Monday, March 23, 2009

Funny Monday

I got the best laughs today and for a Monday, that's AMAZING.

My first laugh came when I went to the doctor this morning.

I've been living life to the best of my natural abilities but sometimes you get a monkey wrench thrown in. My monkey wrench came in the form of two pink lines on a white stick that I've never seen a day in my life until 2/10/09. I promise you....the world stood still as I sat on the toilet and thought to myself "this isn't supposed to be least not like this".

I had my life planned to a T when I was 12 years old. At that time, I had no desire to have children but I still had a life plan. Be married by 21. Have my first kid by 25. My second kid by 30. That wasn't the entire plan but those were important parts of it. I knew the married thing wasn't happening when I saw myself leaving Oakland for Atlanta at 21. 25 came and went, no baby and no one around I particularly wanted sowing their wild oats in me. I'll be 30 in November so I had made up in my mind, maybe I just wasn't going to have kids at all. I just knew I wasn't having a kid without being married because I saw my sister do it and I didn't want to experience ANY of those hardships. But there I was...staring at two pink lines and KNOWING that abortion is not to be used as a form of birth control (that's my opinion, FOR ME; you can choose to do as you please and I would really careless).

So the last few months have been moment after moment of realization. My kid has a roster of aunts and uncles that live all over the USA that text, call, email about him/her ALL the time. Even though I live NOWHERE NEAR my family, my "support system" is nothing but a phone call away. Makes me warm and fuzzy at times.

So back to the was one of my monthly scheduled check ups to make sure Choops (what Auntie Britters calls the spawn) was fine. Aside from me losing almost 10 lbs (I know, I'm supposed to be gaining but this nausea is a SOB) and dealing with headaches that feel like someone is literally tearing my brain apart, I'm alright. I laughed when the doctor pressed down on "the goop" and I saw a little hand waving at me. Last month this kid looked like a tadpole and this month I could make out a little hand waving excitedly back and forth. Logically speaking, he/she wasn't waving at me. Choops probably is just able to open his/her eyes so he/she was probably entertaining the hell out of him/herself. I could tell by the little foot kicking too. I couldn't help but laugh because...that's my kid in there being SUPER active at almost 4 months.
Personally, I thought he/she was kinda big for 14 weeks...about the size of a nectarine but then again, I've never seen a baby that up close and personal so the size might be right on point. But it amazes me that the last time I saw him/her, he/she looked like a tadpole and now...big head and all, it looks like a little human (I mean, I know it is a human but work with me here).
So it made me kids alive and well!

The other thing that made me laugh is how silly people are in general. I got THE BEST laugh ever in life off that today. I went to my old job to pick something up. I hadn't been there in 2 years. Just went off the radar on their shady azzes. One of my old coworkers asked me if I wanted to go say hi to my old boss. I laughed and said, "No, I have other people to see but it was good seeing you. Tell your husband and kids I said hello", I turned around and walked away. There was no point in me walking my azz over to my old boss and pretending like I wanted to say hi. Then I would have had to hug her and I'm cool. When she "let me go" she said "it's not personal", when EVERYONE in the department knew it was. As I was leaving, two years ago, she stood close enough to my car so I couldn't just smash off and said, "I just want you to know it really isn't personal and I think you are going to go on to do wonderful things with your life". I wanted to run her over at the time because stop telling me stuff I already know. I want my job right now, not this speech about how great I am. If I was, you wouldn't be "laying me off". Beat it heffa. So it felt good to be like "Nope, don't wanna talk to them". So good I laughed.

Other truly comical thing...messy people that want you to think they have your best interest at heart. NEWSFLASH: they don't. I got duped big time and I'll take the L. I DEFINITELY should have known better. Since I've been pregnant, a lot of things have become insignificant on a small and great scheme of things. Random people, specifically. Because I have no family here, there have been some people who seemed SO genuine...unfortunately, they aren't but it's been that much easier to be cut my losses. Especially when they don't live anywhere near me. I was reading some old emails earlier and laughed to myself because some people TRULY miss their callings in life. I deleted a good amount of emails that lead me to believe several people I know should be actresses. They would receive the much needed attention their messy asses need so desperately.
Anything make you laugh today?

13 points of view:

JOFre$h said...

WOW Congrats. I guess your kid and my kid can have a play date in the sandbox lol. Wish you the best of of luck though.

msdailey said...

Awesome!! Congratulations to you!

Jay_fever said...

Thats what up

AssertiveWit said...

JOFre$h: hahahaha too bad we don't live closer. same to you though...I know you aren't carrying the body snatcher but I know how excited you are about your little bundle coming LOL

msdailey: thank you ma'am :) you always pop your head in to comment on the most random blogs LOL

jay: it's a life/learning adjustment, I'll tell you that much!

ChiChi said...

WOW Part II. Congrats!

allison veronica said...


the YOUNG LIONESS said...

Congratulations dear!!! :-)

Relevantlystaying said...

Congrats! I wish you all the best!

NightFall914 said...

LOL @ "Messy Asses"

Just dropped a few awards on you. drop by my blog. ;)

Anonymous said...


Lil Miss Honey B said...

God bless you and your baby. Being a mother is very special. : )

Ms_Slim said...


AssertiveWit said...

EVERYONE: thanks :)

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