Thursday, September 25, 2008

You MUST Want Me to Slap You in the Face...

It is 5:15...I have no more fuel in my Starcrack cup so I have very little patience left for the day to deal with imbecile like employees. For instance, if you have ALMOST gotten past the glass on my front office "wall", keep going. Just go on back to your little cubicle section of your office upstairs and away from me. Please and thank you.

DO NOT...(I repeat)...DO NOT FEEL THE NEED TO TURN AROUND AND COME IN MY OFFICE TO START SMALL TALK.

You see me working. I know you see me working because I have a GLASS WALL that I can see through and I purposely didn't make eye contact with you. So why? Why would you make a U-turn back to my office? Slap yourself in the face for not having better sense than to take yo azz back to your desk and do some work the last 15 minutes you are here today.

No. Instead, you turn around come in my office and decide to say one of THE dumbest things I have EVER heard in my life.

"With your hair pulled so tight in that bun, your head HAS to hurt!"

First off, your feeble attempts at small talk...die yesterday for that. Secondly, why would you assume that since my hair is pulled back, my head hurts? You're an idiot. Third...my eyes have been almond shaped ALL MY LIFE. Therefore, it would stand to reason that when I was hired, they were almond shaped...when my hair was short, they were almond shaped...now that my hair has grown out, they are almond shaped and YES! You guessed it! EVEN WITH MY HAIR PULLED BACK INTO A BUN, MY EYES ARE STILL ALMOND SHAPED. You fidiot.

So when I do not look up from my Client Billing to say:

"Actually, it doesn't hurt"

and I continue to do my work, you should get the drift that I wanted you to die yesterday so get out of my office with your foolishness. But no. You want to now segue into Men in Black where the guy pulls his skin tight and cracks a joke. This has nothing to do with my ProStyle bun that I hastily brushed into a black ponytail holder this morning and secured with bobby pins.

Beat it up outta my office. Now. I grabbed my files, gave the most "lick my azz crack" smile I could muster and walked into another office so he would get the drift...beat. it.

It is now 5:33 and as much as I know I should sit my tail here until 6 pm doing some work, I'm going to go treat Bruce to a nice exterior and interior bathing. He deserves it. Plus there is this stubborn albino moth stuck in the windshield wipers that I tried to massacre the other day but to no avail he got all frantic by me spraying the windshield, flew into the blades, got stuck, and there is where he took his last breath. I poured a little Sangiovese out for the dead moth homie...poured it right down my throat that is. Anyway, the exterior cleaning should be able to remove that dead previously flying insect from my wipers. I'm tired of looking at it.

Hurry up and arrive Friday.

2 points of view:

Gabby B said...

LOL! I hate you, you are a fool!

suga said...

In regards to the moth,


MURDERER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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