Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Gas Is On My Mind...

...and it should be on yours too....if you reside in Atlanta.

On my way into the office this morning, I saw that the two gas stations on the corner of Ponce and Monroe/Blvd FINALLY got some gas in this mofo. I swear to you....it made my morning. I had not one drip of that caffeinated goodness but I was on cloud nine when I saw gas a-flowing! Even though people were lined up like the station was about to run out, I was filled with hope that when I get off work today, I can give Bruce the cocktail he has been salivating for since August....ok, maybe those are high hopes and I need to sit Bruce down and have a stern talk with him that regular unleaded will have to do until SOMEONE SOMEWHERE decides Atlantans are worthy of premium. But...at least me and Bruce won't have to deal with the horrid let down that we are being rationed gas. SMCH.

I tell yah...trying to convince him that Jose Cuervo is JUST AS GOOD as Patron Gold is like trying to shoot wings off a fly...damn near impossible.

Yesterday a friend of mine said that the apocalypse is upon us because America is broke. I love my friends and their dramatical ways. No sooner than this clown brings up the reason for the apocalypse, a mutual friend states that America has always been broke, get over it, and stop being dramatic. These are my male friends by the way. I had to laugh out loud at their foolishness.....especially when I got home and saw that the House has refused to cosign on this bailout. I laughed even louder...hey rich folks, looks like you have to figure out another way to save your dough.

I have employees coming into my office asking for advice on what to do with their money and if they should switch banks. *getting up to look on the outside of my wall to see if a title has been placed out there I know nothing about* Ummmm...when did I become a financial advisor? I'M THE BUSINESS MANAGER. Not a financial advisor of ANY KIND, but because I run an Accounting Department I all of a sudden become the end all be all of moola. HA! Jokes on you fools. People without money are not that smart all the time...they fail to realize that a recession REALLY does not affect the poor or unrich. Want to know why? BECAUSE YOU AINT HAD NO MONEY TO BEGIN WITH!

Go to the slums, hoods, ghettos of your city and ask them people if a recession affects them and they will look at you like "What? MY LIFE IS A RECESSION! GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE WITH THAT CRAZY TALK!" Poor and unrich folks have ALWAYS had to make a dollar out of fifteen cents so now that the economy has taken a nose dive on a GRAND scale they can sit back and smile because NOW...EVERYONE knows how they feel EVERYDAY they go to work and STILL make NO MONEY. Granted, the poor and unrich are being affected by the gas, IF THEY HAVE CARS, but as it stands, they have ALWAYS struggled to fill up their gas tank so this is just another day in their unfortunate lives. Don't take this as me feeling I am superior to the poor and unrich....I fall right in there with them. Why? NEWSFLASH: I AINT RICH, B*TCH!

So everyone reading this that is poor/unrich, don't worry so much about the state of affairs. Your life is still what it was last year. Hopefully you can reach a level of financial comfort after November...that is if Obama wins. If McCain pulls a rabbit out of his crumpled up derby, we're all going to Gehenna in a gasoline filled hand basket. Sorry to be the voice of reason and reality at 9:06 am. My coffee is now finished...going to eat thy tasty blueberries and cream oatmeal now.

Monday, September 29, 2008

you must not know who I be...shoot

Is there a word that expresses being MORE than livid? Find it and let me know because that is what I am…RIGHT NOW.


Me and Bruce just got back to the office after being pissed to high Hades about having to find some gas. We finally find a gas station and low and behold, a pump is just waiting for us to come and take advantage. I didn’t get too excited because when I got around to the pump, there was that ugly black duct tape covering the premium gas (which is what Bruce THOUGHT he was about to get a taste of) and it was also covering the slot where you can pay with your credit/debit card.


What kind of f*ckery is this was the first thing that popped in my head…so I do it moving to the store part of the Chevron only to see a line of 15 people. I hadn’t reached my level of “hurry the hell up so I can go” yet because there were only 4 pumps….that meant the other 11 people were getting stuff that would take all of one minute to cash out.


Finally, I hit the counter and dude asks me how much gas I want. I reply back $50. Do you know what this mutha stanka had the unmitigated gall to tell me? Prepare yourself for this….


“No”


No? What in the flying squirrel heads do you mean “No”? I want $50 worth of gas and YOU sir, NEED to give it to me. I counted to 10 in my head before saying (in a high pitch “I wanna choke the shat out of you" Beetle Juice voice), “What you mean No? Why not?”. He looked a little troubled like I was about to set it off and he was going to be the first to catch some hot ones so he trembled as he said, “You can only have $25”.


What in the blue blazes hell do you mean I can only have $25? Who you? The gas monitor? This is some real deal f*ckery if I didn’t know any better. I became that stupid person who repeated everything back…”I can only have $25??? What you mean only $25???”


It wasn’t until I noticed other people getting uncomfortable that I told myself to calm it, take the $25 and do it moving back to the office. I now understand why there are police officers at certain gas stations because I was really about to jump through the acrylic on this fool telling me no, I can’t have $50 worth of gas.
 

I know one thing, this gas situation better get it together before I plead insanity and start letting loose on muthaf*ckas who are trying to deprive my baby of his juice and shat….shat.


I had one cup of stankin azz Whacky D’s coffee this morning and maybe this is the problem…going to get some freshly brewed Starcrack before I have to choke somebody…

Friday, September 26, 2008

Why You Shouldn't Fraternize With Fellow Employees

Real quick, real fast....

why shouldn't you fraternize with employees? because they will weasel their evil little way into your life and let information "slip" to your boss so that he/she is ALWAYS suspicious of your activities outside of work.

for instance, there was a time when I was going down to Florida, on average, once a month. my business, right? RIGHT. now, they have no idea WHY I was going down there and I most certainly NEVER told them because it's...MY BUSINESS.

but today I sent out an email to the Office Mgr and HR Mgr (I work closely with them) and Cc: the two owners to let them all know that I would be leaving after I processed these stockholders payments...because I have an upset tummy.

did I lie? nope. my stomach is currently holding a wrestling match involving two squirrels and lots of anger. it doesn't feel good and work is the last place I want to be if one of those squirrels decides to get gangster and lets my insides have it. I'd much rather be in a safe haven (read: my home) when all hell breaks loose at one of those "matches"...if you know what I mean.

so when I call to ask the owners (who are on a power lunch...that's actually a lunch hour that's more like 3 hours) if they want me to deposit their checks, my direct boss says "how are you feeling?"...I tell him that my stomach has been acting up since last night but I wanted to come in and process these payments for them and then I was just going to go home.

His reply?

"You sure you aren't flying down to Florida for the weekend? hahhaahha"

My reply?

"Ummm, no. I'm going to be at home. Why would I be flying down to Florida?"

Silence ensues. Then he blurts out:

"Kidding. Alright goodbye!"

see why you don't need to fraternize with employees? I NEVER ONCE told HIM that I used to fly down there regularly but Nosey 1 and 2 knew that I did...apparently there is a mole in the system I need to destroy. There was no coffee to accompany this rant...

Good Day! It's Friday!!!!

My Friday has started off FANTABULOUS!!!!!

I woke up and didn't feel like hittin snooze 5,000 times...I hit the shower and IMMEDIATELY woke up instead of having to stand there and let the water beat me to life...even though I'm still rocking the prostyle pony, the pony part is bangin with its natural little wisp...the dress I pulled out of a bag is SURPRISINGLY wrinkle free...and my skin isn't acting like its moisture deprived and drinking all the lotion I put on it so that I am back to looking like Ashy Larry by the time I hit the office; still all smooth and moisturized as the first lathering! Yes I am!

And what has made my day even MORE splendiferous (besides the fact that today is Friday) is that I decided to have a sausage/egg mcmuffin this morning versus my peaches & cream oatmeal. I pull into WhackyD's and there is a long line...the line moves quickly; SCORE!

I order my food with my pleasant drive thru (use a nice voice and your chances of them doing strange and foul things to your food lessens down to a 0-3% chance versus the 90-100%) and pull right up to pay. I have my card out so this transaction can go smoothly and I can do it moving to work. I get to the window and I hear the lady say "Oh shit!". I ask her if everything is okay and then she says the best thing I've heard all week (well ONE OF THE BEST THINGS I've heard all week):

"Breakfast is on me darling!"

I couldn't believe my ears...did I hit the breakfast jackpot or something? I mean, it isn't like I don't have $4 for breakfast but anytime something is FREE, I feel like I've SCORED for the WHOLE DAY! So I ask her why...I know most would have been like "Cool!" and just smashed off but I was curious...did I win something and just didn't know? I wanted to know. Her reply was:

"I cashed out your transaction and it will take too much time to reverse it so...breakfast on me hunny! Have a GREAT day!"

Talk about some GREAT Customer Service!!! Granted, she didn't HAVE TO do that to prove she has good Customer Service but that was above and beyond the call of duty. I am now obligated to pay that kind act forward to someone else and I also plan to take her $4 either later on today or tomorrow morning. She is always on the register in the morning. I remember that gold tooth. But that REALLY made my day!!!!

So EVERYONE...pay it forward and do acts of kindness ALL day!!! I feel so good about my whole day, I'm even going to enjoy my coffee AFTER I post this blog. With a side of www.cnn.com ;)

Thursday, September 25, 2008

You MUST Want Me to Slap You in the Face...

It is 5:15...I have no more fuel in my Starcrack cup so I have very little patience left for the day to deal with imbecile like employees. For instance, if you have ALMOST gotten past the glass on my front office "wall", keep going. Just go on back to your little cubicle section of your office upstairs and away from me. Please and thank you.

DO NOT...(I repeat)...DO NOT FEEL THE NEED TO TURN AROUND AND COME IN MY OFFICE TO START SMALL TALK.

You see me working. I know you see me working because I have a GLASS WALL that I can see through and I purposely didn't make eye contact with you. So why? Why would you make a U-turn back to my office? Slap yourself in the face for not having better sense than to take yo azz back to your desk and do some work the last 15 minutes you are here today.

No. Instead, you turn around come in my office and decide to say one of THE dumbest things I have EVER heard in my life.

"With your hair pulled so tight in that bun, your head HAS to hurt!"

First off, your feeble attempts at small talk...die yesterday for that. Secondly, why would you assume that since my hair is pulled back, my head hurts? You're an idiot. Third...my eyes have been almond shaped ALL MY LIFE. Therefore, it would stand to reason that when I was hired, they were almond shaped...when my hair was short, they were almond shaped...now that my hair has grown out, they are almond shaped and YES! You guessed it! EVEN WITH MY HAIR PULLED BACK INTO A BUN, MY EYES ARE STILL ALMOND SHAPED. You fidiot.

So when I do not look up from my Client Billing to say:

"Actually, it doesn't hurt"

and I continue to do my work, you should get the drift that I wanted you to die yesterday so get out of my office with your foolishness. But no. You want to now segue into Men in Black where the guy pulls his skin tight and cracks a joke. This has nothing to do with my ProStyle bun that I hastily brushed into a black ponytail holder this morning and secured with bobby pins.

Beat it up outta my office. Now. I grabbed my files, gave the most "lick my azz crack" smile I could muster and walked into another office so he would get the drift...beat. it.

It is now 5:33 and as much as I know I should sit my tail here until 6 pm doing some work, I'm going to go treat Bruce to a nice exterior and interior bathing. He deserves it. Plus there is this stubborn albino moth stuck in the windshield wipers that I tried to massacre the other day but to no avail he got all frantic by me spraying the windshield, flew into the blades, got stuck, and there is where he took his last breath. I poured a little Sangiovese out for the dead moth homie...poured it right down my throat that is. Anyway, the exterior cleaning should be able to remove that dead previously flying insect from my wipers. I'm tired of looking at it.

Hurry up and arrive Friday.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Bruce...PLEASE..Not Today!!!!

I traded in the love of my life (Juvie) a month or so ago and am now basking in the glory of Bruce. I feel like it's me and Bruce against the world already...that is until Bruce decides he wants to do the Harlem Shake every time I take off. Bruce...cut it out.

I am sure this is his way of acting out because I have had no choice but to use Unleaded in him when he SPECIFICALLY yells out to me to put Premium in every time I twist his gas top off. I have apologized profusely...it ain't my fault Brucee Bee! If the gas situation would get under control, Mama wouldn't have to abuse you with this lesser gasoline. I have tried to explain to him that driving miles upon miles JUST to get him something to drink is ALL BAD and then when I get there....they don't have Cristal...all they got is Boone's Farms and I'm sorry but that's what he's gonna get. He is NOT trying to hear it...at all. Who knew cars could have such NASTY attitudes???

I'm bout fed up with this sense of entitlement he came with. This was not in the financing agreement. Apparently he is notorious for this nasty attitude he is developing because when I called my mechanic, I got a chuckle. Not from Bruce; from the mechanic. Mind you, my mechanic has known me since I was 7 years old so he would NEVER rip me off but the minute I told him what I traded Juvie in for he snickered and then let out a laugh when I said I been giving him Unleaded Cocktails. You gone laugh in my face like that? For real? Okay.

To make matters worst, my mechanic has had the unmitigated gall to move on my azz. Not closer to where I live. Oh no! That would be too much like right for me. He done moved EVEN FARTHER away. I can't win for losing today. It's just not my day. So now, I have to drive a good 30 minutes away from my house to get Bruce checked on, even though my mechanic, in between his laughing assured me that it is more than likely my truck being temperamental as hell and I need to listen to his demands.

I'm convinced it's only the gas consumption because I was driving my step-child the other day and she was trying to act up too. I gave her a stern look because nothing as pretty as Champagne Beauty should be showing their azz but she has started to act up like Bruce. Maybe they were conspiring in the parking lot against me and The Bestest for giving them Boone's Farm when they clearly stated before we decided to purchase them that they only have a taste for the finer things in life.

After Saturday, I will be using an extra 30 cents a gallon to let Bruce know I don't need no problems right now. Mama got some bikinis, dresses, and pants to buy...and I gotta stunt on some folks within the next couple of months so I need him working to his best ability. These kids, I tell yah...just wanna show they azz when they don't get what they want!!!!

Talking about Bruce has made me scarf this coffee down far too fast...going for my refill now.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Konnichiwa B*tches...and Coffee

My dear, sweet mother was laid off....I feel she took it PRETTY well, considering she is one of the MOST emotional human beings I know. I'm talking to her while writing this and sipping on my coffee and she is chattering about the wankers she's left behind at that horrid office. What has made my day in this conversation is how she is talking about this woman she swear is an alcoholic. My mother....is the pure essence of all things woman. Gossipping and all. LOL I asked her if she said something to the woman about her drinking and her reply:

"No. However, I did tell the Office Manager. Someone needed to know."

My mom is a snitch. hahhahahahhahaa I love it. She is now recanting her exit after being "let go"; how she took her cheeseburger and fries, tossed it in the trash and grabbed her little box while saying:

"Lemme get my shit and get the hell outta here"

I love it every time she says it; she's said it a good 10 times (3 times during this conversation) and it tickles me pink to hear her say it...EVERY TIME! I even acted like I was iggin her so she would say it again. Gotta love this emotional lady.

Now she is talking about how to move and how it needs to be organized. My brothers idea of moving is throw everything in a black trash bag and do it moving. As a result of his bootleg moving style, he thinks she is overly sophisticated because she is encouraging him to use the bins from Walmart to properly store his stuff. He thinks it's a waste of money. He's a goon; he doesn't know any better, bless his heart.

Now the conversation has progressed to family updates, who is pregnant, who is getting married, when I'm having kids....let me tell you something, kids are not in the near future, thank the dearest baby Jesus for THAT...PAUSE

My nephew just got slapped in the face for talking back. Dude, you're 11 and be trying to get buck with your 51 year old g-ma...cool your jets and get it together. That's why you got slapped, talking about you aint 3 years old. Bwahahahhahahahah you just got slapped like you was 3...homie.

When I want morning comedy, I call my mother. She entertains me and now I have shared that entertainment with you and my coffee is gone so I must hang up with her and post this so I can get some work done today. Cheerio and good day!!!

Monday, September 22, 2008

State of Emergency With this Damn Gasoline

What in the hell is going on when I am about to run out of gas TRYING to find a gas station that ACTUALLY HAS GAS??? I left the house with a little less than a quarter of a tank at 7 am...I had to drive around for 20 min before I FOUND some gas!!!

THEN...when I FINALLY find it, why is it 4.20 though??? And if that's not bad enough, the pump starts running out of damn gas WHILE I'm pumping!!! Are you effing kidding me??? Its too damn early in the morning for this! I've had not ONE drip of my morning crack (read: coffee) and I have to deal with this. All bad.

NEVER in LIFE should I have to drive 10 miles to FIND gas when 5 gas stations are within a 1 mile radius of my house...and ALL 5 gas stations are out of damn gas!!! Seriously downtown Atlanta! WTF!?

I'm livid and I'm BEYOND pissed that my coffee has to be chugged with the smell of gasoline on my hands. Yes, I washed my hands. Gasoline smell lingers like this bad attitude I'm about to have about the state of gas....

Friday, September 19, 2008

Is It REALLY Any Of Your Business? No Really...Is It?

Say a friend of yours has called you day in and day out about her "horrible" relationship (since it began) and how she isn't happy...he doesn't trust her...she still sleeps with other people...she just genuinely is not happy BUT...he takes care of her so she stays because she feels she owes it to him.

You personally think it's the most ridicul thing you've heard in your life but you still listen because she's your friend. Until one day she calls you to tell you that she is pregnant and she's keeping it. You still listen and you ask her if she's happy. She has changed her answer to "I don't know" but it's followed up with "but maybe I need to settle down anyway and this is a sign". So you ask her if she even loves dude and her response is, "I care about him" but she NEVER admits that she loves him.

Fast forward...now, not only is she pregnant but they are getting married within the next month. Moving fast! You as her friend feel she is making THE BIGGEST MISTAKE of her life. You feel obligated to tell her because you've known her since you both were knee high to grasshoppers. You feel like you wouldn't be a good friend if you didn't. You know she isn't happy at all and that she is doing all of this because she feels she has to.

These are big decisions to be randomly making if you are uncertain about the person you are making them with, that is the undeniable truth. But the question here is...is it really any of your business?

People, who are adults, make BAD decisions everyday...because someone is your friend, are you the one who is supposed to save them from themself? It would appear so at times but if you save them all the time from their bad decisions, they still aren't making the BEST decision. People need to be able to think for themselves and if that results in bad decisions, hell, that's life. But at least they made the decision on their own. So no matter how MUCH the girl KNOWS her friend, is it her place to butt in and tell her not to marry the guy? Or should she sit back and watch her friend head down a road of monotony that will forever change her as a person? Hard questions to answer when you REALLY know someone and TRULY care about them. But again...is it REALLY any of your business?

He Found More Than Love In The Club

From the wonderful gossip world of www.MediaTakeOut.com (insert my sarcasm here)


This isn't my voice but it was hilarious to read with my coffee...I'm far too lazy to research this to find out who the celebrity is because I could really care less. I bet he sho is miserable right now though!

Bwahhahahahahahhahaha


September 19, 2008. Looks like those skrippers in the A-T-L are pretty fertile. MediaTakeOut.com just got wind that one of Atlanta's A-Listers has gotten himself into a bit of a jam. Word on the street is that the mogul got one of his favorite strippers pregnant.


And it gets worse. Word is that the stripper's pimp is looking to extort the mogul for 100K to keep the pregnancy a secret from his celebrity girlfriend.


Trickin' is getting expensive ain't it...

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Why Do You Need $1300 At 3 A.M.?

I'm actually drinking coffee at 3:37 pm because I drank a Coke this morning...I felt the need for caffeine AND carbonation. Nothing like a good morning belch, in my office where no one can hear my unladylike rudeness.

As I drink my coffee, I am wondering what in the John Blazes is wrong with people. Sometimes I think people live to be stupid. Maybe God thought it would be hilarious to put people on earth with retarded monkey brains. I really don't know but I'm starting to believe that theory I made up in my mind.

For instance, why would you text someone at 3 A.M. to ask for $1300...where they do that at? I'm from Oakland and you don't do that there. Not unless you gotta bail someone out of jail and you better pay it back or else you're getting shot on sight; I don't care if it is at your grandmothers funeral. You better jump in that casket or urn with her if you don't pay back that money. But that's getting off the point...

Why are you asking for THAT kind of money at THAT hour? Baffles my mind and it should make you go hmmmm too. It's especially weird when you normally only contact the person during those hours for a booty call. But it gets better...

Not only did this clown TEXT about in obscenely inappropriate amount of money at an insanely inappropriate time of day/night, he told the MOST ridicul (shortened version of ridiculous) lie...that the $1300 was for a WATER BILL. A water bill where? In Guantanamo Bay? For the entire county? Shut up you fool. Just shut up with this ridicul lie. He then had the nerve to wrap up his ridiculousness with a bow and TEXT this message: "I don't think we should talk anymore". ARE YOU SERIOUS? First of all, the two people weren't even "talking". He'd call her and beg her to come over and abuse him; she'd oblige and then go on her merry way. When did that become "talking"? You clown. Secondly, are you going to choose now to show your true colors? Had she said "Sure, my favorite Abusee, I'll give you that $1300 you need", would he have called off their "situation"? I think not. Oh so you mad now? You mad she wouldn't come up off a stack and three bills out the Johnny Rocket blue? For real? You're not a clown; you're an idiot. But...I suppose he had no use for her abusing him any further since there was no money involved. I don't get it though....randomly asking for money was never part of their arrangement.

Is there no etiquette on amounts of money to NOT ask for? I could have sworn there was. And when did it become okay for a man to EVER ask a woman for that kind of money? Should a woman ask? No, but we could get away with it a LOT easier than if a man would; we are the "lesser and weaker" creature here...right? Apparently not, since this buffoon had to call the homie for some ends. Which is probably why Danny STOLE $1000 (plus fees I incurred, which made it total $1500) from me because he KNEW I wouldn't give it to him OR let him borrow it. But that's an entirely different blog. Back to this situation...

The truth of the matter is, the woman could have loaned even given him the money. Would she? Hell no. She knows better than to do the fool and ask ANYONE for that kind of money so it should be understood that bet nobody ask her for that kind of money...whether its 3 A.M. or not.

Seriously, if this is part of "dating", I'd rather not. I'm out of coffee. Sayonara.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Live YOUR Life...Not the Life Put in Front of You

Today's cup of coffee is black and strong...kind of like this man I know. The problem is, he doesn't really understand that strength is relative. What everyone else perceives strength to be usually has to do with the weight you can carry; whether that is emotional or physical. To be him, you HAVE to be mentally strong BUT after so many years I've grown to believe that developing what appears to be an inhumane amount of mental strength slowly deteriorates the fabric of your emotional and physical being. You breakdown...and when you do, who will be there to put you back together if you are no longer strong in any aspect?

I STRONGLY believe that this is why 2007 and 2008 has been the two years I've cried the most in my life. My mental strength needed a break because it was turning me into a robot. Never let them see you sweat and never let them see you cry. But am I not human too? Sometimes we get on the road of life that we create for ourselves, only to find out it really isn't the path we should be traveling. I've had to learn this REPEATEDLY the hard way. Why? Because I am hardheaded and I, like many others, am a little insane in trying to make my way work...when my way isn't 100% foolproof...just like everything else in life.

This part of life, I owe to my parents...but I would be wrong to place this weight completely upon them. Just because they taught me to believe in certain things and act a certain way, that doesn't mean that it is fundamental to WHO I AM as an individual. What works for one person does not always work for someone else. I strongly feel that we as adults forget that we have the choice to change our lives. So what if it is going against the grain? True happiness rests in finding out who you really are as a person, coping with it (no matter how ugly it is), changing it (if you really don't like what you see), and moving forward with life.  Some of us get stuck at the coping and changing....and it's like a roadblock in our lives that never seems to budge.

Sometimes we become slaves of what our parents have force fed us since we were babies. What is the fear in acknowledging that the people who love us most can in fact be dead azz wrong sometimes? They are human too. I look at my parents and when they were my age (28), they were pregnant with my little brother. They already had 2 children (me and my sister)....and they were experiencing the same things in life I am experiencing now. Except they were married.

There were days my mom would wake up and wonder where her life had gone...I can bet money on it. There were days my dad woke up and felt the routine of his life had become his life...

I look at those people and I know they did their best to raise me to be an upstanding citizen with what is considered good morals on a grand scale of things. Sometimes, the things I do, I know it would break their heart because they didn't raise me to believe in the things I say and do. But I am me. They are both 51 now and have lived a full life...and still have more to live...as they so choose. So if they are afforded the opportunity to live as they choose, why should that be stripped from me because I think on a different plane then they do? Because I think outside the box they encased me in as a child does not make me wrong...it makes me a better version of them.

My parents grew up in a time that was very different from my era and will be very different from my future children's era. That doesn't mean I can't take the basic principles they instilled in me and use them as my life's foundation. What it does mean is that my foundation CANNOT EVER be the instant replica of theirs because we are different people. I think some people are afraid to step away from the things their parents taught them because they think they are doing their parents an injustice. But how would you ever truly LIVE if you lived how someone else wanted you to?

Just because you were taught something doesn't mean it's right. It is a tough pill to swallow that your parents would teach you something wrong but always remember, they are human too. They might feel that it is what's best for you at the time being; it doesn't mean you have to adopt their thought pattern for the rest of your life. Think about the people who instill hatred of other people in their children. Everyone knows that's wrong to teach your children and will speak out against it. People grow up every day believing things simply based on the merit that "I was raised this way". That's self-imposed ignorance and you, as an adult, have a choice to learn something different.

The question is...will you choose to learn something different to make your life a better version of your parents or will you base your life EXACTLY on what they based their life on? If you are a person who reaches for the sky, you have to accept that dinosaur thinking, brings dinosaur results so you'll stay more grounded than you do lifted to your fullest potential....

Monday, September 15, 2008

Does Your Profession Dictate Whether or Not YOU Have A Voice?

From time to time I get disturbed, TRULY disturbed by some of the things that people allow to come out of their mouths. It leads me to believe there are FAR more people who TALK before thinking versus the other way around. At times, I can't help but look at them like they have "FIDIOT" written on their forehead. Sometimes I tell myself, oh self, silly self, they just didn't think that statement out. Then I am slapped in the face with the reality of, no, this idiot REALLY believes what is coming out of their own mouth. That then leads me to think...people like to hear themselves talk. But that's an ENTIRELY different subject...

I was watching one of my YouTube subscriptions, JiaTV...she makes me laugh out loud at some of the idiots she comes across and how fluent she is in her speech when talking about some of the most ignorant of topics. As I was watching her the other day, a friend of mine came over the crib and his first words once his eyes registered on the computer screen were, "Oh not this b*tch". I was a little confused because he said it like he knew who she was. I asked him if he knew her and he was like, "Yeah, that's Kina Kara". Of course I'M watching "Jia" so I immeadiately blurt out, "Who? No, this is Jia"...his reply? "No, that's that b*tch Kina Kara; she's a porn star". So he tells me to google her. And to my surprise...yes, she is a porn star. 

He goes into some rhetoric about how he wish she would shut the f*ck up talking about anything because she's a porn star. I laughed inside and stopped myself from saying what I thought because is she not entitled to an opinion SIMPLY because she's a porn star??? I laughed to myself even harder because he stood there with a straight face and called this woman a b*tch and pretty much insinuated that she doesn't have a "voice" because of her profession....but his girlfriend is a stripper. You sound silly as hell and REALLY need to retract your statement...not unless, you feel your girlfriend just needs to shut up and take her clothes off for money because THAT'S all she's good for. Granted, she MIGHT be good for something else but this is a PRIME example of people not thinking before they speak. But to each his own because I can bet my next paycheck that every man who goes into the club where his girlfriend works could care less if she has an opinion...bend over and take your clothes off. So maybe he is right but if it applies to Jia, shouldn't it apply to his girlfriend? Essentially, it is the same industry, except one LEGALLY gets paid to have sex AND take off her clothes, while the other, well sex is always "optional", but she still gets paid to take her clothes off...for random strangers.

I'm sure he will argue anyone to the death that his girlfriend has more to her character than JUST being a stripper but he denied Kina Kara/Jia that liberty so why should ANYONE extend it to his girlfriend? I personally don't just off his double standard alone. If one is a skanky, whoreazz, b*tch, the other one is too. Sometimes, due to our own askew morals, we try to make people we care about seem amoral...when they really are no different than the people you look down upon. You just happen to care about this immoral person and not that one.

I laughed still because I personally am not going to stop watching her YouTube videos simply because she had/has sex for money. She entertains me. So what? I do however think that Jia SHOULD in fact tell people that she does or did work in the adult entertainment industry so that it doesn't come as a shock; if she is still currently working in that industry, she shouldn't be ashamed or hide the fact that she does it since it was her personal decision to get involved in it. But I do not think that automatically should discredit anything that comes out of her mouth. Hell, people hang on Sean Carter's (Jay-Z) EVERY word but he wasn't always a RESPECTABLE businessman; he was a drug dealer for a long period of time. You see, professions can change but people rarely do. 

Life's little double standards always have a way of coming back to bite us in the azz...don't they?

Friday, September 12, 2008

Before: Wolverine Brows/After: Stunning Beauty

When I got to work this morning I had a different monitor. I guess you could call it a wide screen. Anyway, this excited me since I only asked the Office Manager to swap out my old one ohhhhhh, 500 hundred years ago. This new monitor was the highlight of my morning, let me tell yah!!! I can now get my panoramic MARVEL wallpaper cracking at work. The monitor I had was doing my House of M wallpaper no justice at all.


 
Enough of that banter though; let's talk about my waste of a lunch break getting my wolverine eyebrows ripped out of my face. Well...it was threaded out but it felt like she was ripping the skin off my face. Normally, my threading experience is not this painful but my usual lady had an "appointment". This started my whole "I'm tense and frowning and now the threading hurts even more" moment.


I get there about 12:18 and tell the Front Desk chick (after she asks) that I want Alvira to hit up the furriness. I sit down. About 15 minutes passes and this lady walks in and asks for Alvira's services and sits down. 10 more minutes pass and I hear the Front Desk girl tell baby that just walked in to go to Alvira's chair. Hold on a gosh darn minute!!! Am I NOT sitting here? have I NOT been waiting an eternity and some for Alvira? And you're just gonna tell this wench she can go ahead of me? Not today sister...not today. I have NOT wasted 43 minutes of my lunch break so some chick can hop ahead of me. No ma'am!


So I get up to question what in the name of all things great and holy is wrong with the Front Desk beezy. She throws up a finger to signify I need to wait. Dearest baby Jesus!!! She is testing my patience today. I just want to look pretty again and she is filling me with the fury. I take a deep breath and wait for her conversation to cease. I tell her, "Ummm, I've been here since such and such; you told that woman to go ahead of me"; to which she replied, "Yes because she has an appointment"; to which I said, 'Excuse me? When did you plan on telling me that Alvira had an appointment"; to which this horseface geechie says, "I didn't". 


I'm about two seconds from slapping the tastebuds off her tongue and down her throat but I woo sahed and said, "You didn't? Well how would I have known? I mean, I've been sitting here for almost 45 minutes and you didn't feel the need to let me know I would be waiting XYZ amount of time?"....this heffa says, "You should have asked; it isn't my responsibility to tell you Alvira has an appointment". At this point I was about to snap on her like Cujo so I just blurted out, "Give me whoever is available. Now. Thank you."


She sends me to that woman who ripped my soul out through my eyebrows. I'm still a little emotional about that. So to heal my wounded soul, I will be traipsing off to Frogs to enjoy some fine Mexican dining. Yummy in thy tummy!


Did I mention my eyebrows look FAB-o tho? Oh ok. My eyebrows look stunning...even though some of my soul is gone with that thread.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Some Usually Wait A Few Years To Act A Donkey But Not You...OR You!!!!

I know this is nowhere near the morning...I have eaten my oatmeal, drank my coffee and even had some leftovers for lunch. I had pretty much written off my "morning blog" until I saw Dumb and Dumber on www.ESPN.com ................


Darrell Arthur and Mario Chalmers...WHAT IN THE HELL IS YALLS PROBLEM??? Seriously, you are barely NBA players and you are already acting like you have no sense. Now, allegedly you were "smoking" and had some young trollops in your room. Although you denied "smoking" the rule still stands, you are not supposed to have ANYONE in your rooms. Come on guys...all that puss you got in high school & college and you couldn't tone it down for the symposium? You're in the NBA now and guaranteed stupendous amounts of poon. One night or however long the symposium is/was wasn't going to kill you. 


When I see your faces, I feel all sad inside because you look like such innocent and nice young boys. You are the youth of America but you're still old enough to know better. Are you trying to tell us that we have to help you help yourself to not behave like little idiots? I'm disappointed in the both of you.....

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

The Blogger

I hate that someone ACTIVELY calls me that...and NOT to my face.

I do blog, right? Therefore I shouldn't be bothered by that, right? It would seem so but I don't know if they are saying it out of jest or not. I don't know how to feel about it. AND...the fact that they call me that to someone else, not to my face, it REALLY makes me feel some kind of way.


I almost want to change their name to The Jackass because that's all they've ever shown themselves to be to me. I wonder how they would feel if I referenced them as such and then went so far as to say I didn't mean anything by it; it's a term of endearment!?


I wonder...


They were under the impression that I "blog" for a living...oh boy how I wish I did! Sadly, I count other people's money for a living. Blech and barf. So when I was informing them that I do not "blog" for a living, I told them that they were more than welcome to peruse my blogatry...cricket...silence ensues far too long. Long enough for me to determine they don't give a rat's patootie about my writing/blogging...but they STILL call me The Blogger.


See why I feel some kind of way about The Jackass?

Just Drinking My Coffee...and Dabbing My Hair

My morning coffee will now be accompanied by my morning blog. It just feels right.


I'm dabbing my neck and forehead actually because I washed my hair this morning and I didn't towel dry like usual; I left a good amount of water in my hair so it will stay as moisturized as possible in addition to the lumps of product I threw in there too.


Allow me to dispel a widely accepted and stupidly believed myth:


Myth No. 1, 345, 987 - IF YOU WASH YOUR HAIR AND THEN GO OUTSIDE (W/O DRYING IT) YOU WILL CATCH A COLD


First off, sorry to break it to you, that's a lie and I know your mother, aunts, and/or grandmother has been feeding you that lie since 1970-whatever but sorry...it ain't the truth and NEVER has been. 


Why do I feel I am an authority on this? Well, my grandmother told me that if I take baby pee and put it on my face every morning, I'll never get acne. Did I try it? Hell and no. Does it work? It might but as far as I'm concerned, it's an old wives tale that is passed on through the generations, doesn't make it true. Am I an ass for calling my grandmother a liar? No. She is. Sometimes. Hell, as human logic would have it, we all lie, therefore, stop being offended because I just told you to stop believing some foolishness you can't accept isn't the truth because of whose mouth it came out of. They mean well, sure, but it doesn't stop the fact that it's an untruth.


Back to why I'm an authority on this...I also went to cosmetology school and that is the FIRST myth they tell us the truth about (along with the myth that you have to trim your hair every 6 weeks or you'll get split ends; no you don't and no you won't but we'll talk about that some other time). The TRUTH on wet hair is that is doesn't CAUSE a cold to sprout out of nowhere. Colds are viruses that are contracted between people through touch, breathing, sneezing, eating, etc. IF YOU HAVE OPEN PORES ON YOUR BODY AND YOUR IMMUNE SYSTEM IS LESS THAN STELLAR YOU WILL GET SICK WHETHER YOUR HAIR IS WET OR NOT. 


Take a second and ponder on this...if you take a shower in the morning and DON'T WASH YOUR HAIR but go outside, do you think you can get a cold? If you answered yes, you are smarter than I thought! Good people, pores are not just in your head...guess what??? THEY ARE ALL OVER YOUR BODY!!! THAT my dear friends is one of the many ways you can catch a cold in the first place!


Another thing to look at to dispel this myth on your own is...Whites (I got this terminology from a "White" friend who is originally from San Jose; she refers to Caucasians as "whites" and African Americans as "blacks"; I see no issue with it; that is what we are? Right? Right.). Their hair "behaves" differently from other nationalities. A Black person can only wash their hair everyday if their texture ALLOWS for that kind of treatment but typically, in order to retain the necessary oils to keep the hair growing, most Black WOMEN (who do their own hair care) shampoo their hair once a week. White people don't need to retain ANY oil because it is manufactured so quickly in their sebaceous glands; which is why they NEED to wash their hair everyday. So you mean to tell me that White people just walk around with colds ALL the time BECAUSE their hair is wet in the morning when they go outside? Smack yourself in the face for not coming to this conclusion on your own...IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR HAIR BEING WET AS TO WHY YOU CATCH A COLD!


If you need more information regarding catching a cold from wet hair, don't look here for it. I've given enough info already...plus, I have to finish this Client Billing and my coffee cup is damn near empty...signifying,  I need to do some work. Cheerio!

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Why Am I At Work? I'd Rather Be In Thy Bed...with Doritos

I actually like this blogging on blogger because it's free writing, no topic really thought out. Writing my rants out helps my blood pressure from shooting through the roof AND also keeps me from catching assault cases. Consider this your front row seat to watching a therapy session, starring moi. 

This morning...it was tough getting up. My alarm went off at 6 and I reprogrammed it to go off again at 7:30. 7:30 arrives and I just disarmed that sucker. I was getting up when I felt like it. Around 7:45, I started to feel bad for laying there like a bum, wishing my roof would slightly cave in so I could call in or at least not leave until after lunch. If I didn't have a desk full of billing, payroll (PAYDAY IS TOMORROW!!), and consultant/vendor payments to issue, I would have feigned illness.

While thinking of all the reasons in the world to turn back over and catch more sheep, my stomach starts acting up like squirrels are in there relay racing. Alas! A reason to stay home!!!! Unfortunately, it didn't last long and I had to admit it was due to my tablespoon of Chunky Monkey I ate at 2 in the morning. Still not a good enough reason to stay home...

I looked at my hair and almost had an excuse to stay home until it went back effortlessly into the hair clip. Damn you hair. There are days when I wish my roots would reach back to my slave ancestors and pull back some Cantcha Dontcha's. Today was one of those days. Instead I got, Girl Stop, Throw Some Water On It And Do It Moving. 

Any other morning, everything I picked up would be wrinkled. Today? Because I want to stay on my couch and listen to Transformers battle it out on Cartoon Network, everything my hand touches is somehow good enough to wear to work. Dagnabit! I WANT to lose this morning SO badly and I can't to save my life.

I even sat down at 8:06 to check my email and MySpace thinking I would look up and the clock would say 9 and I could just pretend I'm sick so I could call in. Unfortunately, my typing speed seemed to pick up and I was done responding and reading by 8:16 am. All of this and still no REAL reason to stay home....that is until I picked my purse up to sling on my shoulder.

I got the worst pain in the world!!!! Remember that episode of Martin where Gina got her head stuck in the rails of the bed? Well, this one time, when I was up to some midday scrumpin, I got my shoulder stuck between the headboard and the mattress. My screams of pain were misinterpreted as screams of glee. Needless to say, after my midday pounding, my shoulder finally was released from the death grip and I had this horrendous bruise that looked like someone broke my collarbone. THAT was the pain I experienced when picking up my purse...umm, due to some late night scrumping.

But I'm all dressed now and ready to go to work so I look at my clock, 8:45 and just suck it up. I did it moving to the work house and said hello to my piles of work. I am still currently searching for some heavy duty pain killer to soothe my shoulder....

Monday, September 08, 2008

Can I Choke An Employee? Just Wondering....

It is my firm belief that there are some people in the work force that should be donkey punched in the head on a daily basis. I sometimes feel this way about my Office Manager. The times I have wanted to donkey punch her chrome, I PERSONALLY feel it has been warranted. Sometimes dealing with her is like attending to a small child...requires lots of patience and repetition. That's too much for me dealing with an adult.

Take this morning for example. I have payroll, consultant/vendor payments, and client billing to do.Therefore, I need the Internet to be functioning at top speed. Well for me to arrive at 7:30 and it to be functioning half mast, I'm a little peeved. I didn't direct that peev-ed-ness towards her until I call her at 8:15 and she sends me to voicemail. Cricket? What part of the game is this?! So I call her other line...sent to voicemail again. What in the jumping jackrabbit is her deal???

I do understand that your schedule is 8:30 to 5:30 but if you get here at 8 am, you need to be prepared to work...if you're sitting at your desk. I shouldn't have to yell to you that it's me calling so pick up...out of my office. So when she yells back, "I know. I'm on the phone", you know I'm hotter than fish grease, right? When did this become professional? Me yelling out my office (because if I get up, I'm gonna choke the life force outta you) and you responding back by yelling (clearly, she's lost her mind somewhere up there at that Front Desk). 

I was about to go traipsing up to the front because I SWORE she was on a personal call. Turns out she's talking to our IT guy about our Internet issues. Fine. But you still need to answer the phone when someone calls; not send them to voicemail. That isn't professional at all. 

Finally she is done and comes in my office to ask me what I wanted. I quelled my attitude long enough to tell her I am having some Internet issues only for her to interrupt me and tell me that I'm not. Excuse the hell outta me! For real? You just gone tell me I ain't having a problem I been having since I stepped foot in this biotch at 7:30? OK. You're right. I'm wrong. Fix my damn problem...idiot.

It's only 9:15....pray for her soul...

Thursday, September 04, 2008

Don't Play On My Phone...I Don't Care If You Are the Radio

In the morning I listen to Don Imus. Say what you want, he's funny and I like his show. Yes, he was talking out of the side of his neck earlier this year (or was it last year? I don't even remember) calling one of the college basketball players (of a predominantly Black team) a nappy headed hoe but I'm past that. He was punished; he acknowledged his HORRIBLE mistake and there you have it. Well this morning, my radio just wouldn't act right so I was forced to listen to V103...barf, barf, and more barf.




I just can't listen to V103 because they are so ridiculous sometimes. Plus, I used to work in the same building they are broadcast out of. I've had my fair share of that channel. Well this morning, one of the DJ's decided to handle some kind of altercation with two callers over the air. I listened to bits and pieces. Seems one chick had been texting another chick's dude and the radio felt the need to air that laundry out. Problem is....if you choose to reveal some information OR out someone over the air, prepare yourself for if someone wants to act a donkey. One woman chose to respond as she would if this altercation was happening front and center. As she should, in my opinion. Well, the DJ could sense that this conversation was about to get OUT OF CONTROL so she thanked them both for being on the radio and tried to shoo them off.




This is where I have a problem. Granted, this isn't a prank call but at this point, you gone listen to what I have to say since you want to call my telephone like I am entertainment for the masses. At this point, I would consider you playing on my phone. It was okay for you to get me and this heffa on the phone to hash it out over the airwaves but when I acted my natural self, you want to shut me down? No. Not having it.




See, I couldn't work in the broadcasting industry because if my job is to entertain the public, THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I'M GOING TO DO; every minute I am employed there. I would have let those heffas rip each other a new bunghole because some silly man don't know how to keep his texting under control. I was tempted to call in and ask if they were from Detroit and if said man was related to Kwame Kilpatrick. It was some foolishness that actually got entertaining right when the DJ realized it was about to be a When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong moment. Shucks!




Moral of that story, radio people...stop playing on folks phones UNLESS you really want to see/hear it go down over the airwaves.
 

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