Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Monkey Shines/Monkey Business


I couldn't decide on what to call this but it's definitely some monkeying around going on so I thought both titles were suiting. Anyone ever see the movie Monkey Shines? Old classic of a monkey who goes ape sh*t on it's owner...kinda like here.

I will never understand some people...why would you have a chimpanzee as a pet any damn way? They aren't very nice animals to begin with. Yeah, we are under the impression that at times they can be almost human like but never get it twisted, they are no where as civil as we know how to be. I have it on good authority from my friend who is a doctor for primates that they are some temperamental buggers.

In the report, the lady told the police that she had to give the monkey some Xanax because he was agitated. Then she changes her story to say she never ever gave the monkey no sedatives. Lady, what's it gonna be? ANY animal you have to "calm down", you shouldn't have in your home. They are called wild animals for a reason. 

Take my pet dog when I was kid named Ham, for instance.

This crazy cur was mixed with Chow and German Shepard. Anytime people would walk past the driveway he'd get in an uproar, barking like he had no damn sense. No matter how much we'd yell out there for him to be quiet and cut out all that rambunctiousness, he'd keep at it. He had a crazy look in his eye too. Just anxious all the time for no reason. One day, he decided to attack my little brother and was quite relentless about it (granted it was my brothers fault for provoking him but still). Once that trigger had been pulled, Ham was out for blood....much like this crazed simian.

Needless to say Ham had one too many episodes of getting hyphy on family members and we had to send him to Doggie Heaven. So long, farewell...crazy mutt.

They say animals and their owners go hand in hand so is it wrong for me to think this woman is crazy cause her monkey was a retard? Nope. Look at Michael Jackson....he has a monkey. I'm just saying. Sure, we all love Michael's music but who is going to seriously dispute me on him begin loco? Right.

I look at this woman how I looked at that crazy man who had a tiger in his apartment. For real dude? A TIGER? IN AN APARTMENT? You're crazy as hell too. What's worse is, not only did he have a gotdamn tiger in his apartment...he ALSO had an alligator in that beeotch too. Dude...c'mon. You aren't Crocodile Dundy or even Steve Irwin...and in the end, we know what happened to Steve's crazy ass too. One of those beautiful creatures ended up killing his ass.

Dude that had a tiger and alligator in his crib was quoted as saying the tiger was like his brother and it wasn't his leg that was the issue, it was his heart. Bwhahahhahahahahahahahahahah You've gotta be kidding me? You got a tiger in an apartment, he gets tired of being in these confined quarters, plots with the alligator to take you down, mauls the shit out of you, and you have the nerve to say your heart hurts? That tiger should have finished you off something proper or the second part of the plot should have been the alligator mortal kombatting that ass. Two Words: FINISH HIM.

So back to this monkey wrecking havoc...should we be mad at the monkey? Nope. He was probably angry she tried to dope his ass up to calm him down and survival of the fittest kicked in. In his mind, it was him, or her. Instead and unfortunately, he got the friend. Bit her damn hands off and mollywhopped her face. Damn shame. Fortunately the friend didn't die but I'm POSITIVE she wishes she did. Monkeys are something like a terror when they get upset. Point is, that monkey is NOT a domesticated animal...it normally resides in areas that require it to use it's instincts for EVERYTHING. Cats, dogs, gerbils, fish...those are domesticated animals that can be pets. And even then you have to be careful about which kind you bring in as a pet.

Bring a piranha in your house and when it bites off your damn arm, that's your fault. That's what it's made to do...eat anything moving in it's habitat. Bring a feral cat in your house and you can't be mad when it one day decides it wants to hunt you...that's what feral things do, act wild.

Let's hope this lady has learned her lesson and devotes her life to helping her friend with no hands.

6 points of view:

Stepfanie said...

Yeah I couldn't believe that when I saw that in the news. Chimpanzees are wild animals. Duh.

ChiChi10 said...

Me and the co-worker were talking about this a few hours ago. WHY would you even have a wild animal as a pet in the first place is ALWAYS my question when they do what they do and fuck somebody up. Po friend...I woulda told that hoe HELL and Naw.

ChiChi10 said...

*Forgot to mention thist shit had me LOL cuz all I could think about was Katt Williams' bit about the tigers.

that one chick said...

Like Chris Rock said about Sigried and Roy: "That tger didn't go crazy, that tiger went tiger. I don't know if you remeber a few years back when those dumbass non-black(I'm sorry but it's usually white people who do this ish!) went into the cage at the SF Zoo on Xmas and then got mauled. Don't F with wild animals, they can kill you. I once saw a killer whale purposely fall on it's trainer because it had be messing with him for awhile. I don't mess with anything that can attack me or i have to clean up after. "Civil" pets too, you might as well just have kids!

JaeSpenc said...

wild animals never really lose that urge. It just lays dormant. I used to say I wanted a tiger ( though I knew I'd never actually have enough dough for one)... but as I grew-- I realized that was bananas.

LMAO@ this blog though. definately a way w/ words... I laughed my way all the way through it.

Craigjc said...

LOL, on the Mortal Kombat reference. FINISH HIM! That was the joiiinttt! but yer right, old girl should have known about the monkey. If you can hardly trust a person, hell you gon trust a wild mammal?

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