Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Who Shot Cha?

It was me. This is what I would gladly tell these damn birds who feel the need to chirp outside my bedroom window EVERY morning between 4:30 and 6:30. This is a problem because my alarm goes off at 7 am. This weekend I will be looking for bebe guns because these birds HAVE GOT TO GO. If there was a more civil way to get these birds to beat it, I would gladly opt for that but being that there might be more than one outside getting on my last damn nerve, I have to come prepared. See, a bebe won't really kill the bird...just knock it off the branch and let me go back to sleep.

Some people may think this is cruel and inhumane. Sorry. My sleep is of essence. I'm especially irritated today because the father of my child was supposed to come over after he got off work to get some food I had slaved over. Mind you, he gets off at 10 pm and has to pass my house to get to his house FROM WORK but at 11 pm, no call, no show. I'm tired folks. Did I mention I'm pregnant? Yes, so 11 pm is late for me. I'm expecting him to come get his food and be gone so I can go to sleep. Instead, I have to inquire as to what in the hell he's doing and what's taking so long. Apparently, he felt it was a bright idea for him to run errands after he got off, change his clothes, and come by before going to his other job.

Excuse me? I'm not sitting here staying awake for my health. I tried not to get an attitude or fall asleep (because I HATE my sleep being interrupted, hence me wanting to kill maim the birds) but....I'm pregnant. All it takes is me sitting still for longer than 5 minutes and I'm off counting sheep. Being pregnant, I have to pee several times during the night so I wake up...it's 1:45 am. What. The. F*ck. At this point, I'm counting to 10 because it is obvious this clown has decided to go to his other job without communicating AT ALL.

I probably hate lack of communication more than the birds outside my window. He still has yet to understand what the words "be considerate of others" mean and I'm trying to have patience and not black out on him...I'll end up looking like the crazy hormonal one because I'm pregnant. So it's 1:45 and he hasn't made his way anywhere near my house so I decide to send a nice little text message that I'm going to sleep (read: don't bring your azz over here; I'm sleep). Except...now I can't go back to sleep. Dammit. I start reading and start getting sleepy around 3 am and doze off...only to get woke up by these frickin frackin irritating dang ol' birds...at 4:30.

So if anyone has any suggestions on where to purchase an affordable bebe gun and some bebe's, feel free to pass that information along to me. I promise to only shoot the birds...and not the inconsiderate azz father of my child.

P.S. - I almost sent this blog to "baby daddy" to subtly let him know he was being a jackazz last night...then I thought about his love for all things breathing (except for me last night...last I checked I breathe but apparently I gotta be some drowning deer for him to care half the time) and decided against it. I think he'd be more upset that I was thinking about shooting a bird versus me writing a blog and mentioning him without fair warning. Let's hope he doesn't decide to be "supportive" today and actually read something I wrote...

5 points of view:

BeeHappy said...

I actually had this same thought the other day. I don't know if you watch Friends but that's what I was thinking about when birds annoy me. The episode where Phoebe is laying in bed with the cop and he shoots the bird. Sadly I have no advice for you. Great post!

Assertive Wit said...

I don't remember that episode but I am sure it was hilarious...all I can think about when I hear that damn bird out there with its redundant symphony is that movie with Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew McConaughey...her roommate shoots an irritating bird with a be be gun and then it pretends to be dead and after they give that stupid bird CPR cause they thought they had killed it, it ends up wrecking havoc in her house LOL trust and believe, I am going to be outside on my balcony with all my doors closed, in all black, picking these f*ckers off one by one...I'm so serious...LOL

Craigjc said...

Lol. I know Zactly what you me.

ChiChi10 said...

That is so fucking hilarious...OMG

It might be wrong, I totally condone it. *Snicker*

Tommy said...

Assassinating birds, hope this will be taped in some form or fashion

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