Friday, March 20, 2009

Happily Ever After...Not So Much

I’ve been having some of the most well-rounded conversations with one of my friends lately. I guess our ease of chatting comes from just needing someone to talk to who isn’t a dumb ass. Believe it or not, that is a rarity these days!

So the other day we were talking about getting involved in a relationship without inserting the physical right away. Truth be told, that really is the best way to get to know someone. Sex has a way of distracting you from what’s really important and making you tolerate far too much, too early on (if it’s that GOOD, GOOD). So I won’t say that isn’t a reasonable thing…but, what if you get to know this person and you like them for who they are, they treat you well, and you like being around them, only for the physical to enter the picture and it’s the greatest disappointment since you found out Santa Claus wasn’t real? It isn’t a disappointment like, ‘oh, we can work with this’…it’s a disappointment like, ‘that looks like a child’s peen’ or ‘if I was King Kong, I still couldn’t fill your love hole and you have no idea what “gripping” is’. Would you look at the trade-off logically? He/she has 95% of everything you desire in a relationship but because the sex is worse than no funnel cakes at the fair (5%), you can’t do it.

Does that 5% REALLY matter that much?

I’ll be honest and fair…to ME that 5% will start looking like 95% REAL quickly. I think it depends on the person and how much emphasis they place on sex in a relationship. While I know I shouldn’t be fornicating and carrying on because I am not married, I have strayed from the path I was raised to walk on and I be hardhead (read: I be hunching). Because I know myself, even if I had waited until I was married to have sex, this would still be a big thing for me. I guess I can blame it on my parents…the freak gene is somewhere in my DNA. I know it. Anyway, I am not saying its right and that you have to agree but there are things that are deal breakers in EVERY relationship and “bad relations” is a deal breaker for me. I’m not a “cheater” and I don’t desire to put myself in situations that would lead my sinful heart to become one. Therefore, if the peen aint supreme, it doesn’t get down with this Queen.

I know A LOT of guys who are the same way. I have a friend who was dating a young lady. She dressed nice, cute face, mannerable, just the epitome of a lady….but his words: “all she did was lay there and she felt like a black hole of nothingness” (no, she wasn’t a virgin either or new to sex). Did he stay with her? Yes. Here is where he and I differ. He stayed with her BUT had all kinds of freaks on the side. Was that fair to her? No. I am sure there is some man out there who would have been perfectly content with her being 95% of all the things he desired in a woman and would have worked with that 5% that just wasn’t up to par. So in all fairness he should have told her that it wasn’t going to work out because sex was a big thing for him and he wanted someone who could roll with the punches, not someone he had to teach how to get it in. He had NO INTENTIONS of telling her that EVER or breaking up with her. Why? Pure selfishness. She was a good woman and he didn’t want anyone else to have her…just wasn’t her weight in gold, in bed.

I’ve just always felt everybody aint for everyone and in this case…she wasn’t for him if he couldn’t be honest with her and tell her that sex was a big part of what he was looking for in a relationship. When I was younger, I wasn’t too well versed in tact so if I had to break up with someone over the peen thing, it was just “this isn’t working” and I refused to discuss it any further. No man wants to be told his manhood was left behind somewhere with his adolescence and I might be able to tell it like it is but I desire to crush no one’s spirit that badly.

So what about you? Would you stay with someone AND BE FAITHFUL if the sex was less than mediocre with no chance of redemption…EVER?

14 points of view:

Number Five said...

You already know...

Hell and NO!

As a matter of fact, if you're kissing me and making my knees weak, being fantastic and making me fall head over heels for you only for me to find out that you can't keep it up or something crazy......I'm taking your ass on Judge Mathis! Emotional should give full disclosure if you suck in bed, it's only right! hmph lol

Ms_Slim said...

"Therefore, if the peen aint supreme, it doesn’t get down with this Queen."


To answer your question though, honestly...I'm not so sure. I may be one to want to 'work with him' (because some men really do like to be lead--not in a condescending way but in a partnership 'let's try something new' way). If that doesnt work though...........idk.

I don't put a LARGE emphasis on the physical though. It definitely varies on the person, however. But 'good good' is very necessary.

Ms_Slim said...

Number Five? LMAOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

I can see it now: "I'm suing for emotional distress! This nukka led me on!!!" hahahaha

ChiChi10 said...

I'm with Slim in the IDK category. Sex is important, but I'm not sure it would be a deal breaker for me. My feelings are really tied to the act, so if I love you, I might be able to work wicha.

Luvvie said...

Hmm... thats a HARD one.

Tee hee. I have nothin productive to add right now. Just wanted to put that childish joke out there.

I shall return with an actual comment when I'm done being 4. GREAT post though

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

i figure time is realitive as einstien said eithwewr it happens or it dont sex if u feel like it do it
have a great weekend folk

DLG said...

You said: It isn’t a disappointment like, ‘oh, we can work with this’.

So I have to say NO lol. Bad sex is a deal breaker. If I know he can't be helped, we are not staying together. Sure the 95% is important, but my sexual needs will not be met... and that's a problem.

I date for marriage so there is no way I'm going to stay involved with a man that I know I won't be satisfied having sex with for the rest of my life. Why waste my time when it's destined to end as soon as I get too horny anyways? lol

Meh said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Meh said...

don't understand the notion of bad sex. I have had sex with people that it wasn't that great but if we were in a relationship it would feel like a challenge to get them better.

My whole thing is this. If we have bad sex I will let you know you aren't doing it right and if you are down for trying then why not.

Now if you get huffy and puffy and don't want to try then you were never that 95% because a person with a great attitude on life would understand.

My question is these people who are having bad sex do they bring it up?

Example: If the woman of my dreams, Rosario Dawson, stepped into my life her non rhythmic booty would not factor into it at all! I'll turn into night school adult learning annex teacher EARLY!

Craigjc said...

I agree with Meh: If she is open to being "edumacated" about doing the do, then it's full speed ahead. If she acts like she can't do better and gives up, then I'm ghost. But generally I'd try to work "it" out. LOL

Assertive Wit said...

sorry it took me so long to come back and reply to everyone...I been busy :)

#5: you cannot take that man on court tv for emo distress...clown LOL

Slim: are you not sure about some nookie that has no hope of help? cause I would be sure as my sweatstopper on that one LOL

ChiChi: if I love someone I can work with sex that needs a little guidance...unfortunately, love can't grow a penis, so my love has its limits. LOL

Luvvie: I laughed the whole time I wrote this blog because it seems silly but at the same time, I've broken up with guys once I found out that just because they were a 6'3 hulking mass of man, they had a steroid peen. I wasn't laughing when I saw that shat either. I laugh now. LOL

Torrance: what are you talking about? LOL

DLG: you know what I like about be reading the WHOLE blog, you pay attention, THEN you comment...good job Joy LOL. I think if I REALLY love dude and it is something that just takes a few repairs here and there, yes, I would stay. If it's something that is BEYOND repair, I can't. I just know what I want and need and that's what I WANT AND NEED...a fully functioning, nice size wang. I don't think that's asking too much LOL

Meh and Craigjc: anytime I reference sex that wasn't that good to me, it either had to do with there being no motion in the ocean or a size so insignificant that I might as well been enjoying myself; working with someone you love on something that CAN BE FIXED is definitely something one should at least try, IF THEY REALLY LOVE THAT PERSON. Attempting to enjoy a peen that doesn't exist, well it just isn't worth the small effort, pun intended. LOL

ChiChi10 said...

*Snicker* You know what? I just sat here and visualized me having having sex with my bf and not feeling a damn thing.

Me thinks I tend to want to be nice...too often.


Kofi Bofah said...

As I read your post - Case "Happily Ever After" and Tyler Perry's Why Did I get Married 80/20 rule are looping through my head...

Diamond~Star said...

Sometimes that's hard to determine but I guess if the 95% really outweighs that 5%, then I would try to work it out.

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