Friday, March 13, 2009

I Just Read Something That Rubbed Me the Wrong Way

I subscribe to A Belle in Brooklyn. More often than not, she has pretty good blogs. Actually, her blogs are always good because she writes pretty good. It is sometimes her commenters that make me want to judo kick someone in the neck. There are times when she lets them run amuck on one another like wild monkeys...sometimes it's interesting, other times people are just downright rude. I sometimes go back through the day to see if she is going to chime in...sometimes she does, other times she just lets her commenters go at it.

In her latest blog on Gold Digging there was a comment that I'm going to post so it is read verbatim:

"I am not surprised by the absurdity of the the book's author, or the backlash from most of the previous posts. What I am surprised at is the silent non-chalant attitude. I would think more Black women would be upset because of her perception on all of you as a whole. When people see this person, like it or not, she is a reflection of you. Our culture has always been one of community (thus-'brothers' and 'sisters') so before some of you chirp in with the usual, "she has nothing to do with me" response, pause and consider. The same way Michelle is providing an enlightened perspective upon the Black Woman, this woman is toxic. I would think that at least one of you would perceive her misconceptions and misguided vision as a bad reflection of you all. After all, seems like when Black Women write books, it's only her type that get the mainstream press. I can't recall seeing Octavia Butler, Bell Hooks, or Benilde Little on television. Some of you are correct, the Black Men play a role into this as well. With her train of thought a man could purchase her for an infinite amount of time if his money allowed. Regression-that's servitude. This is why so many of the men are measuring their manhood with their bank accounts. She's feeding into this. And the belief that you get something for nothing? Please. I'm not entertaining this one."

I removed the commenters name because I don't want anyone taking what I'm about to say too personal, in the event this person is your friend.

Now, I could have replied directly in Belle's blog to this person because he addressed ALL the women who had commented. I didn't because he didn't address me personally...and that's why I have my own voice MY opinion on my own time.

I have a problem with this asinine comment simply from these words alone:

"...what I am surprised at is the silent non-chalant attitude. I would think more Black women would be upset because of her perception on all of you as a whole. When people see this person, like it or not, she is a reflection of you...I would think that at least one of you would perceive her misconceptions and misguided vision as a bad reflection of you all."

First of all (and yes, these CAPS are me yelling my ass off), THIS TRAMP ASS WHORE IS NOT A REPRESENTATION OF ANYTHING THAT REPRESENTS ME. I am grossly appalled that a man who doesn't know me and more than likely most of Belle's readers would pass this kind of judgement on us as women. His comment is tantamount to saying the KKK is a representation of ALL white people. No the hell they aren't. You can't take one particular genre/class of person and label ALL people similar in color and gender to that person.'s idiotic as hell and 2...that's the worst case of generalizing I've seen IN MY LIFE. No ONE PERSON can control the fact that this woman WANTS to lite-weight prostitute herself versus getting a job and buying the things she wants. IF ALL GOLD DIGGERS were representations of ALL women, there would be no point in ANY woman attempting to do better because she knows better. If that's the case, we should all be sitting on our asses waiting for a handout. Aint happenin captain. Especially not for me.

I've never been offended by anything someone has written before but because he had no problem directing his comment to all the women who commented before him, I was kind of irritated by what he had to say. How dare he discredit what my mother taught me and raised me to act like???? HOW DARE HE????

There was a time when I was 19 years old and I had a VERY difficult decision to make. I don't talk about this to ANYONE really and only a few of my friends know. I sat in the middle of my floor crying because my rent was behind going on 4 months (I had been laid off and couldn't find a job to save my life), my credit cards had insurance on them but they don't tell you that they will harass your ass about using it EVERY MONTH you have to use it, and my other bills were behind too. Don't ask me how I kept food in my apartment because I honestly don't remember. Back then I used to buy my groceries online at this place called Webvan and I think I had bought so many groceries back when I had a job that they were JUST beginning to run out. Anyway, I'm sitting on the floor crying because I knew later on that night I was supposed to be getting on a stage taking my clothes off...for money.

My phone rang around 3:30 pm....I'll never forget this moment so long as I live. That phone call spared me, my family, and most importantly any future reputation I would build as an adult. It was a company I had interviewed with telling me that they wanted me start that Monday and it was salary pay. I didn't have to degrade myself as a woman in order to live a normal life. Would I have been representing other Black women my age? No. I would have been representing other young women who felt like they had no other choice than to do something dishonorable to keep food in their mouths. That day strengthened my belief in a higher power because only God knows I was meant to do something bigger and better in life than swing on a pole for a living.

So forgive me for this rant but no, gold diggers and any other women who do things FOR MONEY outside of working a job that doesn't disrespect them, no they do not represent me or any other woman who works hard EVERY DAY to NOT be that kind of woman. I had a choice just like any other woman. I was going to make the choice I felt I needed to at 19 but let me tell you something, at 29, I am SO GLAD that God was good enough to me to make that phone ring at 3:30 pm on that Wednesday afternoon. That is a lifestyle I more than likely would not have walked away from easily. Do I judge anyone who chooses to do it? Nope but I will say that is THEIR CHOICE they made and they have to take the stigmas attached to it.

F*ck outta here with all that judgemental azzholery Belle commenter...

9 points of view:

Miss.Stefanie said...


Ms_Slim said...

Wow...I read Belle too and I admit...when I read his comment, I saw where he was coming from. Then I read this blog and I can definitely say that I had a change of heart on the matter. I think the KKK example is what sealed it forTouch me. People are responsible for their own actions and choices. They do NOT represent the means of the whole.

Touching story, Syn. Thanks for sharing...

Anonymous said...

while i have the same reaction as you, i can see where he is coming from. what the man should've said is that while this woman is not a correct representation of all black woman, we (African American) as the subordinate culture within a larger dominant culture (White America) will be stereotyped by ALL presentations we offer, including, especially, the negative.

The Love Collective said...

Wow. Great response. Just goes to show we never know how tall a person is, until we know the hole they've stood in. Way to go. God is good, aint he? I have a sibling who takes their clothes off for money. It's the family "secret". We don't discuss it in polite company. Thanks for sharing.

Meh said...

I agree with you Synitta! WOW! BUT yeah you knew that was coming. What is it with women and Ho diaries? His problem was saying black women, all american women black or white love trashy novels etc... I guess it's like porn or something I dunno. I don't know that book either so I can't comment. What I mean to say is Whores come in all shades and all women are whores. I am kidding :)

As for stripping. That decision always makes me laugh. Its funny how that is the domain of a woman. I guess drug dealing would be for a guy but even that is crazy to me. If I was broke I'd just hit up the people who pay you per day...BAM! Day Labor is pretty decent pay.

Maybe its where people are from as to what things seem relevant to them. No offense but I have never felt sympathy for women who strip or trick to eat. It's not an attack on those who do but coming from me, someone who doesn't have that option, I could always go dig a ditch or mop up floors if shit hit the fan.

The Incomparable Bozack Jenkins™ said...

That Oakland came up out you, huh?

LaidyLike said...

Ignorance and generalizations will never die. This is true but just because its inevitable means we have to take it or agree. You're right and I don't understand how people still like to place people in these ridiculous categories; Ignorance must be bliss. Check my blogger, I'm just starting but I think you'd like it!! God bless.

AssertiveWit said...

Emeritus: I agree that he could have worded his statements differently and his message would have been received TOTALLY different. The fact that he KEPT saying it though, leads me to believe he meant to say EXACTLY what he said. The issue about being stereotyped goes without saying...people are going to THINK what they want but when someone of your own "race" states these things as though they are facts, it's more than insulting, you know?

The Love Collective: Yea, I'm glad I got the opportunity to change my mind before I made that bad decision. I was talking to a friend the other day about this blog and I told her I don't want anyone to get it twisted, I KNEW it was a bad decision then as much as I do now just sometimes when you are younger, you are willing to take HUGE risks on bad decisions.

Meh: It's so easy to say what you would do IF you ever got THAT broke...when you aren't broke. I know at 29, it really isn't ever an option unless circumstances got RIDICULOUSLY out of control but at the end of the day, I'd still know it's a bad decision. I don't feel sympathy for ANYONE who KNOWINGLY makes bad decisions because hell, they know better and I didn't want anyone feeling sorry for me. It just is what it is. The thing about places of employment, sometimes you are just as over qualified for a job as you can be under qualified so when I have turned in an app to a fast food place, they pretty much laughed in my face like "why the hell you wanna work here". I vowed never to work in a place like that because they treat you like a slave but when it was a last resort I definitely tried it...and got denied. So, sometimes life don't work like you think it will.

Bozack J: hush on up LOL

Oluchi said...

@ Awit

you're right. it is beyond insulting.

Post a Comment

Be fair & civil in your commenting. If you can't manage that...well be unfair & rude and I'll respond. Yes, those are your only two options :)


Copyright © Coffee, My Voice and Babybottoms...Essentials To Your Day. Template created by Volverene from Templates Block
WP by WP Themes Master | Price of Silver