Tuesday, December 30, 2008

How You Love Is Not How EVERYONE Should Love


Precursor: this is NOT about someone in particular; I just noticed a LOT of women are busy bodies in other people's lives when they should be focusing on their own lives.

I receive the DailyOM in my email every morning and I haven't been reading them lately because I wasn't feeling the titles but today I decided to open one that said "The Way We Love". I found in that OM something I always tell people who are judgemental of others and the TYPES of relationships people choose to have with others:

"The way we choose to love can be as unique as the way we choose to make a living, maintain our health, or entertain ourselves...feel free to be comfortable with whatever choice is right for you...remember that what is right for one person may not be right for another..."

The main focus of the OM was choosing to be in a relationship OR choosing to be single. Basically, people should be left alone to decide what is best for them. I strongly believe that these words should be applied with who people choose to love as well. Just because someone else might THINK that person is unsuitable for you, that doesn't mean it's a fact and you should go ditching the person you are perfectly comfortable with.

The more I try to acclimate myself to getting back into friendships with women, I am CONSTANTLY reminded WHY I made the choice many years ago to keep more men as friends than women. While all women do not behave this way, I've noticed a lot of women are VERY quick to judge their friends situations and feel it is their right if they are your friend. I NEVER had this problem with ANY of my guy friends (unless we suspected him of being homosexual; then...all bets are off and I pretty much got the same response from him as I did from a lot of my female friends). There is nothing more I cannot stand than when someone feels they know what's better for me than I do. I would NEVER be so haughty as to assume I can do better with someones situation than they can....even if they are making obvious mistakes in their relationship. Those are THEIR mistakes to make in THEIR relationship.

I miss my guy friends a lot because IF and WHEN I had some issues with men or my women friends, it would be a quick conversation, no judgement attached. I think a lot of the judgement comes in when people look at you as a person and say "(S)He deserves so much better". But the question to ask yourself the minute that crosses your mind is, "Who are you to decide that for them?"

I have a friend who is happily married to her husband and they have gone on to have some beautiful children as a result of their union. While she was dating her husband though, a mutual friend of ours would ALWAYS talk about her boyfriend (now, her husband), how he was a loser and a bum, she was going to be taking care of him the entire time they were together, she deserved better, blah, blah, blah. The truth was (and still is), she was HAPPY with this man. Of course they had relationship issues like anyone else (they aren't perfect) but she loved him and was happy. Our friend who was VERY judgemental about their relationship was looking at him as though it was someone SHE would date and that is why (in her mind) it wasn't acceptable for her friend to date him. 

As friends, we need to remove OURSELVES from being so involved in our friends dating lives. If you aren't sleeping with your friend, YOU DO NOT have an AUTOMATIC right to get in their business when you feel you need to intervene. 

Granted, there are things that I cannot get from my male friends emotionally that I receive from my female friends and THOSE THINGS I am grateful for, I just sometimes wish some of the females in my life would fall back and stop aggressively meddling in their friends lives. Let your friends live THEIR lives!!!!

I'm off to stare at the coffee pot as it brews...

3 points of view:

She Gave Me the Keys said...

*stands up and applauds*

Well put. Can I have a cup too? I haven't been to work since the 18th. I need it.

Assertive Wit said...

since the 18th???? can I have your job??? sheesh! LOL

Mr. Jolla said...

you spit that Dylan every time you type...HAHT..FIYAHHHHHHHH!!









now go get me my fucking cheesecake.

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