Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Your Kid Looks Like A Garanimal

I do not believe that EVERY baby is cute. I do not believe that if you are pregnant, you aren't allowed to say someone elses child is less than attractive (read: ugly) for fear your kid will come out looking like that dog to the right. So anyone who believes that, well this isn't the blog for you.

Children can STILL be precious...even though they might be a little unsightly. In a previous blog I said that it terrified me that I am going to be responsible for another human beings well being and upbringing but this ALMOST terrifies me more...

I get emails and picture messages of people's kids ALL the time and when it is sent in the form of a mass mailing, I feel a little bad when no one compliments the kid. It's like the parents set the kid up for their first "L" by sending out a picture of them on their first day out in the world. So cruel. Every mother needs a team of friends who will tell them, "pump the brakes on sending that picture", or whatever will get it across that they need to wait a few days (or months) before bragging on their kid that isn't that cute. I know I have my team already setup in my phone for the picture distribution. It is 4 women I trust to tell me the truth...even when it might be something painful like "your kid aint that cute sister". I'd rather hear it from them then hear through the grapevine that someone thought my kid looked like a wet gerbil.

In the kids defense, it could just be a bad picture day...or they have yet to grow into their new features. Either way, don't assume that EVERYONE will think your baby is cute because YOU (the parent or biased relative) think they are.

My mom just told me today that my sister wasn't all that cute when she born. In my sister's defense, she was a skinny baby. I've never seen a cute skinny baby. My sister is pretty awesome now and when we were kids she was cute too. Just that Day One...it wasn't the best day to be taking her first portrait and showing off to everyone. But her son...I don't know if I've ever seen a kid who looked like he did on Day One. He looked like he was about 3 months old and was actually very cute. You know how some kids have HUMONGOUS eyes that scare you so you don't have time to look at their other features to determine if they are cute? Well my nephew had HUGE eyes that worked well for him. To this day, he gets compliments on his eyes...he looked like a cute little deer. Cute like Bambi, not like some deer who got stuck in your headlights when you hit him on a dark road.

So when I pray, I make sure to get in one for the kiddo. Lord please let the kid be cute (like both of his/her parents) and fat. Everyone loves a cute AND fat baby. I thought I could take comfort in KNOWING that me and the father were cute babies but you can't place all your eggs in that basket. Kids sometimes have a way of coming out the complete opposite and making you wanna kick yourself for ASSUMING you were going to have a Gerber baby.

5 points of view:

CraigJC said...

LOL. This post is hilarious. Never had a kid, but if I did i'd be wishing for some cuteness, too. LOL

Tha Management said...

LOL! That picture was the perfect accompaniment to this post. That dog is supposed to be cute but he just aint.

MOMSWEB said...

Toooo funny, but soooo true. Girrrrl, I KNOW my babies were cute (lol). You're right...most mothers look upon their babies as beautiful, but....they really are precious!

favorisntfair said...

This post is the truth! I got a couple of new babies in my family that are not that hot. The Mom's were clearly not thinking about looks when they hooked up with the Daddies. I love 'em and I truly hope that they grow out of those looks but its highly unlikely. I had a terrible baby picture and I wish that my Mom would've had some fashion sense and real friends to tell her otherwise about that ugly arse baby picture.
I agree that saying what you feel will not adversely change the way your baby looks by the time he/she comes into the world.
Congratulations on the new addition heading your way soon :)

AssertiveWit said...

Craig: people always give you that bull ca ca that they really just want their baby to be healthy but I promise you...they wish for cuteness first LOL kidding...but not really LOL

Management: poor dog...and that's how I feel about some babies...poor kid LOL

MOMSWEB: I need to see pictures for confirmation...kidding LOL I'm sure they were cute...and precious LOL

Christin: my sister tried to tell me yesterday that even if my baby wasn't cute she wouldn't tell me because it's still her niece/nephew and she'd love it all the same...well that's regal and all of her but I told her if this baby isn't cute and she goes parading pictures around that's she's taken the day/night I give birth, I will donkey kick her in the head and not talk to her until the baby gets cute...she thinks I'm playing...I'm not LOL

Thank you for the congrats too :)

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