Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Who Needs Enemies When You Have Friends Like This???

I never thought that I had friends that had the ability to be jealous of ANYTHING I have or do. I figured I only made that mistake once (with the Evil Cousin) but as time goes on, people change.

This friend that I will now be cutting off wasn't like this when I CHOSE to be her friend 7 years ago. Life has a way of dealing you hands that you don't want to necessarily play; you can either play the hand you were dealt and chalk it up to life, b*tch and complain about how horrible life is, or make the best of your situation and remember that somebody always has it worst than you. We all go through rough spots in life but this person....the last 3 years has been one huge pile of misery that is only getting worse.

There is only so much you can say and do for someone who CHOOSES to remain miserable as hell. I don't too much care for going around the miserable because they have a way of destroying any happiness anyone thought they might have had. All things considered, I chose to keep my distance because she had a way of sucking the happy life out of me every time I went around her.

Almost 5 month ago I traded my 1997 Honda Accord in for a 2001 Land Rover. I RARELY do really nice things for myself so I figured, it was time. I was happy with my purchase because it was affordable and it was a vehicle I had my eye on for a while but I finally made up the decision to get a car note. It wasn't that I couldn't afford one...didn't need one so I didn't want one. My car was just fine but I wanted an upgrade. It's been in the family since 1999 and I had it since 2002...

So I go over her house and she comes outside and the first words out of her mouth were:

"Whose truck you got?"

I kind of frowned because the first thought through my head was "why can't it be mine???" but I simply said, "Ummmm, it's mine". She replied, "You didn't tell me that you got a new car". I kind of frowned again because...why do I have to tell ANYONE when I do something for myself? Was I supposed to get on the phone and call all my friends making a public service announcement that I had a new truck and did they want to see it? No. It's not necessary. You'll see it whenever we hang out or whenever...it isn't that serious. She had this obvious look of disapproval on her face but again, I wasn't going to let her funky attitude ruin the evening. Mind you, she was fine...before she saw my truck.

So I'm having drinks last night with a mutual friend of ours and she becomes the topic of conversation because I asked if she had seen her yet since she'd been in town. Somehow the conversation segues into this:

"Yeah, you do have a new truck, huh?"

"Yeah, it's not that big a deal though but I like it!"

"Well (insert hating ass friend here) said that you can't afford that truck and she doesn't know why you bought it. But she was going on about some other things you were doing too that just didn't make sense lately so...yeah but she said that truck is too expensive for you and that with the recession going on that was a stupid purchase to make considering all the layoffs at your job and what not"

I get angry in a matter of milliseconds. My blood pressure instantly shot through the roof and my heartbeat became so loud I could feel it pulsating in my ears.

For real? You're gonna tell someone else what I can afford when you can barely afford your $1200 mortgage? I'm instantly livid because...we're SUPPOSED to be friends and this is what you are saying behind my back? 

But let's get to the facts of the matter....my truck will be paid off in 2011. Yes, in 2.5 years my truck will be paid off...I haven't been late on ANY car payments for as long as I've had car payments with ANY car. I've NEVER asked her for ANY money to pay ANY bills as long as she's known me...or anyone else for that matter. NO ONE HELPS ME PAY MY BILLS BUT ME.

Another fact...the layoffs at my job didn't commence until November; I didn't know they were going to happen UNTIL November. I bought my truck in August. But I guess she knows more about my employer's economic situation than I did and I do. Right. I didn't tell her that there were layoffs at my job until a couple weeks ago...yes, in December.

Another fact...I make more money than her....and she has no idea how much that is. But she can tell me what I can and can't afford? Right. No b*tch, YOU can't afford it so you are projecting. 

So the conversation trolls along as I sit in amazement at someone who I do not know anymore. Seven years of friendship...gone in a matter of minutes. Now I'm a fair person so I will talk to her about it but the likelihood of everything she said being true? Very likely. Like I said, in the last few years, she's become someone I don't even recognize anymore, due to her miserable lot in life.

She isn't happy with the amount of hours she has to work in order to keep her head above water...she wants to be in a relationship but doesn't feel the need to improve areas in her life that will make her more appealing to the opposite sex...she wants children but can't afford them right now. Nothing in her life is going right...in her opinion.

I can give a TON of reasons she has to be happy though...for one...she's a homeowner and has been one for the last couple of years. She's 28 years old and owns a VERY nice house. Be happy that your sh*t isn't in foreclosure like so many other people's homes. Am I a homeowner? Nope. Am I jealous of her because of that? Of course not. I can have that too...if I really wanted it. I'm elated for her though...she doesn't have to deal with sorry azz Property Managers like me because I refuse to buy some property. So kudos to her.

After talking some more with the mutual friend, the friend says, "I hate to say it but I've grown to believe she's jealous of you...because you're happy despite the negative things that could keep you down right now".

Well, I'll be damned. If you're SUPPOSED to be my friend, why would you ever be jealous of me? And wouldn't you want to be happy for me? Apparently not. So she has to go because I didn't sign up for this and if there is one thing I hate almost as much as a liar, it's someone who is jealous of others...ESPECIALLY when they are jealous of something they too can have.

I had to get that off my chest so when I do speak to her it won't come out in a fit of rage...finishing my coffee now.

NOTE: I cannot list every event during our "friendship" here because it would turn into a novel, versus this semi-short blog. I don't randomly go around claiming people are jealous of me OR even hating on me. It has to either come out of their mouth first OR I have some evidence that supports my suspicions. In addition to my "speculations", more than one person who has been privy to seeing us interact with one another has asked me if she was jealous and me, giving her the benefit of the doubt, said no. Maybe I spoke too soon...while she is DEFINITELY miserable, there is something else going on here too...

12 points of view:

Adwoa said...

My comment just got deleted! (stupid computer!)

Anyways...it is such a coincidence that as soon as I finish writing my blog, I come to your page and you basically have the same topic.

People that cannot be happy for you, need to be cut! Misery is contagious and you don't want that. Jealousy doesn't get you anywhere either! She needs to check herself and if anything ask for pointers on how she can make moves like you. It's a recession yea, but tha doesn't mean you're dirt poor! What's her beef?!?

allison veronica said...

I agree with everything said. Obviously you know what you can afford. And if she really thinks it's a bad idea then maybe she should say something to you rather than going behind your back. It's really sad because you want to think a friend is someone you can trust but it doesn't always work out that way. If she's not adding anything to your life, then drop her.

jeanette nicole* said...

All I can say is WOW. There are some people in my family who act just like your friend does. HArder to cut them suckas off, lol!

Beezy said...

Gotta love the crazies. LOL

Diamond~Star said...

I was just talking about this same subject with another friend of mine. People who are jealous of others need to get themselves in check and focus on them. Why hate? They don't know what you go through or what you have to go through to maintain for the day. I'm with you. I'll applaud her for the $1200 a month mortage she got (cause I sure as hell can't do it and I ain't mad at her if she can). You got your truck cause you wanted it and you deserved it. Folks here are off the chain these days.

Number Five said...

ahh...projecting!! Why the hell misery wants company so bad, I'll never know. The sad thing about having a friend become jealous of you is, it's nearly impossible to repair the relationship. Why the hell would you want to be a supportive friend to someone that would love to see you fall flat on your face when and because they're going through some things?

Mista Jaycee said...

Everybody that sh*ts on you ain't your enemy and everybody that cleans you up and smiles ain't your friend,dig?

Sounds like your friend is just bitter and sad and she can't be happy for you. She may think she is but the poison keeps it from coming true. All she's got is poison. Cut her off is extreme but keep your distance,hell yeah, and pray for her. She needs it!
Mista Jaycee

circumstance said...

You've come to the conclusion she is miserable and misery likes company, it doesn't means she's jealous of you. She's just miserable.

[Miserable] women love to gossip anyhow, so given her state of mind and emotional instability I would say that she just needs to focus her attention on something else. And what better than to look into another person's situation and pick it apart so you don't have to focus on your own situation.

I don't know if it's worth leaving the friendship...if you value her friendship - pre-misery - I'd talk to her about the things she said as well as inquire what's really making her miserable.

a black girl who did date said...

People come into your life for a season, maybe her season just ended.

Assertive Wit said...

@ Adwoa: I believe in that as well...and while some people might read the blog above and be like "dang, you just let your friends go at the first sign of conflict", it isn't even like that...this is really the last straw. Imagine dealing with a miserable ass friend for YEARS...it's taxing on the nerves and sometimes even affects my mood and I hate that so...it is what it is!

@ allison veronica: I think the thing that bothered me the most about the entire situation is that she was talking to someone else about MY finances...and was dead ass wrong about them. Even if I couldn't afford the truck, what business is it of hers to be telling someone else? She don't pay no bills in my house so...she was out of line.

@ jeanette nicole: I have family who acts like this too but you know, I can't help being related to they crazy azzes LOL

@ Beezy: no...I don't gotta do nothing but stay black, pay my taxes, and eventually die hahahahhhaa

@ Diamond~Star: I know I didn't offer much info that would indicate to some that she was actually jealous but it would have required writing a novel LOL It had crossed my mind but I sat it on ice because I figured maybe I was perceiving things wrong but when several people have the same perception...ehhh, I'm gonna have to take that perception I stored away and really think about it, you know? I think I was irritated at the fact that she would be so bold as to discuss my finances with a mutual friend when she JUST got finished telling me how she can barely afford her mortgage...so I'm sitting there like "why don't you worry about your home not going into foreclosure, k?"

@ Number Five: Was that you I was having the conversation about projecting with? Doesn't matter LOL...she's been Misery Mandy for a good 3 years and it has unfortunately seeped into her friendship with me. Funny thing is the mutual friend who shared this info with me has known her since they were in junior high and she said that she's acted like this towards her since then...I kind of sat in awe because it took 3 years for her misery to come out like this with me. People be acting they ass off, I promise you they do!

@ Mista Jaycee: "everybody who sh*ts on you ain't your enemy"...well, I prefer not to be around ANYONE who would sh*t on me...but that's just me.

She can bitter all she wants but that doesn't mean I have to stick around trying to mend the tears in our friendship that she's causing either. I can't believe in any way that she thinks she's happy for anyone...hell, she ain't happy for herself and she is one selfish mofo if I ever knew one. Cutting her off sounds extreme because I'm relaying one instance of her foolishness through a blog but imagine dealing with her moody ass for the past 3 years...if you are my friend, there is no need to keep putting more and more distance between us in an effort to get along...that means, we aren't really friends :)

@ circumstance: there really is no other conclusion to come to...with all the stuff I know, there is no DOUBT in my mind that she is miserable and has been for a while. how she chooses to deal with it is her business...until it begins to affect me.

as for her jealousy, I based that statement on other situations in addition to what I listed above so I can see why you'd say her behavior doesn't mean she's jealous of me...

We've been friends for 7 years...the last 3 years have been filled with her misery, more or less. Some days she's jubilant, others, she's down right unbearable. Lately, it's been less jubilance, more misery. I valued her friendship when she wasn't letting her misery affect us. I plan on talking to her after the holidays but knowing her, I have a feeling the conversation isn't going to go well so...I guess this is where I cut my losses *shrugging*

@ a black girl who did date: if I looked at friendship with that philosophy, I'd agree but being that we were friends for 7 years, I don't. Some people go through emotional crisis in their life and push every one away...if that's how they choose to handle things, so be it but just because they are experiencing a crisis doesn't mean everyone else is. So if their behavior causes some people to shoot them the deuces, that's the L they have to take and deal with later if they want to be friends again.

Mr. Jolla said...

If I ever come visit you, remind me to wear my Maino chain...SMH.

NaturallyAlise said...

I have seen situations like this in others life and even in mine, and your decision to cut her off is the only way, because folks like that will eventually try to sabotage, and I know I wouldn't want to hang around to find out...

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