Friday, September 19, 2008

Is It REALLY Any Of Your Business? No Really...Is It?

Say a friend of yours has called you day in and day out about her "horrible" relationship (since it began) and how she isn't happy...he doesn't trust her...she still sleeps with other people...she just genuinely is not happy BUT...he takes care of her so she stays because she feels she owes it to him.

You personally think it's the most ridicul thing you've heard in your life but you still listen because she's your friend. Until one day she calls you to tell you that she is pregnant and she's keeping it. You still listen and you ask her if she's happy. She has changed her answer to "I don't know" but it's followed up with "but maybe I need to settle down anyway and this is a sign". So you ask her if she even loves dude and her response is, "I care about him" but she NEVER admits that she loves him.

Fast forward...now, not only is she pregnant but they are getting married within the next month. Moving fast! You as her friend feel she is making THE BIGGEST MISTAKE of her life. You feel obligated to tell her because you've known her since you both were knee high to grasshoppers. You feel like you wouldn't be a good friend if you didn't. You know she isn't happy at all and that she is doing all of this because she feels she has to.

These are big decisions to be randomly making if you are uncertain about the person you are making them with, that is the undeniable truth. But the question here is...is it really any of your business?

People, who are adults, make BAD decisions everyday...because someone is your friend, are you the one who is supposed to save them from themself? It would appear so at times but if you save them all the time from their bad decisions, they still aren't making the BEST decision. People need to be able to think for themselves and if that results in bad decisions, hell, that's life. But at least they made the decision on their own. So no matter how MUCH the girl KNOWS her friend, is it her place to butt in and tell her not to marry the guy? Or should she sit back and watch her friend head down a road of monotony that will forever change her as a person? Hard questions to answer when you REALLY know someone and TRULY care about them. But again...is it REALLY any of your business?

3 points of view:

Ms_Slim said...

This sounds like my ex-best friend and I. I actually lost my ex-best friend completely when I told her that her man was cheating on her. It was definitely true and she was even confronted by the girl and all that who admitted to her RIGHT IN FRONT of her man's face that they had sex, he bought her things, ETC...Drama, basically.


I was only being a good friend, in my eyes. I feel like sure, you made a good point about it not being your biz in the first place and for that reason ALONE, I told myself that I would NEVER tell a friend if her man was cheating on her ever again, no matter whether the girl said she'd like to know or not...but....at the same time, this just goes down to core morals within what the definition of "friendship" is, ya know? Put yourself in the other's shoes. If your friend KNEW that your man was cheating on you or something similar, wouldnt you want your friend of all people to inform you of what they know? Sure not everyone wants to be hit with core truth like that but look at it this way: Would you rather your friend continue on a path of undiscovered ignorance all while you know this information? It may not be your business but.....isnt it just "right"?

suga said...

Depends on the friendship. I have a friend who WANTS her no good man to marry her. If it were to ever happen, I would ask her a few questions, like "Do you think he will change?", "Are you sure he will be a good provider and loving husband to you?", "Do remember when he did x,y, and z? Are u prepared to go through that again?"

I wouldn't flat out say, "Dont marry that no good riggan!!!", but I would prompt a discussion with her about her future and I'm sure, with the questions that I'd ask, she'd be able to come to her own conclusion about what she should do.

but I would do this because I'd want a friend to voice her concerns to me..and I know she would do that if she felt I was making a horrible decision.

All friendships arent the same though. Some people feel like it is their business because their friend's happiness is their business. Some people dont care or choose to not concern themselves with what happens to their friends for their own self preservation.

Assertive Wit said...

suga, you said the key words..."depends on the friendship". I do have friends that would not take offense to my "concerns". I also have friends that I KNOW to just stay out of it, NO MATTER what I know because anyone who has something to say other than "awww yall are cute" is considered the enemy. Knowing your friends is the key...

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