Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Hypocrisy Amongst Celebs

I have three quick questions to ask and they should be simple enough to answer.

1...isn't it wrong to sell crack cocaine?

Answer: YES

2...isn't it wrong to participate in domestic violence? alleged or not?

Answer: YES

3...which "crime" is worse?


According to gossip websites, Jay-Z feels some kind of way about Chris Brown because of the incident with his "adopted" little sister, RhiRhi. IF Chris Brown in fact did ATTACK Rihanna, well he rightfully deserves any backlash that comes his way. IF he was defending himself, well...I still don't think ANYONE should put their hands on someone else BUT if it was me, I'd defend myself too...even if I was a man.

I view Jay-Z as a hypocrite IF he is speaking outwardly against someone else and their alleged crimes when he has probably been the cause of several people dying, overdosing, or beating up some woman who doesn't deserve it BECAUSE they was smoking that shat he was selling. But I am sure this is the last thing that crosses his mind as he outwardly judges someone else. 

It isn't that I don't understand people like this...I understand them PERFECTLY. They have convinced themselves that their sins aren't as bad as someone elses, ESPECIALLY if they had a reason for doing them. At the end of the day, azzwipe, it was still a sin so who are you to be so vehement about the "sins" of someone else? They are nothing more than an irritating hypocrite. If you were to rewind 20 years ago and place Jay-Z in the critics seat, I'm sure he'd feel some kind of way about someone judging him for what he felt he needed to do to get ahead in life.

He even states in his music as long as his means justifies his end, who are you to question what he does...so it's okay for you to make excuses for something you KNOW is wrong? Chris hasn't made one excuse for what he allegedly did...just took his punches and rolled with it.  Personally, I respect that far more than someone who makes excuses.

Don't get me wrong, I am a fan of Jay-Z, as well as, Chris Brown....I just wish people would stop finding time in their day to judge others like this. It's just highly unnecessary...

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Dream ANY Dream...Then Work To Accomplish It

In the midst of all the Michael Jackson blogs, I am sure this one will get caught somewhere in the middle and overlooked. I think we can only sulk and reminisce over one person (we didn't know personally) for so long. Yes, it's only been a few days but 99% of the people writing about him are really writing the same thing. I get easily bored with monotony so don't take offense to what I'm saying. I grew up listening to Michael Jackson just like everyone else...I just know there is more to life after death...if you're still alive.

With that being said...briefly look at everything he accomplished in life. It can easily be said that he was one of THE biggest dreamers.

I was reading a book and because of the environment this lady and her kids lived in, she offered this advice:

"When your dreams start to get too big, focus on something else. Big dreams get in the way of reality."

Personally, I think that was some of the most shattiest advice to hand out...even though it was in fiction. Obviously, the mother was a small thinker (which is okay, if that's who you are) but she was willing to step on her kids dreams because hers had never materialized and she didn't want their hopes being pissed off in the wind...like hers. People like this REALLY do exist, as well as, folks who want to tell you that the likelihood of YOUR dream coming true, won't happen.

I believe ANYTHING is possible if you work at it hard enough and NEVER give up. If you have to die pursuing your dream, so be it. It's your dream and your choice but...you should ALWAYS attain the necessary tools to achieve that dream. Without the necessary tools, you are wasting your time and life resources on futile efforts.

So, if your BIG dream is to be a fashion designer but you don't draw that good, guess what? YOU NEED TO LEARN TO DRAW BETTER.

If your BIG dream is to be a writer but you don't spell that well, grammatically butcher sentences, and people cringe when they read your writing because it's all over the place and not written all that well, guess what? YOU NEED TO TAKE SOME ENGLISH CLASSES, LEARN TO PROOFREAD YOUR WORK BETTER, AND GET HONEST OPINIONS ON YOUR WRITING. (NEWSFLASH: mothers, fathers, siblings, and close friends sometimes will "be nice" so as not to hurt your feelings; they aren't really helping you with your dream if they don't tell you THE TRUTH)


I personally would NEVER stomp on anyones dreams but I most certainly wouldn't encourage them to go down a path that will not work for them either. If someone presents their dream to you and you know that they are on the wrong path to succeeding, get a feel for what kind of personality they have first (because some people, you can't tell them anything anyway). Once you can grasp how they'll respond to an HONEST OPINION (that is tactful and genuine), then present them with advice that can lead them in the right direction.

I think Neyo did a DAMN good job of telling the young lady who came to him, what she needed to do in order to be a successful singer in the music industry. How his advice was presented (amongst the gossips) was off putting because it prepared everyone to listen for when he was going to go all bad on her. He never once insulted her or crushed her dream. He was honest and told her what would work. Now...she has the necessary tools to move forward and if she doesn't choose to use them, THEN, she is wasting her time and anyone else she tries to sell her dream to.

I feel the same way about people who tell me that they want to be writers or journalists. I always wait to see if they are going to share what they do in their spare time. If they don't read (hair and gossip magazines are not the reading material I am speaking of either) on a regular basis, don't care how things are spelled, and don't write consistently, I do not take them seriously. All three of those things are VERY important in order to be a successful writer/journalist. Some people write and keep it all to themselves. That's fine but if no one is reading what you are writing, you aren't giving yourself an opportunity to have others see your work. Criticism is just part of writing so if you aspire to write a book some day but no one has seen ANY of your work, imagine HOW disappointed you are going to be the first time someone says your stuff sucks ass.

People who want to sing....sing EVERY DAY and EVERY chance they get. If you are not like that with your writing (doing it EVERY chance you get), in my mind, you don't really WANT to be a writer. It might be some momentary phase you are going through. These kind of dreamers should sit still one day and REALLY figure out what their dream is. It might not even be what they are currently projecting; writing, singing, and drawing sounds cool but if you're in it to make money IMMEDIATELY, you've got even more to learn than what you just read here.

Point of all this gibberish at 3 in the morning is, never let your REAL dreams die, no matter how big or small they are. However, make sure that you are REALLY doing ALL you can to attain them.

Saturday, June 27, 2009

My Opinion on the Socially Inept

One of my friends wrote a blog called Socially Inept...(An Ongoing Post) and asked for people's opinions on twitter. As I was replying, I noticed my comment was turning into THE most long-winded comment EVER. I read a quote earlier today that said if you can't say what you need to say in 20 words or less, write your own damn blog about it (or something like that).

So here is my opinion about Socially Inept...(An Ongoing Post):

If you REALLY didn't think it needed to be said Jolla, you'd have written a blog about something else so...shut on up (I say that with love LOL).

When I first read the post, it came across as something that was being cast in the light of yet another problem we as Black people have that we need to desperately attend to because we are making ourselves look bad. If you take environment into account, it isn't JUST Black people who are "afflicted" by the baby daddy/baby momma syndrome so what are other cultures "excuses"? Can't blame the slave mentality on Whites, Latins, Asians, and any other ethnic culture that experiences this SAME thing...can we? It's VERY easy to blame EVERYTHING negative Black people experience and go through on a day to day basis as us reverting back to our slave roots. Why can't we just be honest and admit, this really has nothing to do with that? It has EVERYTHING to do with people simply making "bad" decisions and CHOOSING to live with them.

Take for example this individual I was friends with some time ago.

She felt the need to speak on this very subject. To the innocent bystander listening to her talk about the social ineptitude of Black people, she appeared to be someone you should listen to. She was in her late 20's with no children to speak of so she wasn't a statistic...like the mentally slave retarded people she was kicking in the neck with her boot. What the general public was not aware of was that she has had 3-4 abortions and just as many miscarriages. If you add up all the children she COULD HAVE taken full term, it's AT LEAST 5 children I KNOW OF. 4 of those children would have had different fathers. THIS would have made her a prime candidate for the evils she preached about but since no one could see the children that were ALMOST sired on her behalf with 4 other men, she is in the free and clear to talk about a situation that, fortunate for her, IS NOT HER OWN. (in her case, she made bad decisions that she REFUSED to live with)

My point in mentioning her? Having 3-4 abortions that had NOTHING to do with health issues but more so (first abortion) being too young, (second abortion) still being too young, (third abortion) the dad didn't want the baby, (fourth abortion) she didn't want the baby RIGHT NOW...all that adds up to is someone making bad decisions in LIFE...not a slave mentality.

Miscarriages....you really can't control those but if you were secretly happy that you miscarried a child you were pregnant with because the father really wasn't someone you saw yourself raising a kid with...well, that isn't slave mentality either. That is still a product of your bad decision making.

So my opinion, in a nutshell on Black people being socially inept (in this instance)...I think it has more to do with CERTAIN PEOPLE continuously having poor judgement...not folks reverting back to a slave mentality. All the other gibberish above was supporting brain fodder for my simple opinion.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Just Acknowledging When I Make A Mistake :)

There are some things in life that you recognize as being right because it's derived from the general consensus of common sense but sometimes it takes you going through it for you to really grasp it and 100% empathize with someone who has experienced.

I've never been the type of woman to talk super bad on someone I'm dating to ALL my girls because I understand what that can breed. Some women don't get it that because their friend is having a "I hate him" moment, it doesn't mean that you don't care about him at all and you want to hear her refer to him as a SOB, sorry muthalover, donkeyhole, or anything else derogatory you yourself might have called him in the midst of your anger, frustration, etc. (sorry for that run-on sentence LOL)

I used to have a lot of those moments in regards to the father of my child my first few months of being pregnant. I had to get adjusted to a little creature wrecking havoc on my body...I had to adjust to how family, friends, and others were responding to my news...I also had to count to 10 far more times than I wanted because the father was adjusting to everything too. His adjusting wasn't always to my liking so I felt some kind of way about him the first few months.

We're past our initial adjusting stage of accepting "hey, you're having a baby" and as I enter my 7th month, I feel great saying I couldn't have a better father for my child.

BUT...because I was bent all out of shape my first few months, I let some things come out of my mouth about him that I shouldn't have voiced to certain people. I don't want ANYONE referring to him negatively when I KNOW all the things he does for me on a consistent basis. He's been doing them since we found out I was pregnant but a LOT was going on month 1-4 so it was VERY difficult to appreciate his efforts.

I was being SUPER EMO (in regards to him) and I did what a lot of women do. I was talking bad about him to my friends. So now some of those people will ask about him but it'll be along the lines of, "How's that azzhole doing?"..."Where is the jerk?"..."Has he started acting like an adult?"

I GENUINELY feel bad....because I contributed to that.

So I correct them by politely saying "(insert father's name here) is fine; we're doing very well, thank you for asking"..."he's being the best baby daddy ever!"..."he wasn't acting any less of an adult than you when you're having a "moment". Some of my replies have been met with sucking teeth, "whatever", "we'll see how long this last", or just silence and them changing the subject. It was then that I realized, some of my friends need to fix their attitudes because as long as I was in a piss poor mood, they were right there with me with the "yeah girl!" but the minute I got out of my funk, they wanted to act like I had done something wrong by having a good relationship with the father of my child.

I truly love my friends but sometimes they be on that other...and I REFUSE to be sitting in misery with them because their life is a little salty. Everyone goes through their moments so they are allowed theirs but while I'm pregnant, I've felt the need to fall back from a lot of people. I need all the positivity I can get because I'm going through something I've never experienced before with no family in sight. The father of my child is really all the family I REALLY have within a 1,000 mile radius. His family is slightly closer (500 miles) but all we have is each other. So we're doing the best with what we got and so far, it's working well for us.

I more or less wrote this for him...because I REALLY do appreciate EVERYTHING he does EVERY DAY for me and Babybottoms. Regardless of how I felt months 1 thru 4, he really is the best father for my child.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Just Please...Stop Talking!

Maybe I should just lock myself in the house for the next 3 months until I go into labor. I thought I was doing a good enough job by going to work and just coming home. In the middle of my forced anti-social behavior, my friend just had to have a birthday party for her son...why'd he have to turn 1 years old before Babybottoms due date, I don't know. (Kidding)

Anyway, there were a few of my friends I hadn't seen in a while that were going to be there. I didn't want to wait until my baby shower (next month) to see them so I decided to drag myself out into 104 degrees of Atlanta, GA heat and be social. I was quickly reminded why I lock myself in the house with Babybottoms and her daddy.

I got the uneasy stares from people that you could instantly tell they were trying to figure out if I was fat or pregnant. I felt like I needed to wear a shirt that said "I'm pregnant, not fat" but I got over that quickly. On a level of irritating, it was like an eyelash being stuck in your eye for a good 2 minutes. Men can tell I am pregnant from instantly looking at me; for some reason WOMEN just think I have a fat azz stomach I like to wear over my pants. Haters...LOL

I figured if I stayed seated, I would only have to talk to people who knew me. Wrong. There were 2 overly friendly young ladies who seemed to want to be the life of the party. Fine by me...only problem was they wanted to involve EVERYONE...including people they had just met THAT DAY. Because I had laughed at a few of their rude jokes, I guess that signaled to them it was okay to talk to me like I was their homie. Wrong move.

One tried to tell me that I couldn't talk about anyone's baby since I was pregnant because then my child would come out ugly. Mind you, she says this after she says all loud that someone's baby at the party had a head that looked like it weighed 13 lbs and that was probably because the mom was drinking. FACT #1: this person talking shat about the big head kid (the baby's head was huge) has NO KIDS. Fact #2: this person talking shat doesn't want any kids. And you're going to say this to someone who is 6 months pregnant? I chuckled and responded:

"Sorry, I don't believe in those myths so please don't..." and this is when I was interrupted by one of my friends patting the chick on the arm stating that she wouldn't win this debate so to give it up now. There is no debate to be had. Talking about how ugly someone elses kid is does not magically change the DNA that has ALREADY been mixed together to form Babybottoms. Period. End of discussion.

So loud mouth, overly friendly chick decides to say "Well, you better not drink or your babies are gonna have big heads". *heaving sigh*

First off, I'm not drinking because I don't want my kid to have fetal alcohol syndrome...not because their head is going to be big. IF I got the urge to have a drink, red wine it will be and it will be less than 12 oz. THAT'S MY BUSINESS AND I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYONE HAS TO SAY ABOUT ME WANTING TO DRINK A GLASS OF RED WINE. Fact #1: your kid has a greater chance of having a big head if the mom AND dad both have big heads. Fact #2: me and the dad have big heads so Babybottoms will more than likely have a large cranium. Do I care about that? No. I just want her to be healthy....and cute LOL.

At this point I knew the crazy myths were gonna start flying across the table at me, especially when one person said "You don't believe these things?" and really looked at me like I had crushed her soul. I just turned to her and said "No and let me tell you why. Do you know how many women said to me "Oh you're gonna have a little boy because you're having heart burn so much...because you haven't gained much weight...because your stomach is sitting this way...because you had morning sickness? You'd be shocked and so were they when I let them finish talking only for me to bust their bubble and say "Yeah, I'm having a girl". She just stared at me and was like, "Oh, ok". "Oh, ok"? WHAT PLANET DO YOU PEOPLE LIVE ON WHERE YOU ACTUALLY BELIEVE THESE OLD WIVES TALES ASSUMPTIONS??????

None of them are based on anything that even logically makes sense so I don't see how or why people would even repeat them. The entire time I sat at the table I just kept thinking to myself "please shut the hell up". I was mannerable though and didn't say it outloud. Although I did say, "please don't try to force those illogical myths on me and my child; I don't believe them so you might want to talk to someone else about that".

There were a few more things mentioned that I kept my mouth closed on because for some stupid reason, if you are pregnant and have an opinion contrary to someone elses OR correct someone for stating something incorrect, you are looked at as "oh, this pregnant b*tch". Why I gotta be all that because YOU'RE being a moron? And this is why I be in my house chilling...the general public has gotten on my last nerve...pregnant or not!

Friday, June 19, 2009

Just A Piddly Blog About My Dad

I guess I like talking to my dad more than my mother because it's very much like talking to one of my guy friends.....and talking to my mom is VERY much like talking to one of my loud mouth girlfriends. Some of the things my mother can ramble on and on about are so retarded and not worth the brain power she chooses to spend on. Conversations with my dad are little more interesting because they can span from a wider range of things.

I read Mr. Smart Guy's blog The Bromantic Call yesterday and it reminded me of my dad more than anything.

My father and I are very much alike when it comes to acquiring and keeping friends...if we really like you, you're more than likely gonna be around until we die. Even if you do something totally uncalled for and just dumb as hell, IF WE REALLY LIKE YOU, we'll be salty about your lack of concern for the moment, get over it and still have a special place in our hearts for you. That's if we have years of friendship behind us. We'll be as understanding as possible and seek to talk things out; if all parties involved can get over any misunderstanding that was had, things will return to normal and all is forgiven. IF you're just being a douche for no reason, we'll throw you the deuces like we just met you yesterday. This also goes for friendships that have no significant amount of time acquired in the foundation.

So when my dad moved from Oakland, CA (for the first time ever in his life) 8 years ago, he wasn't in a big rush to make new friends in Bossier City, LA. He had his best friends back home in California that he kept in touch with. He's actually been back to California at least 10 times since he moved. Of course my mom, being the typical woman who can't go without friends for 2 seconds, had a list of people she felt my dad would enjoy being around. After briefly talking to him, I came to find out he was giving her the side-eye when she wasn't looking because some of the guys she felt my dad should like were simply because she liked their wives. Bad idea.

My dad is a pretty cool guy. If you ever met him, you'd instantly like him. I can only think of one person who doesn't like him and....to tell you the truth, the reasons aren't valid. But just because you like him, doesn't mean he REALLY likes you. He has the ability to get along with anyone and I think a lot of times people mistake that for him liking you. So when I asked him how he liked the people my mom had introduced him to, he said:

"Ehh, you know your mom. She thinks because she's friends with someone's wife, I need to be friends with their husband's. It's a couple guys that are cool but it's not like I'm breaking my neck to go fishing with them or anything. We'll see".

Out of the list of guys my mother felt my dad should interact with, he only made time for one of them and he only hung around him when my mom was with his wife. He was more content with making friends of his own...which he eventually did.

Then they moved to San Antonio, TX....and mom was back at it.

This time when I asked he laughed and said:

"I don't know why she does this. After all these years, you'd think she'd just let me find my own friends but I guess she means well. It isn't the same for men as it is for women though. Yall can become friends because you like the same nail polish...guys aren't like that. I need to have more common ground with someone than that and I have to feel comfortable like, yea, this is a solid dude. You women though. I'm gonna go meet them though, just to appease her".

I guess when you've been with someone since you were 16 and now that you're 52, this is the kind of stuff you put up with. I haven't gotten an update on how his "new friends" are but I'm guessing he hasn't "liked" anyone my mom has tried to "hook him up with" because he still only talks about his old friends.

I guess I say all that to say sometimes new friends aren't really the business. It's those old ones that you've grown used to and know you, that you're most comfortable around and really only want to have time for. Making new friends sometimes just isn't necessary if you're already content with who/what you have.

Hope everyone has a GREAT Friday and weekend!

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Just Because You Have A Degree Doesn't Mean You're Smart

I don't know who told the general population that just because they graduated from college that makes them smart because I know plenty of people with degrees but the smarts of a gadfly.

In the last week, I've read several blogs about women who think having all these degrees makes them more desirable in the eyes of men...as well as, blogs about women who will ONLY date men who are just as "educated" as themselves. Does a degree make you love someone more? I guess if you are fixated on what kind of job that degree MIGHT get you.

I know TONS of women with degrees...would I EVER encourage my guy friends to date them? Hell and no. PLEASE NOTICE: I said I KNOW women...I didn't say these women were my friends. I also have friends with degrees but if I know that my guy friends are looking for an intelligent woman, well, her having a degree has NOTHING to do with that. I KNOW far more intelligent people who NEVER went to college or just didn't finish than I do people who have degrees. This is how I know JUST because you have a degree it doesn't automatically give you a right to some kind of intelligence. You can still be an idiot with no common sense and have a PhD.

Graduating from college requires that you know how to study, prepare for tests, and interact with people well enough to get you to the next level. In some cases, you just have to know all the right people at your school and you have a degree before you even set foot on campus for your first day (example: George Bush). It doesn't mean you're a prime candidate for dating, a job in the field which you are studying, or worthy of the degree on your wall at all. I can name 10 head cases that are in law school right now. I can name 5 women who are doctors (or studying to be) but have problems with ALL the men in their life. I can name 20 women AND men who have degrees from "prestigious" schools but have no common sense to save their own lives. The sad thing is, there are plenty more people out there willing to spend money they don't have on an education that more than likely has NOTHING to do with what their life aspirations are.

So why all the blogs about men and women who feel YOU MUST have a degree in order to date me? It's all bullcorn to me and people with raised expectations of things that REALLY don't matter in the end. Just being honest...I'd rather take a guy with a high school diploma who treated me like Queen of the Earth and has the potential AND actually doing something to amass his wealth outside of working for "the man" for the rest of his life, over some numbnutt idiot that graduated from Harvard but can't manage to treat me like a human being and has no foresight into his future past making 6-figures.

To each his own but the things I aspire for in life have NOTHING to do with a degree, therefore, I would NEVER measure myself against that piece of paper, nor do I measure others.

ATTENTION: I do feel there are some fields a formal education would serve you well in; I would never go to a doctor who learned how to operate on people by cutting up the neighborhood animals. I'm just saying, people need to use their common sense and realize, having a degree does not insure overall intelligence or the automatic ability to love someone.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Delusional Much? Yes, Yes You Are!

While there were TONS of "delusional" pictures to pick from, this one jumped out and yelled "USE ME!!!!" because in the case of most delusional heffas, this is EXACTLY how they act...like they are on Cloud 9 of their Delusion.

After watching that RIDICULOUS videotape of the chick in her shop getting mollywhopped by 2 other chicks, I was prompted to write about delusional batches who have convinced themselves that acting crazy towards the other woman (or who they THINK is the other woman) is the way to go.

Now, everyone doesn't choose to start PHYSICAL fights with other women over a man but how many women do you know that have done things like start verbal altercations? write blogs? post silly delusional statements in their statuses on myspace, facebook, twitter, etc.? pretend to be your "friend" online simply to stay in your business with the guy they are being delusional about? I'm sure anyone reading this can raise their hand...whether they are the delusional batch or witnessed such events take place.

I've ALWAYS thought this kind of behavior was sad. For one, I'm not an attention whore so I don't want EVERYONE and their momma (including random people who are privy to anything on the internet) to know what MIGHT be going on in my life OR form unwarranted opinions based on nothing more than some retard status I put up. Apparently this isn't the case for wenches who want to tape a totally unnecessary assault and then post it on youtube....or broadcast to instigating people online about their delusional relationship. Yes, if it is your profile, you can post WHATEVER you want (whether it's true or not) but to go so hard in the paint for something that IN FACT, will NEVER belong to you? You're a Grade A Clown and you need to start teaching lessons about how to look like a fool without really trying...cause you look like a fool.

1st off....any man who doesn't claim you as his woman, well, you have no business being a ride or die chick for him. IF he gave 2 shats about you, he wouldn't allow compromising situations to happen that would endanger you or put you at risk of looking like a complete and utter fool. Granted, there are some situations where that really is your dude but he's being a smut pony, gallivanting around with whoever will let him manipulate their mind into thinking he might be "the one". Sometimes these smut pony's will make the jump off or filler chick THINK she is far more important than she really is. If he has not had any kind of conversation that FLAT OUT says "yes, you are my girlfriend", you need to learn your place and stay in your lane. You have no confirmation that this is REALLY your man so don't start planning a life with Smut Pony because he said "I love you". If I had $5 for every man who said "I love you" and for every time he said it, I wouldn't have to work for this insufferable man I am currently employed by.

2ndly...even if he is being Slick Rick with your delusional tail and has LIED to you telling you that you are the only one for him when you were aware he was dating someone before your delusional azz came along, don't go picking fights with the other chick. What are you 8 years old? Is this the playground? If you find something of concern, bring it to his attention...CONSTANTLY...until you get the truth out of him. He'll either play dumb and stick to that facade the entire time he's trying to get and stay in your drawls OR he'll give up trying to mind f*ck you and move on to someone who is a little more susceptible to a deeper level of delusion.

3rd...do I really need to go on? Just please...STOP BEING DELUSIONAL. It isn't cute and not only are you lying vehemently to yourself, you look like you need to be checked into an insane asylum to the general public who has ALWAYS laughed at you, your statuses, videos, and ridiculous blogs that you somehow think will rally followers to your foolishness.

delusional!!! Pictures, Images and Photos

Sunday, June 07, 2009


Because Babybottoms is up acting like she is having her own personal karate lessons in my stomach, I can't sleep. I was conflicted between making a grilled cheese sandwich or writing a blog. I then remembered that in between Babybottoms late night karate, she likes to play evil tricks on mommy and give her the indigestion from Satan's esophagus. Since I have run out of milk and won't be putting on clothes to get any at 3 in the morning, her late night snack is going to have to take a raincheck.

As I lay on my couch thinking of my current relationship with the father of my child and all my previous relationships, I had a Eureka moment. I relinquished a large portion of control in our relationship and as a result, this led to me being awakened by two little fists and feet at 3 in the morning.

Being a control freak is in my DNA but over time, I have learned that it is a less than desirable quality and serves no purpose in meaningful relationships you desire to have with other people. Of course it feels GREAT to say "I am in control of THIS situation" but at what risk to yourself and others will you do it?

I've never been spoiled a day in my life by anyone other than myself. I take that back....since I've been pregnant, the father of my child spoils me EVERY DAY. It only feels weird to me because I usually don't let people spoil me in any aspect. With him, it is different...he is the first relationship that I UNDOUBTEDLY KNOW will NEVER work positively if I yank ALL control from him. He is the certified definition of a man with a big ego; any time a woman has done something that makes him feel as though he is being emasculated in any manner she becomes an insignificant figure in his love life. This has seared the hearts of many women in his lifetime and of course, he has been the bad guy and solely to blame for the downfall of their previous union. It isn't that he is hard to get along with...it's just that one thing that EVERYONE wants...CONTROL.

Thinking about this made me think about women who confuse themselves day in and day out about their love lives. They ask themselves the same questions over and over again wondering why they can't find an answer to why their relationships appear to go great but in the end, always fizzle or they have to put up with drama. They are by no means "weak" women but I believe that sometimes they get so caught up in controlling their lives so much that it carries over into their relationships and that is where they get their big bold FAIL in red letters. This isn't to say that you can't have standards and hold a man to them. That is necessary if you don't want to become someones doormat but the art of compromise is essential when you have "control issues".

Figuring out what I would tolerate in this particular relationship and what I wouldn't, allowed me to ease into a better relationship with the father of my child. I put it out there for him to hear (instead of keeping it bottled up until that one day I just knew he would eff up) and I made it clear that I was serious. From that day forward things changed. Maybe they changed because he was terrified that I would ultimately choose to wash my hands of him 100% or maybe he just felt like there are certain aspects of a persons life he can't control either. I won't pretend like it's been an easy road because people (read: him) will try to test you to see if you REALLY mean what you say. While we began traveling this road of compromise and control, I got pregnant and learned something else about control...

Being pregnant, you don't control ANYTHING about yourself ANYMORE. What you had once conditioned yourself to do by routine day in and day out, a little baby has come and ran havoc on. This control situation isn't about you adjusting when you finally feel up to it...it's IMMEDIATE changes that will cause you IMMEDIATE discomfort if you do not acknowledge and abide. So I can safely say that I have learned this one thing about control from my daughter and her father....I don't run shat as long as they are around.

Kidding...I think she's tired herself out from karate and fallen asleep so I'm going to take advantage of this and do the same....

Saturday, June 06, 2009

Religion...the Conversation NO ONE Wants to Have

This photo to the left is not a personal reflection of religion...my life has meaning in every nook & cranny and that's before we even can start talking about religion. Although, I see TONS of people who only have a religion because they feel it does give them meaning...I begin to wonder just how they would manage if they didn't have that to ground them and if they REALLY believe and/or know what their religion is about.

Which is exactly what this blog is about today.

We all have our various beliefs, whether they stem from religion or personal preference. However, nothing makes me stare in confused amazement at another person who comes across and wants to be portrayed as being "religious" and they know so little about their own religion. Who are you and why are you even claiming a religion? Shouldn't you know more than some hymns you sing in church if you supposedly LIVE in church? Then it becomes painfully and obviously clear that some people have a religion simply to say, "I am (insert religion here)".

When I was younger, I picked up this book called Mankind's Search for God. It touched on various religions and their backgrounds, where they derived from, what were some of the beliefs (to date), and so and so forth. That book alone piqued my curiosity SO much that I developed a natural interest in other people's religions. Not because I wanted to practice anything different than what I had been raised to be. It intrigued me that there were SO many different ways people had found to worship ONE almighty diety and despite their purpose ALL being the same (to worship God/a god), they can NEVER manage to get along because of the doctrines attached to their worship of God.

I began to study people who "claimed" they loved the Lord and who were Christians. I was raised to be a Jehovah Witness and contrary to ANYTHING someone else who isn't a Jehovah Witness has told you, yes, they can be classified as Christians. I figured I would start in my own backyard before branching out. I had already read the Bible several times when I was younger but every year, I would read it again because my interpretation of it ALWAYS seemed to change as I got older. I understood better and things that were too much for my young mind to grasp became clear as day. I would hear people quote scriptures and IMMEADIATELY know they were misquoting something to serve their sordid purpose. I took personal offense to ANYONE (not just Jehovah Witnesses) that "claimed" to be a Christian but had NEVER read the Bible in it's entirety. To me, it was disrespectful...you believe in something that you haven't studied and analyzed to really know anything about. Christian beliefs are based on EVERYTHING that is in the Bible, yet most people never even pick it up.

It was no different than someone who "claimed" to be Islamic but never read the Koran...(again this is my opinion but...) you're a disgrace to your religion because you don't even know about the things your religion stands for.

So after learning a plethora of knowledge about Jehovah Witnesses, Catholics, Baptists, and any other religion that could be categorized as "Christian", I set out to educate myself on other sectors of religion. Buddhism, Scientology, Islam, Hinduism, Judiasm, even religions that did ABSOLUTELY ludicrous things. I just wanted to understand what the big deal was that EVERYONE had to have a different religion. That is when it clicked...people either choose their religions based on the lifestyles that are accomodating to them, stick to what they were raised doing, or choose what requires the least amount of effort.

Even though I grew up a Jehovah Witness, my father still had other publications from different religions around so that he (as well as us kids) could never be in the dark when discussing someone elses religion. There are plenty of tools to understand WHY people do things based on their religion...all you gotta do is open one and read it. So there were different translations of the Bible on our shelves, as well as, the Koran, and other books.

Anytime I've ever approached someone seeking information about their religion, it didn't matter HOW MUCH I knew already, I still questioned them as if I was a novice. I never assumed I knew it all about someone elses religion because that also is rude as hell. Nothing makes my pimp hand itch more than when someone proudly tries to tell me, "Oh, you people don't even believe in Jesus". It would serve them better to ASK, "Do Jehovah's Witnesses believe in Jesus" versus assuming we don't. I've heard it all..."well if you did, why isn't your religion called Jesus Witnesses"..."you don't believe in Jesus because you call God, Jehovah"..."who is Jehovah? yall made that up"...the list goes on. Ignorance is vile and disgusting to me when it's blatantly obvious that it isn't really a person being ignorant...you just want to be stupid and perpetuate things you heard, rather than opening your mouth and asking.

My point to all this religious babble is, the topic of religion wouldn't be so hard to discuss if people would stop sticking to "what they heard" and actually take an interest in hearing the truth about someone elses beliefs. But then it hits me...how many people out there ACTUALLY know the truth about the religion they so fiercely hold on to? I have very little respect for someone who says, "I would NEVER change my religion for ANYONE or ANYTHING" but can't really tell you anything worth knowing about their own beliefs. What exactly is your faith in? And who do you think you're fooling, other than yourself? Gives you something to think about....

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

There Is Healthy Self-Esteem and Then....There Is This

You don't have to watch all 6:55 minutes of that video but it does set the tone for what I am about to say.

There are people who have healthy levels of self-confidence and then...there are people like her.

No one can pay me to believe she just has healthy self-esteem...no, she's delusional. Granted, you can believe whatever you want to believe in life but some things are just obvious and should be acknowledged, if you are a sane and reasonable person. Watching her made me think of several people who REALLY act like this.

I am the biggest advocate of not putting too much stock into other people's opinions but does she not have family and REAL friends? Personally, I wouldn't let my REAL friend go to an audition with her belly hanging out of her skirt...or even with ANY of that outfit on! Her appearance and attitude was just wrong on so many levels and I began to wonder if the celebrities I see on television are the same ones her delusional mind sees.

Just sad...

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Bums/Homeless People Are About To Get On My Bad Side

I'm a pretty fair person and I always strive to be. Therefore, when I see a bum/homeless person, I do not automatically assume that their life has turned to shat because they are lazy. Different circumstances afflict people everyday and truth be told, most people are a paycheck away from poverty. There are other factors that keep certain people from the clutches of the streets...like a family that can support them when times are tough. Everyone doesn't have family like that. That isn't to say your family wouldn't want to help you but sometimes they just can't.

I used to have TONS of friends whose idea of being "broke" was only being able to order from the Dollar Menu vs. the regular menu because the minute they ran out of money, they could make a phone call and have some money deposited into their bank account. Me? Not so fortunate. It seems odd to some people that I can't call my parents and simply ask for my rent money, car note, grocery money, etc. whenever I want it but that's more of a reality for some folks than not.

This is the world we live in.

So today as I am leaving my office after working for one of the most insufferable people that has ever existed in my world, I get approached by a bum/homeless person.

"Excuse me ma'am?"


"Do you have any money you can spare?"

"No. I don't"



"I'm sorry ma'am"

I did go cattywhompiss on him but it frustrates me to no end that EVERY DAY I go to work, I get attacked by bums/homeless people begging me for money. If I did give them some money EVERY DAY, I might as well include them in my monthly budget of funds I spend on a regular basis. It infuriates me even more when they get an attitude like I should just want to give them my hard earned money because they have a less fortunate situation than my own. When did bums/homeless people grow balls to whoride the people they beg from? What part of the game is this and did I miss something?

I do not feel bad about holding on to my money when they ask for it because I'm trying to survive just like them. Sure, I'm one leg up on life because I have a job but after you take what I RIGHTFULLY earned through working hard, break it down, pay all my bills, and then look at what I got leftover, it's laughable.

I'm glad to say it won't be like this much longer but while it is, the bums/homeless are just going to have to deal with my attitude. No, I do not have any change to spare and that's not my problem.

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