Friday, April 17, 2009

My Minds Playing Tricks On Me

Many of you reading already know who that fella to the left is. For those of you who don't...well, you obviously don't watch porn...or negro porn. Yes, I said negro...my dad still uses it so I think it's okay for me to use it. Go get politically correct in someone elses blog who cares...I'm Black, therefore, I can call other Black people Negros. Back to the blog...

So I was having the most wondrous dream ever a couple nights ago and when I woke up, I felt all bad because I had this dream while little Babybottoms was trying to catch some Z's in my tummy. I don't want to transfer filth to my unborn child but I'll blame this on Auntie B for sending me perversion to read. Them books sho' was good!!!

Anyway, I refuse to go into detail about this dream but I'll tell you why Mr. Marcus is being mentioned above. In my dream I was looking for someone, me and this other chick. We're in this ridiculously big house that either belonged to me or the father of my child. It wasn't very clear but it didn't matter...we were on a search. We came to this one room and this guy was in there...from the way we were gawking in the dream, this wasn't the guy we were looking for. He was naked and we was staring because from the profile, it was Mr. Marcus in all his soapy glory. There was no bathtub or shower in sight but he was standing there glistening and all wet like from the soap. So in the dream, I'm getting a little excited! I'm not too much a fan of Mr. Marcus face but that hub buddy...good lawd, sweet little baby Jesus, take me now!

Anywhom, the man notices that we are standing there staring at his nakedness, turns around and it's not Mr. Marcus. No...it's the father of my child. I instantly woke up and was FURIOUS. Why? Because the father of my child is NOWHERE NEAR being ANYONE'S hub! Hub is the equivalent of being diesel, buff, swoll, full of musssskulls. The father of my child, bless his skinny heart, is a bean pole. Don't get it twisted, he's attractive...he just aint got no muscle to speak of. I relayed the dream (in more detail) to the baby daddy and when I told him that HE was the Mr. Marcus guy, he smiled like I had just told him he won the lottery. Ummm, it was just a dream.

Then he starts talking about getting hub. His definition of hub is turning his ALREADY flat stomach into a washboard. That isn't hub. That's a skinny guy with a 6-pack. In my mind, I don't think Babybottoms dad would like right being THAT big. Mr. Marcus is a big dude. Granted, Babybottoms dad has the height for it AND the frame but he's been thin ALL his life (except when he was a fat, adorable little baby). I just think it would take way too much getting used to to see him go from Pharrell's size to...that up there. I mean, I can't even fit his jeans...that's how thin he is. But this guy has been known to do things simply for shock factor so who knows...my dream might have been a prophecy.

For those unaware of who Pharrell is (I understand I have a diverse set of readers), this is him:
(all friends who have met Babybottoms dad can attest to his birdchestedness...in the event he is reading this and thinks I'm trying to stomp on his ego, they all said you were cute...just skinny as hell LOL)

pharrell Pictures, Images and Photos
pharrell Pictures, Images and Photos

13 points of view:

NightFall914 said...

Your word play in this was hilarious.And your partners head on Marcus' frame = LMAO!!!!!
I know the pains of being the skinny guy, but I wouldn't want to go from thin to the Mr Marcus extreme.

Assertive Wit said...

The weird thing about the dream was, it was STILL Mr. Marcus big donkey head...just baby daddy's face. Just weird and literally killed off my morning libido "buzz". LOL

It wasn't that it looked bad...it was just weird as all get out LOL

Brittni said...

But what does the other girl mean? It was 2 of you looking for "something," right?

I like dream symbolism...I can never pinpoint stuff myself, but I like hearing theories. Let me know if you figure it out.

Assertive Wit said...

I had been reading some "trash" before going to sleep so let your imagination run free on what the other girl meant LOL

I wasn't concerned about her though...I was more disturbed at that face being on Mr. Marcus LOL

Jay_fever said...

I read this joint and just felt compelled to represent for me and my skinny bretheren...

WHAT! WHAT!

and I'm out

oNe mAn gAng said...

lmaoooo damn Yeezy...shit bad.

Assertive Wit said...

Jay: nothing wrong with being a thin man Jay...just aint Mr. Marcus! LOL

OMG: you shut up...you skinny too LOL

Black Yoda said...

Too many nicknames and your talking about dudes in porn. I kinda tuned out. :-) Now I wish Michelle Tucker would come out of retirement (if there's such a thing). Damn, she was banging, and I don't even know who she is because I've never watched porn :-)

I will be back in the blogging world as soon as I take a few moments to figure this site out...increase my blog followers. I have to annoy as many people here as I did on myspace to be a success :-)

Oh, I still remember your use of "Negro" from a previous blog. As a colored man, I take umbrage at your use of such an antiquated term :-)

Oh, oh, and congrats on your new mommy status. What kind of preggo belly are you getting...the "beach ball" or the "Is she really pregnant or just getting fat" belly? Having worked in a high school, I've seen plenty of both
:-(

phallatio said...

You are pregnant? I didn't know. Congratulations!

William H. said...

lmaoooooooooo mr.marcus tho!

JaeSpenc said...

Mr. Marcus is the Bizzzness... Love him... OOPS! I mean... yeah that's a good picture... who's that guy?

Dreams can freak you out in SOOooooo many different ways... and Pregnant dreams tend to be more vivid! lmao

Assertive Wit said...

Black Yogurt: still rude as ever LOL when I wrote this post, I had the "she aint pregnant, she fat" look but everyday it seems like my stomach sticks out further and further so now it's looking kind of beach ball like. I don't mind wearing my t-shirts now...a month ago, I was covered in a jacket because it just looked like I had let myself go and my gut was hanging over my pants cause I couldn't pull them...now, it's kinda cute LOL

phallatio: thank you! I wasn't making any announcements until I was free and clear of the first trimester...the kid is here to stay!

JaeSpenc: I thought that was just me but my pregnant dreams are FAR better and livelier than before...I guess that can be a good thing when they are good dreams...I'll pray for no nightmares LOL

V$ said...

*sigh* oh mr. marcus...

now how am i suppose to focus at work today, lol?

dude has an egg head, but oh boy...i'll spare all of you my thoughts, lol.

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