Thursday, May 07, 2009

The Jokes On Me...Again

I got suckered into participating in the free chicken debacle yesterday. I had decided after that ridiculous fiasco with Popeye's (which I PAID for food), I most certainly was NOT going to get caught up in the chaos and pandemonium of KFC. I was feeling a little ill at work and I let the father of my child talk me into going to grab some chicken and be out.

I should have said no...because I knew better.

The closest KFC is 2 blocks from my job but there is no parking so we decided to travel a little ways down the street to the 2nd closest. Enter coonery and buffoonery. On the way to KFC, we get into this utterly ridiculous argument about Oprah, which segued into an inane conversation about his life. As a result of me getting far too upset because he likes to end conversations the minute he's done talking, I end up looking like a maniac (WHILE DRIVING) because I was yelling and trying to get him to stop touching my shoulders. Any onlookers would have sworn he was trying to Chris Brown me up in the truck. It was horrible and all I could think was, this is Oprah's fault.

I finally park and we get out and enter KFC. Enter more coonery and buffoonery.

I like my personal space so when someone who I don't know is all in it, I usually move back some or move up so they aren't touching me. Being pregnant makes me even more conscious about who is standing too close to me. If you accidentally elbow me in the belly, I'm going to accidentally punch you in the face. So this lady is standing MAD close to the point I can feel her breathing on my neck. I didn't want anyone to think that the chicken "wait" was making me ghetto so I just moved up a little...without saying a word. She moves up closer. Really? BACK UP! I couldn't take anymore so I did the "I will talk loud until you get the point that I'm talking TO YOU" thing. I start telling the baby daddy that this lady is standing far too close like she aint gonna get her free chicken. I turn around....I promise you, she is SO close, if I snot rocketed her, she'd get blasted into someone else. I say "DAMN!" at a level she'll KNOW she's out of line and I move to the other side of baby daddy.

I want to stomp on his toes because he's busy entertaining himself in some asinine comment war on Facebook...on my phone. I knew this was a bad idea when he IM'd me talking bout let's go to KFC. The lady behind the counter is trying to get his attention but he's so wrapped up in Facebook that he isn't paying attention so I turn around and yell, "Pay attention! You see all these people in here! She's talking to you!"'d think his reply would be "Oh, my bad". Nope. It was more along the lines of "Why you so irritated? Is it the baby making you act like this?" NO. IT'S BEING IN KFC WITH A BUNCH OF 'TARDS...AND YOU...THAT DON'T LISTEN.

So speaking of 'tards, this dude cuts line to ask how long the wait is on the chicken. 3 minutes on regular, 9 minutes on grilled. I opted for regular chicken because I wasn't feeling too good and I just wanted to sit down. That grilled chicken looked weird anyway. So the 'tard proceeds to ask the following questions:

"Can you put that on the grill for real? I don't want mine in no microwave"

"Is that real grilled chicken?"

"Why can't I have none of them wings for free?"

"Why yall taking so long?"

I just looked at the guy standing next to me and asked, "Is this clown serious? It's free chicken. STOP ASKING ALL THEM DAMN QUESTIONS!"

Finally the girl behind the counter looks at us and asks us what pieces of meat we want....bless the father of my child's heart. His greedy azz gone say, "Can I get 2 breasts please? Thank yah Oprah!"

This was my fault from the get go because I should have just said no, I don't want to go to KFC.

12 points of view:

msdailey said...

If you accidentally elbow me in the belly, I'm going to accidentally punch you in the face.

That's the part I loved the most!!!

The rest is pure comedy!!!

Sorry it was at your expense!

Tha Management said...

HAHHAHAHHAHHAHA I didn't go get the chicken because my coupon wouldn't print. I took that as a sign. I definitely knew that the chicken thing was going to insight fuckery about the country.

a black girl who did date said...

Which KFC did you go to??? So the coupon worked??? I will go tonight....maybe.

AssertiveWit said...

msdailey: I be real protective of my stomach these days and I feel warranted inflicting bodily harm on someone who touches my Buddha belly...whether it's an accident or on purpose. It's like a trigger finger response. LOL

Management: be glad your coupon didn't work...FREE spells disaster, whether it's White, Black, Asian, Mexican, or Iranian.

Black Girl: I went to that ghetto one on Joseph E. Lowery, which I know you won't be going to because there is one on Howell Mill. I promise you the ENTIRE AUC slid through that joint looking for chicken and I couldn't be students deserve a free meal cause they aint got no money nan way (most of the time) LOL

CraigJC said...

Free chicken makes the maniacs come out! (I'm going get mine tomorrow).

the girl with clean hands said...

I don't mind when my sister bumps into me (which is by the way how I know you, you guys graduated in the same class @ Skyline: Nicole White)because most of the times she thinks she's bumping into me and hasn't touched me but the the other day at Walmart I had to declare: "I am not a mannequin, if you reach in front of me again I'm going to have to fuck you up! Say excuse me got damn it!" to another pregnant woman who obviously thought I must be standing in front of the display for show. What's up with that ish anyways? I say excuse when I pass in front of someone in the aisle and wait for mofos to finish what their looking at. I be doing that ish too where you just start talking hella loud hoping the other person gets the point especially now that I'm pregnant and can't get all hiffy in an effort to be all wosah for the baby!

Christina said...

Sorry you had to go through that!!

Oprah should have done coupons for a salad somewhere...then we wld see how many folks would redeem tht stinker..lmao!

JaeSpenc said...

Bwhahahahaha... Yeah that chicken has insighted some craziness... The one that I went to today was only honoring the coupon between 1pm and 4pm... lmao they'd had a shortage!

There hasn't beeen much pandemonium here in Kentucky... but your experience is hilarious... Baby belly armor is a MUST!! I use to wanna SLAP peoples hands when they tried to touch mine... lmao

jeanette nicole* said...

So I'm not even eating meat currently, but my dumb self wanted a cheese pizza and stopped at one of those KFC/Pizza Hut combo joints forgetting about the whole "FREE CHIKINS!!!!1111" ordeal. I was in there for about 40minutes. Gat damn, Ofrah!

Also, I'm lol @ ol' dude who was playing 20 questions. A mess!

Anonymous said...

I found a blog surfing on the internet which is called paid to joke. I am going to have a try for that. Who knows they will pay or not but it will be good to calm nerves reading some good jokes.

Anonymous said...

pure comedy!

i didn't know you were pregnant?!

Nicole said...

Dead @ "can I get two breasts please?Thanks Oprah"

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