Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Funny Monday Has Become Funny Wednesday

Today turned into Funny Wednesday shortly after I took a seat at my desk and signed into my gmail.

I'm going to share something with anyone reading. If you are a REAL friend of mine (not just someone who pretends to be when they are bored and need someone to send an email to) you ALREADY know this and this blog will come as no surprise to you:

For as long as I have been able to "call it like it is", I have also called people out for what they are. Therefore, if you are a sad, sorry son of a biotch, well, that is what I will call you. It just is what it is. Stop being a sad, sorry son of a biotch and I won't feel compelled to state the obvious to you. My FRIENDS are exempt from "name calling" because that's just rude. Why would I want to call someone I view as a friend some rude azz name like that? But...if you are acting like a clown, I have no qualms telling you. If you're being an azzhole, I'll tell you too. I've never been one to sugarcoat too much, although there are some people I have to season my words with salt a little to keep from unnecessarily hurting their feelings...IF they are my friend.

Now, if I end up not being friends with someone, I will still exude some level of tact if the parting was not anything of significant mentioning. Now, should they do something out of line and show their azz...well, all bets are off. We aren't friends so I don't owe them ANY kind of tact whatsoever. If someone is acting like a little punk azz b*tch, that is EXACTLY what I will call them. Does that ALL OF A SUDDEN make me a name caller? Nope, according to what I just stated, you could have always called me a name caller; it just wasn't funny anymore once you or someone you know was on the receiving end. This is who I ALWAYS was and will always be. I just never called some people anything other than friend BECAUSE we WERE friends. Now that we aren't, they don't get a pass due to our past. F*ck outta here.

What is absolutely hilarious to me is some of these same people who want to sit there looking stuck on stupid that I could call someone out for EXACTLY how they were acting ALREADY know I will clown you if you aren't my friend. You been knew that. Don't act brand new because all of sudden someone you like or yourself might be on the receiving end of the boot to the neck.

I make up names for people who act silly too.

Meerkat was appropriate at the time for the person I had christened with this name. ANYONE who EVER heard me refer to her as such laughed their azz off. Sure was funny then, huh? Squirrel Nubbins...I just randomly thought of this name one day just because it was funny. I didn't make it up to hurt their feelings. It was just funny as hell to me and it stuck. ANYONE WHO EVER HEARD ME USE IT OR WRITE IT LAUGHED THEIR AZZ OFF. Slutalea Hoenette...same thing. Out of the above mentioned "names", one had been my friend since I was about 10. She did some trifling shat (when I was about 26) that I personally couldn't see past. Bottom line...if we aren't friends, why should I care about what I call you? I shouldn't, I don't, I won't.

Some people don't get that and I don't really care if they do. They don't have to. That's how I roll and you don't have to like it, nor do you have to be my friend. Bye.

Rarely, if ever, do I quote Beyonky saying anything but she said this in one of her songs:

"There are plenty of people who don't like me but 10 times more who love me and I love myself"

And this is why I could care less if all of a sudden someone wants to ask me stupid questions like they didn't know I call clowns out for who they are...clowns.

And that's what I thought was funny today...the end.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Funny Monday

I got the best laughs today and for a Monday, that's AMAZING.

My first laugh came when I went to the doctor this morning.

I've been living life to the best of my natural abilities but sometimes you get a monkey wrench thrown in. My monkey wrench came in the form of two pink lines on a white stick that I've never seen a day in my life until 2/10/09. I promise you....the world stood still as I sat on the toilet and thought to myself "this isn't supposed to be least not like this".

I had my life planned to a T when I was 12 years old. At that time, I had no desire to have children but I still had a life plan. Be married by 21. Have my first kid by 25. My second kid by 30. That wasn't the entire plan but those were important parts of it. I knew the married thing wasn't happening when I saw myself leaving Oakland for Atlanta at 21. 25 came and went, no baby and no one around I particularly wanted sowing their wild oats in me. I'll be 30 in November so I had made up in my mind, maybe I just wasn't going to have kids at all. I just knew I wasn't having a kid without being married because I saw my sister do it and I didn't want to experience ANY of those hardships. But there I was...staring at two pink lines and KNOWING that abortion is not to be used as a form of birth control (that's my opinion, FOR ME; you can choose to do as you please and I would really careless).

So the last few months have been moment after moment of realization. My kid has a roster of aunts and uncles that live all over the USA that text, call, email about him/her ALL the time. Even though I live NOWHERE NEAR my family, my "support system" is nothing but a phone call away. Makes me warm and fuzzy at times.

So back to the was one of my monthly scheduled check ups to make sure Choops (what Auntie Britters calls the spawn) was fine. Aside from me losing almost 10 lbs (I know, I'm supposed to be gaining but this nausea is a SOB) and dealing with headaches that feel like someone is literally tearing my brain apart, I'm alright. I laughed when the doctor pressed down on "the goop" and I saw a little hand waving at me. Last month this kid looked like a tadpole and this month I could make out a little hand waving excitedly back and forth. Logically speaking, he/she wasn't waving at me. Choops probably is just able to open his/her eyes so he/she was probably entertaining the hell out of him/herself. I could tell by the little foot kicking too. I couldn't help but laugh because...that's my kid in there being SUPER active at almost 4 months.
Personally, I thought he/she was kinda big for 14 weeks...about the size of a nectarine but then again, I've never seen a baby that up close and personal so the size might be right on point. But it amazes me that the last time I saw him/her, he/she looked like a tadpole and now...big head and all, it looks like a little human (I mean, I know it is a human but work with me here).
So it made me kids alive and well!

The other thing that made me laugh is how silly people are in general. I got THE BEST laugh ever in life off that today. I went to my old job to pick something up. I hadn't been there in 2 years. Just went off the radar on their shady azzes. One of my old coworkers asked me if I wanted to go say hi to my old boss. I laughed and said, "No, I have other people to see but it was good seeing you. Tell your husband and kids I said hello", I turned around and walked away. There was no point in me walking my azz over to my old boss and pretending like I wanted to say hi. Then I would have had to hug her and I'm cool. When she "let me go" she said "it's not personal", when EVERYONE in the department knew it was. As I was leaving, two years ago, she stood close enough to my car so I couldn't just smash off and said, "I just want you to know it really isn't personal and I think you are going to go on to do wonderful things with your life". I wanted to run her over at the time because stop telling me stuff I already know. I want my job right now, not this speech about how great I am. If I was, you wouldn't be "laying me off". Beat it heffa. So it felt good to be like "Nope, don't wanna talk to them". So good I laughed.

Other truly comical thing...messy people that want you to think they have your best interest at heart. NEWSFLASH: they don't. I got duped big time and I'll take the L. I DEFINITELY should have known better. Since I've been pregnant, a lot of things have become insignificant on a small and great scheme of things. Random people, specifically. Because I have no family here, there have been some people who seemed SO genuine...unfortunately, they aren't but it's been that much easier to be cut my losses. Especially when they don't live anywhere near me. I was reading some old emails earlier and laughed to myself because some people TRULY miss their callings in life. I deleted a good amount of emails that lead me to believe several people I know should be actresses. They would receive the much needed attention their messy asses need so desperately.
Anything make you laugh today?

Friday, March 20, 2009

Happily Ever After...Not So Much

I’ve been having some of the most well-rounded conversations with one of my friends lately. I guess our ease of chatting comes from just needing someone to talk to who isn’t a dumb ass. Believe it or not, that is a rarity these days!

So the other day we were talking about getting involved in a relationship without inserting the physical right away. Truth be told, that really is the best way to get to know someone. Sex has a way of distracting you from what’s really important and making you tolerate far too much, too early on (if it’s that GOOD, GOOD). So I won’t say that isn’t a reasonable thing…but, what if you get to know this person and you like them for who they are, they treat you well, and you like being around them, only for the physical to enter the picture and it’s the greatest disappointment since you found out Santa Claus wasn’t real? It isn’t a disappointment like, ‘oh, we can work with this’…it’s a disappointment like, ‘that looks like a child’s peen’ or ‘if I was King Kong, I still couldn’t fill your love hole and you have no idea what “gripping” is’. Would you look at the trade-off logically? He/she has 95% of everything you desire in a relationship but because the sex is worse than no funnel cakes at the fair (5%), you can’t do it.

Does that 5% REALLY matter that much?

I’ll be honest and fair…to ME that 5% will start looking like 95% REAL quickly. I think it depends on the person and how much emphasis they place on sex in a relationship. While I know I shouldn’t be fornicating and carrying on because I am not married, I have strayed from the path I was raised to walk on and I be hardhead (read: I be hunching). Because I know myself, even if I had waited until I was married to have sex, this would still be a big thing for me. I guess I can blame it on my parents…the freak gene is somewhere in my DNA. I know it. Anyway, I am not saying its right and that you have to agree but there are things that are deal breakers in EVERY relationship and “bad relations” is a deal breaker for me. I’m not a “cheater” and I don’t desire to put myself in situations that would lead my sinful heart to become one. Therefore, if the peen aint supreme, it doesn’t get down with this Queen.

I know A LOT of guys who are the same way. I have a friend who was dating a young lady. She dressed nice, cute face, mannerable, just the epitome of a lady….but his words: “all she did was lay there and she felt like a black hole of nothingness” (no, she wasn’t a virgin either or new to sex). Did he stay with her? Yes. Here is where he and I differ. He stayed with her BUT had all kinds of freaks on the side. Was that fair to her? No. I am sure there is some man out there who would have been perfectly content with her being 95% of all the things he desired in a woman and would have worked with that 5% that just wasn’t up to par. So in all fairness he should have told her that it wasn’t going to work out because sex was a big thing for him and he wanted someone who could roll with the punches, not someone he had to teach how to get it in. He had NO INTENTIONS of telling her that EVER or breaking up with her. Why? Pure selfishness. She was a good woman and he didn’t want anyone else to have her…just wasn’t her weight in gold, in bed.

I’ve just always felt everybody aint for everyone and in this case…she wasn’t for him if he couldn’t be honest with her and tell her that sex was a big part of what he was looking for in a relationship. When I was younger, I wasn’t too well versed in tact so if I had to break up with someone over the peen thing, it was just “this isn’t working” and I refused to discuss it any further. No man wants to be told his manhood was left behind somewhere with his adolescence and I might be able to tell it like it is but I desire to crush no one’s spirit that badly.

So what about you? Would you stay with someone AND BE FAITHFUL if the sex was less than mediocre with no chance of redemption…EVER?

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Just Because Granny Said It, Don't Mean It's True

I was talking to a friend the other day about things we were taught as children. Nothing irritates me more than a grown person believing something SIMPLY because they were taught it by someone they love. I've heard people say numerous times that since their gran-whoever told them, it MUST be true. No, it isn't. I hate to tell you and make you aware but just because your gran OR yo momma said it, don't make it the truth OR right.

My grandmother told me that if I put baby pee on my face everyday, I'd have the best skin ever. Ummmm, you would NEVER catch me putting ANYONE'S urine ANYWHERE on my or not. This woman also told me not to date any men from "the islands" because they are abusive and like to beat the shit out of their women. Granny...shut the hell up generalizing. There are American men who like to beat the shit out of their women too. She just wasn't very fond of Jamaicans and she felt like that was the best advice she could give me to keep me from seeing this Jamaican dude who was crazy as hell. Was he crazy because he was Jamaican? No, he was just crazy because he was an idiot who rarely used good sense about anything. And notice, she said "the islands"....Granny, there are TONS of islands in the world so you saying men in Hawaii are known for beating their women? There are islands in Fiji...women beaters there too? Fact is, there are men ALL OVER THE WORLD who beat women...not just Jamaicans or them other "black island folk" she was referencing. I crack jokes with my friends about it all the time if they tell me they are dating someone who is Jamaican or Caribbean...but I would never rule someone out because of this myth my grandmother tried to inculcate in me.

I used that silly example because there are things that our parents and grandparents tell us as children that we unknowingly hold onto as we grow up, not realizing how much it affects how we treat other people. For instance, how many people grew up with grandparents who experienced some form of slavery? Usually you will see some kind of prejudice on their behalf regarding White people...and 9 times out of 10, it was passed down to your parents who then, passed it on to you. It might be subtle but any time your parent has no problem calling a White person a "cracka azz cracka", well...what do you think is going on? Nothing but transference. Granted, your father/mother might have grown up in an era where they did experience some type of prejudice because of their skin color and this also contributes to the slurs they fling in the privacy of their home. I was born in 1979 and I STILL wasn't exempt from some White people acting like I was born in 1949. But do I have to adopt the view that all White people are the devil because my grandparents told me so? I'd be an idiot to do so...much like a lot of people I listen to ramble on about "White people this and that".

Yes, culturally, people of different ethnic backgrounds are known for behaving a certain way which lends credit to tons of stereotypes so you'll hear off the wall things like "All White people like hella mayonnaise". In my mind, and I think fairly so, if you can fix your lips to say some ignorant shat like that, you should NEVER get mad when someone says, "All Black people like fried chicken and watermelon...and kool aid". Both of those statements are stereotypes. Yes, there are White people who like hella mayonnaise but there are some who don't even like mayonnaise AT ALL. Just like ALL Black folks don't drink kool aid. I should know. I'm Black and I hate kool aid...its water with food coloring and sugar. I'll pass. Fried chicken is not for ALL Black people's palate and watermelon...well, some Black folks think it just tastes like a bunch of water and has too many damn seeds.

So the next time your old ass granny, grandfather, mother, or father tells you some retarded shat, stop and think about how stupid you sound repeating it. Just because our loved ones say something, it doesn't mean it needs to be embraced as an eternal truth.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Just Because You Are "Big", It Doesn't Mean You Have To Wear THAT

I would really like to know why some people think that because they've gained an enormous amount of weight, that they have to start that up there.

Because you gain weight you have to lose your fashion sense? you don't. And if you are one of those people who choose to lose their fashion sense because you don't think they "make cute stuff in your size", you DEFINITELY aren't allowed to comment on the fashion sense of others.


I used to have a friend....big as an Orca whale but she still dressed nice. As a matter of fact, most of her wardrobe came from Bloomingdales...yes azzholes, Bloomingdales does have PLUS SIZE clothing. So in my mind, if she could still manage to keep her appearance in check with the times, ANYONE can. At her biggest, I believe she was somewhere between a 24 and 28. STILL...dressed nice. So if you're walking around with a tent on because "that's all you could find in your size", I'm here to tell you that you're a damn liar. It might be the only thing YOU can afford but that aint the ONLY thing available for purchase.

The thing about being hefty is when you dress bad, you actually draw more attention to how big you actually are. Simply wear clothes that are your size and made well and you can still manage to look decent. Put on a moo moo and you'll most certainly look like the cow size you are. I'm just saying...this isn't a blog to clown people who aren't thin. On the contrary...I was recently afflicted with a growth that will inevitably cause me to gain a lot of weight and there is nothing I can do about THAT....but I can do something about my fashion...and that is, not let my size dictate how fly I can or can't dress.

Friday, March 13, 2009

I Just Read Something That Rubbed Me the Wrong Way

I subscribe to A Belle in Brooklyn. More often than not, she has pretty good blogs. Actually, her blogs are always good because she writes pretty good. It is sometimes her commenters that make me want to judo kick someone in the neck. There are times when she lets them run amuck on one another like wild monkeys...sometimes it's interesting, other times people are just downright rude. I sometimes go back through the day to see if she is going to chime in...sometimes she does, other times she just lets her commenters go at it.

In her latest blog on Gold Digging there was a comment that I'm going to post so it is read verbatim:

"I am not surprised by the absurdity of the the book's author, or the backlash from most of the previous posts. What I am surprised at is the silent non-chalant attitude. I would think more Black women would be upset because of her perception on all of you as a whole. When people see this person, like it or not, she is a reflection of you. Our culture has always been one of community (thus-'brothers' and 'sisters') so before some of you chirp in with the usual, "she has nothing to do with me" response, pause and consider. The same way Michelle is providing an enlightened perspective upon the Black Woman, this woman is toxic. I would think that at least one of you would perceive her misconceptions and misguided vision as a bad reflection of you all. After all, seems like when Black Women write books, it's only her type that get the mainstream press. I can't recall seeing Octavia Butler, Bell Hooks, or Benilde Little on television. Some of you are correct, the Black Men play a role into this as well. With her train of thought a man could purchase her for an infinite amount of time if his money allowed. Regression-that's servitude. This is why so many of the men are measuring their manhood with their bank accounts. She's feeding into this. And the belief that you get something for nothing? Please. I'm not entertaining this one."

I removed the commenters name because I don't want anyone taking what I'm about to say too personal, in the event this person is your friend.

Now, I could have replied directly in Belle's blog to this person because he addressed ALL the women who had commented. I didn't because he didn't address me personally...and that's why I have my own voice MY opinion on my own time.

I have a problem with this asinine comment simply from these words alone:

"...what I am surprised at is the silent non-chalant attitude. I would think more Black women would be upset because of her perception on all of you as a whole. When people see this person, like it or not, she is a reflection of you...I would think that at least one of you would perceive her misconceptions and misguided vision as a bad reflection of you all."

First of all (and yes, these CAPS are me yelling my ass off), THIS TRAMP ASS WHORE IS NOT A REPRESENTATION OF ANYTHING THAT REPRESENTS ME. I am grossly appalled that a man who doesn't know me and more than likely most of Belle's readers would pass this kind of judgement on us as women. His comment is tantamount to saying the KKK is a representation of ALL white people. No the hell they aren't. You can't take one particular genre/class of person and label ALL people similar in color and gender to that person.'s idiotic as hell and 2...that's the worst case of generalizing I've seen IN MY LIFE. No ONE PERSON can control the fact that this woman WANTS to lite-weight prostitute herself versus getting a job and buying the things she wants. IF ALL GOLD DIGGERS were representations of ALL women, there would be no point in ANY woman attempting to do better because she knows better. If that's the case, we should all be sitting on our asses waiting for a handout. Aint happenin captain. Especially not for me.

I've never been offended by anything someone has written before but because he had no problem directing his comment to all the women who commented before him, I was kind of irritated by what he had to say. How dare he discredit what my mother taught me and raised me to act like???? HOW DARE HE????

There was a time when I was 19 years old and I had a VERY difficult decision to make. I don't talk about this to ANYONE really and only a few of my friends know. I sat in the middle of my floor crying because my rent was behind going on 4 months (I had been laid off and couldn't find a job to save my life), my credit cards had insurance on them but they don't tell you that they will harass your ass about using it EVERY MONTH you have to use it, and my other bills were behind too. Don't ask me how I kept food in my apartment because I honestly don't remember. Back then I used to buy my groceries online at this place called Webvan and I think I had bought so many groceries back when I had a job that they were JUST beginning to run out. Anyway, I'm sitting on the floor crying because I knew later on that night I was supposed to be getting on a stage taking my clothes off...for money.

My phone rang around 3:30 pm....I'll never forget this moment so long as I live. That phone call spared me, my family, and most importantly any future reputation I would build as an adult. It was a company I had interviewed with telling me that they wanted me start that Monday and it was salary pay. I didn't have to degrade myself as a woman in order to live a normal life. Would I have been representing other Black women my age? No. I would have been representing other young women who felt like they had no other choice than to do something dishonorable to keep food in their mouths. That day strengthened my belief in a higher power because only God knows I was meant to do something bigger and better in life than swing on a pole for a living.

So forgive me for this rant but no, gold diggers and any other women who do things FOR MONEY outside of working a job that doesn't disrespect them, no they do not represent me or any other woman who works hard EVERY DAY to NOT be that kind of woman. I had a choice just like any other woman. I was going to make the choice I felt I needed to at 19 but let me tell you something, at 29, I am SO GLAD that God was good enough to me to make that phone ring at 3:30 pm on that Wednesday afternoon. That is a lifestyle I more than likely would not have walked away from easily. Do I judge anyone who chooses to do it? Nope but I will say that is THEIR CHOICE they made and they have to take the stigmas attached to it.

F*ck outta here with all that judgemental azzholery Belle commenter...

Conversations About Poop

So I was on IM talking to my friend who just recently had a baby. She tells me all kinds of stuff I could care less to know about taking care of a kid but most importantly stuff that I should file away and store for that "special day". Most of her stories are hilarious. Especially the ones she's shared about crying while pregnant. I almost peed in my pants from laughing at her telling me she started crying about some commercial on TV about a dog with one eye. I think it had been abused or something. I wasn't laughing at the dog but more so at her. Of all the years I've known her, I've NEVER known her to be sensitive AT ALL. She actually laughs at people who are their face. Has been known to tell a few to get a life...while their face. So I felt it would be appropriate to return the favor...and laugh at her.

So today she's telling me things about poop and how when you're pregnant it doesn't have to do with the amount of water one'll still get blocked up like a clogged sink. This made me think about this other conversation I had some years ago with The Demon Spawn Roommate and her best friend.

We were getting ready for one of our Cocktail Hours but I had to go to the bathroom. I had eaten WhackDonald's a couple hours earlier and my body was telling me it was disposal time. So before we started our morning alcohol consumption, I ran to my bathroom, dropped the kids in the pool and came out ready to damage my liver. Her best friend stopped me and said, "I thought you said your stomach was bubbling". It had been but now that I had done my business I was good to go. He couldn't understand how a trip to the bathroom for a #2 was as quick as a #1. I explained to him in two simple words, "I'm regular". The Demon Spawn Roommate then takes it upon herself to share my personal and yell out, "Oh that's nothing! Ask her HOW MANY TIMES she does that a day!!" Of course he asked. I responded, ever so casually, "Usually 30-45 minutes after I eat something". His face froze in horror and after gaining his composure enough to breath said, "WHO SHITS THAT MUCH??? SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOU! THAT CAN'T BE HEALTHY!"

Let's take a break on this story so I can share a little background info with you about this guy.

He's telling me that I go to the bathroom TOO MUCH but he craps ONCE A DAMN MONTH. Really? I'm going to listen to you tell me about my bowel movement regularity? Get out of my face and go sit on a toilet somewhere.

Back to the disgusting conversation.

I explain to him that someone who is REGULAR will crap THAT MUCH because WASTE is not supposed to just sit in your colon FOREVER. I even told him to ask a doctor if crapping once a month was healthy and if MAYBE that's why his skin was horrible. Think about babies...when you feed them, they burp, usually sleep, then shit. It's the normal process of digesting ones food. As adults it takes a little longer because we eat more solid food than titty milk, formula, and rice cereal. But, the standard still applies. You should crap after you eat.

So he goes on to be appalled that I crapped so frequently and effortlessly. His visits to the pool usually take 30-60 minutes. I'm not sure if he's aware that's CONSTIPATION but I sure hope he has figured it out by now. He asks several of our other friends how often they crap to compare it with my regularity. After about 5 people I stop getting embarrassed that I'm talking to people about my shitting habits. I just became glad that more people were aware that one crap a week isn't a good thing either. And that was one of the many conversations I've had about poo...

Thursday, March 12, 2009

A Day In the Life of Reality

The other day I was reading an email from some of my friends back home and my cousin happened to say that they should do a reality show on our lives. I laughed and replied that they should have captured us while we were in high school because THAT'S where the complete donkeyness and f*ckery resided. We did things between the ages of 15 and 19 that we will NEVER tell our parents about.

I look at the reality shows today and cringe at the mindless garbage that they call "reality". I look at it and wonder for 1.5 seconds, "WHOSE REALITY IS THIS????" and then I remember...I know people EXACTLY like this...whose lives are filled with meaningless drivel that could ACTUALLY be filmed. And that's when I thought about The Evil Cousin (I'll write a blog about her someday; trust me, it'll be interesting). The Evil Cousin and her "supposed" three best friends SHOULD have had a reality show and as UNBELIEVABLE as some of the things that go on in their lives MIGHT be, I can personally attest to it being...true.

At one time she referred to them and their relationships being like the women in Lace. I know yall remember that movie from the 80's with Phoebe Cates in it? Well if you never seen it and have no earthly idea what I'm talking about, the synopsis is this, "A young actress, thought to be easy and have no morals, gathers three former school chums to find out which is her mother. Much of the movie takes place in flashback and the identity of her mother is not found out till the last few minutes". Makes you want to run out and rent it now, huh? As RIDICULOUS as that movie might seem when you start watching it, oddly so, it is the Evil Cousin and her "friends".

Now, in all fairness, my life has been no page from Better Homes and Gardens with chirping birds and gay squirrels. In fact, I've been told several times to write a book because there is no way people would believe it to be life is definitely stranger than fiction at times but I often wonder how much of my life people would dissect as harshly as they do the reality shows? How much people SWEAR is a figment of my own imagination. Then I remember I am a VERY honest person, to a fault, according to A LOT of my friends. My best friend can be quoted as saying that I'm so honest it scares him at times because he has never known someone who would not lie to protect even their own ass. Yeah, that's me...unfortunately honest. So you have no choice but to believe the unbelievable when it happens to and/or around me.

Difference is, I know better than to let anyone film it because I desire for NO ONE to scrutinize my life experiences that closely in an effort to determine how "real" I am as a person.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Life's Retarded Double Standards

What's the difference between a husband and a boyfriend?
About 30 lbs.

I saw that joke this morning and as much as it should have been funny, it wasn't. Why? Because let a wife OR girlfriend gain 30 lbs and it is ALWAYS a problem. When a boyfriend or husband gains weight, it's not a big issue and shouldn't even be mentioned in most cases. Double standard.

A woman and a man who aren't married conceive a child. The man freaks out and distances himself as much as possible without looking like a complete asshole but all the while states that he is going to take care of his responsibility. Can a woman even do that? Hell no, for one, the crumbsnatcher happens to roost in her belly for a good 40 weeks (you ever do the math on that? that's TEN MONTHS...NOT NINE). If a "father" decides he doesn't want the responsibility of living with the mother AND the child, he can go on to live his life as though the kid wasn't even born. He can still go out on dates, have sex with other women, even boast to others he's having a kid, even though he has no plans whatsoever of being with the mother at this point because...well, that's just too much for him to deal with (read: selfish). His version of contributing to the welfare of the kid is answering phone calls if and when she calls (if he is available; you know, answering when on a date might not happen and definitely not if he's in the middle of getting some poon from some woman that isn't carrying his child) and TRYING to be available when and if she needs him. Now...let a woman "abandon" her responsibility and she becomes an unfit mother. Imagine a pregnant woman going on dates with men who did not impregnate her....imagine her having sex with men WHILE she's pregnant. All the while she's telling everyone how the kid is going to stay with the father but she's going to be around so no one should think she's a bad parent. Her contribution to the welfare of her kid is calling once or twice a day to say hi and TRYING to be available when she can...IF she can. Doesn't sound as acceptable when it's the woman doing it though. Double standard.

I brought up the issue of having a kid while not being married because I don't think a lot of males understand that it is NEVER a 50/50 role they play in the situation. Having MONEY does not indicate that you will be a good parent. Children have no real concept of money until they are conditioned to want things that cost money and you pump their little heads full of materialistic shat that won't even interest them 15 days after you bought it. Big reason why kids sometimes think money does in fact grow on trees. Even if two people are married, the role of caregiver and provider is not split equally down the middle. While the husband MIGHT make more money than the wife, that doesn't mean that all his earnings are spent on the child. Children typically spend most of their time growing up with their mother (EVEN IN MARRIED HOUSEHOLDS). If the wife is working, just like the husband, I can guarantee you that she doesn't ALWAYS pull funds from the joint account when she has to do something for the children. She uses whatever money is available at the time...whether it is hers or theirs. So imagine how it is for two people who don't even live together. It is more like a babysitter on call type of situation. Sure, it's his kid but UNLESS he makes a concerted effort EVERY DAY to see his kid and contribute to the DAILY upbringing of the child, the "fathers" contribution to who this kid will be someday falls short of EVERYTHING the mother has to do.

Sad but true...but hey, this is the kind of world we live in...where the parent that the child lives with is ACTUALLY the one who takes care of the kid. Unfortunately, this is a double standard that I don't see changing any time soon...

*NOTE: of course if the mom is a deadbeat and bounces, leaving the kid with the dad, well, he becomes the typical mom in this to the dad's who have little to no support from the women who they conceived their kid with...sorry, it sucks like this for FAR MORE women than men....

Wednesday, March 04, 2009


I haven't written or read anything on blogger in a week. I've had MORE than the usual going on with life and to say it's been overwhelming is the biggest UNDERSTATEMENT known to mankind.

I don't want to write a "woe is me" blog because sometimes those tend to roll in packs. I might be getting something off my chest but unfortunately 10 other people who read my blog and write blogs are doing the same thing and then all of a sudden we look like a pack of whiny infants who can't get over themselves.

Out of all the life turmoil I am experiencing at the moment the two people I wish lived closer to me right now are my mother and my sister. Some of the things I am going through, I ONLY want to talk to them about it because I KNOW, without a doubt in my mind, they'd understand me in spite of EVERYTHING else going on. Even though I have a ton of friends who say I can talk to them about anything, I know that "anything" to come with conditions. The minute it's something they can't relate to or feel I should feel a certain way about, the communication will cease to exist. Some things certain people will NEVER understand unless they are experiencing it themselves. My mom and much as they tend to drive me crazy, I do know I can talk to them about matter how horrible or asinine it might sound or be.

I guess I'm just looking for those who can relate to me right now and since I can't find it, I've been in seclusion. Oh, and I won't have Internet at my house for another few weeks because I moved....

I'm going to attempt to read some blogs over the weekend if I get the energy to be around other living breathing human beings...otherwise, it might be another week before I am compelled to write again...

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