Friday, November 21, 2008


The things I discuss with some people are for my eyes only but there are those rare occasions where the conversation is SO utterly ridiculous that I want to share. Today is one of those days. Allow me to give you a little history on this person and I before you delve into the conversation. 

An old friend of mine had been trying to "hook me up" with this guy for YEARS...literally. We just could never get in the same place at the same time. Just so happens his birthday is a day before mine so after 4 years of trying to get us to meet, we finally end up at ESPN Zone to have drinks for our birthdays. He was so fine I started sweating profusely in my armpits. I don't get nervous around men. It just doesn't happen (with the exception of my "complexity" I am currently involved with) so I felt like I had to get to know him. Long story short, it was the most ridiculous game of cat and mouse. He finally stopped "playing" and we hung out several times. It turned into something more physical than anything and then he became distant. I don't like trying to figure things out in any kind of relationship so I returned the favor and got lost. He frequently IM's me asking to come over and I tell him that I'm doing homework (which is true) or that I'm not at home (which is ALSO true). Although I am glad they are convenient excuses. Did his fineness change? No, in fact he's actually gotten even more attractive but I have this thing about getting played...I don't like it and I will rarely if EVER give you another chance to make me feel like the fool.

So...he has moved about 7.5 minutes away from me and this is the conversation he chose to strike up last night: 

[21:25] Azzhole: my bday 2morrow
[21:26] me: I know
[21:26] me: and mine is Sat 
[21:26] me: what are you doing for yours?
[21:27] Azzhole: i dont know....what u doing? i need something to do
[21:27] me: my friends are throwing me a surprise party
[21:27] me: they don't know that I already know tho
[21:28] Azzhole: u dont invite me to nothin 
[21:28] me: I cant invite someone to a SURPRISE party
[21:28] me: I'm not even supposed to know
[21:28] me: :t
[21:28] me: you don't invite me to shit neither so shut the hell up
[21:31] Azzhole: where
[21:31] me: where yo girlfriend at? and why she aint doing something for you?
[21:31] Azzhole: where is the get together?
[21:32] me: cheesecake factory, last I checked but the friend who is throwing it is picking me up 
[21:32] me: so who knows, she could have changed it if my other friend told her I know it aint a surprise no more
[21:33] Azzhole: damn i cant even come..
[21:33] me: stop it
[21:33] Azzhole: to make it up to me we need to have a sexual experience tonight
[21:34] me: haahhhaah
[21:34] me: make it up to're hella funnny
[21:34] me: and yo ass didn't answer my question
[21:35] Azzhole: she's not doing anything really....we probably go out to eat. she went half on a tv with me so i don't want her to do anything
[21:35] me: got her
[21:36] me: you're a mess
[21:36] Azzhole: so whats up with the sexual encounter
[21:36] me: iono...ask yo girl
[21:36] Azzhole: but i want u
[21:36] me: I bet you do
[21:36] me: I'm not 2nd best tho
[21:37] Azzhole: 1st best
[21:38] me: shut up boy LOL
[21:38] me: yo girl is 1st best
[21:38] me: that's why she's your girl
[21:39] Azzhole: u still haven't answered my question
[21:40] me: which was about the sexual encounter?
[21:40] Azzhole: yup
[21:40] me: you already know the answer to that
[21:41] me: I can't be f*cking you while you got a girl
[21:41] Azzhole: ok then, i dont have one
[21:41] me: plus, that's all you want anyway
[21:41] me: shut up
[21:41] me: do I look like my name is Stupid to you?
[21:42] Azzhole: lol....just playin
[21:42] me: no you aint
[21:43] Azzhole: im not playing about having sex....i was playin about not having a girl friend
[21:43] Azzhole: because i still want that
[21:44] Azzhole: it could be birthday sex for us both
[21:45] me: you arent convincing at all sir
[21:45] me: aint gonna do it
[21:45] me: what's so bad about having sex with your girl for your birthday?
[21:46] Azzhole: i dont want to
[21:46] Azzhole: i know that sounds bad
[21:46] me: damn LOL
[21:47] me: what's so bad about sex with her?
[21:48] Azzhole: nothin, i just have issues. 
[21:48] me: what are your issues?
[21:49] Azzhole: we've been together for awhile and i just dont want to have sex with her as often as i use to. 
[21:50] Azzhole: its not that im not attracted to her im just getting tired i guess
[21:51] me: that really happens?
[21:51] me: I would hate for that to happen to me and my boyfriend
[21:51] me: I can't say that it ever has
[21:52] me: I don't have a boyfriend now but I been having sex with the same person for almost 2 years now and I haven't had sex with anyone but him for like a year and a half
[21:52] me: mind over matter, kid 
[21:52] Azzhole: no its not that sweetie. 
[21:52] me: and we pretty much have sex EVERYDAY
[21:52] me: what's wrong then?
[21:53] Azzhole: me and her use to have sex almost everyday 
[21:53] Azzhole: but now i just dont want to anymore
[21:54] Azzhole: once someone becomes my girlfriend and years pass i just lose interest
[21:54] me: well you should stay single
[21:55] Azzhole: she can feel on me and i will get hard but i still will not want to have sex all the time
[21:55] me: you probably make her feel so bad
[21:55] Azzhole: i do
[21:55] me: not unless she cheating on you like you cheat on her lol
[21:56] Azzhole: well if thats the case then so be it until i find out
[21:57] me: but you don't know if that's the case
[21:57] me: you monster
[21:58] Azzhole: yea yea, im trying to get my life together
[22:00] me: good
[22:01] me: so you don't need me to make things hard for you
[22:02] Azzhole: u'll make them easy
[22:03] me: no I won't
[22:03] me: I'll be a distraction at best
[22:03] me: a problem in your relationship at worst
[22:04] Azzhole: yea yea

I didn't say anything else because what more is there to say? I'm not having sex with you; you have a girlfriend; get some birthday sex from her. But I PROMISE you he will be back to IMing me within a few days to weeks asking me why I never invite him over. I don't call him or IM him BECAUSE I know that he only wants one thing from me...and he ain't getting it. 

7 points of view:

Chanel said...

You know about your surprise party??? You suck!! LOL How'd you find out?

This guy is a douche bag, I guess his girl doesn't want to face facts that going half on a damn tv wont un-douche bag him. Poor are a trip.

jeanette nicole* said...

Oh wow, homeboy is a trip and a half! Did he really think he was gonna convince you to change your mind and drop it like it's hot bc it's you all's birthdays? Yeah okay. . .men, I tell ya! *rolls eyes*

NaturallyAlise said...

"you monster" , so glad you said that! What an asswipe.....

oNe mAn gAng said...

lol @ "un-douche bag him"...hahaha wow...

other than that, I shall ignore that "men are a trip" statement...this aggin is in a class of his own...

*plays Tribe Called Quest "Hey sucka nigga...whoever you are, whereever you are..."

A Genius said...

I feel son.

That birthday sex with his girl will be the same sex he had yesterday...just on his birthday. Fuck all that.

Naw, but he just needs to break up with his girl. That's not even cool. But his game is lacking, guess his looks must be getting him by, pause, pause, pause, pause, pause...

suga said...

Dude sounds like he lives on the corner of Hot Mess Avenue and Crazy Nigga Boulevard.

lmao@ Teef. You would say some ish like "That birthday sex with his girl will be the same sex he had yesterday"

Thats what happens when you commit to somebody. Mofos need to just get used to it or leave real relationships alone.

Thats the type of stuff that makes me scared of relationships. You could think everything is hunky dory but ur man (or woman) is online setting up "smash dates" on yahoo IM. lol

Assertive Wit said...

@Chanel: I will email you about the surprise party and how I found out...shame! LOL as for Mr. Get It In With Everyone BUT His Girl...he is in a class outside the general population of men so I can't let you let him speak for all mens...just himself and Teef below LOL

@jeanette nicole: I guess he thought I would think it endearing of him, I don't know but I was not moved at all to jump on it

@A Genius: I'm gonna smack you in the face LOL This man has GENUINE problems to be attempting to coerce me into bday sex with him when he has a girlfriend. There is something VERY wrong with that and as many times as he has called/IM'd me trying to seduce me into giving him the goodies this was the ultimate low for me. His looks DEFINITELY get him by, trust me on this one LOL

@suga: girl it scares the shat out of me too cause I would DIE if my dude was telling someone he don't wanna bang it out cause I'm his girlfriend now and it just aint appealing no more...he don't EVER need to have a girlfriend because he pretty much saying it's a given he's cheating...idiot

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