don't have friends like that...better yet, they don't have friends at all. Everyone is so busy trying to stick their head in her ass to see if she shits gold that no one is honest with her. At least this is what I believe.

I think I know what MY problem is with these videos artists are putting out...they aren't doing anything new and I'm getting rather bored with their lack of creativity. How are you an artist and have no creativity? One word to ALL of them (Drake, please be listening for letting Kanye piss on your genius): FIRED

Anyway, I've ranted enough about this video; feel free to watch at your own eyes risk.

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

PSA: Stop Thinking Everything Is About You

How many times have you read something that seemed like it was a page torn right out of your life? The USUAL response is one of "PREACH", "AMEN", or some other words/comment that expresses that you relate to what was written. That's how most people end up reading other people's blogs. Other times, you might be going through something in life and out of the blue you read something that is relevant to your life experience...almost like this person is speaking directly to you. At times, you might feel like "Ok, well I don't agree" but at the same time, it sits in the back of your mind as someone who experienced something similar but felt different than you.

So my question is...why does this change FOR SOME PEOPLE if what is written is by someone they personally know? Why do people AUTOMATICALLY assume you're talking about THEM? I will never "get" why some people are SO self-assuming. I just want to shake them and tell them that the world does not revolve around JUST them. For every 1 thing you go through, there are hundreds of thousands of other people going through something similar.

For of my friends wrote a blog about "friends" with benefits. He stated his opinion on it and of course his blog was open to other people's opinions. I could have taken it personal like "Oh, this fool is talking about me and what I went through" but I didn't. For one, he didn't address me. Granted, he has some details as to a relationship I was involved in that was EXACTLY what he mentioned but is that to say he can NEVER write about it because we've discussed it in the past? Nope. He can write about whatever he feels as long as he isn't saying things or using MY EXACT SITUATION to let me know, "Hey, Syn, I'm talking bout you nigga". I actually commented on the blog because hey, we all have our opinions, whether we agree or not. Plus, I know he wasn't targeting me. He was just writing about something that probably crossed his mind.

Maybe I just don't read much into other people's opinions but there are A LOT of people who network online that do and I think they all need chill pills. If you're a spoiled brat and someone you know writes about how spoiled brats irritate them, don't be salty; that's just how they feel about spoiled brats. They might reserve a special place for you and your brattiness to be tolerated. If you run off at the mouth a lot but someone STILL chooses to be friends with you but they happen to write something about someone they ran into that was running off at the mouth, that doesn't mean they are talking about your sensitive ass.

Even though I have a rainbow coalition of friends/associates, there are some that behave the same. There are certain people that I go through similar things with; sometimes I write about it, sometimes I don't. To sit here and sift through people that MIGHT get offended about something I MIGHT write is utterly ridiculous because I can PROMISE you, NONE of them do that. When I write, I simply write about what's relevant to me at that very moment. If I've experienced the same thing with several different people in a short period of time, 9 times out of 10, I will write about it from my viewpoint. I'm not writing about one person in particular; just writing what's on my MOST writers who ACTUALLY write.

I must say that blogging/writing is sometimes a one-way street of expression for some people...they want to be free to ruminate on whatever flows through their mind, whenever it flows there, and then get it out, whether it's through blogging, notes, poetry, or any other form of writing...but if for some reason they are having an "I'm sensitive" day, you better watch what you say/write because you MIGHT offend them.

And what I have to say to that is f*ck your entire life because I'll write about what I damn well please, when I please. Don't like it, stop reading/stop talking to me. Grow some thicker skin if you still wanna be my friend/associate, otherwise, we aren't the people for each other. EVERYTHING I WRITE IS NOT ABOUT ONE SINGULAR PERSON, UNLESS I SAY IT IS.

Everyone, have a nice day!

smiley Pictures, Images and Photos

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

Chatty Cathy's In My Family

That face above is one of true disappointment.

I was talking to my mother yesterday and she volunteered that she had spoken to my cousin on the phone. My cousin stated that she had just received her invitation to the babyshower and she adamantly wanted to know why the babies last name was not Walker (my last name). The minute my mom said this to me, she chuckled. I didn't. Babybottoms has a living, breathing, fully functional father in her life...why wouldn't I give her his last name? My mom tried to say this under the guise that my cousin said it but I knew at some point I was going to hear about having a child and not being married. I listened to her play by play of the conversation and I replied:

"You gave us dad's last name. Why can't I give Babybottoms her father's last name?"

My mother's reply? "I'm married though"

I had to sit the phone down for like 1.5 seconds so I didn't curse at her like she was some woman off the street. What in the flying flock of geese does being married to someone have to do with giving your child THEIR FATHER'S last name??? Not a damn thing but my cousin felt the need to tell my mother that since I wasn't married, the father didn't deserve that privilege and I could at least hyphenate our last names. Maybe because my sister chose to hyphenate her sons last name, everyone felt I was going to do the same. I'll pass. While that was her choice, it isn't mine. On top of that, the relationship she had/has with her sons father is TOTALLY different than the one I share with Babybottoms father.

Personally, I don't need any additional constant reminders that I'm having a child out of wedlock. I think I have one VERY MUCH alive and well kicking the shat out of me on a daily basis. What ever happened to keeping it simple stupid and just giving your kid 3 names, like yourself? I have a first name, middle name, and last name. Any children I give birth to, will have the same.

The disappointment comes in is OBVIOUS my cousin would NEVER have this conversation with me. Which is probably why she chose to have it with my mother, in hopes that it would get back to me. I love her dearly but she can suck a peen on this one. It was also obvious that my mother was agreeing with her on the name thing but chose to say nothing earlier because she needed more people. I don't care if the entire family feels I should give Babybottoms both of our last names, it ain't happening. As far as I am concerned, that conversation between my mother and my cousin could have stayed between them. Like most things that are inadvertently passed along to me, I will choose to ignore it. She didn't feel the need to intentionally insult me and my decisions regarding my child so I'm not going to intentionally send a boot to her neck.

Monday, July 06, 2009

Miscarriage and Friends

I was reading this book last night that was a compilation of stories by women who were talking about the various friendships they had. The short story I was reading was called "Other Women". It was being told in first person by this woman named Kate. Her and 2 other women were friends since grad school and had made a pact between themselves to get married around the same time and have kids at the same time so their children could all grow up together.

Kate got married first and got pregnant first. Over the course of 3 years, Kate had 3 miscarriages before her 2 best friends could get married and have their own kids. This is when the story began to get a little depressing and sad. Kate continues to talk about how the miscarriages affected her friendship with her best friends. The story progressed to her best friends eventually getting married and getting pregnant. When they would try to be considerate of her situation and not talk about their pregnancies, she would become offended because "they were excluding her". When they would talk freely about their pregnancies, she would become upset because "they weren't being considerate of her prior situation". At one point in the story Kate said that she didn't understand how they didn't know they were being inconsiderate of her feelings when one of them sent a picture of their baby on the due date of one of her miscarriages and the other one wasn't in a rush to tell her that she had conceived.

I put the book down at this point because I started getting upset with Kate.

While I understand that Kate was going through some pain, in the story, she CONTINUOUSLY lashed out at her friends, distanced herself, and then got upset and jealous with them because they didn't have to experience miscarriages like she did. She acknowledged in the story that her behavior was erratic and confusing but at the same time wanted them to try to deal with her. When they did try to deal with her, it started her cycle of lashing out, distancing, and out of line comments all over again. At one point, she blamed them for being able to carry their children full-term as the reason for their friendship dissolving. She even went so far as to say to her husband that she wished one of them would miscarry so they would know EXACTLY how she felt. WHO IN THE HELL WISHES THAT ON SOMEONE????

Being pregnant, I know I was getting more upset than I would if I wasn't about to give birth to this little being. Again, I understand that miscarriages create a flurry of emotions that even the person going through them can barely deal with but at what point are people just supposed to CONTINUE getting beat up because they didn't have to experience that misfortune? And because someone close to you might have experienced a miscarriage, if you are pregnant, you're just supposed to forgo your happiness because they are unhappy? It creates an awkward situation for all parties involved.

Kate needed to talk to someone (i.e. a therapist). She stated that she would go to forums but they just weren't good enough. She wanted to talk to her best friends about it but resented them when they weren't as consoling as she felt they should be. She didn't want to talk openly about it (she said she used all medical terms when speaking with them because she didn't want to delve too deep into things) but she expected so much from them in the form of a response. 

To be honest, I would console the person to the best of my ability but there is only so much you can say to someone without bringing up the fact that their child is no more. Like I said before, it's awkward for all parties involved ESPECIALLY if one of the parties is currently pregnant.

I guess I wanted to write about this story because I experienced something similar with one of my friends. She isn't really talking to me all that much right now and I'm apprehensive about reaching out because I don't like how she talks to me at times. Someone who isn't pregnant or never has been pregnant before might not understand it if I was to explain it to them but after talking to my mother about it, I was assured that some distance between the both of us might be best. My mother has had her fair share of miscarriages so she was the best person to talk to about this (in my opinion). 

I sincerely hope Kate got the help she needed even though she ended up losing her best friends...and I hope that whenever my friend is ready, she'll still be the friend I once I had.

Sunday, July 05, 2009

Loyalty, Trust, and All That Is Related

When I was younger I adopted the mind frame that trusting people was a bad idea. By trusting someone, you allowed people to weasel their way into your life, learn things about you, and that would give them the power to use those things against you later. I didn't want to deal with that so I proudly tooted that I trusted no one and even told other people they shouldn't be so trusting. That was probably some of the worst advice I could have given anyone. The problem with not trusting anyone is that NO ONE TRUSTS YOU.

While I was learning that fact of life, my father sat me down one day after hearing me say "I don't trust no one". I couldn't have been no more than 19 years old. He said he had to learn the hard way that you can't EXPECT anyone to be loyal to you, if you don't trust people. You can't expect people to look at you as trustworthy when you don't look at anyone like that. At the time, I thought he was blowing smoke up my ass but as I got older and wanted those I formed close attachments to to trust me, I understood what he was saying.

So when I hear people say they don't trust people but state they have a problem with people being loyal to them, I look at how they treat people. Why would ANYONE want to be loyal to you when you don't trust them anyway? No one owes a person like this ANY allegiance of any kind because they don't really want it anyway. I've found that you can talk to people like this until you are blue in the face, telling them truth upon truth, but because they have it made up in their mind that EVERYONE is not to be trusted, you might as well be lying to them.

Personally, I can't have any friends I can't trust nor do I want to be friends with someone who can't trust me, simply on the strength that they never plan to. There are plenty of people I know and are cordial with who have this outlook on life and I know they have a long road to travel before it clicks that loyalty and trust is something that is earned. Therefore, if you don't have those qualities residing in yourself, it is going to be very hard to find it in others or even attract people who have them.

I got to thinking about this after talking to someone who ALWAYS plays the victim role like people are constantly out to get them. I can't take people like this seriously because it is never them who is at fault, even though after talking to them for a good 5 minutes you can see that most of their problems are self-imposed. I eventually had to stop talking to them altogether because my nice Sunday afternoon was beginning to turn into Doom & Gloom. I'm trying to end my weekend with smiles and joy...not frustration over someone elses issues.

Thursday, July 02, 2009

Online Social Networks Can Be the Death of You

Sometimes I can't believe how easily I am entertained by the foolishness of others. The larger online social networks become, the greater my chances of being entertained by the simpletons who overshare to the point that you can pretty much hear them telling you that "Hey! Look at me! I'm that idiot who is going to entertain you today!"

Even if I was to stop being friends with someone, it isn't like I forget what they are capable of. When we were friends, I usually looked past their blatant idiocy and loved them anyway. Now that we are no longer friends, I can laugh out loud as much as possible as they update people on their life not knowing the joke is ALWAYS about them. No one laughs with them...and I don't feel bad because no one was laughing with them when I was friends with them either.

So when you post something in your status messages about "being grown" but one of your parents are railing on you about your lifestyle, it seems innocent enough and like your parents are just being dicks....yeah, but you failed to mention that you LIVE in their house. Frankly, I don't look at living with my parents any different than living with a friend who isn't charging me rent...I am FOREVER at their mercy until I get up off my grown azz and move out. End of story. There is no debate to be had. When you get ANYTHING for FREE, you can't SERIOUSLY complain. This excuse that "I'm grown and they should respect that"'re ABSOLUTELY right but if your parents are taking care of you in ANY aspect, suck it up or don't take the handout. Grown folks don't answer to people for a reason...they don't have to because they don't owe anyone anything.

Stop posting things like you're balling when there is TANGIBLE proof that you aren't. People post pictures all the time, trying to convince the unsuspecting passerby "following" them that they are living the high life. That Cristal bottle wasn't yours and it was empty...not because you drank any of it. You just picked it up off the floor before the waitress could grab it and told your friend to shoot a picture real quick. You're lame and so is the friend who took the picture.

And these relationship statuses...those are the funniest. If you are "complicated" one day, "single" the next, "engaged" a week later, "married" the next day, then back to "complicated" and/or "single 7 days later, you are the butt of a lot of jokes. Yea, yea, I hear it all the time, "It's my profile and I can put up what I want!" You sure can...and the general public (this would include your "friends") laughs at you EVERY TIME you change your status. "Claiming" to have a significant other and doing stuff like this does not support anything you are talking about when you tweet things like "my boyfriend/girlfriend is about to come over and rub my back". Oh you have a boyfriend/girlfriend today? Sometimes I think these delusional nits forget that the day before their alleged back rub, they wrote "I hate the ground he/she walks on and I wish he/she would die yesterday". Yeah, yo retard azz wrote that shat and EVERYONE laughed...cause we knew your Internet love would be on and cracking the next day. Seriously, waste your characters on something else. Although, I will say thank you for not writing things like "I'm buttering my toast"...this is FAR more entertaining than buttered bread.

Online social networks give you millions of opportunities to kill yourself on a daily basis. Especially now that people are mixing ALL their communication up. You have people RTing (re-tweeting) messages from Twitter on Facebook. I would GREATLY appreciate it if folks kept the networks separate but sometimes it is highly entertaining when they choose to air their foolishness for all to see. That many more laughs can be had at their expense.

I wasted 45 minutes today just someone elses expense and they had no idea. I would give other people the opportunity to laugh at me and my life but this is probably why it isn't gonna happen:

1 - If I don't like you and I KNOW you don't like me, "follow" is not something I do OR let you do...and "friends"? not in this lifetime buddy

2 - I was once a believer in public profiles...until I got a nosey employer. EVERYTHING is privacy protected now because he doesn't know how to keep personal and work separate. I used to say that people who made their pages private had something to hide...I still believe that. I have my personal life I want to ALWAYS keep separate from my plantation life

3 - Because I don't make up stuff to seem interesting my life isn't all that interesting (or at least I don't think it is). I randomly talk about my daughter and the imaginary circus she's concocted in my stomach...I clown dying celebrities (RIP Mike...that wasn't a joke...the RIP)...I'm sarcastic...I share my opinions if you ask...yeah, that's about it so if you're looking for a laugh at my expense, it might take a while to get one

With all that being said...keep entertaining the masses if you fit in the "Overshare to the Point of Killing Yourself" because I am DEFINITELY entertained!

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