Monday, February 16, 2009

No, I Shouldn't Talk To You Because You Have "Good Hair"...Clown

Leave it up to me to attract clowns into my personal space.

I decided to go out with some of my girlfriends yesterday to watch the All Star Game. I won't even lie...I didn't pay no damn attention to that game. Would you have paid attention if you walked in the crib and the host tells you he has crawfish, crab legs, wings, potatoes, and corn? I know some of you LOVE basketball but I was thoroughly distracted by those delectable vittles. Lately, I have formed a love affair with food...I will devote another posting to that. So this was right up my alley.

Me and my girls were sitting at the dinner table eating like there were no attractive men in the spot at all...and there was a nice handful of them. Our food was looking far more tantalizing. Of the men there, a few gentlemen were even nice enough to roll up one of my friends sleeves so she could get to cracking on that crab, pun intended. Just enjoying our food to the fullest....


He first engages me in conversation about my tattoos...mind you, he does this EVERY TIME he sees he has no other conversation but THIS. He stresses that I never showed him where all my tattoos really think I'm going to stop eating my crab to show you now? F*ck outta here you wanker. I know you see me eating.

He still talking and carrying on. He goes on to talk about how he is divorced and on the prowl. Okay. And my crab is begging to be ate. Beat it Roscoe. He goes on to talk about what a good man he is and blah, blah, blah, blah. Apparently his ex-wife begged to differ because she cheated on him and got pregnant in the process then left his ass for dude and got married and they now have 2 kids. Yes, he told us this story WHILE we were eating. I looked over at my friend to my immediate right and just shook my head.  As he's drinking all four of us women at the table take note of how he is holding his glass...pinky extended. Very ummm....J. Alexanderish.


As soon as he walks away, it's open season on his ass. Jokes begin to fly about his wife probably leaving his obnoxious ass because he's gay. "Swagga Like Us" comes on in the background and the joke of the evening became "no one on the corner has a pinky like him"...we're a mess, I know. He returns much to our dismay to tell my friend at the head of the table that he likes short girls, my girl to the right that he likes light skinned girls, and also me, that he likes light skinned girls. I guess he wanted to cover everything in the event one of us thought he was cute. We didn't.

He shoves his way into my chair to discuss an email he sent me on MySpace. First off, I don't talk to anyone who tries to get at me on MySpace. AS much as this damn idiot sees me, he uses MySpace to holler. There was a year where I saw him EVERY Monday for Monday Night Football. Did he holler once? No. He decides to send me some lame ass message on MySpace that simply says, "we need to hang out". No we don't. You need to go hang yourself, that's what you need to do. So since he wanted to send me simple and stupid statements, I replied with a simple and stupid question, "Why". He didn't bother me again...until now. His breath is stale but he is STILL breathing it on me and I just want him to leave. And then he says:

"I mean, you should want to talk to me. I got good hair and I'm cute".

At this point I was hoping Halley's Comet would strike him in the face and he'd die. Who says that to a woman? WHO? Those are prereq's to dating these days? And that damn pinky! I wouldn't date you simply because you keep flinging that pinky around like you want to sashay out the room. He was so irritating and pressed for attention that my friend sitting to my right got up and walked to the other side of the living room because she was attempting to restrain herself from knocking his gapped teeth straight.

As if that comment wasn't enough, he decides to try harder and say:

"If I was yo man, I'd beat that out the frame tonight once you got home"

As much as I would like to blame this on his over indulgence in double Patron shots, I'm going to say no...he's ALWAYS this obnoxious. He quickly turned into bootsy, S-curl, pinky flinger.

Unfortunately for him though, I don't think he'll be coming around to the homies too much anymore because as silly as he was acting with us women, he decided to act as silly with one of the guys and by the end of the night ended up getting his face slammed into the wall a few times.

Boy! I would have paid money to see that because he was JUST that irritating to me and my girls but alas, I had to hear about it through Facebook statuses and the horses mouth...the guy who slammed his face against the wall.

God works in mysterious ways and I'm satisfied with the retribution he has exacted upon this corn.

HENRRY Pictures, Images and Photos

17 points of view:

Black Yoda said...

Jay I thought that was Lamar from Revenge of the Nerds. You know you like being hit on by undesirable guys. You complain, but you'd miss it if it didn't happen. I haven't hit on you in a minute. I bet that deep down inside there's a part of you that says, "I miss the way he objectifies me with his vulgar yet slightly sweet comments."

jeanette nicole* said...

No. He decides to send me some lame ass message on MySpace that simply says, "we need to hang out". No we don't. You need to go hang yourself, that's what you need to do.

LMAO. Ugh, he reminds me of this dude who tried to holla @ me and then when he saw I was uninterested tried to turn it around talmbout "Naw, I wasn't tryna holla. I was just tryna see where your head was at!" NINJA PLEASE! *rolls eyes*

JaeSpenc said...


I don't even KNOW you and I can IMAGINE the scene here VIVIDLY!!! LMAOOO "I'm cute... and I've got good hair" LMAOOOOOOO Wow...

You're MUCH more tactful than I. I would have SAID " The fuck outta here dude... " LOL

Fuhnie shit

Kryssy said...

Umm damn. What a wack-job. LOL

Solomon said...

I think the initial assesment pretty much sums 'er up

Yes, he's a clown, as a matter of fact he got straight A's at "Clown U"


Relevantlystaying said...

Trust me, every night he cries himself to sleep.

He's wack in the rarest form!


Anonymous said...

"we need to hang out". No we don't. You need to go hang yourself, that's what you need to do.

lmao...i died twice reading that. too funny...

a black girl who did date said...

I now know why I have never hung out with you and your guy friends.

Otherwise known as Gingivitis said...

lol i'm surprised yall tolerated him as long as yall did. I'm good for getting people outta my face (even though my friends kinda thrive off of obnoxious attentions)

Anonymous said...

Oh Jesus, I died at "you should hang yourself"

Nitta what is wrong with u, don't u see the man is cute AND has good hair?? LMAO


Naturally Alise said...

*DEAD* @ "I was hoping Halley's Comet would strike him in the face and he'd die"

Oooo girl I hate the super lame-o's like that.... you have my deepest sympathies...

Number Five said...


I feel bad for laughing as hard as i am. Like I'm picking on the one slow ass kid in class that rides a 'special bus'.... but I'm still laughing though...muhahahaha.

CraigJC said...

Wow, where do you find 'em at?

... said...

Surely you jest. I actually feel pretty bad for dude...such lameness can only be pitied.

?? said...

lol, ah men are funny,
i really don't understand why people try to chat you up when you are clearly enjoying your meal and giving one word ans, lol

♥ Nikki ♥ said...

Lol, Sound's like a couple of guys I sad. You and your friends are funny "no on the corner got a pinky like him"....That something I would sing!

AssertiveWit said...

@ everyone: I think I laughed harder at all of your comments than his corn ass. NO ONE should pity this fool because THAT is EXACTLY what he was...a clown ass fool.

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