Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Dating...After the Baby

Dating is the last thing on my mind these days.

I just can't make myself even want to date anyone right now because I'm pregnant. I'm sure a lot of women do it but if I'm not going to be with the father of my child, I feel like the right thing to do would be take a chill pill on getting to know someone else right now. Once the kiddo has been released from my womb, that's a different story. Everything is changing now and it is REALLY going to change once the baby is here (in living color).

I think the father of my child is under the impression that my dating life will be beyond resurrection by then and I'll be stuck pining after him but I have news for him...he's the fool. I understand that once I get back to dating, I'll be "competing" with women who have no "living baggage" so in order to make myself a presentable and viable option, I must get it right, get it tight, IMMEDIATELY after dropping my load. With that requirement to dating, after having a baby, comes certain standards that I can no longer be lenient on.

For instance, before I got pregnant, I was not opposed to dating someone who made less money than me. Now, it can't even be an option. I'm currently working on a personalized onesie for Babybottoms that reads "If you have no money, my mom says beat it; I'm the only charity case she'll ever need". It's only fair. This is all in the best interest of Babybottoms. Who am I to deprive my child of something because I am supporting someones potential? My kid is the most important thing right now and always should be. Dating someone should NEVER be a burden but it becomes one when you are responsible for a little bundle of joy and you make a bad decision to date someone who isn't financially stable. AS 50 Cent said "love will have your azz on the bus".

So is it wrong for me, as a responsible human being, to set my bar of standards higher because I now have a kid? I don't think so. Truth be told, I never did ask for much from anyone I dated but to be respectful of me at all times. Unfortunately, these days, that's asking too much. Therefore, as it stands, whoever is interested in dating me from this point forward better come with it or don't come at all. 

I will admit, I'm not the number one stunna right now and it is because I don't care to date ANYONE right now; appearances are the last thing I concern myself with when I'm trying to keep food down. Please believe, when I'm ready, I'll STILL be a GREAT asset to someone, even though I will now come with a little "baggage".

Another thing I REFUSE to tolerate once I get back to dating is dating someone with a crazy baby momma. I've done it twice while being single. Having a kid changes the perspective on that situation. Whereas I had the time, energy, and strength to persevere with the person I was dating as his banshee baby momma terrorized us, I will not have that same desire with a kid of my own. Me and Babybottoms goal in life will be to live essentially stress free...so any stress from dating someone who doesn't have their baby momma under control is a big AIN'T. Will I date someone with kids? Sure but their BM has one time to act a fool and I'm out. I don't give drama so I most certainly don't receive it.

Going dutch and/or picking up a bill will only be reserved for friends and family...not anyone I'm dating. I believed in it before; not so much now. When you have kids, you have to think smarter. The money you'd spend on a date could be money you spend on your kid so if someone wants to wine and dine me, that is EXACTLY what he will be doing. I've never had to look for a man so when I do decide to date again, they'll find me and therefore, they should pay if they want to see me for breakfast, lunch, or dinner.

And the last bar standard I'm raising is...coming over my house. I didn't really let dudes over before but now...unless we are dating exclusively AND it's been a while, you won't step foot inside my house...or meet my kid. I was pretty lax when dating before because I was more interested in getting to know the person behind the dating facade. Now? If I smell one hint of "games", someone's getting NEXTed. My grandmother always told me I didn't trust my first voice enough...it's been past time I started listening to her. This kid, in a way, has been my biggest incentive to filter people better. I'm one for giving others the benefit of the doubt and I'm not saying I'm going to trash that characteristic of mine...just saying it's going to get applied a whole lot more than I used to.

It's only fair...

8 points of view:

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

grand ma was right i hate games, dont visit no more what gives folk

Assertive Wit said...

I still read your blog, silly LOL I just haven't been commenting :)

V$ said...

"If you have no money, my mom says beat it; I'm the only charity case she'll ever need".

that ish is going to be the absolute hotness.

Brittni said...

When will you find out the sex of the bambino?

Assertive Wit said...

V$: that phrase might be a bit too long for a t-shirt but the original one was "GIMME YO MONEY NIGGA"...I figure I'd raise my kid to be politically correct and have some manners so I changed it LOL

Brittni: I THOUGHT I was gonna find out this past Monday...the joke was on me. We have to wait until 5/18 to find out :( so that much longer until I can send out invitations for the shower and all that fun stuff

Adwoa said...

gosh!! I haven't commented in soo long...

CONGRATS!!!

btw..I like your standards...you need to weed out the bad ones..

DLG said...

Your list sounds about right lol. You have someone else's future to take into consideration now, so raising your standards makes perfect sense.

And um the father or your child is definitely mistaken if he thinks your stuck pining after him lol. My best friend has a 4 year old and always has options lol.

LaidyLike said...

I FEEL you girl!!! I know mothers who don't feel the way we do and I just don't understand!!! You already got one to take care of, you don't need anymore!!1

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