Monday, September 29, 2008

you must not know who I be...shoot

Is there a word that expresses being MORE than livid? Find it and let me know because that is what I am…RIGHT NOW.

Me and Bruce just got back to the office after being pissed to high Hades about having to find some gas. We finally find a gas station and low and behold, a pump is just waiting for us to come and take advantage. I didn’t get too excited because when I got around to the pump, there was that ugly black duct tape covering the premium gas (which is what Bruce THOUGHT he was about to get a taste of) and it was also covering the slot where you can pay with your credit/debit card.

What kind of f*ckery is this was the first thing that popped in my head…so I do it moving to the store part of the Chevron only to see a line of 15 people. I hadn’t reached my level of “hurry the hell up so I can go” yet because there were only 4 pumps….that meant the other 11 people were getting stuff that would take all of one minute to cash out.

Finally, I hit the counter and dude asks me how much gas I want. I reply back $50. Do you know what this mutha stanka had the unmitigated gall to tell me? Prepare yourself for this….


No? What in the flying squirrel heads do you mean “No”? I want $50 worth of gas and YOU sir, NEED to give it to me. I counted to 10 in my head before saying (in a high pitch “I wanna choke the shat out of you" Beetle Juice voice), “What you mean No? Why not?”. He looked a little troubled like I was about to set it off and he was going to be the first to catch some hot ones so he trembled as he said, “You can only have $25”.

What in the blue blazes hell do you mean I can only have $25? Who you? The gas monitor? This is some real deal f*ckery if I didn’t know any better. I became that stupid person who repeated everything back…”I can only have $25??? What you mean only $25???”

It wasn’t until I noticed other people getting uncomfortable that I told myself to calm it, take the $25 and do it moving back to the office. I now understand why there are police officers at certain gas stations because I was really about to jump through the acrylic on this fool telling me no, I can’t have $50 worth of gas.

I know one thing, this gas situation better get it together before I plead insanity and start letting loose on muthaf*ckas who are trying to deprive my baby of his juice and shat….shat.

I had one cup of stankin azz Whacky D’s coffee this morning and maybe this is the problem…going to get some freshly brewed Starcrack before I have to choke somebody…

4 points of view:

Ms_Slim said...

I mean...not to side with Mister Gas Man or anything but....dude HAD a point. Y'all are in the worst of economic times right now, so the fact that he had to ration out the gas like a door stop on Halloween is totally understandable. Unfair, but understandable nonetheless.

If he'd have been like, "no gas period", then I'd have jumped fool with you, got something, right? IJS.....I understand where he was coming from.

If you REALLY wanted to do it, you coulda been like, "cool, i'll take the $25", pump the gas, then circle the block for a minute or two then go back there again for the other $25. He wouldnt have been able to turn you down then. But that woulda taken forever seein as it seems as though every gas story I hear from ATL is followed by a "and a line of 83 folk were waiting" type ordeal and you woulda been late getting back to the office for sure.

Times are hard. Gotta find a way to get rid of all those lemons, girl...

AssertiveWit said...

There is no point in that foolishness. To make someone have to get gas every other day? That's dumb. If they would let people fill up and get on their merry way, the gas stations wouldn't be filled to the brim with cars because we can only put less than a quarter in our tank. Dumb...

I was a good 35 miles from my house so $25 does NOTHING for me when I STILL have to go to work and run errands the rest of the week. I put gas in my truck ONLY to have to put more gas in it tomorrow. It's the dumbest thing EVER, I swear. I had to use the little less than a quarter tank to FIND the damn station and THEN you gone tell me I can ONLY have $25? Please...and don't you worry about me getting back to the office on time. Didn't I already tell you I'm a boss? SMCH

And what you mean "gotta find a way to get rid of all those lemons"? Maybe I missed the correlation but you lost me with that one there LOL

Ms_Slim said...

That saying, "When life give you lemons, make lemonade". That's what I meant.

Anyway, everyone's got somewhere to be. Right now, they aint tryna accomodate to one individual. I admit, it IS dumb because you're gonna have to refill again in the next day or so. It makes no sense for you whatsoever, but they gotta ration. I'm sure the truck stops have an even WORSE time down there.

Filling up an 18-wheeler is something like 300.00. smh...

suga said...

"What in the blue blazes hell do you mean I can only have $25? Who you? The gas monitor?"

Uh..yeah, as a matter of fact he IS the gas monitor lmao

That does suck that they're rationing our gas like that. I'd hate to see what would happen if they start rationing out food. I'm shanking anybody who wants to be the "cheese monitor" or the "catfish monitor" or the "cake monitor".

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