The photo to the left is me and my friend Candy at a club in Atlanta. Now...I know you are probably busy staring at those two bulging pieces of flesh us women refer to as breasts. You can't help but look I know, but I have a question...when did me wanting to give the sweater puppies some air insinuate that I was a stripper, porn star, lesbo? I know, I know....maybe it is because they look FAKE and my friend is sitting awfully close to me but let me assure you...they are 100% NATURAL Grade DD and I haven't left The Land of Peen to search through the green pastures of Berber Eating. I grew those thru years of physical maturity, thank you very much and my sexuality has not been tainted in the least bit.
So am I just ASSUMING someone mistook me for a stripper/porn star? No. I actually received the following email from someone on MySpace in regards to their line of work:
"Hi, I'm (***), I make swim suits and outfits for Porn Stars, Cherokee D'Ass, Buffy the Body, all the Lesbian & Straight Girl Strippers in Los Angeles...I'll ship your outfit to you. I have been in this game 20 yrs. I make sexy one of a kind swim suits & dresses with matching thongs, cut up jerseys, alter your jeans that don't fit right around your hips, ass, and waist....what ever you need I make!! And my Man can stone out your High Heel Shoes, Jeans, Swim suits, etc. with Swarovski Crystal.
P.S. **I LOVE YOUR WORK**
YOU LOVE MY WORK? What work? I don't strip and I damn sure aint created no porno that's out there circulating so what in the hell is she talking about? Is this a case of mistaken identity? Is this what happens when you decide to give the girls some air? What in the flaming hell?
Now I know some smart azz is gonna say "Well, you shouldn't wear stuff like that if you don't want anyone to say anything to you"...my response to you before you even waste your time typing that asinine comment is "Shut the hell up". It's as silly as telling a woman not to get upset if she wears some tight pants and a man touches her azz. No...no one gets a reserved right to feel you up BECAUSE you choose to accentuate what God gave you...just like you don't get a reserved right to assume my tits are fake and/or that I am a working girl/stripper/porno star.
Now...I'm nowhere near offended. I actually laughed because I normally don't dress like this but hey, I'm 28 years old, soon to be 29 in 11 days, single, no children, and I'm actually comfortable in the skin I'm in so....why not? I plan to have this body (or better) for as long as possible so I figure why not take advantage of the fact that I can wear certain stuff that looks like I have to suck in all night so my wobbly bits don't break loose? I said look like...I wasn't sucking in at all that night.
So as crass as it sounds...maybe I should take it as a compliment? Maybe?