Thursday, February 26, 2009

Reading and Writing

I was tagged by Raw Dawg Buffalo and for once, it wasn't the 25 Things About Me Tag. I have a REAL hard time divulging 25 things that people don't already know about me. That would require telling some real personal stuff I don't want floating around the world wide web, you know? But this tag...I really liked. I never really tell anyone about the writers that were/are most influential to me as a person. I believe they shaped how I viewed things as a child and helped me with my writing as I grew older. The list isn't 25 names long but they're just as important. I'm supposed to tag some other folks once I'm done listing the writers...we'll see if I have time! Enjoy!

1. Stephen King - I started out watching his movies and the movies were so good to me that I looked for his books every chance I got when I went to the library. My favorite movie by Stephen King, hands down is Cat's Eye. They should really do a remake of it. And this was the first horror film my dad let me watch. I've been addicted to them ever since.

2. Anne Rice - She's VERY detail oriented and I started out watching the movies of her books too. I fell in love with Interview With A Vampire and HAD to read the book to see what I missed. The movie did the book justice but any fan of the movie should read the book. I still think that the best book she ever wrote was Merrick. Her son is a pretty good writer too. He doesn't write about vampires at all but his books are quite engaging and true to life. His name is Christopher Rice. She also writes under the name A.N. Roquelaure, which her sadomasochistic erotica novels are written under.

3. Roald Dahl - I was given some books as a kid and the authors were Roald Dahl and Beatrix Potter. I endeavored to read anything and everything they both had written. My favorite book by him has ALWAYS been My Uncle Oswald. At the time, I didn't know that the book was SOLELY about sex. I had to be about 11 or 12 when I read it and thought it was the greatest thing ever. I would read it every year and when I was in high school, about 16, I realized, I had been reading about something my parents had no idea. That's when I found out, Roald Dahl wasn't always a children's author. LOL

4. Beatrix Potter - This lady had a way with words that made me never want to put her little books down. She always taught lessons...valuable ones too. I fell in love with dirty squirrels because of her. Best book, in my opinion, was The Tale of Squirrel Nutkin.

5. Shel Silverstein - I guess you could say this guy is my contradiction when it comes to poetry. He just had a way with rhyming that led me to believe if poetry wasn't fun, I didn't want any parts of it. As I grew older, poetry seemed depressing and it took the fun away from me reading. Reading was a favorite past time for me because it allowed me to escape from reality. Hence, why poetry, as an adult, hasn't been one of my favorites. He had a limerick kind of style and it kept me fully entertained, especially when I was trying not to pay attention to life. Where the Sidewalk Ends arrested my attention more than I care to admit.

6. Lewis Carroll - I was a weird kid growing up. I had to see things logically or they just didn't make sense. I read Alice's Adventures  in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass over and over trying to figure out what Alice's damn problem was. Things that just made sense, she never wanted to accept. She always took the round about way to get things done and she used to upset me to no end. I figured if I kept reading it, I'd figure it out. What I did figure out was that everyone must find their way in their own due time...even Alice.

7. Laurell K. Hamilton - I stumbled on this author when I was about 20 or 21. She writes about dark creatures like wererats, werewolves, shapeshifters, vampires, etc. But they are normal people like you and I; living, working, sleeping amongst humans. Sounds weird but HIGHLY entertaining. I've read one of her books in 2 hours because they are just that good.

8. C.S. Lewis - I've been told this guy was too intense for children but...he writes books for children. Go figure! I liked him because he made me think and form opinions on my own. Granted, his books are laced with symbology tied into Christianity but it's still a good read nevertheless. I liked how he tied in fantasy with his lessons he was trying to teach. Best way to get a kid to read anything...make the animals talk! LOL

9. Tananarive Due - Fell in love with her writing style after reading The Living Blood. She tells a story well and leaves you wanting more. I mailed this book to my dad and it took him forever to give it back. I think he was trying to steal it. He now has the other two books of this series, My Soul To Keep and Blood Colony. I'm still waiting for him to return those.

10. James Baldwin - Back in 2003, I was bored out of my mind one day while I was at work and was going through things on my bosses desk. I happened to pick up some papers and out fell Devil Finds Work. I LOVE film and he was pretty much tearing it a new bunghole wasn't done in a way that turned me off to what he was saying. While I didn't agree with some things he was saying, I was lured in by his manner of speech. I did some research on him and found that he was also an activist AND a homosexual...long before it was cool to be so. He died of cancer when I was about 7 but I am glad his writing has lived on. Very articulant and intelligent guy.

11. Richard Wright - I actually went to school with this guys grand kids (he might have more but I only knew these 2). I will always remember them as the red-haired geniuses. Everyone called the grandson Vee because he was the 5th Richard Wright and the granddaughter was tall and had this voice that was like scratching sand paper but I thought it was the most awesome voice for a woman...considering I sound like a teenager when I talk. LOL Anyway, I will admit, I read his books in high school because I knew his grand kids to be quite bright, I figured I couldn't go wrong. I asked them if it was weird that their grandfather was part of a literary them it was no big deal (or at least that's how it seemed). I experienced a momentous time in my life thanks to his granddaughter (and inadvertently his grandson) so I will always attach Richard Wright to my own personal history. Black Boy was my favorite book from him.

My list is a little different from the typical Black/African Americans list would be because I don't have a lot of Black/African American writers listed; as a matter of fact, I only have 3. It isn't because I don't read Black/African American's more so because the genres that Black/African American writers usually stick to are relationships, hood life, and/or poetry. I'm a bigger fan of horror, fantasy, vampire, and graphic novels. I'm very detail oriented and that's what I like to read/see. So where most people HATE Stephen King because of his excessive attention to detail, that is the PRECISE reason why I started to like him as a kid. Doesn't have to make sense to you because these are MY favorite writers, not yours :)

So I won't tag anyone but who are some of your favorite authors? And why?

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

People Kill Me...

The light in my kitchen was on it's last leg for the past week. Since they are those fluorescent lights, I figured it was something minor and they'd just keep coming on like they had been for the last couple weeks. That is until they stayed dim like they were about to die altogether. I called my leasing office Saturday morning to let them know what the deal was and they called me back saying they would send maintenance up to replace the light.

I'm pretty cool with the maintenance guy (he also hates the Leasing Office Banshee's...well, one of them) so when he comes over to fix anything he gives me a hug and kiss on the cheek. He'll fix anything and everything. I really don't ever need to call the Leasing Office but I do it because I should. So he comes in and says that he wasn't going to call them back to see what they wanted until he heard the message that said I needed a bulb fixed. The Assistant Leasing Manager asked him, "So you wouldn't come in for anyone else but you'll come in for her", to which he replied, "Yup". She was confused and before she could say anything else he said, "I'll do anything for her because contrary to what you guys think, she's actually a very sweet person. As a matter of fact, she lets Jose use her parking spot while she's at work so his tools won't get stolen since you guys won't let him park in the garage anymore".

He said she looked a little shocked. I laughed as he continued to relay what she said..."I don't know why she doesn't like us. I mean what have we ever done to her". This is where friends like these come in handy....he tells her, "she doesn't like you guys because you're bitches to her; hell, you're bitches to everyone and you REALLY expect the tenants to like you guys? be serious". Her reply? "I mean, I try to be nice. That's all I can do".

And THAT'S why I don't f*ck with my Leasing Office. You try to be nice? How about you just do your job and BE NICE to ALL tenants, not just the ones who kiss your azz? I know someone in my building who NEVER pays her rent on time and didn't convert the electricity into her name the first 4 months she lived there (after several reminders). I pay my rent ON TIME every month. I asked them one time if I could pay my parking and water three days after rent was due and these heffas told me since water and parking is supposed to be paid with rent, they were going to consider it late, take my concession, and charge me late fees. Really??? My water and parking is going to cause you to charge me an extra $150? Screw you.

When I first moved in, the Property Manager stuck a notice on my door saying I owed them $8.36...for what??? I moved in on March 1, 2008 but put the electricity in my name on February 29, 2008. They wanted me to pay for February 28, 2008 because they got a bill with the ending date of February 29, 2008. Not my problem. Call Georgia Power for a $8.36 refund. Don't call me because my bill says I was charged from February 29, 2008 until whenever the damn billing cycle is over. She was BEYOND rude about this $8.36....then when she found out she was wrong, didn't apologize AT ALL.

My apartment has no insulation AT ALL. You can stand in front of the window and catch pneumonia...that's how cold it is and how much air is blowing in. My last electricity bill was $300. I asked them to insulate the windows...their excuse was it's an old building and I knew that when I moved in, why am I complaining now. I work in architecture. Designers rebuild, restore, and rehabilitate old buildings ALL OVER Atlanta to make them livable/workable. This building is no exception to the rule. It was further confirmed when I called the City of Atlanta and they came out to inspect my unit. After I showed them the windows they shook their head and wondered how I had made it this long.

I won't get into the hundreds of phone calls and messages I've left about my neighbor who acts like he's throwing a rave in his apartment every night. Do you think either of these women returned my phone calls regarding this issue? Nope. I asked them to tell him to stop playing his music so loud during midnight and 5 in the morning...he still does it to this day. And the mail...I had a package from UPS in their office for a whole week before they even decided to leave a note on my door that I had a package. Only to find it, it wasn't them who left the note. It was the concierge guy at night...who likes me. Damn shame when they do nothing in that office all day but sit there and look like their lives are miserable and they want to die. Point is, how come they are the only ones who don't know why I don't like them when it is BEYOND obvious? Idiots...

Really doesn't matter now though...I'm moving Saturday!!!!

Monday, February 23, 2009

Ted's Montana Grill Is No Longer "The Spot"

I've given up on Ted's and I will be writing them a soon as I finish this blog.

My cousin was in town so we (her, myself, and the family she was staying with) decided to go to dinner. The Mexican food restaurant I had been having a craving for had a wait of 45 minutes to an hour. I wasn't waiting that long to eat so we walked next door to...Ted's Montana Grill. They have some of THE best salads I have ever tasted but I should have known something was going to be a little off when we looked at the menus and they were different...and so were the prices. After we get over the slight increase in prices, we order our food and wait for our waitress to deliver. Three of us got house salads...let me tell you about these house salads.

They USUALLY come with tomato, red onion, shredded cheddar cheese, buttery croutons, bacon, and DARK GREEN leafage. I actually look forward to digging into that salad EVERY TIME I order it. Much to our dismay, we got plates full of non-nutritional iceberg lettuce with pieces of carrot here and there, tomato, red onion, and buttery croutons. I promise you, it looked like the raggediest salad ever. I INSTANTLY noticed the did the other person who swears by Ted's being some of the best food ever. Our waitress was VERY accommodating and helped us make the best of our watery consumption being passed off as a salad.

Since that Ted's is a good 5 miles or more from the one across from my job, I figure it was just that one that was tripping. WRONG.

I ordered a large house salad for lunch today, only to get the most tired and wilted looking iceberg lettuce I've ever seen in my life. They threw in a piece of romaine RIND and EXACTLY 5 pieces of mesclun mix to throw me off. But when you have a tomato that looks like you mashed it with your fingers and some old onion on top AND that coleslaw cabbage mix (carrots, red cabbage, iceberg mix) in there, I'm going to notice this is not the salad I am accustomed to. AND....there was no cheese OR bacon on it AGAIN. This for $7???? I felt BEYOND jipped! How in the hell are you gonna give me some lettuce my mom used to buy for me and my siblings to use on our ham sandwiches and pass it off as fine cuisine? People get salads to eat healthier....why do you even have iceberg lettuce in your restaurant??? That's the cheapest greenery to EVER eat....did I mention there is no nutritional value in it? It's basically like drinking tap water that has lost all it's valuable minerals that would make the tap water worth drinking in the first place.

So as the cashier is getting me some bacon to make me a little happier, I look at the menu. The grilled salad I usually get is $3 extra. Someone sitting across from where I was standing happened to order it for lunch and I saw it as the waiter placed it on the table....iceberg...AGAIN. You mean to tell me you LESSEN the QUALITY of your food and THEN RAISE the prices? Ted....this is how we do business these days? That's tantamount to Nike making their shoes identical to Payless Shoe Source sneakers and then changing the price on ALL Jordans and Air Maxs to $300. It's wrong and shouldn't be allowed.

I was thoroughly disappointed in my lunch today and I have Ted and his Montana Grill to thank for it.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Flatulence in the Grocery Store

Sometimes I think to myself:

"Self, you are one of God's personal jokes to see how long someone can TRY to exercise patience before truly snapping on someone".

I mean I NOT supposed to say anything to someone who BLATANTLY farts NEXT TO ME in the grocery store?

But let me tell you how it all went down...

I get up to the self-checkout and I smell something quite rotten eggish but I dismiss it as someone who needs to bathe. The grocery store I was in happens to have a lot of bums in front and from time to time, they'll make their way inside to buy one item they can afford. I figured one had walked by. That is until the cashier sprays ME with Febreze. I slowly put my tangelo down and turn towards her and as I was about to say "What the f*ck" out loud she says:

"My bad. My coworkers are rude"

But you had to spray me though? Really? As soon as I opened my mouth to ask why she had to spray ME, I caught a whiff of her coworkers ungodly bowel air in my mouth. I INSTANTLY wanted to throw up on them both. Her butt air smelled like a decaying animal that had been under a house for a good 30 days. And the following conversation...I couldn't have made this up IF I tried:

"I'm saying though, it's a normal body function"

"Yes, it is but you could at least walk AWAY from customers"

"They know it's a normal body function"

"True but you couldn't walk away so they wouldn't know it's DEFINITELY you? You're so rude"

Security guard decides to put in his two cents, "Everyone knows about the "walk away"; that's the least you could have done. That's rude to your coworkers AND the customers".

A manager happens to walk by and catch a whiff in his nostrils. Apparently this employee is known for letting it rip. It was confirmed when she said:

"I mean when I'm shopping or in the club, I do the walk away but hell, I'm not holding in no gas for nobody"

The security guard (a man) is now grossly appalled at this woman and says "you be farting in the club? you foul as hell". At this point, I guess the manager chimes in and all I could pick up as I walked past her MAKING SURE she saw my look of disgust, something about in the employee manual there is a section about behavior at work and this was not exemplary.

People like this STILL have jobs...why?

Friday, February 20, 2009

I Hate Nosey People

Nosey people irritate me.

Sometimes I wonder if they even stop and think to themselves, "Self, is this REALLY any of my business? Should I butt into this conversation and give my unwarranted advice/opinion on the matter when no one was talking to me in the first place?"....I'm going to go with, no, they NEVER ask themselves that question because they interrupt so quickly. It is almost as if it is second nature for them to butt in where they are not wanted.

I was at the salon this past weekend...minding my business...reading The Watchmen (for the 4th time...CAN'T WAIT FOR MARCH 5TH!!!)...sitting under the dryer. Along comes one of the stylists to ask me if he can see my tattoo on my arm. No problem. I show him and he says he wanted to see it because he plans to go get a tattoo in honor of him and his wife being married some 30+ years. Awwww, how cute! So we are chatting it up about how many tattoos I have, what they are, when I got them, where I got them and here comes NOSEY, rudely interrupting with her unasked for 2 cents:

"You need to stay away from them thangs. All this Hepatitis going around. Don't make no sense. Tattoos are a fad that needs to die and they're dangerous"

Really lady? First of all, who in the f*ck was talking to you? Second, you're rude as hell! I politely turned around and said:

"Ummm, I've never gotten hepatitis and I have 12. Anytime I've had work done, it was with a brand new needle and if I personally can't determine that the shop or instruments are clean, I just don't get it. But I think he was talking me though. Who are you?"

"I'm a nurse honey"

"Anyway (turning towards the man), as I was saying, I can refer you to some reputable tattoo artists when you are ready to get yours. I promise you won't be disappointed or get hepatitis from these folks".

We finished up our conversation and he wasn't a bit phased by her hating azz. When I said "Anyway" and kept talking to him, she looked at me like I was THE MOST disrespectful person in the world. Granted, she was old enough to be my mother but so what? I'm 29 years old. Just because you are old enough to be my mother, it doesn't make you my mother nor does it AUTOMATICALLY give you the right to jump in a conversation that has nothing to do with you. You don't get a rude pass ma'am. She better be glad she interrupt 29 year old Synitta and not 19 year old Synitta. The conversation would have gone something like this:

"You need to stay away from them thangs. All this Hepatitis going around. Don't make no sense. Tattoos are a fad that needs to die and they're dangerous"

"Who was talking to you old lady? No one so shut the f*ck up, stick yo head back in that bowl, and mind your damn business. All up in mine!"

And I wouldn't have felt the least bit of remorse for barking at her. She need to mind her own business.

So moral of the story is...if no one is talking to you, mind yo damn business.

Thursday, February 19, 2009


That might not be a word but for today we are going to pretend it is for all intents and purposes.

Root word is hypersensitive and all it means is that someone is excessively sensitive to something. Most of the time this word is looked at negatively because being excessive towards anything is usually a problem, not to mention being sensitive is looked down upon by many in society. So when you stick the two together it's very difficult trying to convince some that the word  itself is not something to always be looked at as negative.

Which brings us to this monkey business from the New York Post.

Everyone has their opinions on how others should feel about it. I can't speak for anyone else but I will say a general rule, when you put something out for public consumption and you want it to be interpreted a specific way, it is your social responsibility to convey EXACTLY what you want people to get. If you don't, and you leave things up to others interpretation, that's your fault. We can all assume the artists meant something negative...that goes without saying. 

I think it's a little uncalled for to start labeling Black/African American people hypersensitive because of the interpretation that can be logically associated with the picture. One of my friends said the other day if someone has a piece of toilet paper on their shoe and 5 people have stopped them on the way back to their seat to tell them they have toilet paper on their shoe, of course they are going to somewhat snap if the a 6th person stops them. The 6th person might be trying to tell them something else but after 5 people in a row have said the same, it's kind of hard for the person with toilet paper on their shoe to even want to believe that.

Same thing with Black/African American people...if they experience things on a day to day basis that mirror racism, discrimination, some form of segregation (just because it's illegal doesn't mean it doesn't still exist) and then see this, the first thing to pop in their head is not going to be "Oh, what a funny cartoon". Granted, that isn't EVERY Black/African American but it is a lot of them.  Personally, I think if the monkey was supposed to represent Congress, the artist had a responsibility to make that known. If it was supposed to represent Obama, same responsibility. If it was just supposed to represent a dumb ass monkey, hey, still his social responsibility.

Don Imus got suspended from his job for calling a basketball team of predominantly Black/African American women, nappy headed hoes. If he had said this in conversation with a friend at dinner in a private setting, hey that's on you Imus. Not that it makes it any better but that's a private conversation. Being a disc jokey and saying it publicly for everyone to hear, bad idea. There is a social responsibility people in the media have and it's about time they started acknowledging it.

My blog is of no real importance on a scale of media relevance but should millions everywhere start reading it and commenting, I too have a social responsibility to watch EVERYTHING I write. Kind of stifles the whole freedom of speech thing but it reminds you of one thing: ACCOUNTABILITY.

We are all entitled to view things as we want at the end of the day but if we have "the public" to answer to, it would do well to watch what we say and write.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Monkey Shines/Monkey Business

I couldn't decide on what to call this but it's definitely some monkeying around going on so I thought both titles were suiting. Anyone ever see the movie Monkey Shines? Old classic of a monkey who goes ape sh*t on it's owner...kinda like here.

I will never understand some people...why would you have a chimpanzee as a pet any damn way? They aren't very nice animals to begin with. Yeah, we are under the impression that at times they can be almost human like but never get it twisted, they are no where as civil as we know how to be. I have it on good authority from my friend who is a doctor for primates that they are some temperamental buggers.

In the report, the lady told the police that she had to give the monkey some Xanax because he was agitated. Then she changes her story to say she never ever gave the monkey no sedatives. Lady, what's it gonna be? ANY animal you have to "calm down", you shouldn't have in your home. They are called wild animals for a reason. 

Take my pet dog when I was kid named Ham, for instance.

This crazy cur was mixed with Chow and German Shepard. Anytime people would walk past the driveway he'd get in an uproar, barking like he had no damn sense. No matter how much we'd yell out there for him to be quiet and cut out all that rambunctiousness, he'd keep at it. He had a crazy look in his eye too. Just anxious all the time for no reason. One day, he decided to attack my little brother and was quite relentless about it (granted it was my brothers fault for provoking him but still). Once that trigger had been pulled, Ham was out for blood....much like this crazed simian.

Needless to say Ham had one too many episodes of getting hyphy on family members and we had to send him to Doggie Heaven. So long, farewell...crazy mutt.

They say animals and their owners go hand in hand so is it wrong for me to think this woman is crazy cause her monkey was a retard? Nope. Look at Michael Jackson....he has a monkey. I'm just saying. Sure, we all love Michael's music but who is going to seriously dispute me on him begin loco? Right.

I look at this woman how I looked at that crazy man who had a tiger in his apartment. For real dude? A TIGER? IN AN APARTMENT? You're crazy as hell too. What's worse is, not only did he have a gotdamn tiger in his apartment...he ALSO had an alligator in that beeotch too. Dude...c'mon. You aren't Crocodile Dundy or even Steve Irwin...and in the end, we know what happened to Steve's crazy ass too. One of those beautiful creatures ended up killing his ass.

Dude that had a tiger and alligator in his crib was quoted as saying the tiger was like his brother and it wasn't his leg that was the issue, it was his heart. Bwhahahhahahahahahahahahahah You've gotta be kidding me? You got a tiger in an apartment, he gets tired of being in these confined quarters, plots with the alligator to take you down, mauls the shit out of you, and you have the nerve to say your heart hurts? That tiger should have finished you off something proper or the second part of the plot should have been the alligator mortal kombatting that ass. Two Words: FINISH HIM.

So back to this monkey wrecking havoc...should we be mad at the monkey? Nope. He was probably angry she tried to dope his ass up to calm him down and survival of the fittest kicked in. In his mind, it was him, or her. Instead and unfortunately, he got the friend. Bit her damn hands off and mollywhopped her face. Damn shame. Fortunately the friend didn't die but I'm POSITIVE she wishes she did. Monkeys are something like a terror when they get upset. Point is, that monkey is NOT a domesticated normally resides in areas that require it to use it's instincts for EVERYTHING. Cats, dogs, gerbils, fish...those are domesticated animals that can be pets. And even then you have to be careful about which kind you bring in as a pet.

Bring a piranha in your house and when it bites off your damn arm, that's your fault. That's what it's made to anything moving in it's habitat. Bring a feral cat in your house and you can't be mad when it one day decides it wants to hunt you...that's what feral things do, act wild.

Let's hope this lady has learned her lesson and devotes her life to helping her friend with no hands.

I Hate the Media...

....let me clarify...I hate the kind of media who gossip like that's reporting news.

Granted, I know there are some people out there who LOVE their gossip but I don't think these people who feel perfectly fine reporting THEIR TAKE on someone elses life really get how much damage they could be doing to someone elses life.

I've been in situations before where something I had done had gotten ENTIRELY misconstrued, only for it to be blown completely out of proportion because some BIG MOUTH asshole felt the need to pass around what they heard. Seriously, why do some people have nothing better to do than be the front and center of a grapevine? I need for all people who like to pass on "what they heard" to get a life and live it. The thing with gossip is that it might start out with SOME truth in it but by the time the story is retold, what started out as someone being seen with someone who YOU might think they shouldn't be with, will gradually become them being in the middle of the street on a pink elephant. Utterly ridiculous? Yes, but that's what happens with gossip...something that is none of your business becomes  a bunch of undecipherable lies that turn into common and public knowledge to others because someone was running their mouth about something that has nothing to do with them.

This is a big reason I stopped listening to V103 the first time. They gossip SO much and it just irritates the hell out of me. First off, I've never been one to give two sh*ts about what a celebrity is doing unless it is affecting me. How often has that happened? Once in a blue moon and never again. That one time it was "affecting me", it honestly wasn't burdening my life; I just knew the celebrity had been lying to pump an image that was selling. I still plan to burst his little bubble should I ever meet him face to face. I know WHY he did what he did and it is just my opinion that it was unnecessary but he obviously felt otherwise so who am I to REALLY care? I'm no one on his scale of importance so at the end of the day, it doesn't matter AT ALL.

I stopped listening to the radio altogether because of this...there was far more gossip being reported than I cared to entertain. I remember when the radio used to be about playing good music, current events that REALLY mattered, and what was being done in the community. Not so much anymore...which is why I hate the media.

Monday, February 16, 2009

No, I Shouldn't Talk To You Because You Have "Good Hair"...Clown

Leave it up to me to attract clowns into my personal space.

I decided to go out with some of my girlfriends yesterday to watch the All Star Game. I won't even lie...I didn't pay no damn attention to that game. Would you have paid attention if you walked in the crib and the host tells you he has crawfish, crab legs, wings, potatoes, and corn? I know some of you LOVE basketball but I was thoroughly distracted by those delectable vittles. Lately, I have formed a love affair with food...I will devote another posting to that. So this was right up my alley.

Me and my girls were sitting at the dinner table eating like there were no attractive men in the spot at all...and there was a nice handful of them. Our food was looking far more tantalizing. Of the men there, a few gentlemen were even nice enough to roll up one of my friends sleeves so she could get to cracking on that crab, pun intended. Just enjoying our food to the fullest....


He first engages me in conversation about my tattoos...mind you, he does this EVERY TIME he sees he has no other conversation but THIS. He stresses that I never showed him where all my tattoos really think I'm going to stop eating my crab to show you now? F*ck outta here you wanker. I know you see me eating.

He still talking and carrying on. He goes on to talk about how he is divorced and on the prowl. Okay. And my crab is begging to be ate. Beat it Roscoe. He goes on to talk about what a good man he is and blah, blah, blah, blah. Apparently his ex-wife begged to differ because she cheated on him and got pregnant in the process then left his ass for dude and got married and they now have 2 kids. Yes, he told us this story WHILE we were eating. I looked over at my friend to my immediate right and just shook my head.  As he's drinking all four of us women at the table take note of how he is holding his glass...pinky extended. Very ummm....J. Alexanderish.


As soon as he walks away, it's open season on his ass. Jokes begin to fly about his wife probably leaving his obnoxious ass because he's gay. "Swagga Like Us" comes on in the background and the joke of the evening became "no one on the corner has a pinky like him"...we're a mess, I know. He returns much to our dismay to tell my friend at the head of the table that he likes short girls, my girl to the right that he likes light skinned girls, and also me, that he likes light skinned girls. I guess he wanted to cover everything in the event one of us thought he was cute. We didn't.

He shoves his way into my chair to discuss an email he sent me on MySpace. First off, I don't talk to anyone who tries to get at me on MySpace. AS much as this damn idiot sees me, he uses MySpace to holler. There was a year where I saw him EVERY Monday for Monday Night Football. Did he holler once? No. He decides to send me some lame ass message on MySpace that simply says, "we need to hang out". No we don't. You need to go hang yourself, that's what you need to do. So since he wanted to send me simple and stupid statements, I replied with a simple and stupid question, "Why". He didn't bother me again...until now. His breath is stale but he is STILL breathing it on me and I just want him to leave. And then he says:

"I mean, you should want to talk to me. I got good hair and I'm cute".

At this point I was hoping Halley's Comet would strike him in the face and he'd die. Who says that to a woman? WHO? Those are prereq's to dating these days? And that damn pinky! I wouldn't date you simply because you keep flinging that pinky around like you want to sashay out the room. He was so irritating and pressed for attention that my friend sitting to my right got up and walked to the other side of the living room because she was attempting to restrain herself from knocking his gapped teeth straight.

As if that comment wasn't enough, he decides to try harder and say:

"If I was yo man, I'd beat that out the frame tonight once you got home"

As much as I would like to blame this on his over indulgence in double Patron shots, I'm going to say no...he's ALWAYS this obnoxious. He quickly turned into bootsy, S-curl, pinky flinger.

Unfortunately for him though, I don't think he'll be coming around to the homies too much anymore because as silly as he was acting with us women, he decided to act as silly with one of the guys and by the end of the night ended up getting his face slammed into the wall a few times.

Boy! I would have paid money to see that because he was JUST that irritating to me and my girls but alas, I had to hear about it through Facebook statuses and the horses mouth...the guy who slammed his face against the wall.

God works in mysterious ways and I'm satisfied with the retribution he has exacted upon this corn.

HENRRY Pictures, Images and Photos

Friday, February 13, 2009

Some Ramblage...Nothing Life Threatening or Important

These moments where I feel like I can't write anything are VERY rare. Usually if I am not writing it is because I am busy.

At the moment, I have a TON of things to write about but because they are of a very personal nature, I have to stick to letting them sit in my brain and marinate. I am sure I will get them all out sooner or later but the kinds of things that are running circles around my brain at the moment are a little too much for me so I'm sure I'd be all over the place if I even attempted to get them out.

As of late, I am convinced that there is something in the water EVERYWHERE. I can name 10 people I know right now who have due dates for their babies between April and October. EVERYONE is getting knocked up...and it has made me a firm believer that there is NEVER the PERFECT time to have a crumbsnatcher. Another realization: growing babies (in the stomach) are vicious little gremlins who will eat you out of your stomach if you let them. Some of the stories that have recently been relayed to me has given me a new found respect for ANY woman who has EVER been pregnant.

Something else that has been everywhere but managing to work all kinds of nerves is this Chrhianna debacle. There are far more important things to be up in arms about but A LOT of people have picked sides BASED ON VERY LIMITED INFORMATION. When did people start putting this much faith in hesay/shesay? Why is it okay to look at this situation as something worthy of losing a career over but there was SOLID PROOF ON TAPE that Robert Kelly sleeps with underage girls and he still has a very vibrant career going for him? My dad always said "good will become bad and bad will become good"...maybe this was one of those things. What ever happened to being fair? What happened to being objective? Guess those things are somewhere off in the corner doing time with common sense...

(p.s. this is not a blog for lambasting Chris OR Rhi, for that matter. I don't agree with what the media has done with THEIR situation so please don't leave comments about him needing to be in jail or OBVIOUS one-sided opinions towards the situation; that's not why I posted this. I posted it because the situation itself has been blown out of proportion because people jump to conclusions based on LIMITED info...please be respectful of that. anyone who commented before I added this, I don't mind you sharing your opinion but I figured I should write this so it wouldn't turn into a "I Hate Chris Brown" session in my comments)

Let's latest pet peeve has been people who tell you "You just don't understand" AFTER you've told them SEVERAL times you understand where they are coming from and it becomes obvious that they are saying "you just don't understand" because you don't agree with them. They should really say, "Why won't you agree with me" because that's what it's really about. When will people UNDERSTAND that comprehension is not synonymous with the act of agreeing? I literally cease to want to talk to someone who will repeatedly tell me I don't understand when I KNOW I do. There is nothing more you can say they want to hear other than, "Yea, you're right". If I don't think you're right and you aren't being rational nor logical, you'll never hear it so it's better you just stop talking to me altogether. No hard feelings; we just don't agree. DOESN'T MEAN I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU.

I finally get to move out of my hellacious apartment and into one that has insulation. I'm convinced I was getting mold poisoning in this place. All this moisture and me not being able to breathe at night is a bad combination. I currently have concrete floors but it will be back to carpet for me and I am not upset about that at all!!! I look forward to vacuuming once a week versus sweeping EVERY DAMN DAY.

I believe the rest of this year has a lot of positive things in store for me so for all the negative things that have happened thus far, I count my blessings and just remain grateful that it isn't worse. And that is the end of my rambling...

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Just Say No

**I meant to say, I don't think all people are overweight because they eat like this. That website name was not my doing but rather the person who created that site.**

I just found the grossest blog I've ever seen in my life...and it's all about food.

Some of the things I saw there made me want to regurgitate my breakfast and these couple handfuls of sunflower seeds I've ingested.

There are some things that looked "normal" on the website but for the most part, it's a bunch of ridiculousness that people should NEVER eat in one sitting. Some of the stuff looked like a heart attack staring you in the face...have a look see for yourself:

Monday, February 09, 2009

Something Else That Grinds My Gears...

Something else that REALLY grinds my gears is...people who talk in the movie theater (during the movie...or even the previews, for that matter). Two words for anyone who feels the need to sing the songs in the movie, have full blown conversations with the person next to them, and those who like to answer their phones IN THE MOVIES...


Not only is it rude as hell to ALL of the people who are actually trying to pay attention, THIS ISN'T YOUR HOUSE! Have some manners for crying out loud!

I went with a friend this past weekend to see He's Just Not That Into You (great movie!!!) and ended up being surrounded by people who were behaving like they had no home training. There was a group of teenage girls directly to my left and then there were some behind me to the left who just felt the need to be LOUD Chatty Cathy's. Movies cost too dang ol much to miss any on account of someone else; I fully intended to get my $10 worth and I wasn't going to have them interfering! 

I took a deep breath and let out the biggest "shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" known to mankind.  The girls directly to my left turned and looked at me like deers in headlights...yes, you...SHUT THE HELL UP! The girls behind me INSTANTLY ceased talking. My friend sitting next to me just started laughing. I don't play with my movie time and I dare any other patron to try. Dammit... 

Saturday, February 07, 2009

Rules and Instructions To Being Your Friend??? What???

Anytime the "beginning of the end" of a friendship comes about between me and someone else, I can bet you my next paycheck they will always say "maybe we don't share the same definition of what a friend is". I always found that to be funny because they were perfectly fine with my friendship definition up until that point where they decided they didn't want to agree to disagree on something. Funny how people work that way.

I've never assumed that someones definition of friendship changes simply because we disagree on something that might appear to be a hump they can't get over. Just simply means we don't see eye to eye on THAT particular issue. I don't love them any less or take into question their stance on friendship; those kinds of things don't change that quickly and if they do something or someone provoked what appears to be "immediate" change. Sometimes people are looking for a way out of something and when that opportunity comes, they jump on it, for fear they'll never get a solid reason to just simply "walk away" from the friendship.

This musing was brought on because of a friend who told me that there were rules and instructions to knowing her as a person. I have known her for 7 years and she divulges this the 7th year. Frankly, I view it as an excuse to act how she pleases. If you never really have consistency with people, they never really know you, and for some people, that takes them out of faults way for the things they do. She admitted to being confusing and feeling one way today and another tomorrow but felt that I shouldn't pay attention to her body language, tone of voice, and attitude because what I think she is feeling may not really be the case. Who has time to decipher someone that much in a friendship? I most certainly don't and it was at that very moment I felt sorry for men who have to deal with moody girlfriends, wives, sisters, mothers, etc.

Being moody is not cool because your emotions are all over the place; you tend to treat people any kind of way simply based off how you feel at the moment. When people react to how they are being treated, moody people usually tend to get offended like they were slighted in some manner when their projected behavior brought on someone elses response to them. I understand how moodiness works; doesn't mean I have to like it OR be around it. So far, not one moody person has understood this. I take that back. My best friend is VERY moody and he understands; as a matter of fact, he prefers you to leave him alone when he is in one of those kind of moods.

I have no problem for accepting people for who they long as they own up to it. I have no desire to be friends with someone who can't admit that THIS IS WHO THEY ARE. If you don't want to be THAT person, then change it. Simpler than it sounds? Of course! The first step though is ACCEPTING this is who you are and moving on from there. If you accept that you are moody, you also have to accept that you will turn people off and away from you more often than not. Your mood swings may not like that when you are happy, no one wants to be around you from the mood you projected the previous day that said "everyone eat shit and die". No one HAS to subject themselves to that; not a friend, family member, or some random stranger. THAT is what I need moody people to understand.

After a while of dealing with moody people, it becomes quite draining because you NEVER know WHAT mood they are going to decide to be in today or tonight. You don't know if the happiness you see them having at noon is going to be fleeting by 8 pm and you're going to get a hateful, spiteful, miserable individual for the rest of the evening. Hang around enough moody people and your moods will become affected. I promise you, you could be in the best spirits ever, end up around a moody person and begin to wonder why you are no longer happy. Moody people often will kill the joy of others simply because of their crap ass mood and then hours later be happy and wonder why no one is in the same mood. It is very close to dealing with someone with multiple personalities; you never know when their mood is going to change therefore, you need to be prepared for any and everything at any given moment with them.

Needless to say, predictability and consistency is NEVER a moody persons strong suit. But again if this is your friend or family member and you know this about them, it is easier to deal with when THEY KNOW IT ABOUT THEMSELVES....AND ACCEPT THAT PEOPLE WILL REACT TO HOW THEY ACT. Most of the time though, getting a moody person to understand cause and effect is like pulling impacted wisdom teeth...very painful, almost so much that you'd rather not waste your time.

I know at this stage in my life, I don't have the patience to deal with anyone who is in self-denial (read: moody but not ready to accept responsibility for it).

Thursday, February 05, 2009

Light Your Ass On Fire

I know I shouldn't laugh at this but I did. Not because I think it's okay to walk around setting people on fire...I laughed because it made me think of that Pharrell and Busta Rhymes song "Light Your Ass On Fire". Do you remember the chorus? Does anyone even remember the song?

Move girl like your ass on fire - like your ass on fire
Move girl like your ass on fire - like your ass on fire
Move girl I'll light your ass on fire - I'll light your ass on fire
Move girl I'll light your ass on fire - Bitch I'll light that ass on fire
Move girl I'll light your ass on fire

You wouldn't have laughed at that too?

Now as for this "exotic dancer" who got her ass set on fire, I'm real curious to know WHY a man (of 22 years) AND a woman (of 27 years) wanted to light her up like that. I looked at the strippers age and my mind began to ponder on all the possible reasons...

Reason #1 - Threesome Gone Wrong

Reason #2 - B*tch Betta Have My Money...B*tch Didn't Have His Money

Reason #3 - Killing the Competition

Reason #4 - People Just Be Cattin' Off For No Reason (cattin off: acting crazy)

Reason #5 - Cocaine Is A Helluva Drug

Reason #6 - When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong (maybe they were keeping it real but didn't mean to burn up 60% of her body)

Why I Believe Dragons Might Have Existed...

(please keep in mind, me saying I believe dragons existed is me being facetious; however I do believe whoever came up with the concept of a dragon, did get the idea from looking at big azz snakes...hence this blog...keep reading)

So The Bestest finds some of the weirdest and random stuff he mentioned something about a snake that lived 60 million years ago that was 45 feet long and 2,500 lbs...and ate crocodiles for meals. I don't know what God was up to creating freaks of nature like this but "he" officially gets the crown for "Doing It Big" and "Doing the Most". It is fossils like these that make me feel like before God thought to create humans, this planet was his playground for experiments. Think about dinosaurs...they were terrifyingly huge too. Humans didn't stand a chance against abominations like this. Take that word with a grain of salt. Anything God created isn't really an abomination but I sure am glad I wasn't roaming the dirt roads or rainforest when these things existed.

I know this picture is small as hell (look below) but that picture is supposed to show you how big the Titan Boa was. It was reported that their bodies could get as wide as the length it takes to get from your feet to your waist, on a full grown human adult. 

copy and paste this link so you can see a larger version of this picture:

So look at that dragon picture again...remove the arms, legs, lil spots of fur, horns, and them little things hanging from its nose and what do you have? That big azz snake up there. I'm just saying.

I sure am glad this is 2009 and snakes don't get that big anymore. Granted I know they still get huge because of crazy shat like that little boy in Cambodia who has a pet snake that's 13 feet long.
Let's hope global warming doesn't start causing things to grow like they've been pumped full of Hulk juice. Read the article about the Titan Boa and you'll see why I said that. It mentions where it lived and what it's environment was like; warmth had a lot to do with it.

Now that I've made your skin crawl and I've scared the living bejeezus out of everyone, I'll start doing some work...and finish my coffee.

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Your Reality Is Not Always THE Reality

I was watching CSI: Miami the other night and it was about Natalia


being accused of murdering her ex-husband Nick.

As I watched it, I thought to myself, this is EXACTLY how people act in real life. They take facts from a situation and apply them as they see fit to suit their assumptions and beliefs. Happens all the time!

In the episode, the night shift took over the case from day shift because Natalia worked day shift and most of her friends did too. Since that is a direct conflict of interest, the biggest prick known to mankind was handling her case. He didn't handle the case like he would have a normal one because he knew the people involved. How many times have we done that? Treated a situation different simply because we know the people involved and ended up looking at things a little skewed?

Had it not been for Horatio

Horatio Caine Pictures, Images and Photos

being so good at his job, Natalia might have gone to jail for what another investigator THOUGHT and ASSUMED she did because it just seemed like it made sense.

Her and her ex didn't have the best relationship...he assaulted her before...she had assaulted him, blah, blah, blah. So given the situation, yes, she had motive but all things were not considered and some of her words were used against her (she had told one of her friends while having some "girl talk" that she wanted to kill many times has a woman said this about a boyfriend, husband, etc? Pick a woman and I guarantee you she's said it at least once in reference to a male). Her friends did try to intervene at times because they could see this prick was not looking at anyone else as a suspect BUT the obvious.

But the thing about assuming the obvious is ALWAYS the answer...sometimes that's how you make yourself look like an idiotic asshole. Which is exactly what ended up happening in the end. Turns out, someone not even remotely close to who the Head Investigator assumed committed the crime, committed the crime. This asshole of an Investigator was willing to sacrifice "one of his own", instead of doing his job like he was supposed to....investigate the scene of the crime, consider ALL individuals who could possibly be suspects, take all things into consideration, consider the levity in relation to the facts, due process of elimination, find the right killer.

I always watch stuff like this and see so much relevance in regards to every day life. Sometimes we as people see things only how we want to see them, not really how they are and it presents a distorted image of reality. If we didn't take all things into consideration, how can we assume that we have a correct picture? I guess this is where that saying "your reality is not the reality" comes in....

I Stand Corrected...

After viewing 55 photos of Mrs. Michelle Obama, I am going to have to say, there is nothing about her FACE, that makes her UGLY. I stand by my statement of her teeth needing to be tamed but the truth is, camera angles and shots in motion sometimes mislead everyone into thinking you sometimes look just "okay".

I can be quoted as saying the following:

" Assertive Wit said...

I'll be honest and say I've said she looks a little monkeyish in the face but she MORE than made up for it on the day of inauguration...she was actually pretty that day. I don't know what she did to look THAT pretty THAT day but she was on IT.

She has more "good" days than "bad" days in the face though...and she dresses fly, which ALWAYS helps!!!

After seeing her pictures as a little kid (soooo cute) and her graduation picture (she was just as fly then as she is today...even though it was only a black robe), my overall verdict still is, that she isn't UGLY.

Does she resemble a monkey at times? Yes.
Is that a bad thing? Not necessarily.

I think 50 Cent looks like he could have the starring role as one of the simians in Planet of the Apes...I also think he is attractive (not Dough Boy 50 that rapped about jacking stars....current 50 with the musk-kulls, facial hair, and cocky swag).


50 cent Pictures, Images and Photos

I've dated my fair share of guys that ALMOST make me believe in evolution (monkeys to man) BUT they've been attractive. Not just to me...everyone I date, other chicks be gawking.

So're a winner in my book. Even if you NEVER get your teeth fixed.

Monday, February 02, 2009

Oooooo I Think They Like Me!

Had some football shenanigans yesterday and it felt great to hang out with the guys. I hadn't seen them in ages because I've been so busy with life. I decided to make time for them this past Sunday though and it was great.

As I sat there, minding my business, chowing on wings, pizza, and drinking some honey infused whiskey (good shat!), a young lady comes over to me and says to please excuse her as she reaches for her bag. I pick it up to hand it to her and it feels like she has a dead body in that biotch. She laughs and says it's just her laptop and then says "I didn't get your name". My favorite reply to that is, " I didn't give it" but I decided not to say that this time around...sometimes people who don't know me don't get my humor and I come across as a complete azzwipe. *shrug*

Anyway, I tell her my name and she doesn't tell me hers but goes into a ramble:

"IjustwantedtosaythatIloveyourblog!I'masubscriberonmyspaceandIreaditallthetime!Youaresocrazygirl!" (brief pause)

(translation: I just wanted to say that I love your blog! I'm a subscriber on myspace and I read it all the time! You are so crazy girl! I love your writing, I really do!)

She shook my hand and before I let go I asked her name, said it was nice to meet her and thank you for reading. It took me by surprise because she blurted it all out so fast. I've never seen this person a day in my life...don't know how she found my blog AT ALL. I don't think I'll ever get used to people who don't comment, acknowledging that I write. I get emails all the time; just random as hell that they love my blogs. They don't go into details but it at least let's me know someone is reading the shat I pump out LOL

It made me all warm and fuzzy inside and slightly embarrassed all at the same time.

She was definitely good motivation to keep at it though....

When the Money Goes, Will the Honeys Stay?

Today was the first time I actually sat and listened to the lyrics to Jay-Z's current song, "When the Money Goes". 

I have been feeling like Generation Y and Generation Z are on their way to being lost causes quickly because they concern themselves with things that are insignificant to their growth as a human being. We all know what happens when a species has no desire to grow with the ceases to evolve. In the case of Generation Y and Z, I think the likelihood of them evolving into monsters and killing each other off is more likely than them dying off like the dodo bird. Humans weren't created to go extinct. We just continue ain't looking too good as to what we're evolving into though.

I look at my generation and I understand that this evolution of principles going down the drain started with us (Gen X overlaps with Gen Y). My generation was (and still is) so fixated on NOT being victims (like our parents, grandparents, great-grandparents) that we fight/fought to any cost. While it is GREAT to work hard and persevere through it all, without balance you become just as bad as someone who is lazy and doesn't want to work to achieve anything. Without balance you have two spectrum's that are Generation Y and Z in a nutshell. 

I look at when I was born (1979) and where I was born (Oakland) and I am thankful that I was born in a city and an era that encouraged me to take care of myself and IF I met a man who worked as hard as me, that didn't mean stop working and sit on my azz; it meant CONTINUE working hard right along with him. I look at my brothers generation (he was born in 1984) and they are SO much different. They don't believe in hard work but they want the success. The work that they do partake in, they want a cookie IMMEDIATELY. Longevity is not in their vocabularies. Attention spans barely exist and if they make it to 21, they consider that a job well done.

I look at the young women born after 1982 and they REALLY do be on some other shat! Not to say that women in my age group aren't either but at least I can look at them with a side eye because they SHOULD understand the importance of getting up off their azz and working for their money. The end of my generation that bleeds over into Y will only work so hard to get what they want; the other part, they feel should be handed to them simply based off what is between their legs and how they look. This is where Jay Z's lyrics come into the picture...

Being two blinks from 30, anyone who is under 25 is almost like a little kid to me. Their thought patterns and outlooks on life vary SO much from mine and it has NOTHING to do with geographical upbringing. It has everything to do with what they've ingested growing up. I wish I knew where the disconnect was in families. I'm not going to blame it on the music, rap artists, etc. because PARENTS are the first people to influence their children. I'm curious as to what parents are telling their children (or not telling them) that encourages them to act like wild monkeys with no home training.

Me and my sister are 29 and 30, respectively. My brother is 24. We were all raised the same...up to a point. That point was the critical moment that makes his thought process TOTALLY different than ours. Sometimes me and my sister sit on the phone wondering what in the hell his damn problem is and IF we really were raised by the same parents. Even though there is only a 5-6 year difference between us, you have to look at when my parents had us...and when they had him. They were fairly young when they had me and my sister, 21 and 22. My brother didn't come along until they were pretty much my age. When my sister and I hit puberty, my parents were still VERY MUCH in the mood to whoop our azzes...they were only in their early 30's at that time. When my brother hit puberty....they were in their early 40's. Those 10 years made all the difference in the world because they were getting tired. They were ready to get on with their life and a teenager was slowing down their one step closer to relaxing. So guess what happened? ALL that discipline they shelled out on me and my sister (when they had the energy)? GONE! My dad did make a HUGE effort to tag my brother's hide but the consistency him and my mom had with me and my sister was no longer there.

Consistent discipline might have made my brother respect authority more than he does now.  He'd respect the fact that when you don't do something you're supposed to, there are consequences to pay. Instead, he pretty much learned it in the street....the worst place in the world to learn how to respect someone.

I used us 3 as an example because I think parents today are just tired...tired of the economy, tired of dealing with life...tired of it all. So when they come home, disciplining their wayward teens that are simply going through puberty is too much and they just want to relax. So their banshee children are let loose on the general public and they grow up into these young men and women who have no respect for themselves or others. Thus, you get the women Jay-Z was talking about in "When the Money Goes". These kids don't know what perseverance is because they've never been made to stick anything out. It's very much so the Veruca Salt syndrome. They want it now and someone is going to give it to them...NOW. If they don't get it from you, they are going to work hard to get it from someone else. The irony...they'll work hard to get YOU to get something for THEM.

My coffee is now lukewarm from this rant and I know I might have been all over the place but I sincerely feel Generation X needs to work on saving their sister/brother generations before we are left with only them...and I think they'd sooner extinguish us in lieu of their own survival. Better late than never, right?

P.S. - I know I have some younger readers...please don't personalize this (unless you are that ungrateful peon who shows their azz to their parents and anyone else who represents authority). I know some of you still act like you have some damn sense. And to show you I know, I read this young ladies blog all the time because she has a pretty damn good head on her shoulders and doesn't act like a "Where the money at!?!?" type of bitch young lady.

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